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i have a problem with my college roommates, what should i do?

^Ok thankful may be a bit much. But I just think the upside is they dont seem to have religious bias. They seem to have no real reasoning other than "gay is weird" which can and often does change quite easily.
 
rareboy said:
Oh right. Let's be clear here.

Running and tattling is a sign of serious personality disorder. It is the refuge of those who want to wield power but lack the balls to do it by demonstrating positive leadership.

It is a way for cowards and the intellectually and emotionally impotent to gain control over others.

That is what happened here in the first instance.

Someone who found themselves out of their depth and panicked over not having control immediately hauled ass over to the mom surrogate on campus without even trying to deal with the issue himself.

So it isn't that you look like an asshole when you tattle. You appear to be what you are; a disturbed neurotic.
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This advice is totally out to lunch. it is so far out to lunch that it probably required reservations months in advance at the restaurant where this lunch is taking place.

In fact, if this advice actually touched good advice, they would probably annihilate each other and emit gamma rays. By all means let us do the opposite of everything implied in the post above.
 
^ Well we know there's one more person who is ready to rat out everyone at every whipstitch when they aren't doing what they ought to.

Sorry. I've seen way more of this behaviour than you've even thought of.

I know the motivation. It is never about doing the 'right' thing. It is inevitably about gaining control.

But hey...go ahead and knock yourself out informing on everyone about everything.
 
It is so fucking ridiculous how some of you guys are treating this poor kid.

Calling him heterophobic because he doesn't want to go to a club with his HOMOPHOBIC straight roommates are be pressured into talking about girls, going with girls, etc. They assume that he's straight. There's nothing heterophobic about him not wanting to go out with them just because he knows they will say stupid things and pressure him into playing it straight.

As for you, aekid, yes, go join the GSA at your school. Make friends. Do come out, because it will be the best thing to ever happen to you. To be flooded with acceptance of yourself and honesty... I can understand why you don't want to come out to your asshole roommates right now, and I still think you should get out of there as soon as possible. Ignore the people saying you should "get to know them" - fuck that. It's not your job to educate the ignorant. Unless it's obvious that their homophobic posturing is nothing more than a display of macho-ness, don't try to talk to them. I mean, if I were there, I would totally make out with you in front of them and let them deal with it, but I think you just need to get out of there ASAP. And your RA sounds like an idiot - I agree with what someone else said - sitting down with them and having a session about your gayness isn't the answer... roommates that don't hate gay people is the answer. If you make friends in the GSA, try to find someone that runs the club, make a fuss about it. Get riled up. Make a lot of gay friends and crash on someones couch for a while. I know that where I live, the gay community is so strong, everyone has each other's back. Network!! You'd be surprised how many fellow LGBT people would be willing to go out of their way to help you out. With open arms, man. Good luck.
 
bankside said:
This advice is totally out to lunch. it is so far out to lunch that it probably required reservations months in advance at the restaurant where this lunch is taking place.

In fact, if this advice actually touched good advice, they would probably annihilate each other and emit gamma rays. By all means let us do the opposite of everything implied in the post above.
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No, I think he was pretty spot on with that analysis.
 
aekid89 said:
My counselor suggested that I come out to my roommates when I feel comfortable and not pressured. He told me to try and talk to them more and see if we have some things in common and try to go from there. and that if things dont work out, we should at least tolerate each other and be respectful of each other.
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That's very good advice.

aekid89 said:
Anyways I think they might know im gay, because when I talk to them or say Im leaving they never talk back to me.
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Are you only talking to them to say "I'm leaving"? If so, that doesn't surprise me too much. It takes two parties to have a conversation.

Maybe try sitting down sometime and socializing a bit more when they are there.
 
The only conversation that starts by introducing yourselves to your new roommate with a sewer full of homophobia is the conversation that should happen between the school and the roommates about how eviction works.

Those guys are the cowards and the low-lifes. Nobody has to deal with that in their own home. Nobody would expect a reasonable person to "get to know them better."
 
Sometimes gay people get too obsessed with their sexuality and relate everything to it. They could be not particularly social with you because they can sense that you are uncomfortable/ a bit judgmental of their lifestyle, and not because they know you're gay. They could possibly just realize you are not their style, which is fine. It's something you just have to endure. As long as they are not threatening you physically/verbally or making homophobic comments toward you, you have no reason to be moved.

