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I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke...

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Mary was only a virgin if ye don't count anal...

Think that may be my new sig.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A man was watching his dog lick himself on his balls.
He turned to his friend and said, "Damn, I wish I could do that !"

To which his friend said,
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"Well yeah, me too. But don't you think it would piss off the dog ? "
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

SHITE!

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Well, Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon...and Michael Jackson fucks wee boys up the arse.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

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Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

How do you stop a toddler crying? Take yer dick out its arse and stick it in its mouth.

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex very much? A rape victim.

Why does James Franco cry during sex? Mace.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Rape is never a laughing matter....



Unless you're raping a clown.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

...in the worst way.

I really need a good laugh, preferably one in questionable taste.

Questionable taste :) ? Well remembering a recent thread, I remeberd this one a straight buddy told me.

Q: What's blue and only moving between kitchen, toilet and bedroom all day?
A: Everbody can paint his wife as he sees fit.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Those are awful! [-X

:badgrin:

(caution: the next joke isn't for the faint of heart)






A guy hires a Male prostitute and they go back to the hotel where the guy begins plowing the prostitute's ass.

He complains that it's like fucking sandpaper.

The prostitute apologizes, retires to the restroom for a few minutes and returns.

The other guy starts plowing away, and says, "That's great! What did you do?"






The prostitute replies, "I removed the scabs."

:eek:


And let the pus flow---
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Two nuns are abducted and are being raped in an alley. The first nun starts to pray "forgive them father they know not what they do". The second Nun says "speak for yourself, this one does."

I certainly do. :cool:
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Q: How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate?
A: She read her own lips
Q: Why did she only ever masturbate with her left hand?
A: She liked to groan with the right.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Q:Why does Jesus hate M&M's?
A:They fall through the holes in his hands.

Q:What was the last thing Jesus said?
A: Don't any of you fuckers eat my easter eggs. I'm coming back on Monday!
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A vicar is on a train and this pregnant woman gets on and sits down opposite him.

As they travel the vicar is reading his newspaper and the woman takes out her knitting.

As she is knitting, about every 20 minutes she reaches into her bag and pulls out a bottle of pills from which she takes one and swallows it.

This goes on for about an hour when the vicar sees the label "Thalidomide" on the bottle.

"Excuse me", says the vicar to the woman, "Do you know the effect that could have on your unborn child?"

"Yes," says the woman. "I never could knit sleeves."
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Peter met Sharon in a nightclub.

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

For the first few weeks, all goes well; a shopkeeper shortchanges a customer - he assigns 1 Our Father; a lady commits adultery - he assigns 5 Hail Marys. He starts to relax - and then a young woman comes into the confessional, and confesses to giving a stranger a blowjob. The priest looks at the list - and can't find it anywhere. He starts to panic, and opens the door of the confessional, beckoning one of the altar boys over
"Quickly!" he says, "What did the old priest give for a blowjob?"

"A kit-kat" replies the lad.


Three priests are out taking three choirboys fishing, when the boat starts to sink.
"We've got to save the boys!" screams the first priest.
"Fuck the boys!" roars the second.
The third looks nervously at the water flooding the boat and asks "Do you think we've got time?"
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Little johnny runs into his mother and says "mummy can you show me a magic trick"
His mother replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your father"
so little johnny runs to his father and says "Daddy daddy can you show me a magic trick?"
His father replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your grandfather"
So little johnny runs to his grandfathers and said "granddad granddad can you show me a magic trick?"
His grandfather replies "sure johnny turn around and pull your pants down, now can you feel me thumb up your arse?"
"Yes i can" johnny replied.

"Look no hands."
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

...in the worst way.

I really need a good laugh, preferably one in questionable taste.

Lay them on me. ..|

If you really do want a filthy, raunchy joke do yourself a favor and rent this movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/

It is about the filthiest and raunchiest joke possible. Well worth the money.
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Here is to you Transpogue, your avi inspired this one.

A cowboy walks into a gay saloon and says, "I hear Big Balls the roughest, toughest, meanest male whore this side of the Colorado works here." "He sure does," replies the bartender. "Upstiars, first door on the right."

The cowboy buys two bottles of beer and runs up the stairs to Big Balls room. He burst in and asks, "Are you Big Balls, the roughest, toughest, meanest male whore this side of the Colorado?"

"I sure am," replies Big Balls, who then pulls down his chaps, and grabs his ankles. "Don't you want a drink first?" asks the cowboy. "Why do you think I'm lying like this? asks Big Balls. "Hurry up and get the caps off them bottles?"

Shep+:badgrin:
 
Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A a gay guy walks into a bar and sits next to a cowboy.

Cowboy, says to the bartender--"Man, I am so hungry I could eat a cow."

Gay guy looks up and replies--"Moo-moo buckeroo"


Always broke 'em up in the sixth grade. :cool:
 
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