Re: I Thought I Knew
Chapter 14
From Jess’ viewpoint
Billy came over to my house Monday evening to study and “whatever,” just like he had on so many evenings. But this night took an unexpected turn. This was the night that Billy . . . Well, I guess I should start at the beginning.
It started off normal enough. We talked about nothing much for 45 minutes and then started to really study. After about 30 minutes, Billy broke the silence, looking over at me and saying in a very serious voice, “We’ve gotta talk.”
I immediately thought something was wrong. Some bad news was coming.
“We’ve been trying for almost two weeks now to put our friendship back the way it was,” Billy said. “You know, best buds, no sex. I really thought it might work. But it hasn’t. Not for me anyway. You were honest with me about being gay and, as hard as that was for me to hear, I’m glad you were honest with me. It’s made me do a lot of soul searching and I’ve learned a lot about myself going through all this . . . this gay stuff with you.”
I just listened as Billy continued to talk. Words that were obviously difficult for him to say were now pouring out straight from his heart. “You’re gay and you say you love me,” Billy said. “And I believe you. When you first told me, I thought I was different than you. That I felt different. But this week . . . fuck, this is hard. This week, I think maybe I’m not so different than you. I may have just the same feelings you have. I don’t want to hide them anymore. I need to understand them. I need to know what I am. What I really am. And what it is I’m really feeling. Do you understand?”
“I do,” I said hopefully and nodded agreement, even though I wasn’t really sure that I did understand. I thought and hoped that Billy was trying to tell me that he might be gay and in love with me. It didn’t seem right, but the words . . . his words . . .
I think maybe I’m not so different than you. I may have just the same feelings you have. I don’t want to hide them anymore. . . . the same feelings you have . . . the same feelings you have. . . .
Billy was staring at me, obviously expecting more of a reply. “I think it’s great,” I stammered. “What can I say . . . do to help?”
“I want to go out some night soon. Just the two of us. Spend some serious time together. You know, so we can explore how we feel about each other. Share whatever comes naturally. I don’t want any more pretending or stupid limits. I want us both . . . each of us . . . to be who we really are and then we will know just what it means . . . just how we really feel . . . about each other . . . and stuff. How does that sound to you?”
I was floating. I could imagine that night. Billy wanted to be alone with me to explore our feelings in a special way. And I wanted to be with him, too. Holding Billy in my arms. His warmth next to mine. Finally being able to tell him how I truly felt about him. And Billy telling me in return. I could see our future. Our future together. I could see us doing everything together. For years to come.
“Perfect,” I said.
“Tomorrow night?” Billy asked.
I was so lost in my thoughts of spending my life with my best friend, my true love, that I couldn’t make sense of what he was asking. I shook my head in confusion.
“Tomorrow night? Is that OK for us to hook up?” he asked.
We talked about where and how. His parents would be at home. So would mine. We needed a place where we could be alone as a couple to talk, to share, and to show our love. Finally, with nothing settled, Billy said not to worry, he’d take care of everything. He’d pick me up at 7:30.
* * *
Everything between that moment and the next evening was just a blur. I know I smiled a lot and couldn’t keep from staring at Billy whenever we were near each other in school that Tuesday.
When I came home after school, I tried on half a dozen shirts getting dressed for that evening. And I tried on as many jeans and cargo shorts. It's odd, but now I can’t remember what I wore.
At 7:15, Billy knocked at my front door. I’d told my Mom and Dad that we were going to study at the county library.
I remember Billy was wearing a new shirt that fit him great and the A&F jeans he’d been sporting recently. They fit him great, too. And he smelled so good. I didn’t remember him ever wearing cologne before. This really was like a date.
Billy said he knew a quiet place where we could be alone. I was in such a daze that I’m not sure where we went. Billy drove out into the country and finally he pulled off this dark country road and into what looked like a small subdivision where no houses had been built yet. He turned off the car. He turned off the lights. My heart was beating fast.