I had a roommate who I could NOT stand. He NEVER left the room except for classes and he was rude to my friends whent hey came over. I had to just suck it up. Some people have a roommate who is their best friend some have shitty ones.

Aside from the perceived homophobia your roommates do seem like they would annoy me too. I cannot stand straight guys that are always trying to score. I'm unamused by all that frat guy bullshit. Your best bet still is to ride it out. DOnt go to the RA unless you have to. But you definitely need to get some balls. I can predict for sure there is gonna come a time in this room where you are gonna have lay down the law. but whenever you do just demand that they respect you. do not threaten to tell the RA. that will not be good.
 
aekid89 said:
Im just not very compatable with them, but we do tolerate each other and talk about some things. I did make some friends on campus though so its getting better.
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That sounds good. I hope things get better for you.
 
hotatlboi said:
What will that solve?

Nothing if he doesn't want to come out and doesn't have someone specific in mind that he wants to share a room with.

He would get a bunch more random people, who's to say that situation would be any better? Maybe he gets a bunch of bible thumpers and the situation is worse.

What is the housing director going to do, ask the new roommates whether they would be ok with a closeted gay guy living with them? Oops, can't do that because then he would be out to them, lol.

I hope you see where this is going.

Again I'm not saying he has to come out, but if he isn't ready to I don't see how the situation will improve except as a result of his effort to get along with these people.
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I did suggest that he could come out to only the housing director, if he feels comfortable enough to do it, because it seems to me someone in that position may know of ways to help. It would probably mainly involve referring him to the GLBT groups on campus, which is still my main suggestion. The point is to come out, for now, to only people he is certain will accept him for who he is, like those at the gay & lesbian group(s), and get help primarily from those people.

This should be far easier than coming out to a bunch of weirdos who seem to wear their homophobia like a perverse badge of honor. I'm sure as time goes by and he grows a little older and more comfortable with himself, he'll gradually become much bolder about coming out and standing up against such people who casually insult and demean gays. Right now, he's just not at that point, which is a notion that the posters who call for him to "grow balls" seem to be missing (aside from being rude, for starters).

He shouldn't have to resign himself to "get along" with homophobic (and generally obnoxious) people. He shouldn't have to waste his time and energy trying to convince anyone that he's a good person. If the others have some preconceived negative assumption about him, then that's their problem that they themselves created. Does it honestly sound, given their general demeanor, that they'll ever get along, even if he does come out to them, or puts his foot down on any other issue? And, isn't he also outnumbered? I don't think life in that room can get any better for him, no matter what he does, so he needs to find another arrangement.

But, at least he's making new friends. That should certainly help his housing situation down the line (move in with some of those friends).
 
One thing to realize that if you have 3 gay roommates you may find yourself in much of a same situation. There's a strong possibility that they like to party and get trashed. And if they like to get wasted, there's a strong possibility that they use drugs. And, instead of pining over girl, they would probably score men and bring them home.

The point is, you're going to have to tolerate each other better. This will get better as you have more experience. It's always hard to go from comfy home to dorm life with freaks. Aren't any of them good looking enough that you would take one aside and just talk to him, maybe he'll put in a good word.

I knew your therapist would suggest you find common ground. A good one is, eating. Or if they ever study ever, go to the library with them. Another one is going to the store.

smn, of course he's not there to educate his roomates. but if they can dish it, they can take him calling them out on stuff every once in awhile.
 
spencer said:
One thing to realize that if you have 3 gay roommates you may find yourself in much of a same situation. There's a strong possibility that they like to party and get trashed. And if they like to get wasted, there's a strong possibility that they use drugs. And, instead of pining over girl, they would probably score men and bring them home.

The point is, you're going to have to tolerate each other better. This will get better as you have more experience. It's always hard to go from comfy home to dorm life with freaks. Aren't any of them good looking enough that you would take one aside and just talk to him, maybe he'll put in a good word.

