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I Sucked A Straight Friend, Now He Acts Strange

R

Romalotti

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Two nights ago I got wasted with my co-worker/friend Tom. He's 22 years old, hot as fuck and for the 3 years I've known him, he was as straight as they come. He's always known that I was bisexual and seemed cool with it, even if he did make a few jokes about me now & then. Anyway, we got drunk the other night and I ended up sucking his dick. It was fucking great at the time! He didn't reciprocate or anything, he just sat back on my sofa with his hands behind his head while I knelt and sucked him, but that was ok with me. He came in my mouth, then quickly jumped up and called his friend to pick him up -- he was out the door right after his phone call was done.

I'm starting to think that even though I got to mess around with this guy I've wanted for years, it might have been a mistake because at work yesterday he barely spoke to me all day. Things seem weird now and I don't know what to do. He was the one who initiated things by talking about how he needed a blowjob and then asking me if I wanted to suck his dick. Maybe he's afraid I'll tell someone, maybe he just feels awkward about it. What can I say to clear the air about this with him?
 
"It was just a blow job, not a marriage proposal."
 
Unfortunately, this is one of those occasions where it should have been kept a fantasy and kept in the casual flirtation stage.

As Tony Soprano said, "You can't put shit back in the donkey.".

Right now, he's all weirded out because he feels a bit dirty, maybe a bit "gay" for doing that. He wants to distance himself from anything that reminds him of that, and part of that means you. He's probably going to reassert his heterosexuality in loud, obvious ways, so that he is sure everyone knows he's str8- but its really not for them, its for him.

This actually happened to me as well, two summers ago. It ruined a really good friendship. My friend pulled the same stuff afterwards as well, and was actually a real shit about it. He did everything he could to "hurt" me to try and make me feel bad about what happened, to compensate for his own personal guilt. He backtalked me to my friends, and did a bunch of small, petty, childish behaviours.

Although what happened between us ruined our friendship, I do not feel guilt or shame. He and I had a great relationship as friends, and when we had sex it was between two consenting adult. It was a natural evolution in what we had to take it to the next level and be intimate. We both had a great time. It was his personal issues that ruined it, and his immaturity and behaviour afterward that destroyed whatever chance there was for us to regain a friendship.

I hope you can reclaim your friendship. You need to try.
 
Corny said:
well lesson learned i hope ..
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My thoughts exactly.

Drunken encounters don't make for the best "morning after" conversations. He could be confused, regretful, guilty, sad, scared, angry, happy, indifferent, busy...a combination of some or all of the above.

Give it time, and see if things chance. If not, the only way to know what's bothering him is to ask. I'd personally go for an open ended question rather than a specific one but depends on the situation.
 
So you sucked him off and you thought things would just magically go back to the way they were, didn't you? Like it never happened. The guy who was supposed to be your friend was in an intoxicated state, and you took full advantage of him, even if you're friend wasn't straight I wouldn't blame him for being upset. I don't mean to sound harsh, but speaking from a legal and ethical standpoint, you broke the rules. If he would not have consented in a sober state, it was wrong. Let this be a lesson. I'm all for drinking and getting wild, but don't do anything that would jeopardize your friendship with people in the process, or put you in an awkward situation in the morning after.
 
Should have told him thanks, but I value your friendship. Cus this freaked him out and he has guilt issues now.

He is afraid of many things right now and does not know what to do. But his nornal reaction is just to clam up and say nothing.

I would try to talk to him and tell him your sorry if he feels wierd and it was not meant to hurt him. Blame it on the booze if you need to. And just tell him that it will never happen again and agin that you value his frienship and want to stay friends.

Hopefully that will work, if not you may have lost a friend over a Bj..
 
People are allowed to have consensual sex when drunk. People are allowed to initiate consensual sex when drunk, even if they regret it the next day and act all weird about it.

If anyone wants to go looking to blame someone, it is just as likely that the "straight" guy used alcohol to lower the gay guy's inhibitions so the "straight" guy could explore a fantasy he maybe considers shameful. If this scenario had played out between a straight man and a straight woman, nobody would even be questioning the motive of the one giving the blow job.
 
bankside said:
People are allowed to have consensual sex when drunk. People are allowed to initiate consensual sex when drunk, even if they regret it the next day and act all weird about it.

