How do you guys socialize ?

[davis0444]

OK. Let me unpack this and share my first small step. You may just be surprised. I know I’ve been here awhile and seemingly have not made any progress. Actually longer than the date says as a was here a while left and came back a couple years ago. However, just being here reading and interacting has been progress. I’m slow because there simply has not been anything to act on. I’m not looking for some crazy horn dog just to have sex. Yes I want the sex, however sex just to have sex is not smart or safe. It’s a journey and I have made progress.

I did not read this post until later after today’s/ now yesterday's events. I am slow, but Sunday afternoon was a first for me. I reached out to the guy I have been chatting with for the past few weeks on the app. Ironically, I ask him to meet me for coffee and he accepted. After a beautiful Sunday drive, It ended up being a little later, so instead of coffee we met for a drink instead? I was pretty nervous as I have never sat down to chat with a guy that knows I’m interested in more than talking about guy stuff. He was a very cool guy very interesting, highly intelligent, and quite attractive. We had some great conversation for 2 1/2 hours with no expectations just conversation. We had no conversation regarding anything other than trying to get to know each other a little bit. I think we both enjoyed the afternoon and the company. He is obviously way ahead of me having been in a prior relationship for numerous years. Remember, everything is a first for me right now. Today was an awesome first step. I am hopeful that we will get together again very soon to continue to get to know each other better. Wish me luck. So, thanks again for your input. Know that I’m trying. And in this case, I’m a little further ahead of where you thought I was…it’s not much, but it’s a start indeed.

Congrats! Pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there. "Not much", you say? I think you showed a lot of courage. Being vulnerable is one of the toughest things for anybody. Well done.

 

[firsttimeagain]

Congrats! Pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there. "Not much", you say? I think you showed a lot of courage. Being vulnerable is one of the toughest things for anybody. Well done.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I was a bit nervous, but I kinda expected that. If we get together again I should be more relaxed. Honestly, it went well and I feel very good about it. Even if we don’t get together again, it was a good experience and a big step for me. I’m not sure where the journey will take me, but it’s forward motion indeed…

 

[rareboy]

OK. Let me unpack this and share my first small step. You may just be surprised. I know I’ve been here awhile and seemingly have not made any progress. Actually longer than the date says as a was here a while left and came back a couple years ago. However, just being here reading and interacting has been progress. I’m slow because there simply has not been anything to act on. I’m not looking for some crazy horn dog just to have sex. Yes I want the sex, however sex just to have sex is not smart or safe. It’s a journey and I have made progress.

I did not read this post until later after today’s/ now yesterday's events. I am slow, but Sunday afternoon was a first for me. I reached out to the guy I have been chatting with for the past few weeks on the app. Ironically, I ask him to meet me for coffee and he accepted. After a beautiful Sunday drive, It ended up being a little later, so instead of coffee we met for a drink instead? I was pretty nervous as I have never sat down to chat with a guy that knows I’m interested in more than talking about guy stuff. He was a very cool guy very interesting, highly intelligent, and quite attractive. We had some great conversation for 2 1/2 hours with no expectations just conversation. We had no conversation regarding anything other than trying to get to know each other a little bit. I think we both enjoyed the afternoon and the company. He is obviously way ahead of me having been in a prior relationship for numerous years. Remember, everything is a first for me right now. Today was an awesome first step. I am hopeful that we will get together again very soon to continue to get to know each other better. Wish me luck. So, thanks again for your input. Know that I’m trying. And in this case, I’m a little further ahead of where you thought I was…it’s not much, but it’s a start indeed.

Definitely a step forward.

