I am 30 yrs old and still a virgin

[goldenmoth]

Maybe you just prefer the quiet life?

 

[Nishin]

(Are you all aware that the guy you're talking to hasn't showed up here for 3 years though?)

 

[rareboy]

psssssssst. I don't think they are. Let's not tell them.

But for all you old 'virgins' out there....expecting someone to turn up to do all the work for you...it just doesn't happen like that. You have to be prepared to accept some risks for heaven's sakes.

 

[RaKroma]

I am almost 30 and never did anything with men. So I guess I am worse than you. I am closeted gay obviously and will most likelly never have anything with any man for my whole life.

Sometimes I wish I was born normal or if my brain was the same, to be born in a woman's body.
A male body and a brain that likes what women like... sad story. But I enter anonymously sites and porn so I guess I kinda "feel" how it is to be gay and having sex.

May I ask where do you live? And why have you written down fate for your entire life?

 

[USEDCAR]

Wow holy 3 year old thread, Small Town and Being gay don't mix

 

[Diavolos]

May I ask where do you live? And why have you written down fate for your entire life?

I live in Greece, pretty backwarded society. I also kinda value family and relatives and thus I am not really going to go open about it even if I ever do something with a man.

I don't know if this can get more sad but I also have a girlfriend who likes me. I kinda treat her good because to me it was never sexual attraction so as to lose my interest. I just wanted to be with someone of the opposite sex and have a good daily life.

Sorry for replying so lately but I just saw the comment!

 

[ibill1]

Even though it is a 3 yr. old thread, it has made me sad for some of my fellow gay guys. I have never had to live like that since I found
sex and the love of my life at 17. We knew we were being a part of a rare occassion of two guys falling in love at first sight at such a young age. We discussed it often with others for some 35 yrs. Something happened to me that night that I will never be able to explain. My only hope is all you guys have a chance like this that I did. I have been grateful my entire life for that night happening and hope it happens to you guys someday.

 

[Kabluey]

I live in Greece, pretty backwarded society. I also kinda value family and relatives and thus I am not really going to go open about it even if I ever do something with a man.

I don't know if this can get more sad but I also have a girlfriend who likes me. I kinda treat her good because to me it was never sexual attraction so as to lose my interest. I just wanted to be with someone of the opposite sex and have a good daily life.

Sorry for replying so lately but I just saw the comment!

Say what you like about Greek society, but there's no escaping the fact that:
A: Some Greek guys are gorgeous (Ask Hardup1 about Billy Zane for starters) and
B: There are as many gay guys in Greece as there are anywhere else in the world.

Given you've got a girlfriend, I'm assuming you're not entirely a virgin. If you are, then she may be wondering where things are going too.
It's up to you where you go with that relationship, so good luck

 

[travis82]

To the OP, if it makes you feel better,

I'm in the same predicament as you. I often wonder " will I ever lose my virginity or just take it to the grave with me?"

I don't know. I don't have a wide circle of friends and I don't know many gay people.

Most, nearly all my friends are straight. I don't really go to bars, clubs or hang out with new people.

I guess this is maybe why I'm still a virgin.

Most gay men just want to have a quick hookup. I'm looking for a boyfriend. I want to fall in love with a guy and lose my virginity to a guy that I love. Not some cheap one night stand.

But I don't understand ; why is it the most simple thing I'm searching for (love and sex), it's also the most difficult thing for me to get?

 

[Benvolio]

Sex is too important a part of human life to let it pass you by. I suggest you stop looking for that perfect first time, even if it is a cheap one night stand. For most people, the first time is not all that great, as they are nervous, self conscious, afraid of failure etc. After that, it gets much better. I say, take whatever is available.

 

[oakpope]

44 : still virgin for man. Being agoraphobic, a hoarder, on the ugly side, overweight, poor and socially awkward I remark that there aren't that many opportunities anyway, apart from hiring an escort. And I don't want to do that, it's like cheating.

 

[Nishin]

To the OP, if it makes you feel better, I lost my virginity when I was 30. I am now 31. .

I had gay sex for the first time when I was 21.

Which is it?

 

[Saybrooke]

I honestly can't remember if I was 20 or 21 lol somewhere around there

 

[Benvolio]

44 : still virgin for man. Being agoraphobic, a hoarder, on the ugly side, overweight, poor and socially awkward I remark that there aren't that many opportunities anyway, apart from hiring an escort. And I don't want to do that, it's like cheating.

There are many in your situation. Go to a bar and meet other guys who are less than young and beautiful. Don't set your standards too high.

 

[birddog7]

I'm 51, and have never had any sex involving a partner...

 

[bankside]

Virgins,
I can still wake up every morning and look into the eyes of the first person to ever look in my eyes when I had an orgasm.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be there 20 years later or 40 years later with the same guy and say "Remember our first time? Remember when we tried…." It's a great memory to be able to continue to share with someone you care about.

