How many sexual partners have you had?

[eddielee]

Age.....Old enough to remember when "Bewitched" was not a rerun.

Number of sexual partners.......100, give or take a dozen.

 

[eastofeden]

It's not a moral problem at all, but it cannot be ignored that according to the CDC 18% of gay men in the US have HIV, half of whom do not know it, and expect that the epidemic will right itself.

Yeah...and alot of men and women got it from an unfaithful partner. Care to look up THAT number? Of course...THEN if becomes a "moral problem"....or at least the people who judge everyone else own it when someone is a "victim".

 

[xbuzzerx]

So, putting my flamesuit on.

I do think habits with regards to very high or low sexual partners does tell you something about someone. No, it doesn't tell you that you are a better or worse person than someone else. But it does tell you something about how an individual goes about connecting with or investing in other people romantically. Extremely low sexual partners? It's possible you're dealing with someone with some closet issues, or some internal issues regarding comfort with themselves, their bodies, their sexuality, etc. And I would be lying if I said that when I'm looking for a boyfriend, finding out that someone averages out to having 3 different sexual partners per week would (or that I even think it should) have no bearing at all on whether I'd go forward with that person.

Put it this way. Does it tell you "nothing" about someone if their resume has 572 different employers on it in 5 years?

I understand that many people will absolutely hate that comparison. But the fact that they would hate it says that that person and I look at how we go about romantically connecting with people differently, and that we're looking for different things. I don't necessarily think I'm right and they're wrong, but I think we look at it differently, and are less likely to be compatible in our outlooks on romance and sexual connection. I also don't think that makes me a slut shamer.

 

[eastofeden]

So, putting my flamesuit on.

I do think habits with regards to very high or low sexual partners does tell you something about someone. No, it doesn't tell you that you are a better or worse person than someone else. But it does tell you something about how an individual goes about connecting with or investing in other people romantically. Extremely low sexual partners? It's possible you're dealing with someone with some closet issues, or some internal issues regarding comfort with themselves, their bodies, their sexuality, etc. And I would be lying if I said that when I'm looking for a boyfriend, finding out that someone averages out to having 3 different sexual partners per week would (or that I even think it should) have no bearing at all on whether I'd go forward with that person.

Put it this way. Does it tell you "nothing" about someone if their resume has 572 different employers on it in 5 years?

I understand that many people will absolutely hate that comparison. But the fact that they would hate it says that that person and I look at how we go about romantically connecting with people differently, and that we're looking for different things. I don't necessarily think I'm right and they're wrong, but I think we look at it differently, and are less likely to be compatible in our outlooks on romance and sexual connection. I also don't think that makes me a slut shamer.

If you aren't putting yourself on a pedestal there is no reason to flame you. Everyone has their own individual preference and it is fine to seek what you want from another guy but it doesn't have to be at other people's expense...

Too many gay people today sound like they belong in the Baptist Ladies Club...YUCK.

....I would much rather rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints....

For me...I would rather date an honest slut than a lying saint...and soooooooooooooooo many of them lie. Think of the volume of people who promise fidelity at the altar...and before getting there...who have not kept their promise (they lied). It is staggering how many lying saints are amongst us.....

 

[xbuzzerx]

If you aren't putting yourself on a pedestal there is no reason to flame you. Everyone has their own individual preference and it is fine to seek what you want from another guy but it doesn't have to be at other people's expense...

Too many gay people today sound like they belong in the Baptist Ladies Club...YUCK.

....I would much rather rather laugh with the sinners then cry with the saints....

I basically want "stable and long term." So that's why I make the comparison to jobhunting or hiring. I understand that not everyone wants stable and long term, or wants it all the time, or even needs it at all. I do.

 

[eastofeden]

I basically want "stable and long term." So that's why I make the comparison to jobhunting or hiring. I understand that not everyone wants stable and long term, or wants it all the time, or even needs it at all. I do.

...and that is excellent that you know what it is you want and it is important to seek the qualities that you want in a guy but you have to look a little deeper in my opinion to see the character of a guy in order to determine if your needs will be met....

Thing is...I was a slut and very upfront about it and I have been faithful now for 28 years (we had group sex a few times in the beginning)....I never promised to be faithful either and I explained why. I like to keep my promises and my word is important to me and so I think it is stupid to act like it will never happen and promise such a thing. I promised honesty because I KNOW I can keep that promise. I am absolutely stable and long term.

 

[ibill1]

So, putting my flamesuit on.