 

[Natello4]

Mainly online. I used to feel low in my teens and 20s and had some more joyful moments in late 20s and early 30s. Partially, due to changing locations and reuniting with some friends. Then the pandemic hit, the job situation changed, I moved and became more close off again. Nowadays, I don't enjoy living in my current area and have a low interest to go out and meet people. The gay scene is very limited here, too. Uh oh

 

[firsttimeagain]

Just an update… well I made forward progress with a first meet up with a guy from a dating site. Unfortunately, as good as things went, I guess he is not in to me for what ever reason. He realized I was obviously nervous and we talked about it. But, I was hopeful we could get together again as I thought he was extremely attractive and a very down to earth guy. I let him know I was interested in getting back together, but he did not respond in the way I was hoping. He responded but very casual and never said yes let’s get together again. I was clear I was interested, but I guess it wasn’t there for him. He has been out for along time and in a long term relationship that broke up a year or so ago. My inexperience with men probably scared him off. But, maybe it was just not the right chemistry. Oh well, I have one meeting under my belt with a guy that knows I am interested in a gay relationship. That’s a start I guess. No one else on the planet knows. It will take time and I am patient defined the right situation. Though I know I want a full relationship with the right guy, it would be satisfying to find a guy that would be interested in just playing. A jack off partner with no expectations could be fun too. Safe of course. I say that knowing I want more, but some experience could be helpful too. I know I want it all, but is there a way to be casual and safe? No clubs around here to my knowledge. Just hanging out with likeminded guys and talking would be helpful too. I’ll figure it out and I can’t wait to find what I’m looking for. I’m going to be good if I ever have the opportunity. Thanks for putting up with me guys.

 

[MSG_Otter.w/Ardour]

Fully appreciate your courage and vulnerability with what you are sharing. Please do not discount the worth of sharing some of your journey. You are not alone in your experience. And though the maneuvers you make to navigate your specific situation are your own, know that others have travelled this road also. Stay true to yourself in Love and Acceptance the rest will come along. Just look at the strides you've made for yourself! Bravo.
Just dont get too discouraged. Most of my personal progress has seemed to be 2steps forward and 1step back but WOW what a trek! I think I am better for it.

 

[firsttimeagain]

Fully appreciate your courage and vulnerability with what you are sharing. Please do not discount the worth of sharing some of your journey. You are not alone in your experience. And though the maneuvers you make to navigate your specific situation are your own, know that others have travelled this road also. Stay true to yourself in Love and Acceptance the rest will come along. Just look at the strides you've made for yourself! Bravo.
Just dont get too discouraged. Most of my personal progress has seemed to be 2steps forward and 1step back but WOW what a trek! I think I am better for it.

I’ve really had no other outlet to share with others. So, being here has been liberating to say the least. Never thought much about it being courage though I guess you are right. I’ve held it all in for so many years so yes I guess it did take courage to finally start posting here just to find out how others feel and think. Yes joining a dating site was a huge leap of courage. I was so nervous to do so but I feel like I owe it to myself to at least try. Posting my desires in words in that journey and posting a face picture was scary. I’ve only had that one meeting with one guy and that was a huge step. I was nervous as hell but really happy to make that step. We never talked about anything sexual or relationship wise. He knew because he read my profile that was very open. I really looked forward to getting together again and get to know each other better. But, he was not into it. That was disappointing for sure, but at least I broke the ice.

Yes it is vulnerable and I feel that indeed. But, it’s exciting too. It’s all part of the journey and I am hopeful I’ll get more comfortable as I continue to move forward. When I find that right guy and we are able to enjoy each other’s company and take the next big step to actually enjoying each other sexually and otherwise it will be well worth the vulnerability.

I’m still not interested in coming out to the world. Discreet is my preference in my everyday life. When I finally got the courage to post pics here of my package that was really scary.

The dating site and now a dating app is no nude pics. But, of my face. Scary for sure. That is almost coming out, but if anyone sees me out there looking for a gay relationship, I guess they are also looking for the same. So, it’s not like shouting it from a mountaintop. If other people find out as I move forward then I’ll cross that bridge when I cross it. It’s my business and the other guy in the relationship that’s most important. I’ll never announce it, but as we spend all of our time together, people will know and that’s fine too. People will talk and that’s fine too. I’m comfortable with myself now that I finally accepted I am gay. That’s crazy for me to say, but it is true. I look forward to sharing with you guys when that finally happens. I just hope I can continue to be patient. I want the sex so very much, but it’s deeper than that, I want the relationship and the love too. I’m fully aware that relationships are difficult and it may take a few shorter relationships to find the right one. That’s scary but probably realistic. In the meantime, I’m working on me…

 

[Nude_Dude]

I'm bad at talking to people and I'm scared I'm going to end up all alone. How do you guys put yourselves out there and meet new people ?

