Here's another one

[innocentbychoice]

Maybe he wants your attention. Did you read my first post ( #44)?

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Maybe he wants your attention. Did you read my first post ( #44)?

Well thats quite obvious, for what reason he wants it, I don't know, and thats the problem. Since the start he's been trying to lead me on and hit on me (so it seems) but every time I either respond or do the same thing to him, he backs off and makes out I'm acting gay. (lol)

You said play his game, start drinking and acting like a fool, thats excatly what I did, I tend not to get drunk (not off the amount we drink anyway, usually a slab and whatever else we get) so I over sell it and start acting like I am, which is exactly the same thing he does. He's never noticed, but he still backs off whenever I try doing something...

Suggestions?

 

[innocentbychoice]

He's never noticed, but he still backs off whenever I try doing something...

Which is exactly what you also do. Maybe try to think what would he have to do to get you out of your shell and then do it to him.

If the indirect approach isn't working maybe try something more direct like "you know I'm so drunk right now, I wanna make out with you" if he says "what? that's so gayy" you can say "well I'm drunk enough for it to be acceptable, you said yourself! so come and get it...".

You can also say "you think you're so brave cuz you sent me a pic of your dick why don't you show it to me right here right now?"

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well what are ya gonna do when he clearly (at the very least) acts homophobic and makes a big deal about it? Even if hes the one who started it, he still makes a deal out of me going along with it. Iunno.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I think it's just an act. Just like yours .

Maybe take it a little bit further as I said before and see what happens. In any case, there's always the "I was so drunk last night I can't remember what I did" excuse.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

I think it's just an act. Just like yours .

Maybe take it a little bit further as I said before and see what happens. In any case, there's always the "I was so drunk last night I can't remember what I did" excuse.

Yeah that's an idea, but I think it's pretty much beyond that point. I think if he didn't know by now I was interested he must be a complete fucking retard. He certainly does act that way at times.

Btw, he's back talking to me again. He came on MSN last night (unblocked me) and said he wasn't comin paintballing with us (something me and some mates are planning on doing sometime soon) and he pretty much didn't wanna talk to me. He then blocked me again. I went on one of my other msn's and he was a bit more talkative, signed out, and came back like 45 minutes later, I did mention that I think he's trying to put on an act to see how far he can go before I just say fuck it I don't wanna talk to you anymore at all...He didn't say anything to that, but that's how he comes across...anyone else see that too?

Anyway, talked to him just before, he's not sure now if he's comin, he says he might be goin with his cousin, blah blah blah...I think thats a lie too, he's trying to make out that either we won't go unless he does, or we won't actually have any fun unless he comes...Thing is, since it's my idea, I'm the only one who knows everyone else in the group. Theres him, a couple of people from work, the other guy that left work I mentioned earlier, and a couple others from school a few years back.

 

[innocentbychoice]

This is like a puzzle! good luck, keep us posted.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well, things are looking up so it seems, he's been fine since we started talking again. I know I said it earlier in this thread, I think now that theres no chance of anything happening with him (damn!) and I also said that I was thinking of coming out to him sometime soon (regardless). I asked him both Sunday night (after he got back from Melbourne), last night, and tonight to come down and finish off the slab (with the off chance that I do tell him) but all three times he seems to be avoiding coming down here. As I said earlier, I'm not goin to his place, he lives with his parents, his mum doesn't know me, and his dad hates me. (very long story) I'm starting to wonder whether he knows or suspects something, it certainly seems that way.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well this kinda died...small update here:

We were drinkin her tonight - he just left about 30 minutes ago, I ended up walkin halfway up the road with him, he asked why I was walking with him (fuck knows, I was just bored, and its too hot inside here...) and then came out with "I'm not gonna give you a blowjob" So I laughed and said "come on, nobodys around!" He laughed, and kinda shrugged it off, and said something (as a joke) about it being rape, and I came back with "It's only rape if you don't enjoy it. What if I gave you a blowjob? You'd enjoy that!" He just laughed and ignored it...thoughts? He left himself open, I offered.