If anyone wants to go looking to blame someone, it is just as likely that the "straight" guy used alcohol to lower the gay guy's inhibitions so the "straight" guy could explore a fantasy he maybe considers shameful. If this scenario had played out between a straight man and a straight woman, nobody would even be questioning the motive of the one giving the blow job.
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I didn't motive was in question here, Bankside.

And I agree - people are allowed to initiate and engage in consensual sex when drunk, but just because you're allowed to do something doesn't necessarily mean you should.

As for the scenario playing out between a man and a woman - well - in this case, the OP and the straight guy are friends. If a man and a woman were friends and they slept together, or the woman blew the man whilst drunk, I am not sure things could go back to the way they were (i.e., as if nothing happened).

It's a difficult situation for the OP - potentially alienating a close friend.
 
Hmmmm....Out of curiosity, did he ask you to suck his dick and/or have any kind of discussion about it beforehand? Also, have you had/do you have feelings for him? If so, does he know?

I guess there are different ways to look at the situation; he could feel guilty because he may have felt he was using you just as an excuse to get off, and it now makes things a bit awkward for him. A lot of straights will never admit it, but I feel like they're all curious at some point in their lives about doing stuff with other males (just my opinion). Being that you're bi, he must have thought you'd be the right one to experiment with. He could be afraid you want to try pushing things to the next level.
On the other hand, he may have thought you were trying to take advantage of him while he was wasted.

Anyway, I think you should just casually talk with him without bringing up the incident and try to act like a normal friend around him. Give it a few days and if he's still acting strange, then you should try to find out what his deal is. Let him know how important the friendship is to you. Also, it's only been one day that he didn't really talk to you.
 
I agree with catee. Have normal conversations with him, let him know that things haven't dramatically changed. When he sees you aren't making a big deal out of it, neither will he.
 
all u can do is bide your time, and be sure you are not acting any differently towards him since it went down. comntinue to treat him as a friend as you did before. the thing is, is that you cant take it back, and you cant regret it, so just move on with life and try to be the friend you were before. if he is a friend then eventually he will come around.
 
scrapple said:
I agree with catee. Have normal conversations with him, let him know that things haven't dramatically changed. When he sees you aren't making a big deal out of it, neither will he.
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i agree. don't mention it at all just have normal conversation and that will let him know it wasn't a big deal and maybe he'll adjust to it.
 
I haven't read the whole thread just the OP first post. But im sure someone has said it.

Dont eat where you shit. Meaning it was a bad idea to have sex with a co-worker. I have done it before and it caused problems. Of course there are times where it will work out but you should really avoid it.

As for what to say, just tell him that you won't tell anyone and its between you and him. But try not to bring it up until he says something or until you and him possibly do this again. Shit happens and you can't go back in time. Of course it will be awkward for him, he is pretty much in your situation just he is straight.
 
You have an excellent attitude about your experience,Halifaxboy8. Admirable. How shitty of him to get all scaredy-cat afterwards, like a lot of straight guys. And they call us "sissies"?!!!
 
He is probably confused right now after you blowing him - is he bi/straight/gay.... Also - here are some words to live with - don't shit where you eat. Work is work and outside of work is outside of work - the two should never become intertwined.
 
i thought when people are drunk they can't remember a thing ...
Just say you can't remember sucking him. :badgrin:






just kidding
 
Try letting him know that you are sorry and that you were both drunk and that you will not tell anyone. Then go and tell him you only have one life and at least you got your dick sucked by a guy and now that you tried it you can still be straight. If this were me and he blamed it on me after I talked to him, I would be so mad, though I wouldn't have done it.
 
Don't discuss it at all with him. That will make him even more uncomfortable. He's uncomfortable about it so don't talk about it.

If you want to make him comfortable around you like he was before the suck job then just start acting like it never happened. Don't act differently around him. Don't try for drama and talks.

Just say, "Hey, man, did you ever see that movie {fill in name}? It was funny as hell."

Then go about your work. Be casual, a bit distant yourself, but not at all different from how you were before you blew him.

I can't imagine you saying ANYTHING to him about that night that could make him feel comfortable if he's not feeling comfortable about it. You need to just leave it alone.

In no time you will be back to the friendship you had before the blowjob. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes back for another blow too.
 
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