I am 30 yrs old and still a virgin

[bike10]

I also live small town in mid Missouri so there is not much action. Get off to St. Louis to visit the CLUB for enjoyment and pleasures.

 

[Gamby6]

You know there are some horn dudes out there who wouldn't mind flying distant with their own budget to get laid. I met few of them on online dating sites. Try that avenue if you want sex so badly.

 

[Paws]

It's funny how we pressure males to lose their virginity yet if we were talking about a female we would be calling her pure.

Or frigid.

 

[Dolmance]

Don't worry about it and don't try to force it. There is an absolutely ridiculous emphasis placed upon losing one's virginity in the Western, English speaking world at present that is arbitrary at best, damaging and neurotic at worst. If you go out blindly seeking to lose your virginity, you will likely find yourself giving it to someone who isn't worthy of it and the experience will not be as good as it could be. The best you can and should do is increase your social circle; find groups with common interests, speak to people more, and let be what will be. It will happen eventually, and will hopefully happen for the right reasons. I didn't lose my virginity until relatively late on (22), and I'm monstrously glad I didn't; because I waited, the man I gave it to was considerate, loving and it was a truly wonderful experience.

 

[hylas]

woah, your situation sucks. i feel for you. i hope your health situation isnt too serious.

"get a job, save some money, and move to a better place" comes to mind, but i guess thats not really realistic if the economy is fucked up.

maybe your best bet is to change the gay situation in your region where youre living. obviously there are many other fags out there, and they are as isolated as you are. you mention other fags you know. how do you know them, what do you guys do together? maybe you can found a sports-club or something? a self-defense club, if thats more appropriate? (thats probably just my prejudices speaking but i have this idea that slavs are quite violent, especially towards homos.) might help to get to know people, and in the long run, might be a first step towards gay emancipation.

im sorry, im just talking random bullshit now. i live in a very different situation, i have no idea wether im being helpful at all here.

 

[LordRother]

You are really nice, x-cess. No, my health situation is not serious, thanks, it can be better and if I find a job in a bigger city I can move there, but not until that because it would be too expensive for my parents.

You are right, we are not organized enough, civil organizations aren’t popular enough. A self-defense club is maybe too much…

Otherwise we are not Slavs, only most of our neighbour countries. Fortunately my country is not a dangerous place, gay bashing is very rare, but homosexuality is also a taboo outside of the capital city. Agression is near the zero level just like the number of gay organizations in the countryside. Slavs are maybe more violent but homos are also braver there, they kiss in the street etc.

Gay emancipation – registered partnership is in progress for five years here, but law and real society can be different. The gay movement is quite old and wide in the capital but seems to be in the deepest crisis of its history now.

Dolmance – I basically agree with you, it’s a needless emphasis on losing our virginity, but psichologically it became important for me just because I used to feel (unrequited) love when I was younger but later I stopped and now I can’t just dream about somebody, I’m too old for that. That’s why I’m so uncertain about who’s worthy for being the first one and who’s not.

I know that my personality is not the most suitable for relationships and maybe I’m too uncertain and depressed in many situations.

Gamby6 says: „if you want sex so badly.” Some say I shouldn’t want it so much, while sometimes others say that I don’t want it enough, my desires are not strong enough to break out of my loneliness. I really don’t know which is the right for me.

 

[cornholio]

I'm 25 and "pure", as someone called it.

I'm often insecure. also shy and afraid of opening up to a person on an intimate level, falling in love, etc. I find it hard to really trust people.

I've never really tried it over the internet, doesn't seem promising.

I want it to be like in the movies, easy at the beginning, hard at times. I wouldn't go so far as to say, it must have a happy ending (that's even too much wishful thinking for my dreamy self), but at least I want to be able to look back and say, that was SO worth it.

I'm a hopeless romantic, and I know 'just letting life happen' probably won't help, instead I must do something about it.

With me it's just my fault. you on the other hand have a more difficult surrounding. Still, we both have to think outside our boxes, I guess. Wish you the best of luck in having that idea! maybe some of the advises on here will help

 

[jizzeater]

That’s why I’m so uncertain about who’s worthy for being the first one and who’s not.

That confirms my suspicion. You are being too picky.

 

[Corny]

^ he has a bit of a point.

I know that you might expect the whole "singing angels coming down to earth" thing from sex - but it's not like that.
don't get me wrong .. sex IS great. but it is also "just" sex.
ask around how many people had that perfect "the earth stopped moving" first time. not many had .. there is "earth-stopping" sex - but most of the time it's not the first time.

so if you want to "save yourself" - by all means, keep searching. but if you want sex - stop that "selection process" for your first guy, trust your gut .. and your dick. and that doesn't mean you have to switch off your brain .

 

[jizzeater]

I know that you might expect the whole "singing angels coming down to earth" thing from sex - but it's not like that.
don't get me wrong .. sex IS great. but it is also "just" sex.
ask around how many people had that perfect "the earth stopped moving" first time. not many had .. there is "earth-stopping" sex - but most of the time it's not the first time.

