How to come out?

[Luvoldermen]

i just came out to another one of my friends last night...3 of us were on our way to the bar and the word faggot was mentioned...so i told him hey i'm a faggot lol (my other friend already knew)...he was very cool about it, it was really easy to tell him and we just made jokes about it right after...i still need to tell my siblings though...

 

[hornybottom]

Im really nervous to come out

Does anyone have any tips

 

[bimwadd]

I can't post urls yet, a must see movie about coming out on Sun. 8p and Tues. 9p on Lifetime - Prayers for Bobby", check the Entertainment forum.

 

[drbonermen]

I can't post urls yet, a must see movie about coming out on Sun. 8p and Tues. 9p on Lifetime - Prayers for Bobby", check the Entertainment forum.

Thanks your for this, I'll check it out soon.

 

[slnattak]

Yawn.

The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.

Are you capable of actually loving another man and being in a commited relationship? Is your life generally happy? That's all that matters.

I talk about my orientation with a therapist or trusted friends. However in the real world I don't blabber on and on about it because that seems to get in the way of me actually having a LIFE. In a job interview you can't say 'I'm gay' on your job application. My sexuality is a very deeply personal issue, not just being gay but all the subjective quirks I like to get myself into you know.

Nosy people then are going to start assuming a lot of stuff about you the second they hear of your sexuality and intimate life. It's really none of their business. I don't worry about other people's sexuality unless I'm trying to date them, they don't need to worry about mine. It's just extremely unprofessional.

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Yawn.

The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.

While I don't generally disagree with you, it's the people who don't have that point-of-view or that confidence that we're trying to help here.

 

[asfgvstgjndtyatng]

Here's my situation. I'm 18, I live in the UK and I'm hoping to go to university this september. I'm 'in the closet' and have known I was gay since I was 13. At first I didn't really accept it but I soon did. I think it's quite obvious I'm gay due to my personality and interests but noone really asks me about it or talks about it. None of my family have ever mentioned it to me, although they have probably talked about it amongst themselves. Some of my close friends have asked me a few times and made joking comments about me being gay (not in a nasty way) but I just deny it and they drop it. I think they would be ok with it but I don't really trust them enough not to tell other people (e.g. parents) or use it against me if we fell out. When I go to university I am planning on just being myself ('out'). I'm not exactly going to open the door and shout out "look at me I'm gay!" but if someone asks I'll say yes and just keep being me. Apparently noone really cares about sexuality at university...

If my parents asked me and seemed okay I would tell the truth. I don't plan on telling my parents until I can support myself which may be during or after university. I don't know how they will react at all. Sometimes they say things that comfort me slightly, e.g. my mum was talking about the future and said something to me and my brother like "...and you'll bring home your wives, or partners or whatever home for Christmas..." Maybe I'm just overlooking that, I don't know. But they've never said anything homophobic; they love Alan Carr (a gay comedian) and when a story was on the news about someone being beaten up for being gay they said it was "terrible." Thinking about it now as I write, maybe they would be ok, but I don't want to risk it. If I told them now and they reacted badly they could kick me out the house and I'm currently in an important period of exams which I need to pass to get to university. I'm just going to have to live in the closet for now to ensure I get to university.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. It was comforting reading about other people's stories and advice too.

 

[Lube]

I think it's quite obvious I'm gay due to my personality and interests...
Sometimes they say things that comfort me slightly, e.g. my mum was talking about the future and said something to me and my brother like "...and you'll bring home your wives, or partners or whatever home for Christmas..." But they've never said anything homophobic; they love Alan Carr (a gay comedian) and when a story was on the news about someone being beaten up for being gay they said it was "terrible." Thinking about it now as I write, maybe they would be ok, but I don't want to risk it.

Glad you had the courage to write that here.

I think you have nothing at all to worry about. Frankly, it sounds like everybody (including your friends and parents) know you must be gay.

I really don't think you need to wait.

 

[Lube]

Yawn.

The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.

Are you capable of actually loving another man and being in a commited relationship? Is your life generally happy? That's all that matters.

I talk about my orientation with a therapist or trusted friends. However in the real world I don't blabber on and on about it because that seems to get in the way of me actually having a LIFE. In a job interview you can't say 'I'm gay' on your job application. My sexuality is a very deeply personal issue, not just being gay but all the subjective quirks I like to get myself into you know.

Nosy people then are going to start assuming a lot of stuff about you the second they hear of your sexuality and intimate life. It's really none of their business. I don't worry about other people's sexuality unless I'm trying to date them, they don't need to worry about mine. It's just extremely unprofessional.

Coming out is a different process for people you've known for a long time vs. people you don't know well.

For people you've known a long time (like friends & family), yeah, you pretty much have to just come out and say "I'm gay" or introduce them to your boyfriend or something obvious like that. Why? Because you've been misleading them for months or years or decades. You have make a sharp break with the past, and let them know who you really are. Why? So your friends don't try to set you up with the girl down the block or talk about hot chicks or complain about women and sex.

For people you don't know well (new job, new school, etc.), you don't have to announce "I'm gay!". It just comes out naturally in conversation just as it does for straight people. For example, telling people who you went to the movies with or on vacation with. It's not at all unprofessional to talk about your personal life at work. (Don't take about your sex life at work, of course, but movies and recreation are not off bounds, especially if you want other peoples' opinions.)