I had been rehearsing what I wanted to say first to him. How happy I was he wanted to be more than best friends. I turned to Billy to speak as he was putting his seat back as far as it would go. He told me to do the same to “get comfortable.” While I was struggling with the seat control, Billy must have unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. When I turned back, his fly was wide open and he was leisurely playing with his hardening cock. I didn’t know what to think.
“Feel free to join me,” he said. His cock was heavy and full. It moved back and forth as his fingers played with it.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, a bit uneasy with what was happening. How fast it was happening. Not even a kiss. Hardly even a word spoken. This is not what I had pictured.
“I just want us to explore how we feel about each other. What we want with each other and can do for . . . or to each other.” He flashed me his evil grin. “I don’t want to play games. I just want us to see where it goes. I think I can make you very happy.” That grin again.
Now Billy’s cock was hard and he was holding it in his hand only inches away from me. Smiling at me. Stroking his hard cock slowly, leisurely. Like he could sit there and do it all night.
“You’re gay and you love me,” he said. “If I’m gay and I love you, then this is as natural as can be,” Billy said and took my hand and placed it on his cock. His hard cock jumped as my fingers brushed against it. “Go ahead. Take good care of it,” Billy said, gesturing toward his cock with a nod of his head. “And I’ll take care of you.” With that he reached over and started to unbuckle my pants. His cock was very warm to the touch. I could feel it throbbing in my hand. Feel the pre-cum, Billy’s pre-cum, dripping down the shaft. The long hard shaft I was holding in my hand.
“We both want this, don’t we?” Billy said more than asked.
As his hand wrapped around my cock, my dick started to react to his touch. I felt the urges in my cock stir and my mind was flooded with memories of that recent morning in my room when he had held me so gently and eased my load from my hardened dick.
I made a noise I’d never made before, sort of like a cat purring. I scooted over so I could lean against Billy and rest my head on his shoulder as he caressed my cock and I caressed his.
Billy’s cock felt like fire in my hand and I could swear it was getting hotter. I rubbed the cooler pre-jizz into it like a salve. I stroked it in time to my own heartbeat, which sounded loud and clear in my ears. His pre-cum was making it easy for me to slide my hand up and down his love handle and I focused my mind on one thought: staying here by his side. Just the two of us.
“Play with my balls,” Billy murmured in my ear, a sound so gentle it was like a kiss. But the meaning of his words didn’t seem to penetrate my brain. I was lost in the wonder of the moment. “Play with my balls,” he repeated with more urgency. I complied.
I don’t know how long I had been sitting with Billy like this, dreaming of our life to come, when Billy put his hand over mine and started moving his hand and mine up and down his throbbing cock. And then he turned to face me, his teeth clenched. “I’m gonna cum,” he said and smiled his warmest, most loving smile at me.
“Then cum on me,” I said, remembering how I had first asked Justin to cum on me. It seemed like years ago, as the memory of his response echoed in my fevered brain. “Ask Billy . . . ask Billy . . . ask Billy.” Now I had asked him and he was going to do it. We were going to do it. Billy was going to cum on me.
Suddenly everything seemed a blur. Somehow Billy had gotten on top of me and was kissing me hard on the mouth. His tongue probing deep in my mouth. One hand pumping his cock. And he was cumming. Cumming all over my cock and balls. I’d seen him cum before and, while I couldn’t see him cumming now, I could feel his warm, sticky cum flowing over me. Like a baptism, I thought.
As his cum flow eased and his hard breathing started to return to normal, I remembered Justin’s story of turning 18. The twins. The cum. The feeling that he finally was really gay.
I wanted to share those kinds of feelings with Billy and hoped he was feeling them now just as I was. This made us more complete somehow. I hoped.
Then Billy got up and awkwardly scooted back into his own seat. I wished we were somewhere other than a car. The magic of the moment was interrupted by the cramped quarters. The need to rearrange ourselves. I wanted this to be perfect. Like it had been for Justin with the twins.