I wish I could HELP
But me and the Mr. have put in all the socialising we'll ever need, over the past thirty years, in a couple of major cities.
Now we're like a pair of hermits in a eucalypt forest, of the Victoria High Country, Australia.
We have each other - and just don't need anyone else.
OCASSIONALLY, we might hook up with a few guys from Grindr, if we just feel like a bit of fun.

 

[RisingGay]

I've been struggling with the gay side of myself all my life long (I'm 62), and it was only after my second relationship with a woman failed after three years just before Covid hit that I finally accepted that I am gay. It was this acceptance, and the joy that it brought, that allowed me to go in search of a gay community to become part of, though I have been having sex with guys for the last 30 years. I was fortunate to find a large gay men's Facebook group in my region here in Canada, who have weekly social meetups in a couple different towns here. I started attending those, held in pubs, and finally found "my people". I can't tell you how comfortable I felt hanging out with these guys, though unfortunately most of them were married, to each other, with only a very few single guys that I was hoping to help me find a FWB or boyfriend amongst. But still, the platonic socialization is wonderful. I'm still hoping that my relationship with these guys will eventually lead me to that man, so that I can stop putting so much effort into casual hookups that I'm sick and tired of. So I encourage others that have similar struggles to try finding a local Facebook, X, etc. group that have real life get-togethers.

 

[darian]

Yes it is vulnerable and I feel that indeed. But, it’s exciting too. It’s all part of the journey and I am hopeful I’ll get more comfortable as I continue to move forward. When I find that right guy and we are able to enjoy each other’s company and take the next big step to actually enjoying each other sexually and otherwise it will be well worth the vulnerability.

I don't often come to this Forum or check through all the posts, so it has taken a while to get to this one.

I want to take you back to a comment KaraBlut made where they mentioned "massage" and I think you misinterpreted it as "message". If you can find a male masseur and experience a man's touch on your body, even though it is not as a sexual experience, it might help in taking a small step towards experiencing a little of what you want in that direction to break the ice. Although masseurs don't generally provide erotic massage as it can be interpreted as prostitution or it is risky for a masseur to explore with a client who might be offended and take legal action, there might be some who may ask a client who gets a physical response during the massage if they would like them to take care of it and you could get lucky; and if not, then you still get a massage and the experience of a man's touch.

There are also groups such as Body Electric School https://bodyelectric.org/ which runs workshops to teach men and women more about their bodies and sensuality where you might get to meet other men in a similar position to yourself, whilst gaining hands-on education that is overlooked in society generally.

These may help you move forward a little even if not finding the man of your dreams.

I wish I could help you, but I'm not even in the same country. My own experience has been fairly limited and restricted because of health issues, but I also found it difficult to find the sort of interaction I wanted, which was a kind of occasional friends with benefits, particularly because I wanted to get to know someone before becoming vulnerable with sex, but could not sustain an ongoing full-on relationship. The problem was that most guys I met wanted more sex than I did, starting immediately, or they were only interested in a one-time deal; whilst one guy planned our lives out together on the first date and I wasn't even sure I liked him yet. The biggest issue for me was fear and a lack of confidence I could say no once I had started, if it turned badly. Another issue was that I have never found sexual expression rewarding and what passes as an orgasm not worth the effort, which kind of kills any interest in pursuing it, although I expect my own experience is kinda rare.

As for bars, be careful someone doesn't spike your drink and you get sex, but can't remember anything about it.

Good luck.

 

[darian]

In the meantime, I’m working on me…

I don't know how much you have looked at educational porn or explored your own body first, but it's probably a pre-requisite before you engage in sex with another person, so you are more aware of what the mechanism feels like, in case you are fantasizing something that could turn out to be quite uncomfortable at first. "Will Tantra" gives some good demos on how to loosen up an anal first-timer for example, which is good to know for the first-timer too, as well as other useful tips; whilst exploring prostate massage yourself might introduce you to a whole new world, whilst waiting for your ideal man to cum along.

