I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke...

[texpatriot]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A little Japanese guy walks into a Gay Bar.

He walks up to the bar and yells, "Hey Cocksucker! Give me ta-key-wa!"

The bartender asks what kind, and the Japanese guy says, "Topper Sheff."

The Bartender gives him a shot of top shelf tequila, and the Japanese guy slams it down and throws the shot glass onto the bar and screams, "Hey Cocksucker! Give me ta-key-way!"

The Gay Bartender is getting a little annoyed at how rude this guy is, and gives him another shot of top shelf tequila.

The little Japanese guy slams down the shot and throws the shot glass onto the bar and screams, "Hey Cocksucker! Give me ta-key-wa!"

The Gay Bartender looks at the little Japanese guy and says, "Look pal, I don't know who you think you are; walking into a Gay bar, and talking to me like this, so why don't you get on this side of the bar, and I'll come around and show you what it's like to be talked to that way."

The little Japanese guy presses his palms together, bows slightly and says, "Ah-So!"

At that point the Gay Bartender and the little Japanese guy trade spaces, and the Gay Bartender says, "Hey Chink! Give me a drink!"







The little Japanese guy says, "Ah! So sorry! We no serve Cocksucker here."

 

[DeafFoxDemon]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

lol, i like that joke

 

[jesusfarts]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

knock knock
who's there?
vag
vag who

VAGINA!

 

[alley]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left.

One guy says "Lets flip for it"

But another says "No, Lets flip it over"

 

[DeafFoxDemon]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Yo momma so old, when the good lord said let there be light and she flip the switch....

 

[JSB_01]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Three random ones I can remember:

What does a blond say after multiple orgasms?
.
.
.
Way to go, team!!!
=======================

Your mom is loose she jerks herself with the fat end of a baseball bat.

=======================

This man meets a girl at a bar one night and he notices she keeps touching herself (down there!). He's so turned on that one thing leads to another and they end up at his place. They end up undressed, and as he kisses her he moves his hand down and goes to town on her with his fingers. He rubs and fingers her for thirty minutes, and the whole time she's writhing and moaning. He gets tired, so he pulls away for a second, and she IMMEDIATELY puts her hand down there to pick up where he left off. A bit confused, he asks, "Am I not satisfying you?"
She replies, "Yeah, but these crabs are killing me!"

 

[Lostlover]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Those are awful!



(caution: the next joke isn't for the faint of heart)






A guy hires a Male prostitute and they go back to the hotel where the guy begins plowing the prostitute's ass.

He complains that it's like fucking sandpaper.

The prostitute apologizes, retires to the restroom for a few minutes and returns.

The other guy starts plowing away, and says, "That's great! What did you do?"






The prostitute replies, "I removed the scabs."

Okay, this one took the cake.

Disgusting!

 

[landers]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A doctor has sex with one of his patients but feels guilty about it afterward. As he's wrestling with his conscience the little angel and devil appear over each shoulder.

"You're a man, you have needs" the devil says, "every doctor sleeps with a patient at least once so don't worry about it."

"Wake up!" the angel says, "you're a fucking veterinarian!"

 

[Pushover]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Little Tommy was standing in front of his mother.

"Tommy, I want you to take off mommy's dress." His mother says. Tommy does so.

"Tommy, I want you to take off mommy's bra." She said, and Tommy obeys.

"I want you to take off mommy's panties, Tommy." His mother told him. Tommy obeys again.

His mother looks down at him. "Now, Tommy, I don't want to see you wearing my clothes ever again."

 

[teadrinker]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Jim and Edna were two 96 year old residents of "The Laurels" nursing home. They became very fond of each other, and in spite of their age, decided to get married. Before they did, though, Edna said: "No sex - I'm too old, and I've had enough for one lifetime", and Jim agreed.

On their first night together, after they'd got into bed together, Jim said: "Edna..."

"Now, as I said - no sex." replied Edna.

"Yes, I know," said Jim, "but if you'd just, you know, hold it, it will help me get to sleep."

"I suppose I could do that," said Edna. So she reached into his pyjama pants, wrapped her hand around his penis, and they both fell asleep.

After a few months of this, Jim announced one day: "Edna - I want a divorce - I've met another woman".

Edna was shocked: "Who?"

"Doris from The Glades - I met her at an outing last month."

"That old drooler!" shrieked Edna, "What's she got that I haven't got?"

Jim smiled slyly and said: "Parkinson's Disease."

-T.

 

[frankfrank]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Q:Why does Jesus hate M&M's?
A:They fall through the holes in his hands.

Q:What was the last thing Jesus said?
A: Don't any of you fuckers eat my easter eggs. I'm coming back on Monday!

Why didn't Jesus get accepted at University?

Because he got nailed on the Boards.

 

[Ram]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

China has announced it's team for the Paralympics:

Fu Kin Mong, Sim Pal Twat, Wan Lim Gon, Fut Long Tung, Won Kee Eye and Mai Lef Fut

 

[Ram]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

What's the most popular pick up line at the gay bar?

May I push in your stool?

 

[Ram]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

Get it?

 

[Ram]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

"There's just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don't know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently.
"Um, excuse me," says the West Indian, "but I think it's fairly obvious that this is my son."
The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you're coming from, mate, but one of these babies is Welsh and I'm not prepared to take the risk.

(...and that's why BenF's parents are black. Mystery solved)


Why can't Welsh people count sheep to help them get to sleep?

'coz, when they get to five, they've gotta stop and have a wank.

 

[giorgiobaby]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

A man is sitting at his favorite pub, he tells the bartender...I have to quit drinking. My wife says she's gonna leave me if I don't.

The bartender says "No, what you do is you drink longer and harder, and then you go home and go down on your wife, she won't care what you do if you keep her happy.

So the guy goes home and enters his bedroom, he picks up the covers and the foot of the bed and crawls under and proceeds to go down on his wife, she starts moaning and thrashing around and has a huge orgasm.

So the guy crawls back down to the end of the bed and puts down the covers and walks to the bathroom to wash his face, he opens the bathroom door and it swings open and slams into the wall, his wife is standing there and says "be quiet or you'll wake up mother"

 

[Ram]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

Since my lovely old gran turned senile, all she does all day is just stare through the window.

I suppose one day I'll get round to letting her come in.


Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.


In the pits of hell, Ram will burn.

 

[EwanSF]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

What's the difference between japanese and chinese people?


Fuck knows.

 

[giorgiobaby]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

what's blue and rolling around in the corner?
a baby rolling around in a plastic bag.

what's green in the corner two weeks later?
the same baby

 

[Stdonceup]

Re: I Need your Filthiest, Raunchiest, Worst Joke.

One day a father of three young children was sitting in the livingroom reading his paper when his first child walked up to him;
"Daddy," she said with all the innocence of the world in her voice, "why did you name me Lilly?"
The father looked down at her and placed his finger on her fore head and said, "Honey, it's because when you were born and still in the hospital a lilly petal fell on your head and your mother and I decided to name you after it."
Satisfied with the answer she skipped away.
The father went back to reading his paper and a second child came running up and, while tugging on his pant leg said, "Daddy, why did you name me Rose?"
The father looked down at her, put his finger on her forehead and said, "Honey, it's because when you were born and still in the hospital a rose bud fell on your head and your mother and I decided to name you after it."
Satisfied with the response she skipped away to play.
just then a voice that was more than a bit slurred and garbled, "Da-thel-y?"
The father then lowered his paper and shouted out, "What is it Cynderblock?"