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How do you know?

its_just_me said:
Hey I never thought of it that way :)
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You can trust me on this one.

A bit of personal experience: When I was a wee teen-boi (not too long ago) a loose lipped girl friend told a whole bunch of people at a party that I liked the cock. It was not the kind of place where I was too keen on being outed...A bit of a rough crowd.

Anyhoo, at the end of the evening this really big guy (beefy, dirty blonde with green eyes and hands the size of hams) cornered me when I was getting into my Jeep. I thought I was going to need first-aid... So wrong.

Long story short we ended up parking behind a church and snogging our faces off and groping 'till the sun came up. Nothing came of it, (literally or figuratively) but it was an unexpected end to a pretty tedious party.
 
Well, it looks like you're getting a crash course on how to be out that may have come a little sooner than you wanted. But it's all good.

Be proud of your gayosity, don't be defensive about it. "Yeah, I'm gay. So what? Why are you so interested in my sex life?"

And yeah, you'll be surprised how many guys will suddenly want to "chat" with you.

As TaigaStar points out, in a week they'll have forgotten it and moved on to something else. Especially if you take the fun out of it for them by just shrugging it off when somebody makes a comment.

And by then you'll have a much better idea who your real friends are.
 
Slo and Taiga have a good point. There's an old song, "New Boy in Town", that makes it -- the new boy in town gets all the attention until... there's another new boy in town. YOu're today's "new boy"; it won't last.
 
Nah -- go buy a fluorescent green thong, a tight pink muscle shirt, and high heels. Be sure to carry a parasol, and no one will even notice.


















Dude, just be your regular self, and do your regular stuff. If YOU act different, be assured that others definitely will! But if you just go on as before, most people will take the whole thing in stride and the disturbance in life will pass.
 
Got your PM. I'll try to answer you here first since its the same question.

Is there Anyone at school who can help you cope tomorrow? Anyone you are kind of close to and who would understand the stress you are under? It sounds to me like you need a little help for a few days until things calm down. Someone to watch your back.

I also find it hard to believe that 15,000 kids even care that you are gay. I know so many college kids that wouldn't even blink at this sort of thing.

Are you in a Christian University or something? There seems to be something missing from your story.

One other idea is to only go to school for a half day tomorrow. Or for one or two classes. Stick your feet in the water and see how it is. Then post it here.

This really sucks for you, doesn't it?
 
Awww, I feel bad for you. Here's my advice:

Just push through for a few days. Be yourself, who you want to be. I assume it wouldn't be far from who you were before everybody knew. I'd say go to school and just act like everybody is making a big deal out of nothing.... like you already knew you were gay so why is everybody making a big deal out of it. I know on the inside you might be freaking, but if you appear held together, everybody will respond accordingly. If you skip and make this big deal of everybody knowing I think it will just become a bigger deal.

I went to a small christian college. I never came out but had a few friends that did. And every time it was this huge deal and big news. That lasted about a week and then, like all good self absorbed teenagers/20s, everybody knew but nobody cared anymore. So if you can just put on this strong face for a couple of weeks, it will all die down and you'll be out and nobody will care and you can go back to living your life.

Like I said, just fake it. You'd be amazed at how often that works.
 
I don't know what to say!

Except....
is there a gay and lesbian group there? If so, are they mellow and supportive (like most of JUB), or the flaming offensive types who make other peoples' skin crawl? If there are supportive types, find one or two and dump your story on them, for an ally.
Personally I think that unless you're at some conservative semi- or totally fundamentalist Christian school, your feeling of being hated, especially, is greater than the actual hate. As others havfe said, most of those 15,000 students probably won't even care, and of those who do, the ones who decide to hate you aren't worth the trouble of worrying about, while the ones who care and don't hate you are natural allies and support.
You say being yourself didn't work... it's too early to call that one, dude! Besides which... who else are you going to be? All the other options are already taken, and inventing a whole new person takes longer than you've got (unless maybe you're Jason Bourne or something). Furthermore, being yourself is the ONLY thing that will work, because anything else will just get you more confused.

One suggestion for tonight: run through your list of friends, and think of who would be friendly. It may not be a close friend, it may not be a guy -- but I bet there's someone you know who would listen and not condemn you and maybe even provide a hug.

Hang in there, and good luck!

p.s. -- jockboy has good advice -- pretend you're you, and act the part, if you have trouble being yourself naturally!
 
one more thing I thought of. Of my friends who came out in college, the sad part was they all thought we hated them for it. In fact, we didn't hate them at all. But b/c they thought that, they stopped talking to us/me. We never were overly smothering to them, we just were treating them like we always had. But they perceived that we didn't want to talk to them so they stopped talking to us.

One guy even I said hi, how's it going? once after he came out and he totally snubbed me. I was just being normal to him. After that, I didn't care if I ever spoke to him again.

The ones who came out and didn't react this way are still my friends today.

My point being, your persception of how they feel might be totally different from how they actually feel. For the most part in college, nobody really cares about your sexuality. Sure, they gossip about it at first b/c it is novel. But really, most won't treat you different. But be careful thinking that they're treating you different b/c then you will lose them.

Not sure if this makes sense.
 
You'll make it. I think you've got a great plan. And that guy... maybe not tomorrow but if you keep acting your normal self... sooner or later will realize that he's being a jerk and will be nice again. Let us know how it goes.
 
ok, now, by now you're probably in bed and don't give a shit what an obstianate fuck like me thinks.

but here's my two cents anyway.

it's almost always a bigger deal to you than it is to everyone else.