 

[firsttimeagain]

I don't often come to this Forum or check through all the posts, so it has taken a while to get to this one.

I want to take you back to a comment KaraBlut made where they mentioned "massage" and I think you misinterpreted it as "message". If you can find a male masseur and experience a man's touch on your body, even though it is not as a sexual experience, it might help in taking a small step towards experiencing a little of what you want in that direction to break the ice. Although masseurs don't generally provide erotic massage as it can be interpreted as prostitution or it is risky for a masseur to explore with a client who might be offended and take legal action, there might be some who may ask a client who gets a physical response during the massage if they would like them to take care of it and you could get lucky; and if not, then you still get a massage and the experience of a man's touch.

There are also groups such as Body Electric School https://bodyelectric.org/ which runs workshops to teach men and women more about their bodies and sensuality where you might get to meet other men in a similar position to yourself, whilst gaining hands-on education that is overlooked in society generally.

These may help you move forward a little even if not finding the man of your dreams.

I wish I could help you, but I'm not even in the same country. My own experience has been fairly limited and restricted because of health issues, but I also found it difficult to find the sort of interaction I wanted, which was a kind of occasional friends with benefits, particularly because I wanted to get to know someone before becoming vulnerable with sex, but could not sustain an ongoing full-on relationship. The problem was that most guys I met wanted more sex than I did, starting immediately, or they were only interested in a one-time deal; whilst one guy planned our lives out together on the first date and I wasn't even sure I liked him yet. The biggest issue for me was fear and a lack of confidence I could say no once I had started, if it turned badly. Another issue was that I have never found sexual expression rewarding and what passes as an orgasm not worth the effort, which kind of kills any interest in pursuing it, although I expect my own experience is kinda rare.

As for bars, be careful someone doesn't spike your drink and you get sex, but can't remember anything about it.

Good luck.

Thanks for your input. Not sure if I remember that post. I will have to look back at it. You may be correct. The massage from a male masseuse though…there was a time I was out of town on business and needed a massage to work out some lower tension in my back. I ask around for recommendations and a girl referred me to this guy in town. I had never had a message from a male before, but she said he was very good. So, I set up the appointment and when I got there I was really surprised that he was incredibly attractive and a good looking guy. We went in the room and he said get comfortable, to strip to my underwear or completely naked. Regardless, he said to cover up with a sheet from the waist down. At the time I choose to leave my underwear on because I thought I would get excited and it would be very obvious. I don’t think he was hinting at anything erotic, but my mind was racing like crazy. I’d never had a message from a man. So, honestly, I was a bit excited to start with. Especially after seeing how handsome he was.

I absolutely enjoyed the message and was trying to hide the fact that I was turned on. The guy knew what he was doing and it never felt better. Trust me, my mind was all over the place. I only wish he would have touched me like I wanted him to. Lol. We kept it professional. Though in my mind I could only imagine if he made a slight move, then I would have loved for him to sucked my cock and I would loved to have sucked his. I sure wish I would have chosen to take off my underwear. It would have been very obvious that I was simi aroused and hard to hide. I wish I didn’t try to hide it. Dang it, how stupid can I be?

When I left there I went back to the motel. He told me to try to relax for awhile if I could. Well I had the afternoon off so I did just that. What he didn’t know was while I was relaxing, I could not think of anything but him. And I was fantasizing about everything that I wished would have happened. Needless to say I pleasured myself edging and fantasizing about having sex with him for the afternoon. Wow was it good. Lol.

So, I know what it is like to have a man’s hands on my body, I absolutely loved it. The man’s touch was extraordinary and amazing. Unfortunately, I didn’t get lucky. Sorry for getting so off base, but I think it is relevant in the point you were making and for me to share that I had that experience.