Billy was in the driver’s seat facing me now, fully bent at the waist. His face in my lap where he had just cum. His mouth, that had been passionately kissing me moments before, was now lapping up his own cum. His tongue running up and down and around my dick. Sucking the gooey liquid out of my pubes. Lapping at my balls.
Before I knew it, Billy’s entire attention was focused on my dick. Sucking it fervently. Within moments I came. I think he swallowed my seed. Holding me in his mouth. Sucking hard. Sucking me into him. Keeping me within him. At last, he collapsed back on top of me, exhausted by our mutual giving. He moved his face up toward mine. His breath was warm in my ear and I could smell my cum on his breath. Billy had my love juice . . . yes, mine . . . mingled with his . . . on his breath.
We didn’t say another word. We didn’t need to. Billy took me home and I snuck in quietly. No one saw me. No one heard.
I wish I had said to Billy, “So, how do you like it?” And flashed him the smile I save just for him. But the moment never seemed right. Anyway, I knew Billy liked what we had done. He had to.
It was not the night I had expected. But it had been a night of true passion and feeling between us. Love given freely and shared. Not the night as I would have planned it, but a night I would never forget. It was our beginning. I knew I was not exactly like Billy and Billy was not exactly like me. But we wanted each other. And together, I knew we could be one.
I slept with visions of Billy. Billy happily spent. His warm cum covering me like a blanket. Billy's warm body pressed close beside mine. Billy's breath warm against my ear. Billy and me together.
Chapter 14
From Billy’s viewpoint
I didn’t want to waste any time. I wanted to see what was going to happen. I had promised Justin I would give Jess a fucking blowjob and see if I liked it. I knew I’d liked giving Justin his blowjob. God, that had been fucking great.
So just one night after I gave Justin the first blowjob of my life and discovered how much I loved having his cock in my fucking mouth. His cum swirling round my tongue. Discovering the power and pleasure I could share with a man when his cock is in my mouth . . . A day after discovering all that, I was over at Jess’. I was determined to get this crazy uncertainty over with. I was scared. My mind was still struggling through all the possibilities. If I liked giving Jess a blowjob, I’m gay. If I don’t . . .
I couldn’t put up with the confusion and the turmoil in me any longer. During a lull in our studying, I blurted out, “Jess, I need for us to be together . . . alone . . . somewhere . . . and soon. Just you and me. I need to know what it's like to . . . you know, be with you . . . just the two of us. Like on a date or something. No rules or limits. Things are changing. I want to see if I have the same urges . . . same feelings as you do . . . This isn’t coming out very well. What I want to know is if you and I are the same way. If we want the same thing.”
“You think you might?” he stammered.
“I don’t know, but we’ve been trying to be best buds with no sex and that isn’t working. Not for me anyway. When you told me you were gay, I didn’t like hearing it. I didn’t understand it. Well, I’m starting to understand it. And I want to be honest about it. But I can’t figure out how we can still be best buds unless I can figure out if my feelings are more like yours than I thought they could be at first. This probably doesn’t make any sense to you. It hardly makes any sense to me. But I want us to spend some time together, to go on like a date, and just see what happens. I don’t want our friendship built on lies and half-truths. Do you want to try it? I think what I want to try . . . well it could make a gay guy like you fucking happy.”
Of course, Jess said yes.
I hadn’t explained myself very well. I don’t even think I told him I wanted to blow him.
It all scared the shit out of me. In the back of my mind I kept thinking: If I don’t like blowing Jess, what does that mean about me? About Justin? About Justin and me. But that was too far off to focus on. For now I needed to know about me and Jess and sex. At least me and Jess and a blowjob. Why was this so fucking difficult? I didn’t understand.
I picked Jess up the next evening at 7:30 as agreed. After a lot of arguing with myself, I decided to wear the jeans Justin had given me. I'm not sure I really know why, but I knew they always made me feel sexy. And I guess I thought I might need some help that night.