 

[innocentbychoice]

Those comments out of nowhere make me think he needs a lot more work and patience that you might not have.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

How so? I dunno whats goin on, he's all over the place. He tries to convince me hes straight, then when he does, he comes out with random shit like that. Then there was a bulletin on myspace last night where he was asking for pic comments in return for sexual favours - excluding me.

?? I lol'd at it anyway.

 

[innocentbychoice]

Have you tried getting im reaaaally drunk?

Wait, I am not promoting you taking advantage of him while his drunk, but you can make him say the truth and maybe you'll get to do something with him .

 

[Lube]

(He has no idea I'm gay)

Then why is he hitting on you? Of course he thinks you're gay! Every closeted gay guy (myself included, before I came out) thinks they're so clever about hiding their gayness, but people aren't stupid. They usually know. Sorry.

Just asked him straight out if he is gay or bi, he straight up denied it...

Worst thing you could do. He'll deny it every time. If you can't come out to him, how do you expect him to come out to you? You're in a better place than he is: You know you're gay, and he's still trying to figure it out.

"how do I dfind out if he's gay by not letting him know i'm gay and if he's not making it so he doesn't know I'm gay or think I was joking?"

Let me be blunt, like my original post, only more so.

Look, you're prety much in the closet or not. Even if you stay in the closet but only come out on special occasions like your dates and such. you're bound to get caught climbing in and out sooner or later.

If you want this to come to any fruition you need to pick one. First you tell him you're mad he sent those pictures, then you turn around ask if he's a fag flat out. Put yourself in his shoes. Someone TOTALLY shoots down your pictures then asks if your gay. You bet your ass he's going to deny a straight forward question like that.

You cannot have the best of both worlds in this situation. You have to choose. The security of your closet. In which you stop travelling this road and try to resume some sense normality to whatever sort of friendship you had with this guy. Or you poke your head out of the closet for a while and make your real intentions known.

If this guy is in the closet as much as you appear to be and worried about people fining out, then playing these pussy-foot games is not going ot go anywhere other than to cause you much deserved duress and stress. Thats it. Period. End of discussion.

If you might like things to progress then you have to ante up just as much as he's got to lose. This is not a one sided bet here. You both have something to lose.

I was composing a really long reply in my head, but OrionFyre really did it for me! Great post. Read it. And re-read it. Drink it in.

Just wondering what your guys thoughts on the latest stuff is...?

My thought is that you totally ignored the great advice OrionFyre gave you.

You have to understand that you're closeted, but he's questioning. Don't you remember what that was like? It's very scary.

Basically, do not ever mention the word 'gay' with him.

In other words, don't talk about what you guys are (or might be). Talk about doing something (blow job, whatever). But don't use the 'gay' word (or 'homosexual' or 'fag' or whatever). That is the quickest way to make him run screaming.

He does not want to admit it at this point.

That doesn't mean he might not want to play with your cock.

Neither of you guys need to come out in the sense of saying "I'm gay." That's dangerous for both of you (he's questioning, and you don't trust him).

If you fool around (touch or suck cock), then either (or both) of you can later say, "oh I was just fooling around or just seeing what it was like." But if either of you say "I'm gay," then that might haunt you forever.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Good luck.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well, we were drinkin last night out the back of his place, and he started on his whole acting gay thing (as usual) so I just went along with it, he kept puttin his arm around me and stuff, when he started talking about actually doing something (you know what I mean), I just told him if he wanted to we could, theres nobody around, and I joked "you know you want it" to which he replied "only kinda". Nothing happened though. I think he could tell I was being serious though, but he mostly didn't respond to it.

Is it normal for "straight" guys to do stuff like that? You guys suggested when he talks about it to go along with it, maybe even encourage it, which I did in a serious way, I left it up to him, but again, nothing happened. Interesting that for the last 4-5 days he was whining at me on MSN to go drink at his place (I couldn't over the weekend because I was working early both mornings) apparently because he was sick of walking to my place (which is about 1km from his) and hes been making other comments lately saying he wished I got a flat I applied for (or two actually) right across the road from his place, and he said if I did he'd be over there "with me" all the time and wouldn't leave...