Coming out means you're not hiding anything. No secret un-named partners or friends. It doesn't mean waving a rainbow flag.

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

If I told them now and they reacted badly they could kick me out the house and I'm currently in an important period of exams which I need to pass to get to university. I'm just going to have to live in the closet for now to ensure I get to university.

By the sound of things your parents would be fine and probably already know or have suspicions.

At the same time you're in a stressful period and you'll want to avoid anything that will add to it. Waiting until university is an acceptable option. Is uni next year? Uni students do tend to be more accepting and supportive of minority groups. Look at it as a fresh start, a chance to completely be yourself

 

[Jameshorny]

Well im in kinda a bind, even though my sibling is gay, and my parents seem ok with it, it feels extremely hard to me as its practically saying to them, "you got no chance of having a grandchild" not sure how to go about this, no one out of my friends or family know im gay yet.

 

[Lube]

Well im in kinda a bind, even though my sibling is gay, and my parents seem ok with it, it feels extremely hard to me as its practically saying to them, "you got no chance of having a grandchild" not sure how to go about this, no one out of my friends or family know im gay yet.

It's not your responsibility to have grandkids for your parents.

It's your responsibility to live your life in an honest way, true to yourself.

 

[denverkodiak]

Whatever the case, being gay is about who you are, but it isn't the whole story. It's only a small part. There are also many many things that define who someone is. Don't forget that

 

[hvk1989]

I'm planning on coming out this Friday to the first person with whom I have an historical relationship and am somewhat torn between the "direct approach" and the "indirect approach." Just sitting down for drinks/dinner and saying hey, I'm gay seems a bit blindsiding. The indirect approach, on the other hand, could lead to beating around the bush and it never happening. I appreciated reading the culmination of everyone's experiences with previous jubbers--it has given me things to think about!

 

[Lube]

I'm planning on coming out this Friday to the first person with whom I have an historical relationship and am somewhat torn between the "direct approach" and the "indirect approach." Just sitting down for drinks/dinner and saying hey, I'm gay seems a bit blindsiding. The indirect approach, on the other hand, could lead to beating around the bush and it never happening. I appreciated reading the culmination of everyone's experiences with previous jubbers--it has given me things to think about!

I found that it was better to be more direct with people who I pretended to be straight around previously.

The indirect approach was fine around new people who didn't know me. They picked it up pretty quickly because there was no fake history of trying to be heterosexual.

 

[Demandred753]

Came out to my mother and sisters a couple weekends ago. It was pretty easy as I'm sure they've known for years or have had an idea. I sat my mom down while she was home on her lunch break and asked her "Do you know the reason why I've never had a girlfriend?" What I really respect was that she probably did know, but said she didn't in order for me to tell her the reason, instead of her saying it followed by my affirmation. I then told her "I'm gay" and that was that. It felt great for my mother to finally know me and all the feelings I've been keeping from her for these 20-odd years. Nothing was different between us as she accepted this already at some point but waited for me to tell her with my own mouth.

Being on a role, I called my sisters up and told them I had important news, to which I also stated my homosexuality. I wasn't nervous; it felt so natural to tell them this.

 

[samn3s]

Well! I Came Out To My Community!

Can you please give me some "TIPS" !

Boy! I never realised how difficult it is to remove SPIT from your Car Windshield! But I am learning!

Go here:

Click Here

Thanks for ANY help you could give me?

Hugs..........Sam

 

[keefersweeper]

hello people i have been wanting, for so long to be able to be out but in a nutshell i am just scarred to death about the whole idea, its hard growing up gay in a small southern town, it really puts a stopper on things having two ministers for parents as well, though dont get me wrong its not my parents that im worried about they are great parents, best in the world as far as i care. im sure my dad know as he found all my gay porn on the computer when i was like 13 (so lame) my dad often reminds me that he will always love me even if i am gay. its my friends that im worried about i dont handle rejection very well and there are some sick people around these parts just last summer an openly gay kid at a school one district over was beaten until dead because he was gay, there are 3 dudes at my school who are out and their lives are not by any means easy either people are so cruel, and it breaks my heart because i feel like a total prick bastard for just laying low if i came out it might be a little better for them but idk... every time i try to come out i always puss out at the last second even to go so far as to say "i need to tell you something" create an uncomfortable pause then follow up with a "never mind" or something totally idiotic like "crack kills" or something like that. i have been dropping huge clues lately as i am sick of it all. i just want to be able to be a real person and not have to hide anything. im sick of being lonely, never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, never held hands or loved someone that felt the same about me.
sorry to ramble on like that, just felt good to say some of this stuff to someone.
i am ready, i just dont know how

 

[original]

I didn't fully accept myself as gay until last year so the only person I got to tell was my cousin, who is also my best friend. We were in the car one night and she asked me if I was interested in seeing a girl. I felt this was the right moment so I told her I was gay and it felt so nice to let it out and to get support from her was amazing. We were close before but now we're even closer cause I feel like I can tell her anything.

 

[emoangel]

Anybody thought of this? The way I'm going to come out is this: one day my family wants to go out for dinner and ask if I can bring a date. Tell my boyfriend that I'm going to come out and I want him there to help, but make it a surprise and tell him to meet us there. He comes up to the table and I introduce him as my boyfriend Cuts the ice and the way my family is they would get a kick out of it. It will be one of those were its serious at the moment then laugh later on that day.