Sure, you might get called a few names and sure your life might be a bit odd tomorrow.

but in the end, the best thing you can do is go in, hold your head up high and make sure you're not showing any weakness. Don't let anyone scare you and don't like anyone give you shit.
 
Poor guy. :(

If Jockboy is right, this will blow over in a week or so. Just keep making it through each day. At least things didn't get any worse, huh?

Boy, these people you are going to school with are really disconnected from reality. What rock have they been living under?

Hang in there. You're doing great so far! :-)
 
See you made it. Sorry it still sucks. And the guy who said he wasn't going to talk to you again... I'd ask him why not. Tell him it's not some disease that he has to worry about catching. That should get him thinking about what an ass he's being.

I'd still say stick to the plan. Pretend like nothing has happened and just be the yourself that you've always been. It won't take four years before the entire thing becomes old and not interesting anymore. Might take a few weeks though.

And these two people that asked... did they say anything more, or just run away? And how did you tell them... I would suggest that next time somebody asks, you tell them yeah, but you don't know what the big deal is. You just assumed people already knew. I really think playing this one cool is the way to go. And keep talking to your friends and I'd say if they snub you, to call them out on it and ask what the deal is. And then play it off as if they're the screwed up ones (which they are). Kind of a "phfff, whatever" type of thing.

Part of it too is probably that right now you are challenging some of their beliefs of what a gay guy "should" be. They're processing how a "normal" person could be gay. That'll take some time for them to figure out too.

Just hang in there and act like a confident kid who has his shit together. You'll feel more like it and eventually people will start treating you like it again.

And thanks for the update, I was wondering how the day went for you.
 
its_just_me said:
Well... I made it through the day. Now theres only 4 more days till the weekend. Anyways only 2 people talk to me the entire day, and they just asked if the rumor was true. Oh and the guy I liked was not saying anything, so I asked him if he was ever going to talk to me again, he said "NO" (asshole.) Plus I kept getting weird looks from everyone, is that normal? Now I just have to put up with this for 4 more years.
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It'll be surprising if you have to put up with it four more weeks, dude -- "this, too, shall pass".

Well, time for some pride -- ask the guy again, if he REALLY isn't going to talk to you again, and when he says "NO!", tell him, "Your loss, dude."
If anyone who looks at you weird is a cute guy, look him up and down, catch his eyes, and lick your lips with a slight smile. He'll either never look at you weird again, laugh and like you, or just maybe you'll have a new friend. If it's a cute chick, tell her, "You know, you'd made an incredibly lovely girlfriend"... then sigh deeply.

If a cute guy asks if the rumor is true, ask him right back, "Are you hoping it is, or isn't?"

And buy a T-shirt that says, "We're all human, after all."

If someone stares, ask, "What -- haven't you seen a freshman before?"


Dude, relax! If you can handle this with humor, things will go a lot better, and a few people will notch up their respect for you. It will also help other guys who might not be out or anything want to meet you -- if you can relax about it, you'll be someone they'll feel able to connect with, without amplifying their own fears.


BTW -- what school is this, anyway?
 
no.. you have to put up with a few more days until everyone has moved onto a new scandal.

High school students have a VERY short memory.

But here's how you can speed that along. Just talk to people as if there's nothing out of the ordinary. Don't act as if there's anything amiss.. and maybe you can tell one or two girls "Hey.. I like your shirt" or "what are you doing this weekend?".

People respond to stuff like that and once people see you talking to a few people.. they'll realize that the scandal is over and move on to the next life to potentially ruin.

Dont' deny being gay. But meet it with a shrug and a "yeah?" like it's not a big deal and old news to you. if it's not a big deal to you, it won't be to them.
 
First, it's good that ou got through the day. :) Second, over the course of two days, one person decided not to talk to you, and two others decided to see if it was true or not. Jockboy has the right idea to literally just act normally and turn it around on them. Obviously, if people are that obsessed with your sexual orientation, they have roblems. Finally, maybe it's good that this happened because if that guy isn't going to speak to you again because of who you are, you deserve so much better.

In a week, peope will just stop caring about it (or care about it much less) and if you act naturally, people will realize that you are a cool person and will actually get to know you. It will take some time, but I know things won't be as bad as they seem to be.

Edit: Soilwork is (as always, it seems) right on the money. Just be yourself and act like nothing happened. I wanted to give him credit since he posted while I was still typing.
 
Talk to people. If they won't talk to you, shug and say "whatever," and try with someone else. Eventually somebody's going to pull their head out of their ass long enough to say "Wow, you're not such a horrible person." For as many assholes as your university may have, there are at least the same number, if not more, who are more mature and nicer.
 
its_just_me said:
How do I just keep acting like everything is normal when its so hard?
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Easy.

you hold your high, make eye contact and say "hi" to people. Don't allow anyone to get to you.

Trust me.. I had to go through this same thing 25 years ago and it sucked then too.

But really.. in a few days, only the gay guys will care, and they'll want to be as brave as you are for being out.

Think of this as a very original way to get dates.
 
How do I just keep acting like everything is normal when its so hard?
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Haha, the key to my life... just one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Think how easy it will be to make it through the next ______ (insert whatever sounds possible) and do it. And then the next one and the next one. One foot in front of the other and don't look too far ahead. I know it's hard, but if you do it this way it makes things so much easier. And as Taigastar said, just keep talking to people like normal and if they blow you off, blow them off right back and move on.
 
And keep coming back here and telling us how hard it really is. You can let it out here.
 
Because many of us have been through what you're going through.

Just brave the storm, ok?

It gets better.
 
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