Re: From walked all over to well respected and feared.
>>>I need people to fear me and stay in their place.
Where is "their place", in your opinion? From what I get from your posts, it's "below you".
Your postings remind me of another JUBber who posted for a bit. He seemed to view the world in fairly absolute terms - black and white. According to him, there were "winners" and "losers" - at least, I think those were his terms. And he was sick of being a "loser", and wanted to be a "winner". But his divisions weren't as simply as "I want to feel better about myself" or even "I don't want to be demeaned by other people anymore". He basically saw the two groups as you seem to be. If I may put words in your mouth, "aggressors" and "victims". And thus the only way to stop being a "victim" was to join the rank of the "aggressors". And frankly, that's an extremely juvenile way to approach human interaction. Where the only way you can prevent being a victim is to, in turn, reinforce the (supposed) victim status of others.
As I pointed out, I don't think anybody at work fears me. But I think most people at work respect me. Why? Because (if I had to say) I think I have a lot to offer. I respect everybody else and the things they bring to the table. If somebody approaches me in a bullying manner (and I can't remember the last time that happened - several years ago, at least), I don't cave into it. I just let them know I'm not playing that game. There's nothing to gain by attempting to ram through me. It's simpler and smarter to bring me on board, and I think most people are aware of that.
I did have one boss who attempted to rule via fear. Upon being put in charge of our group, he proceeded to "fire" us one by one for some minor infraction or slight. (For me, it was not showing up to a standard weekly meeting, although I called in to let him know I'd be unable to attend, as I was pretty sick.) At that point, he'd let us know he was "willing to reconsider" our termination so long as we were aware what the score was. At that point, we were considered "suspended without pay" for anywhere from a day to a week, and then allowed to return. Sound like a good way to get us to fear him, and put us in our place? Because it didn't work. We all took a major dislike to him, and although most of us took him up on being allowed to return, I think all of us left the employ as soon as we could. Not because we were scared of him, but because "I don't want to work for this jackass".
I can understand not wanting to be picked on - many of us have been in that position, and it sucks, no question. But the solution to get out of that isn't to become the aggressor. The key is to leaving it behind completely.
Lex