Thoughts? And is there anything else I can/should do when we're drinking and he starts talking about stuff like that? I mean, every time we're together its all he seems to talk about. He supposedly has a girlfriend, although he never sees her as far as I know...but like I said, is it normal for a straight guy to constantly talk about gay sex, giving/getting blowjobs from other guys and shit like that??

Might I add that last night we started off drinkin in the gardens (just down the road from his place, at like 11pm) and he kept talking about how dark it was and it freaked him out (it's not a fucking cemetery...) and he commented that he "wanted me to hold him"...which I did lol.

 

[rareboy]

He's a three beer queer.

Obviously, the two of you are enjoying the head games or one of you would just give up.

Frankly, he'd better be a fucking great lay when it finally happens because otherwise you're going to be looking back at all of this in ten years wondering why you squandered all this time on this guy.

 

[billybob109]

Well my thoughts were at one point from reading the first page and now they are different from reading the second page. My first thought was that he knows that you are gay and he is playing with your emotions becuase he is getting off on that becuase he is straight (ive had this happen to me). He can get free beer/rides etc becuase he knows he is hot and you want him but you can never have it. But now from reading the second page he is opening up to you more but it almost seems like he does not want anyone to know how he feels (being in the closet). It seems like this guy is a man of action. The next timey you are drinking and you are close to him and you get that vibe like you both want it just fucking go in for a kiss and start to make out with him and see where it goes from that moment. Also you stating that he is straight how many women has he slept with and how many girlfriends has he had latley?

 

[KaraBulut]

Frankly, he'd better be a fucking great lay when it finally happens because otherwise you're going to be looking back at all of this in ten years wondering why you squandered all this time on this guy.

Or on this thread.

 

[-Lance-]

If a hot guy made passes at me, id take them.

regardless if he's drunk or "straight"

its fair game when he presents it.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well my thoughts were at one point from reading the first page and now they are different from reading the second page. My first thought was that he knows that you are gay and he is playing with your emotions becuase he is getting off on that becuase he is straight (ive had this happen to me). He can get free beer/rides etc becuase he knows he is hot and you want him but you can never have it. But now from reading the second page he is opening up to you more but it almost seems like he does not want anyone to know how he feels (being in the closet). It seems like this guy is a man of action. The next timey you are drinking and you are close to him and you get that vibe like you both want it just fucking go in for a kiss and start to make out with him and see where it goes from that moment. Also you stating that he is straight how many women has he slept with and how many girlfriends has he had latley?

I agree, that's been my thought all along, he knows I'm gay and he's trying to start something without being too upfront about it...I have to admit over the last few weeks he's been more open to it when we talk about it (he always starts the convo) than he was in the past, he used to act all grossed out, now he doesn't seem to care...

I dunno, I tried that last night when we were out the back, he kept leaning over and stuff so I just put my arm around him and kinda hugged him...he didn't do anything for about 30 seconds, then he just kinda backed off...didn't say anything though, he didn't act like "oh this is gay" like I expected...

Two that he's told me about, I've never met them and he rarely talks to/about them around me. But you know how it is, some guys "get" a g/f just to try and prove they're straight. I dunno if he's ever slept with a chick or had a root, but I'm thinking he's just sayin he has.

 

[joeG23]

Man, you need to chill out a bit. There are too many hormones running around at the moment. Play things a little coool. Don't question everything. You need to establish trust between the two of you. Tell him how important your friendship is to you, and hope it is important to him too. Show you trust him. Tell him outright you are gay, you are going to have to come out sometime. Tell him you loved the picture of his cock, but he's more to you than a cock picture - he's a mate. Tell him you don't care whether he's straight, gay, bi, hermaphrodite, asexual. He's your friend - an annoying one sometimes - but a friend none the less. Finally, it sounds like he's drinking too much. Does he need some help with that? It's likely he's burying his unhappiness in the bottle. Best of luck