getting into a relationship with a bisexual guy? yay or nay

[asu1117]

Fun fact: I've faced more adversity for my sexuality from gay men than any other group of people.

 

[Soilwork]

edit for Soilwork : you think that you can't date bisexual men because you would not fulfil all their desires ?

Considering I don't have a vagina, yeah, I'm going to say that's going to eventually be a problem.

 

[oakpope]

If a bisexual guy find it too difficult to have a relationship with some gay guys, I would be more than happy to propose myself (with a proper date before, however)

I'm ugly, old, poor, not totally stable in the head, living far from the US, what's not to love in me ?

 

[oakpope]

Considering I don't have a vagina, yeah, I'm going to say that's going to eventually be a problem.

So we have different definitions of bisexual. It's not abnormal by the way. Bisexual is very vague a term. One could be 10%% straight, another 90% straight, and their needs/desires would be quite different.

For me a bisexual is someone who can fall in love and have a stable relationship with either a male or a female.
I believe you think a bisexual is someone who need to have relationship both with a male and a women in order to be happy.

So we disagree. But we are both gay men. It would be more interesting to hear about the people here who labelled themselves as bisexual.

Which of the two definitions ring the most true to you ?

 

[Soilwork]

It's always good to be lectured on important life lessons by a porn producer. (i.e. if you detest ad hominems so much, don't use them yourself)

Which, I should add, is a pretty silly thing to say while posting on a porn site that's owned, designed and operated by porn producers.

But yeah... getting relationship advice from a porn producer is a good idea if he happens to have been in a very successful long-term relationship.

But tell us... what do you do for a living?

 

[Soilwork]

So we have different definitions of bisexual.

I don't find that in any way shocking.

It's not abnormal by the way.

I have never said that nor do I believe it.

Bisexual is very vague a term. One could be 10%% straight, another 90% straight, and their needs/desires would be quite different.

That's also very true. Upon talking and listening to the many men calling themselves bisexual here, I realize that within the men who self-identify as bisexual, there are many different "kinds" of bisexuality.

For me a bisexual is someone who can fall in love and have a stable relationship with either a male or a female.
I believe you think a bisexual is someone who need to have relationship both with a male and a women in order to be happy.

No. That is not what I think.

Bisexual men, from what I'm able to get from all of the hysterical people losing their shit, are men who are sexually attracted to both men and women in varying degrees. one word used VERY often is "Fluid" which I take to mean "ever-changing in ebbs and flows. back and forth like the water in a pool or a bathtub. different today than it was yesterday."

And when I see men like that attempt monogamous relationships, unless sex isn't part of their relationship... that never really ends well.

How can it?

Many bi men who post here seem to be very nice, thoughtful and likable guys. Lovable, even. But if they're going to one day wake up and realize that although they love you, they're not attracted to you physically and want someone of the opposite sex... not sure that can really translate into a solid foundation for a long-term commitment.

 

[oakpope]

I think "prejudiced" may not be the best word to use. I choose not to date women, does that make me a sexist? If I didn't want to date a guy who's 80 or who's 18, does that mean I'm being prejudice because of their age? I'm not attracted to twinkish guy, so would it be prejudice of me to choose not to date them?

We all have our preferences and there many different area that affect compatibility, and I think sexual orientation is a huge factor in that. I myself would choose to day a homosexual guy over a bisexual guy because it's my personal preference and I would feel more compatible with that.

My point is, I don't think choosing to not want to date a bisexual should be considered prejudiced.

(Also, I know your post wasn't directed at me, but this is an open forum and want to respond to it)

Feel free to intervene, the light comes from discussion between dissenting parties

That you'd prefer young or old guys, is a taste, I agree with you. But concerning bisexual people, the only difference between them and you is that they could choose to have a relationship with a woman. I fail to see in what way that relates to taste.

It's prejudice for me because you have the forethought that because he is bisexual he would be more prompt to cheat or to not be fulfilled by your relationship. Again I fail to see any evidence of that.

It's like judging guilty of having bad writing all left handed people because you think in generality that left handed people write badly. For me it's the very definition of prejudice and it is totally unfair to the bisexuals.

 

[oakpope]

I have never said that nor do I believe it.

I was meaning it is not abnormal that we have different definition, not that you thought that bisexual were abnormal Sorry to not have been clearer.