I do think habits with regards to very high or low sexual partners does tell you something about someone. No, it doesn't tell you that you are a better or worse person than someone else. But it does tell you something about how an individual goes about connecting with or investing in other people romantically. Extremy low sexual partners? It's possible you're dealing with someone with some closet issues, or some internal issues regarding comfort with elthemselves, their bodies, their sexuality, etc. And I would be lying if I said that when I'm looking for a boyfriend, finding out that someone averages out to having 3 different sexual partners per week would (or that I even think it should) have no bearing at all on whether I'd go forward with that person.

Put it this way. Does it tell you "nothing" about someone if their resume has 572 different employers on it in 5 years?

I understand that many people will absolutely hate that comparison. But the fact that they would hate it says that that person and I look at how we go about romantically connecting with people differently, and that we're looking for different things. I don't necessarily think I'm right and they're wrong, but I think we look at it differently, and are less likely to be compatible in our outlooks on romance and sexual connection. I also don't think that makes me a slut shamer.[/QUOTe

How about falling in love at 17 and spending 34 yrs. with him? Partners during those years? 1. None of those things you mention were part of our relationship. We were out to everyone and this was the 70's. We certainly had no issues with our bodies or any internal issues. Actually, we were hot as hell and rarely didn't get hit on when out clubing. Just my prospective but I'm sure there are others.

 

[xbuzzerx]

...and that is excellent that you know what it is you want and it is important to seek the qualities that you want in a guy but you have to look a little deeper in my opinion to see the character of a guy in order to determine if your needs will be met....

Thing is...I was a slut and very upfront about it and I have been faithful now for 28 years (we had group sex a few times in the beginning)....I never promised to be faithful either and I explained why. I like to keep my promises and my word is important to me and so I think it is stupid to act like it will never happen and promise such a thing. I promised honesty because I KNOW I can keep that promise. I am absolutely stable and long term.

I will admit the personal weakness that I am fearful of investing feelings into someone who wouldn't make the verbal commitment, or I guess more accurately, I would want it to be with someone who would WANT to make the commitment, and be comfortable and happy operating within that kind of space. I wouldn't want to worry I was making them feel constrained or tied down, or that their attention was wandering, or that they were not really accustomed to a long term stable 1 on 1. None of which is to say that I think someone who's had a lot of partners "can't do any of the above." But the more someone's overall romantic pattern matches mine, the more comfortable I feel that we do actually want the same things out of a connection and aren't as likely to change our minds about it. Of course there's never any guarantees, all we can do is "hedge the bet."

 

[bankside]

If you aren't putting yourself on a pedestal there is no reason to flame you. Everyone has their own individual preference and it is fine to seek what you want from another guy but it doesn't have to be at other people's expense...

Too many gay people today sound like they belong in the Baptist Ladies Club...YUCK.

....I would much rather rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints....

For me...I would rather date an honest slut than a lying saint...and soooooooooooooooo many of them lie. Think of the volume of people who promise fidelity at the altar...and before getting there...who have not kept their promise (they lied). It is staggering how many lying saints are amongst us.....

I would rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
But i'd rather live with the saints than die with the sinners.

Infidelity is a real problem and an asshole move. If people want to get married they should and then live that way. If they don't want to get married, I won't say they're wrong, I'll stand up for them if someone says they ought to, and I'll introduce them to my friends in open poly relationships or whatever floats their boat. Nobody needs to sign up for marriage when there are so many decent people to hang out with who don't want it.

The only thing that matters is not getting a disease or leaving someone with one along the way. And yeah, like I said, infidelity is a problem, but sleeping with three random strangers a week is a bigger problem.

 

[GreyUnderscore]

25? I think that's my age.
Partners? 0.

 

[eastofeden]

I would rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
But i'd rather live with the saints than die with the sinners.

Infidelity is a real problem and an asshole move. If people want to get married they should and then live that way. If they don't want to get married, I won't say they're wrong, I'll stand up for them if someone says they ought to, and I'll introduce them to my friends in open poly relationships or whatever floats their boat. Nobody needs to sign up for marriage when there are so many decent people to hang out with who don't want it.

The only thing that matters is not getting a disease or leaving someone with one along the way. And yeah, like I said, infidelity is a problem, but sleeping with three random strangers a week is a bigger problem.

Then you probably shouldn't "sleep with" three random strangers a week.

I assure you when I did it had absolutely no fucking effect on you and since I don't have "a disease" I didn't leave one with anyone else.

I think the bigger problem is judgemental assholes who think they know what is best for other people.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I'm 61. My estimate is 3,000. I know you won't believe me. But I came of age in the 70's when sex was much freer than it is today.

This is my boyfriend, so I guess I should be careful.