"Losing your virginity" is not something you have to treat like an appointment for a haircut, something to get over with that you hope goes well. It's fine to hope it is memorable, good, and the start of something durable.

Before I met my guy I could be impatient and horny and frustrated. But I had offers. I even had a couple of situations where my first time could have been with someone else, and those men (and a woman) would most certainly have dropped out of my life by now, leaving me unable to remember that moment in the company of the person who made it happen.

Would that have been a tragedy? No. Is this memory I have now the most important thing about my relationship? No. Would I feel fundamentally different about my relationship now if I had gone ahead with someone else? Absolutely not. To me it's just a nice perk. But I also have absolutely no regrets about waiting. I just didn't want to fuck someone who I didn't like enough to be around for the rest of my life. For that reason, I am very content with my long road of virginity before I met my guy. It cost me nothing. And all it meant was I didn't have to sleep with people who would never compare to the guy I have now.

It's more important to get your driver's licence by a certain age or learn to swim by a certain age that to have an orgasm with someone else's help by a certain age.

 

[sixthson]

Which is it?

I suspect, but I could be wrong, that he meant virgin because he had not had anal sex. Some don't see oral as sex, apparently.

To the OP: have you never visited the island of Mykonos?

 

[refujiunderground]

still a virgin and i don't feel ashamed about it. not about to run and go like "here, fuck me" either. i don't treat my virginity as something special like a badge of honor. the only reason why i'm a virgin is because i'm afraid to lose it and want someone who at least has a bit of an understanding about me before we fuck.

 

[RaKroma]

To the OP, if it makes you feel better,
I'm in the same predicament as you. I often wonder " will I ever lose my virginity or just take it to the grave with me?"
I don't know. I don't have a wide circle of friends and I don't know many gay people.
Most, nearly all my friends are straight. I don't really go to bars, clubs or hang out with new people.
I guess this is maybe why I'm still a virgin. Most gay men just want to have a quick hookup. I'm looking for a boyfriend. I want to fall in love with a guy and lose my virginity to a guy that I love. Not some cheap one night stand.
But I don't understand ; why is it the most simple thing I'm searching for (love and sex), it's also the most difficult thing for me to get?

If finding love and sex is difficult for you, why don't you change your approach a little and pursue one thing at the time? Since sex is easier to find than love, just try casual sex. Even random sexual experiences can be special and healthy to our mental state. I'm not saying go out there and start sleeping with guys left and right. But you don't have to go to your grave without any sexual experiences because you were waiting for prince charming for eternity. You admit that you don't have large circle of gay friends; you don't go to gay clubs or social gatherings so what do you expect? The odds are against you and by repeating the same strategy, you're only going to continue hitting dead end forever.

I live in Greece, pretty backwarded society. I also kinda value family and relatives and thus I am not really going to go open about it even if I ever do something with a man. I don't know if this can get more sad but I also have a girlfriend who likes me. I kinda treat her good because to me it was never sexual attraction so as to lose my interest. I just wanted to be with someone of the opposite sex and have a good daily life.

I know we don't all live in countries or cities where cultural environment is easy for gays in 2013. I go to a gay support group here in NYC where some gays and lesbians are so deep in closets and stuck in conservative communities that they chose a path to appease people around them by getting married in heterosexual relationships. Some of them have kids; some are divorced with kids and some still married and live anonymous lives by escaping to gay town when they can to have a taste of live they naturally want. We don't live forever, and so try to take control of your own life and don't allow your family, friends and community around you to destroy your happiness forever because of their hetero-normative expectations. Since you have a girlfriend you have to ask yourself if it's fair to her that her man is gay and can not love her physically? Is she being used as a cover for your own social survival?

But you never forget your first, though. I think that's what these guys are saying. They'd rather be with someone meaningful. I can understand how they feel. I had gay sex for the first time when I was 21. It was some random dude and we were both "straight". At the time it was some random dude, but after that night I never forgot his whole name or hos face. Looking back, I wish it had been someone more meaningful to me that got imprinted in my head.

I used to think the same. I avoided random hook ups; I missed out on most of my college years to have sexual experiences because I wanted someone special who'd love me first etc... I don't remember my first hook up very well after all these years and I honestly couldn't careless about it or how he looked. Most people want stable relationships, long term companionship and genuine love. But if I'd still wait for that, I'd remain with no sexual experiences today and probably be more bitter about it.

 

[dereperez]

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin unless you let it be one. You can still lead a healthy loving life surrounded by caring family, friends, and even a partner. If your sole purpose is to have sex, then that would be different. In that case, confidence goes a long way and you have to be open to all the opportunities. Be a bit more adventurous and you might be surprised by the results.