So you thing that bisexual are by nature "fluid" ? It's not my view. I think they are capable of either feeling, but once they have chosen one relationship they can be stable and happy within it, without having the need or desire to "cheat" or have sexual intercourse with the other sex.

But again I would prefer to hear from bisexual themselves about this

 

[Soilwork]

If anyone refuses to date me, they're prejudiced against short, bald, 40-ish, asshole married guys.

for SHAME!!!!!!!!

 

[Ninja108]

Been together for more than six years with my bisexual bf and haven't been cheated on.
Sad thing is,even now,in addition to the prejudice we face from the straight community,I have to keep hearing from "friends" of mine in the gay community that sooner or later,I'll be dumped for a woman.
Ironic,we complain about all gays being painted with the same brush but have no qualms about doing it to bisexuals,got to love it.

 

[Soilwork]

If I was dating a bisexual guy who eventually decided that he needed some pussy on the side, then that would be something that I could maybe deal with, depending on the situation. Kind of like the deal that I'm assuming that you have with your partner..

you assume this why?

 

[Soilwork]

What I meant was that you and your partner probably have some kind of agreement where it's ok to have sex with other guys, right?

No.

Why would you think we do?

 

[Soilwork]

Because you have sex with other guys on film...?

I've never fucked on film.

I direct and produce.

I've done a handful of blowjob scenes, all over a year ago and that was part of my job.

 

[Acanthophis]

I would think with the amount of oppression towards sexuality (anything other than hetero) would be enough to make people who aren't part of the 'norm' to stand together. But nope, even in the 'queer' community people still don't seem to like bisexuals, at least that's the vibe I'm getting from the majority of this thread.

Claiming you wouldn't want to be with a bi is absolutely absurd if your reason is they are more inclined to cheat on you. Yes, we are attracted to both men and women. But so what? When you're dating someone your sexual attraction to other people doesn't go away, it's always going to be there. There's about as much of a chance as a bi cheating on you as there is a gay or straight person.

We swing both ways, doesn't mean we're going to swing both ways at the same time.

 

[Acanthophis]

I'd also like to point out that relationships are all about sacrifice. If you think he isn't willing to give up women to be with you then you're probably a jackass who isn't worth being with anyway.

It's just sex, sex shouldn't be what a relationship is all about to begin with.

 

[pat grimshaw]

These threads go on and on discussing theoretical generalisations and then they get sidetracked when colourful personalities when Jayqueer and Soilwork get involved.

But I reckon the self-professed bisexuals should be speaking up so we can get to understand the situation rather than just waffling around in generalisations and theoretical second-hand heresay.

 

[pat grimshaw]

^
A man pushed his way into my life in November. He's intelligent, ethical and handsome and I'd be happy to get him into bed.

But he says he has a 'dispersed sexuality' and makes crude remarks about women.

So I've just decided to keep our friendship at a platonic level.

(I'm reckoning that he might be one of those guys I know who has low self-esteem and likes to use women to debase them and feed his ego.
One of my old schoolmates refers to women as "cocks-comforts". He says they have the right anatomy to give him a good orgasm.

And of course I know of plenty of men in their forties/Catholics/ Outback men who married women when they were teenagers because they believed young men were forbidden to have sexual intercourse until marriage.)

 

[Soilwork]

Yeah, but isn't your partner ok with that? That's what I mean by "an agreement".

That's a very different thing than guys "on the side."

We don't have an open relationship.

And this thread isn't about my private life.

 

[maxer343]

just a simple NO.

 

[Acanthophis]

These threads go on and on discussing theoretical generalisations and then they get sidetracked when colourful personalities when Jayqueer and Soilwork get involved.

But I reckon the self-professed bisexuals should be speaking up so we can get to understand the situation rather than just waffling around in generalisations and theoretical second-hand heresay.

What exactly are you looking for us to say? I've never been in any relationship (female or male), but I have something called morales which prohibit me from cheating on anyone.

Well, then what would you like me to say? Being a bisexual man is who I am. I'm not sure how else to portray the simplicity of it. Claiming all bisexual men are cheaters, or homosexuals in denial is complete bullshit, and you all know it.

So, until any of you want to speak to me directly about my sexuality, and what I feel about it, I will remain a silent party, and keep the rest of my opinions to myself.

I like the way you think.

Ditto.