i have a problem with my college roommates, what should i do?

[hotatlboi]

If they do participate in illegal activities in the dorm room, you can and should report them to your RA. Underage drinking is illegal and not allowed in any dorms of any college... not saying they're underage, but if they are

This is by far the worst suggestion anyone has made. Everyone over the age of 18 that wants to drinks in college. DEAL WITH IT!

I not only drank with my underage roommates, I bought them alcohol, lol.

The no drinking till you are 21 rule is freaking retarded and no one in college gives two shits about it.

Reporting your roommates to your RA for underage drinking would prove two things. 1. that you are an asshole, and 2. that you are a sad person who can't have a good time and can't stand to see others have a good time either.

 

[KaraBulut]

The no drinking till you are 21 rule is freaking retarded and no one in college gives two shits about it.

Actually, that's not correct. The Administration and Faculty gives a shit. And we're happy to send you away when you get caught with alcohol on campus.

Reporting your roommates to your RA for underage drinking would prove two things. 1. that you are an asshole, and 2. that you are a sad person who can't have a good time and can't stand to see others have a good time either.

It's not the best strategy for making friends but if his roommates are underage and he's underage, then everyone will be sent packing. Given the choice of being a "sad person" or an expelled person, that's an easy one.

 

[godson112]

Actually, that's not correct. The Administration and Faculty gives a shit. And we're happy to send you away when you get caught with alcohol on campus.




It's not the best strategy for making friends but if his roommates are underage and he's underage, then everyone will be sent packing. Given the choice of being a "sad person" or an expelled person, that's an easy one.

To be honest, I'd say it was worth the risk.
You're most likely only going to get caught if someone snitches on you.
Although to be fair, if you're going to be drinking, I wouldn't do it on campus, I'd do it at like a house party or something, or try and sneak into a club.
If you don't drink and party at college, you're not at college

I'm glad the age limit is 18 here because I can drink at party at university like it's 1999.

 

[G-Lexington]

Oh, come on, KB. Faculties probably catch and expel a smaller percentage of underage drinkers than the RIAA does illegal downloaders. If his roommates want to drink, smoke pot, whatever, if he doesn't want to participate, he should get out of the way and let them enjoy themselves. Temporarily (to the library or what have you) if it's an occasional thing, and to another dorm room if it's a constant one. Although he probably should be made aware that the vast majority of college students will be like his current roommates when it comes to "recreational activities".

Lex

 

[hotatlboi]

Actually, that's not correct. The Administration and Faculty gives a shit. And we're happy to send you away when you get caught with alcohol on campus.

It's not the best strategy for making friends but if his roommates are underage and he's underage, then everyone will be sent packing. Given the choice of being a "sad person" or an expelled person, that's an easy one.

I can't imagine what a sad excuse for a school would expel someone for underage drinking but I would hope that that kind is in the minority. People were caught with alcohol at my school. They were either given a warning or if it was a serious offense told they couldn't live in the university housing anymore. Expelling someone for that is beyond ridiculous.

Underage drinking is widespread at every college, there's nothing wrong with it (when done responsibly) and making such a huge deal out of it shows a lack of perspective imo.

Saying someone is an adult at 18 but cannot drink alcohol is even more ridiculous than saying gays cannot marry imo. It's the same deal, I don't care what the law is, it's absurd.

 

[octoberiste]

Didn't have many friends did you?

Haha. Oh, I did drink before I turned 21... just not in dorm rooms. I'm not sure if there's anyone who hasn't at least tried it before the legal age.

 

[octoberiste]

I want to clarify something I said. When I said: "Underage drinking is illegal and not allowed in any dorms of any college... not saying they're underage, but if they are... and drugs... Hello, expulsion, goodbye." I didn't necessarily mean that they'd be expelled for underage drinking, I meant they'd most likely be expelled for drug use. For alcohol, they'd probably just get a slap on the hands, I don't know.

Sure, maybe he would look like an asshole for "ratting them out", but so what. They're not his friends, and not everyone in life is going to like you. If they're not only interfering with his well-being, but also doing something they could get in trouble for... report their dumb asses.

However, this would be AFTER he's already put his foot down or at least voiced his opinion. That's what needs to happen first.