 

[The Fly]

I will admit the personal weakness that I am fearful of investing feelings into someone who wouldn't make the verbal commitment, or I guess more accurately, I would want it to be with someone who would WANT to make the commitment, and be comfortable and happy operating within that kind of space. I wouldn't want to worry I was making them feel constrained or tied down, or that their attention was wandering, or that they were not really accustomed to a long term stable 1 on 1. None of which is to say that I think someone who's had a lot of partners "can't do any of the above." But the more someone's overall romantic pattern matches mine, the more comfortable I feel that we do actually want the same things out of a connection and aren't as likely to change our minds about it. Of course there's never any guarantees, all we can do is "hedge the bet."

So basically you have issues around abandonment ?

 

[xbuzzerx]

So basically you have issues around abandonment ?

Are you commitment shaming?

Anyone who wants to denounce slut shaming should not pathologize people who want monogamy.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

So basically you have issues around abandonment ?

I can relate. I have abandonment issues. There was a time when I would have agreed with Buzzer 1000%...

... but I did take a chance and "married" an (ex)"whore". He was tired of that life style and gave it up for me.

Normally I'd be suspicious having been cheated on by several ex's, but I trust him and don't care about his past. It's the PAST.

 

[The Fly]

Are you commitment shaming?

Anyone who wants to denounce slut shaming should not pathologize people who want monogamy.

I'm not "commitment shaming" in the least, as I posted, I've been with the same guy since '84.
But your post just seem to put up alot of conditions around whether on not the other person would commit to "the long haul". It's been my experience and observation that life doesn’t work that way. You may find someone who's equally committed as you............until they're/you’re not. You may find someone perfect......who dies unexpectedly. We have to enjoy each other for the time we have them. But you can't go in "hedging your bets" on how long the relationship will last.

Didn't intend to rustle your feathers......of fiddle with your fins.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I'm not "commitment shaming" in the least, as I posted, I've been with the same guy since '84.
But your post just seem to put up alot of conditions around whether on not the other person would commit to "the long haul". It's been my experience and observation that life doesn’t work that way. You may find someone who's equally committed as you............until they're/you’re not. You may find someone perfect......who dies unexpectedly. We have to enjoy each other for the time we have them. But you can't go in "hedging your bets" on how long the relationship will last.

Didn't intend to rustle your feathers......of fiddle with your fins.

I do not ascribe to the idea that people's behavior over great swaths of time or a large period of their adult life do not indicate, in some manner, their desires or the way that they enjoy going about pursuing certain goals. Recognizing that and saying "the way they do those things is bad and immoral" is not the same thing. Likewise I don't assume that somebody who has gone on out of town trips every single weekend for the last 10 years "really" likes to be a homebody and have quiet dinners and watch TV. There's nothing wrong with that person being an active avid traveler, but we might be incompatible as far as what we want.

 

[The Fly]

I do not ascribe to the idea that people's behavior over great swaths of time or a large period of their adult life do not indicate, in some manner, their desires or the way that they enjoy going about pursuing certain goals. Recognizing that and saying "the way they do those things is bad and immoral" is not the same thing. Likewise I don't assume that somebody who has gone on out of town trips every single weekend for the last 10 years "really" likes to be a homebody and have quiet dinners and watch TV. There's nothing wrong with that person being an active avid traveler, but we might be incompatible as far as what we want.

So you're looking for proof of the ability/desire to be in a long term committed relationship?................You do realise, they're probably in a long term committed relationship, or widowed,... right?

Play it safe............you wouldn't want to be 40 years into a relationship.........then the bastard dies on you............you can't trust anybody, they all leave eventually.

 

[bankside]

Then you probably shouldn't "sleep with" three random strangers a week.

I assure you when I did it had absolutely no fucking effect on you and since I don't have "a disease" I didn't leave one with anyone else.

I think the bigger problem is judgemental assholes who think they know what is best for other people.

Okay, why do you think 1 in 5 gay men have HIV, 30 years after we figured out what it is and how to stop transmitting?

 

[xbuzzerx]

So you're looking for proof of the ability/desire to be in a long term committed relationship?................You do realise, they're probably in a long term committed relationship, or widowed,... right?

Play it safe............you wouldn't want to be 40 years into a relationship.........then the bastard dies on you............you can't trust anybody, they all leave eventually.

Uh..? The idea that I'm terrified of any relationship ever ending was your suggestion. I have never said a relationship must begin with a stone promise to be with each other till death.

I simply don't believe if I meet a guy who presently has a very active and very diverse sex life with multiple casual partners, he is as ready or as desirous for the kind of relationship I am seeking as I am at that moment-- or that he views connecting with people sexually and romantically the way that I do. To imply I "should assume that" is, I think, silly.