As Jess and I left his house, I knew he was still my best bud in the whole world. I kept reminding myself I wanted to feel sexy for him. I wanted to see if I couldn’t please him and be pleased by him. Whatever that might mean.
We went to a new subdivision that had streets and stuff, but no houses yet. It was dark and secluded. We could do whatever the fuck we wanted and no one would bother us. No one would know.
I parked the car. Jess and I moved the seats back to give us more room for the sex to come. We both sat there silent for a moment. An image of Justin casually playing with his cock filled my mind. I decided it was a sign and I took on the cool demeanor Justin so often showed. So relaxed about sex. So casual about his body. After all, he had said to me more than once, “It’s just sex.” I started to relax and get into the moment.
So I was stroking my cock. Getting hard. Feeling good. I thought Jess would just naturally join in. You know, play with his cock. Or my cock. Or maybe both. He didn’t do anything.
With a big hot hard-on in my hand, I was ready for some real action. “So what do you want to do? I’m yours for the taking and I’m ready to be taken,” I said. Jess was silent, just watching me play with my cock. “This isn’t a game anymore. Let’s explore how we can make each other happy. Make each other feel good,” I said, taking Jess' hand and putting it on my hard, hot, throbbing cock.
His hand was cold and clammy and the touch of it on my hot cock made me jump. Jess started stroking me, but he seemed distracted and far away as he slowly ran his palm up and down my hard-on. I reached over and opened his fly. He was completely soft. I went to work on his cock with my hand. That seemed to please him and he scooted over closer to me and finally started to groan.
But then nothing happened. He got a little harder, but not much. And his enthusiasm for jacking me off was barely enough to keep me hard. In frustration, I finally took his hand in mine and started jacking my cock good and proper with his fist. He seemed to get the idea and picked up the pace.
It seemed like forever, but finally I said, “I’m gonna cum.”
“It’s OK if it gets on me,” he said. Sad to say, those were the most erotic words he'd said all night. So I moved around so I could cum on his cock and balls. I got my rocks off finally and then I went fucking crazy. I lapped up my own cum, licking it out of his crotch where I’d blown a decent load . . . decent considering Jess’ lack of interest in the whole affair. I remember mostly how good my cum tasted. If it was an acquired taste, I’d certainly acquired it already.
As I savored my cum, I figured, what the fuck. As long as I was down there eating my own cum out of Jess’ crotch, I might as well suck him off. I had promised Justin I’d blow Jess and I was gonna fucking do it. He may not be in to it, I thought, but what the fuck. If Jess didn’t cum, at least I’d get to taste my own cum while I sucked him.
So I started sucking. He never even got hard, but he did cum. It wasn’t much, but I heard him moan and then I tasted his salty cum in my mouth. Not like Justin’s. Not like mine. Not sweet at all.
That was it. I took him home. Mission accomplished. Blowjob delivered as promised.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I don’t think I said another word to Jess. Now that I think about it, he didn’t say anything either.
I really didn’t care. My mind had already turned to trying to figure out the answers to all my questions? They were still unanswered as best I could tell. All I knew was I hadn’t really enjoyed a single minute of the entire evening. Well, maybe cumming. I always enjoy that. And eating my own cum was OK.
But I hadn’t felt anything for Jess. Except maybe pity. And feeling pity for your best bud is a shitty thing to feel. And if I felt pity for Jess, what should I feel for myself?
What had I learned about myself?
I didn’t have a clue.
.... As hurting as it is for you to read this chapter of the story, I'm sure the story of you guys will come to a full circle... HR will not let you nor anyone down.
.... hmm, agreeing with Chaz & Harry.... both 'came' but on a different plateau
having Billy & Jess going on a date. I'm still hoping that this story will eventually 'cum' to a full circle... right HR?
And obviously I didn't make matters any better. 
We are all captains of our own ship.
Or did you stroke? 