I will definitely explore a couple of your suggestions. I surly have a lot to learn along the way, but I know I’m going to be good at it given the opportunity. I’m closer than I’ve ever been. Just admitting to myself that I am gay has opened up more than I thought possible. I am looking NOW like never before and I am so much more confident in who I am. I wish I was where I am now, back when I had the message. It may not have turned out any differently, but I would have let him know I was gay. Back then I was very reserved and totally in the closet. Though I knew I was gay for a long time before that, I was just scared to act on it. I’m not scared of that anymore, as a matter of fact, I will not ever be hiding it. Of course I’m not shouting it from a mountain top, but there will not be a time that I regret not saying something that I should have. Hopefully I want say too much, but if there is ever an opportunity and I am attracted to a guy, they are going to know it. I’m not completely out, but I’m coming out more daily and it feels really good too. Thanks again…

 

[firsttimeagain]

I don't know how much you have looked at educational porn or explored your own body first, but it's probably a pre-requisite before you engage in sex with another person, so you are more aware of what the mechanism feels like, in case you are fantasizing something that could turn out to be quite uncomfortable at first. "Will Tantra" gives some good demos on how to loosen up an anal first-timer for example, which is good to know for the first-timer too, as well as other useful tips; whilst exploring prostate massage yourself might introduce you to a whole new world, whilst waiting for your ideal man to cum along.

I have surly watched gay porn to know exactly everything I’ve always wanted is exactly everything that gay men do. I knew that way before watching porn though. I have always wanted it and when I was younger I didn’t know why, I just naturally wanted it.

Educational porn? Not sure. But, I have surly explored my body. I’ve tried a few different sized rubber balsey cocks. A 7” first and then picked up another one bigger after a month or so. I got used to the 7” and could ride it for quite a while. It was uncomfortable at first, then I was able to relax and enjoy it. With some lube of course. But, the more I did it the easier it was. So, my curiosity took me back to get a larger one to try. Once again, it was a little uncomfortable at first, but with patience and lube it also got easier. I took my time and it became extremely enjoyable. I fucked myself regularly for a good while and could ride it for as long as I wanted. So, I have that experience.

I do not have those cocks anymore but I wish I did. I will get another one soon. I’ve really been desiring that more lately. I think that will help when I find the right guy. I know how to relax and take it easy until I get loosened up. I can’t wait to have that experience with a Real Cock in my ass. I’ll be a good cock sucker too. I’ve also tried sucking on those to see how much I could take in my throat. I’ll be good and I love my cum so I’m so looking forward to eating as much cum as I can daily. Lol.

I’ve explored as much as I can, I’m ready to finally enjoy my sexuality with the right guy. Thanks so much for your input…

 

[KaraBulut]

...At the time I choose to leave my underwear on because I thought I would get excited and it would be very obvious. I don’t think he was hinting at anything erotic, but my mind was racing like crazy. I’d never had a message from a man. So, honestly, I was a bit excited to start with. Especially after seeing how handsome he was.

The guy you got the massage from sounds like a trained massage therapist. In many states, people who advertise massage therapy services are required to have a professional license and training. This is a way to block "massage parlors" that are often fronts for sex trafficking and prostitution.

There are also professional escorts who advertise things like "erotic massage" or the "boyfriend experience". You can either get a massage from them or you can massage them. A quick search of one of the sites shows about 30+ guys offering this type of service near your area. The extent of the massage can be negotiated based upon your comfort level.

There are also plenty of guys who are into non-professional massage. They're not offering a pay-service and the skill level is less that what you would get from a licensed massage therapist. You can find these guys through meeting other gay guys or on the apps. The apps have the advantage of offering a way to discuss what you're interested in before you actually meet up with the guy.

The last couple of options have the advantage of not having to worry about getting aroused by the massage... that's the point of the massage.

 

[darian]

Thanks for your input.

Trust me to teach my grandmother to suck eggs (or in this case a "Dad" to suck dick) but it was difficult to know your level of vicarious experience and I'm glad you will not be cumming to the actual experience of sex with another man in complete naivity.

What is stopping you from repeating the massage experience but this time taking off your clothes if given the choice? Professional masseurs are trained to expect an erection from bodily stimulation and to reassure the client: if they are prepared to take it further, which is outside the professional massage realm, they may ask if they can "take care of it" for you or words to that effect. There's no guarantee they might take it further, but even if they don't, you will have had another experience of becoming more comfortable with an erection in the presence of other men. I wouldn't expect a mutual situation either, it might just be the masseur offering to provide muscle tension relief, but you never know your luck.