I knew your therapist would suggest you find common ground. A good one is, eating. Or if they ever study ever, go to the library with them. Another one is going to the store.

smn, of course he's not there to educate his roomates. but if they can dish it, they can take him calling them out on stuff every once in awhile.
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At this point, I'm sure he can't wait for the time to come when he has his own apartment. I know when I finally moved into my own place after all that time with roommates and housemates I was so pleased. Just not having to deal with all the nonsense brought on by people with different lifestyles (not just sexual orientation, but in general) living close together in the same space was a huge relief and a definite increase in the quality of life.
 
aijalon18 said:
Sometimes gay people get too obsessed with their sexuality and relate everything to it. They could be not particularly social with you because they can sense that you are uncomfortable/ a bit judgmental of their lifestyle, and not because they know you're gay. They could possibly just realize you are not their style, which is fine. It's something you just have to endure. As long as they are not threatening you physically/verbally or making homophobic comments toward you, you have no reason to be moved.
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Are you fucking BLIND? He's a GAY PERSON living with guys who say that they HATE GAY PEOPLE. Do the math! Gay people don't get too obsessed with their sexuality, it's just that a lot of fucking people hate us so it's a big deal and it affects our lives in multifaceted ways. He's not judgmental of their lifestyle, they're judgmental of HIS. Just because they aren't fucking directly verbally or physically threatening him does not mean they aren't making him feel extremely unwelcome and uncomfortable in his own home - they are HOMOPHOBIC. I don't know why this is so hard for people to comprehend.

Any news, aekid?
 
smn, most people fear something they are ignorant or never been exposed to it. take another gay guy, a stronger one, put him in that space and he they might actually change.

This is college, these aren't people that have fully grown up. That's the difference. Even his therapist said he should open lines of communcation. You know how many new and different things come about from college. College kids are open minded and if not, find out how difficult it is to not be.

People need to work on not being able to change. And its your opinion that keeps the wedge in that divide.

That being said, I agree with you that this guy isn't a fit for his roomates. But there's not much he can do about it. So what is your actual advice for him, he's pretty much stuck.
 
He's not judgmental of their lifestyle, they're judgmental of HIS. Just because they aren't fucking directly verbally or physically threatening him does not mean they aren't making him feel extremely unwelcome and uncomfortable in his own home - they are HOMOPHOBIC. I don't know why this is so hard for people to comprehend.
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You didn't read this thread very carefully, did you?

The OP was very judgmental. In fact, he leapt to great conclusions without anything to go on except for a few random comments. He did not tell them he was gay. So as far as they knew, they were just living with some unpleasant and unsocial character.

A lot of times, self-professed homophobes come right around when they find that the guy they are friends with or having a pleasant association with just happen to like cock and feel stronger emotional bonds with guys than girls.

aijalon put the point very well.
 
^Thank you. I wasnt sure how I was gonna defend myself to this nonsense but you did it just fine. Thanks for the other advice too.
 
aijalon18 said:
Sometimes gay people get too obsessed with their sexuality and relate everything to it. They could be not particularly social with you because they can sense that you are uncomfortable/ a bit judgmental of their lifestyle, and not because they know you're gay. They could possibly just realize you are not their style, which is fine. It's something you just have to endure. As long as they are not threatening you physically/verbally or making homophobic comments toward you, you have no reason to be moved.

I had a roommate who I could NOT stand. He NEVER left the room except for classes and he was rude to my friends whent hey came over. I had to just suck it up. Some people have a roommate who is their best friend some have shitty ones.

Aside from the perceived homophobia your roommates do seem like they would annoy me too. I cannot stand straight guys that are always trying to score. I'm unamused by all that frat guy bullshit. Your best bet still is to ride it out. DOnt go to the RA unless you have to. But you definitely need to get some balls. I can predict for sure there is gonna come a time in this room where you are gonna have lay down the law. but whenever you do just demand that they respect you. do not threaten to tell the RA. that will not be good.
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What he said.

Even if you don't come out, you can step up to the plate. Imagine if they used the N* word for black people. You would say something like, "Although I'm not black, I find your use of the N* word disgusting. Would you mind not using it when I'm around? Thanks."

Just substitute "gay" for "black" and "fag" for "N*".

At that point, they'll get the hint that you're gay and unwilling to come out, and they'll tone it down around you. Or, they'll prove that they really are homophobes and make comments about you, and that's when you demand new roommates--or that they get disciplined for their comments.
 
Your roommates sound like douchebags anyway so I wouldn't even bother trying to come out to them. Make some friends who you're compatible with and feel you could come out to and as soon as you can select one of them as your new roommate(s). Until then just be civil with your roommates but lay low.
 
No I've talked to him we both live in the same city and he doesn't go to UCF.
 
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