Exactly. It's likely going to be awkward, embarrassing, and disappointing! It was for me. Fortunately, you get more than one shot at it.

 

[hylas]

cornholio (and rother, to a lesser extent): youre making it more difficult than necessary for yourself, so you dont have to go there and deal with that scary thing called sex. you say it yourself: its your own fault. get over it.

too much importance is placed on "the first time"... it might be great, it might be not. it depends very much on your partner and the chemistry you two have, something that is impossible to know before youre actually at it, since an emotional connection doesnt necessarily translate into a sexual one, and vice versa. and youre probably gonna be awkward and mediocre, given that you are gonna be nervous and have zero experience. i dont wanna scare anybody, quite the opposite, i think you need to scale down your expectations and relax. sex is wonderful, but its not magical. its gonna get better with practice and experience like most things in life.

 

[LordRother]

ISayZed, it’s great that somebody in Florida knows this part of Europe well. We have got a bad prejudice that Americans don’t really know us. I’m Hungarian .

Cornholio – so at least you know the main cause. My problem is that many times I don’t really know whether I am too shy or too fast in dating. Otherwise my simple friendships also usually stop after a while so I know I do something wrong I just don’t know exactly what.

GL – somehow I feel (I don’t know if I’m right or not) that you mean you could talk to guys harder than to girls. Maybe this is right for me, I feel that guys are more closed in their interests and own worlds while girls like to talk about various things, no matter if they know it well or not, and they also can show their feelings easier. Sometimes it seems to me that guys (both straight and gay ones) feel like it’s just a waste of time to be with me, while girls (both straight and lesbian) don’t, with girls sometimes I feel like I waste my time.

jizzeater – I used these words just because I quoted Dolmance who worried that I would give myself to somebody who’s not worthy. Otherwise hundreds of guys hooked me up on the net while I hooked up less than 10.

 

[Reality101]

sex won't change you nor your life.

go to a gay bar and force yourself to talk to someone and keep doing it until you get laid.

Yes! Get out of your comfort zone. Out out out! It's stifling in there, no? Be careful, cautious and optimistic

 

[jizzeater]

Otherwise hundreds of guys hooked me up on the net while I hooked up less than 10.

I don't understand.

 

[LordRother]

Jizzeater, Corny, X-cess: I don’t know what I expect from the first sex. Really. Of course if somebody wait so much like me, it become quite mystical but of course I know it isn’t. My only fear is that it stays so unknown and mystical for me even after trying it.

 

[Diavolos]

I am almost 30 and never did anything with men. So I guess I am worse than you. I am closeted gay obviously and will most likelly never have anything with any man for my whole life.

Sometimes I wish I was born normal or if my brain was the same, to be born in a woman's body.

A male body and a brain that likes what women like... sad story. But I enter anonymously sites and porn so I guess I kinda "feel" how it is to be gay and having sex.

 

[derelictdarrel]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. only I'm just not as sexually active as much as most people.

It doesn't bother me so much as it did back in my early 20's. To me, sex is not very gratifying if I can't seem to bond with anyone. or else I'm better off just getting a prostitute if I want sex that bad.

Since you've never been intimate with anybody in any way, I can only imagine what pressure it must put on you at this prospect.
I suggest that you don't dwell on it so much. Don't let it be something you're readily admitting to a person you meet.
Most of all, be patient. never, ever be desperate.

good luck.

 

[refujiunderground]

26 years old and a virgin. some days are better than others. won't lie by saying that i don't want it BUT i'm a bit scared to go out and just do it. you know... have to get my feet wet eventually but i would rather do it with a guy who i like more so than some random body but it is what it is though.

 

[xbuzzerx]

Thanks for your patience. Well, I know I shouldn't have asked this because my situation is quite impossible and I don't want to make you pity me. You just gave me really good advices but...

Let's see. I can't be openly gay because it's not usual here. I live in an ex-socialist country in Europe. We still can't leave behind political chaos. I'm unemployed and my university degree is totally useless. If I were openly gay, I should just give up to keep a job more than a month.

There are no gay bars in my town and I can't move or even travel to a larger city because I don't have money. I'm also not healthy enough to move, I live with my parents.

Dating pages are the only possible ways to know gay men here although they are so distrustful and shy that it's not easy to even meet them. When I was 28 I still had never known anybody personally who had been openly gay, not even during university years.

I didn't decide to wait, wait for what? And my look - it's totally average, maybe a bit boring. Nothing special at all. I have realistic expectations (as x-cess said) and nobody looks like a model here anyway.

What do you say under these circumstances?

I want you to know OP that I wish you the best but I feel completely unqualified to give you good advice, and I know there are members here who come from extremely similar backgrounds so I hope they will give you some good advice instead.

 

[Latimer]

Your written English is just about perfect and is impressively idiomatic. You write better than many of the native speakers who post on this site. Again, very impressive!