 

[StlKj]

The OP might have a point about the partying if it had been 3 months. He's already bitching about them and their "partying" after 72 hours. Come on, it's can't be that bad that within 72 hours he's upset with the partying.

Agreed. That would be why I pointed it out on the first page or so of this thread. These guys have made some antigay comments, but from what we've been told so far, there isn't any reason to believe they would hurt someone for being gay.

The OP's own discomfort with his sexuality, and his fear of others finding out, really does seem to be more the issue that a few homophobic comments made by some partying straight boy dunderheads.

Hope the counseling visits help put him more at ease.

 

[TX-Beau]

The OP's own discomfort with his sexuality, and his fear of others finding out, really does seem to be more the issue that a few homophobic comments made by some partying straight boy dunderheads.

A - the fuck – men.

I didn’t give the guys in my frat the opportunity to be stand up guys about my gayness. I just assumed they’d hate me. Some of them avoided me when they found out. But none of them hated me, and I was hugely surprised by the amount of them who didn’t give a good god damn.

They were pissed off about the lying though.

But they got over it.

 

[rareboy]

Sure, maybe he would look like an asshole for "ratting them out", but so what. They're not his friends, and not everyone in life is going to like you. If they're not only interfering with his well-being, but also doing something they could get in trouble for... report their dumb asses.

Oh Boo Hoo.........I'm gonna tell. See if I don't. And I'm gonna tattle on everyone. My whole life. Mommmyyyy......

 

[rareboy]

Sure, maybe he would look like an asshole for "ratting them out", but so what. They're not his friends, and not everyone in life is going to like you. If they're not only interfering with his well-being, but also doing something they could get in trouble for... report their dumb asses.

Oh right. Let's be clear here.

Running and tattling is a sign of serious personality disorder. It is the refuge of those who want to wield power but lack the balls to do it by demonstrating positive leadership.

It is a way for cowards and the intellectually and emotionally impotent to gain control over others.

That is what happened here in the first instance.

Someone who found themselves out of their depth and panicked over not having control immediately hauled ass over to the mom surrogate on campus without even trying to deal with the issue himself.

So it isn't that you look like an asshole when you tattle. You appear to be what you are; a disturbed neurotic.

 

[KaraBulut]

Oh, come on, KB. Faculties probably catch and expel a smaller percentage of underage drinkers than the RIAA does illegal downloaders.

Actually, times are a changin'. There have been several recent high-profile incidents of freshmen alcohol poisoning deaths on campuses. No administrator wants to be the one to make that call to parents. And no administrator wants the bad press of a death in an on-campus dorm.

There's a group of admins who are trying to get the age for purchasing liquor by the drink lowered to 18 again just to get the problem off campus and in a place where someone can cut them off.

</hijack>

 

[rareboy]

and my other roommate did say he could never live with a gay roommate and he would shoot himself,

So. Hand him a gun.

That way you'll have one space freed up.

 

[octoberiste]

So. Hand him a gun.

That way you'll have one space freed up.

haha!

 

[FunFunk]

Telling a confused, fearful young man who has yet to even come to terms with being gay himself that he is acting like a ball-less, crying child is just as bullying as his homophobic roommates. Giving him something to think about is good; shoving him into something he's uncomfortable with is not. He's gotten advice--now maybe we should back off and just support him accepting himself before trying to make him a poster child for coming out.

Each in his own time.

My sentiments exactly. I don't understand all the comments relentlessly pushing the OP, without first-hand knowledge of his situation, to just come out to virtual strangers whose potential reaction to such a disclosure is almost completely unknown. You have no idea what such people may or may not be capable of. It is utterly irresponsible to advise someone to come out in such a situation.

He should join gay & lesbian organizations on campus as soon as possible and, when he does so, come out to the members within those groups. This will go a long way toward making new friends in the (not so) long term and significantly improve his roommate situation in the future (he would room with new more compatible, gay and/or gay-friendly people). He should also get the advice of gay & lesbian organizations on his current roommate situation.