Some men have sex with men without identifying as gay: if they have had sexual experiences with women, they might be bisexual. Homosexuality is the exclusive sexual orientation towards same sex; heterosexuality is the exclusive sexual orientation towards the opposite sex and inbetween is a spectrum you could call bisexuality. Even within male homosexuality, there is a spectrum of expression from hypermasculine at one end to feminine at the other and the other categories may also have similar spectrums. Human sexuality is a quite diverse expression because we are unique individuals and it can be a mistake to pigeon-hole or categorise us on the basis of a single characteristic: it's not either/or but somewhere on a complicated spectrum. Many people use "gay" to mean a feminine man which may not relate to a man's actual sexual expression. That's even without considering the difference between recreational sex and sex as part of a relationship.

Small steps can be good to reduce anxiety whilst you are waiting for what you want and they help dispell fantasy so that actual experience is not a disappointment.

 

[darian]

I have surly watched gay porn to know exactly everything I’ve always wanted is exactly everything that gay men do.

Porn can be very deceptive as you don't see the jump cuts in the film or the behind the scenes techniques that allow a spectacular presentation that does not normally occur in real life with average people. There are very few porn vieos that show the proper preparation techniques for gently and non-traumatically taking anal virginity, for example. Will Tantra is one who does show less traumatic methods. Although admittedly you aren't exactly inexperienced in that activity. There is not a lot of educational porn for men that tell it like it is, because that has never been the intention of porn: it's sad that society hasn't provided that education instead, except as fictional and often unrealistic material.

You say you fucked yourself regularly with a rubber cock, which suggests you don't any more: may I ask why you stopped and why you no longer have those dildos?

You could explore prostate massage as suggested on the Aneros Forum, which is more about obtaining multiple dry orgasms than the usual manual single penile ejaculation/orgasm, as something different. Whilst sharing a sexual experience with someone can intensify the usual masturbation, there are other ways to achieve sexual fulfilment that don't rely on someone else. I doubt you have explored as much as is possible for a man (multiple orgasms, Tantra, etc) whilst waiting for what you desire.

I'm concerned you are waiting to finally enjoy your sexuality with the "right" guy whilst missing other experiences with any guy. Sex in a relationship may be the ultimate for you, but simply recreational sex even without love can be a good thing along the way.

Anyway, I wish you luck in your exploration of life.

 

[firsttimeagain]

Trust me to teach my grandmother to suck eggs (or in this case a "Dad" to suck dick) but it was difficult to know your level of vicarious experience and I'm glad you will not be cumming to the actual experience of sex with another man in complete naivity.

What is stopping you from repeating the massage experience but this time taking off your clothes if given the choice? Professional masseurs are trained to expect an erection from bodily stimulation and to reassure the client: if they are prepared to take it further, which is outside the professional massage realm, they may ask if they can "take care of it" for you or words to that effect. There's no guarantee they might take it further, but even if they don't, you will have had another experience of becoming more comfortable with an erection in the presence of other men. I wouldn't expect a mutual situation either, it might just be the masseur offering to provide muscle tension relief, but you never know your luck.

Some men have sex with men without identifying as gay: if they have had sexual experiences with women, they might be bisexual. Homosexuality is the exclusive sexual orientation towards same sex; heterosexuality is the exclusive sexual orientation towards the opposite sex and inbetween is a spectrum you could call bisexuality. Even within male homosexuality, there is a spectrum of expression from hypermasculine at one end to feminine at the other and the other categories may also have similar spectrums. Human sexuality is a quite diverse expression because we are unique individuals and it can be a mistake to pigeon-hole or categorise us on the basis of a single characteristic: it's not either/or but somewhere on a complicated spectrum. Many people use "gay" to mean a feminine man which may not relate to a man's actual sexual expression. That's even without considering the difference between recreational sex and sex as part of a relationship.