Further, it sounds as if he needs to talk to someone at a higher level than the RA (the Director of Campus Housing, perhaps) and insist on being assigned a new room. It may be advisable for the OP to come out as gay to only the higher-level administrator (but not to anyone he's not comfortable doing so with) and explain the full situation. If the administrator is decent, he/she will move the OP to a better room.

Another option is to to ask the school's gay & lesbian organization about housing that is gay-friendly. They may also have listings of gay and gay-friendly people who are looking for like-minded roommates. I'll bet there are also online resources for finding gay roommates around campus and off-campus.

The current roommates should not be involved in any discussion with an RA or any administrator. The focus should be on having the OP attain different housing with roommates who are more accepting of the fact he's gay. The burden should not be on him to try to convince strangers to accept him, especially when he's barely come out to himself and is not comfortable with telling anyone yet.

 

[TX-Beau]

My sentiments exactly. I don't understand all the comments relentlessly pushing the OP, without first-hand knowledge of his situation, to just come out to virtual strangers whose potential reaction to such a disclosure is almost completely unknown. You have no idea what such people may or may not be capable of. It is utterly irresponsible to advise someone to come out in such a situation.

Such a situation like the rest of life. Where you will be confronted with virtual strangers you have to associate with, work with, interact with, deal with. There's a term for living your life hiding from everyone you're afraid of, it's called the closet.

 

[hotatlboi]

and insist on being assigned a new room.

What will that solve?

Nothing if he doesn't want to come out and doesn't have someone specific in mind that he wants to share a room with.

He would get a bunch more random people, who's to say that situation would be any better? Maybe he gets a bunch of bible thumpers and the situation is worse.

What is the housing director going to do, ask the new roommates whether they would be ok with a closeted gay guy living with them? Oops, can't do that because then he would be out to them, lol.

I hope you see where this is going.

Again I'm not saying he has to come out, but if he isn't ready to I don't see how the situation will improve except as a result of his effort to get along with these people.

 

[spencer]

I guess there partying isn't that bad, I just rather live with people who don't talk about smoking all kinds of drugs and I don't even know half the drugs they talk about it. I also don't want to get in trouble if the school finds out that there is a case of beer and a bong in the room. Because the ra said they will give a letter of termination to someone if they found drugs because of the overbooked freshman. But I'm definiteley not going to tell on them and get them kicked out. A lot of people do that in college and if they get kicked out its because of their own stupidity, I'm not going to ruin their college life.

Also I am scared to come out to people because I don't want people judging me. Plus one of my roommates said he had a friend that had a gay roommate and that it was the worst and my other roommate did say he could never live with a gay roommate and he would shoot himself, I mean he was going to have a gay roommate and he told me how he got screwed over. So I mean I'm obviously not going to like my room situation. But I am going to find a group of friends and talk to them and come out to them and go on from there. And I only get 6 free counseling sessions, so my next one isn't for 2 weeks.

You can help change their opinions of gay men. You don't even have to come out to them until after they've decided you're a cool dude. And you can be cool and not do drugs. You know how many drug user friends I've had that respected me and my lifestyle? You have to prove them wrong. You are living a self fulfilling prophesy if you're going to be they bad gay roommate. Maybe that person was bad and gave gays a bad name. You're not bad so you can be a good gay roommate.

I keep on posting but I don't hear anything about my posts. What has your therapist suggested about your roomates? Just because they're drug users doesn't mean you can be friends with them on some level. Do they feel the same way about you as you do them? Clearly you have to make the best of a non-ideal situation, right?

 

[aijalon18]

Somehow I think the OP is exaggerating their drug use. You make it sound like their are shooting heroin on their bunks or selling 8balls of cocaine out of their backpacks. They prolly are just regular guys experimenting.

You should be thankful you have roommates that you have. Like someone else said their "homophobic" comments sound like nothing more than straight guy posturing to prove their "manliness". They prolly are not truly homophobic at all.

A much worse and possible alternative would be religious nut roommates who are really homophobic and would be most likely rigid on their views of homosexuality.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>You should be thankful you have roommates that you have.

Well, let's not go nuts here. His roommates just haven't called Nickelback "totally gay", or jokingly referred to each other as "fag". They've specifically said how much they dislike fags, and how horrible it'd be to have a gay roommate.. He's really supposed to be thankful for that?

Lex