Small steps can be good to reduce anxiety whilst you are waiting for what you want and they help dispell fantasy so that actual experience is not a disappointment.

The masseuse situation was in another city or trust me I would have been back numerous times. If given that opportunity I would be naked under the sheet next time. If I got aroused then that would be fine. I think I would surly get hard with that guy. I wish I would have been naked the first time just to see what would happen. But, that was a one time thing. I’m not sure here in my hometown. Most I have been to have been females.

Yea it’s been a long time having sex with a female. I’m really not interested in sex with females at all. It was part of the journey. Though I had pretty good sex from time to time, I could never really get comfortable. All I could think about during sex with women was, I wish I were fucking another man or being fucked by a man. Or sucking cocks and eating cum or getting my cock sucked by a man. Seriously, it’s what kept me hard is fantasizing about a man. So, that’s why I say and realize I am gay. Without identifying as such, I don’t ever want to have sex with another woman. I want what I want, and that is gay sex. All the time…

I’m not feminine, and I’m not looking for feminine. I want a man like me. I hope I want be disappointed as I move forward. I’m sure I will make a mistake or two along the way. But, I’m looking forward to building on that too…

 

[firsttimeagain]

Porn can be very deceptive as you don't see the jump cuts in the film or the behind the scenes techniques that allow a spectacular presentation that does not normally occur in real life with average people. There are very few porn vieos that show the proper preparation techniques for gently and non-traumatically taking anal virginity, for example. Will Tantra is one who does show less traumatic methods. Although admittedly you aren't exactly inexperienced in that activity. There is not a lot of educational porn for men that tell it like it is, because that has never been the intention of porn: it's sad that society hasn't provided that education instead, except as fictional and often unrealistic material.

You say you fucked yourself regularly with a rubber cock, which suggests you don't any more: may I ask why you stopped and why you no longer have those dildos?

You could explore prostate massage as suggested on the Aneros Forum, which is more about obtaining multiple dry orgasms than the usual manual single penile ejaculation/orgasm, as something different. Whilst sharing a sexual experience with someone can intensify the usual masturbation, there are other ways to achieve sexual fulfilment that don't rely on someone else. I doubt you have explored as much as is possible for a man (multiple orgasms, Tantra, etc) whilst waiting for what you desire.

I'm concerned you are waiting to finally enjoy your sexuality with the "right" guy whilst missing other experiences with any guy. Sex in a relationship may be the ultimate for you, but simply recreational sex even without love can be a good thing along the way.

Anyway, I wish you luck in your exploration of life.

I know porn is not exactly real life and I’m sure you are correct that the expectation may be set higher than your experience. I realize I have a lot to learn too. But, I’m willing to take it slow and grow with my partner if they are too. Preparation I think is key I think and I have much to learn with that too.
I guess my point was nothing sexual turns me on more than fantasizing about having any physical contact with a man. I want a man to experiment with all of what I have always wanted. If that is kissing and sucking and eating cum I’m ok with that. If we can grow together and be patient with each other there will be more possibilities for sure.

I want to be versatile in every way. I want to please and be pleased. But, I know that all of that will take time. I’m ready to be educated and I’m ready to practice and enjoy the journey.

I will explore your suggestions and look forward to it.

Yes I have some experience with exploring and fucking myself with a couple of rubber cocks. I enjoyed it more than I thought possible too. I was patient and got really good at it. It took time. But I took it easy and didn’t do it if I wasn’t ready. The more I did it the more relaxed I was able to be. I was pleasantly surprised that I could take it all and how long I could ride ponding my ass pretty good. There really is nothing like it.

I know it’s not like the real thing, but it was at least a start to know if I would like it or if I didn’t. Oh but how much I loved it and looked forward to it. I was surprised at how much I love it. Between that and loving to eat my cum as often as possible I knew I was much more than curious. I never even think about women anymore as far as sex goes. I am gay with no real experience.

I moved and thought it was best to get rid of the dilldos just in case someone helping me found them. I don’t what to explain that especially at that time. Now I’m much more open and am coming out of the closet more daily so if it were now I would have kept them. No need in explaining myself to others, but I am much more comfortable now that I have completely come to terms with being gay. I’m not going to come out to people that don’t need to know, but I’m looking now for a relationship because it’s time. I am opening up and coming out enough so I can find someone to share with.

I need to pick up a new rubber cock and get back in shape. Plus, I loved pleasuring myself with that big cock in my ass so very much. OK you talked me into it. I’ll get a new one on the way. Lol. How big does it need to be? Then 7 was nice but very easy in a short period of time. The 8 was difficult but I got used to it too. I don’t want it to be too big because most guys are not that big. Lol.

Yea I’ve waited too long. I need to have some recreational sex to get started. I’m not attracted to just anyone though. Hopefully I will find someone soon to play with to get some experience to know what I like the best and to know what I need work on. The relationship thing will have to develop.

Thank again for your input. Though I wish I would have started many years ago, I’m so much more ready now than I would have been. Mentally sound and grounded mature and ready to make up for lost time. Lol. Recreational sex? I’m so ready…

 

[darian]

The masseuse situation was in another city or trust me I would have been back numerous times.

I gather you don't visit other cities, very often: you might have to, in order to increase your chances of achieving the experiences you want, even the small steps, and certainly if you want repeated experiences if not a relationship. Trusting to luck may not get you very far, you really have to create opportunity to increase your odds. Many closeted gay men had to travel to large cities in the past to find more "out" men that could facilitate what they wanted and some locations are still very homophobic which suppresses more open activity or its pursuit.

We suggested a masseur who might help to achieve small steps, but you can take even smaller steps by engaging in activities that bring you into contact with other men in general, that might allow discussion that reveals a common hidden interest, particularly if it involves hanging with those men naked and becoming more comfortable with nakedness and even erections in the company of other men. Even a naturist society could be a good step as I'm sure they have had members like you before and although the object is not sex they would still have something to teach. You may even come into contact with other closeted men who are not as far along as you and might both benefit from a friendship that slowly evolves to more intimate sharing. Gauging who might be open to that and asking the right leading questions is a skill you might need to learn, without getting an angry response; whilst knowing how to best defuse an angry response is also a good skill to learn.

 

[darian]

I know porn is not exactly real life and I’m sure you are correct that the expectation may be set higher than your experience.

Why deny yourself sexual pleasure whilst waiting for a partner to share with?

You know how to work up to larger rubber cock sizes, slowly, and it would be the same with any man you might have an experience with, so the question is how big is big enough for self-pleasuring? Some men get into fisting and others appreciate a tight hole, so whilst the anus can be accommodating, with training, there can be an element of addiction to size that has some consequences. I'm not the right person to advise on Dildo size, but I think limiting it to whatever gives you pleasure and the average male size gives you opportunity to go larger in future with the man.

Did you find larger rubber cocks more physically satisifying or ego rewarding in the ability to take larger as some form of competition? Size is probably more about girth than length, unless longer also means wider, but it doesn't take much width to stimulate the prostate, which is probably the major source of your enjoyment, even a finger will do. I will have to leave it to others to jump in and advise in this area. But since you will more likely be having anal sex with an average dick, that would be the best middle ground to get comfortable with penetration to make it easier whilst also having a good time.

Perhaps you can ask at a sex toys store if there are any avenues for male intimacy in the area, or even a male masseur you don't know about.

As for the recreational sex, you can guarantee an attractive man by paying for the sex you want as an initial foray.

You will also need to develop a strategy for men both above and below average if attractiveness is important to you as you will likely meet both, but might have an inflexible preference, which is good to know in advance. We like what we like and shouldn't be ashamed of it, but we also shouldn't shame others for not meeting our preference.

I recall you mentioning you met an attractive man, but he wasn't interested in a relationship: that might have been an ideal ice breaker for recreational sex if you didn't insist on a relationship, even perhaps being open to a one-night-stand just to get you started. Relationships tend to develop over time and dating is about determining compatibility at the start, often without being successful, so perhaps focus on dating and even being open to a one-off dalliance, which usually involves sex, with a view to a relationship.