^ Quite a bit (and thanks for the message of support)
I've stayed for over two weeks in Edinburgh now, but the money that I have immediately at hand is running out because of the high costs of hotels, B&B, parking charges, eating out, etc.
So I responded to one of the replies I got from the flatshare ad that my cousin helped me put up online. This was the only one from a gay guy (two gay guys actually) with a spare room going. I finally, after much delay, mustered up the courage to phone him. He told me that I was one day too late. He'd promised the room to someone else.
But, after an exchange of e-mails the next day, I asked if it was OK to drop in for a visit, just to see his place and get some advice. So after having to put aside my fears about him being a robber, rapist or murderer
and after spending a few minutes literally standing outside his door without the courage to do anything
I FINALLY knocked on the door and, of course, he was just an ordinary guy with a lot of good advice and contacts. One of the contacts is for someone who has apartments and rooms to let at variable rates. So, next Monday, I'll be viewing at least a couple of locations.
I was also at the careers advice centre and had a talk with someone there, and I also went to the job centre and looked at some of the vacancies there.
And on the social side, I've chatted to plenty of guys at the events I've gone to so far - it's REALLY helping me with my social skills, all these events (pride parade, drop-in centre, badminton, photography, support group) I'm gradually feeling more comfortable communicating more in groups.
So, I think the next step is to rent an apartment for a month, either by myself or sharing. It's what I want to do - Edinburgh is such a gay-friendly place, and I like going to these groups and clubs, even if I still don't talk as much as most people. I feel like I'm making good progress - all it needs is time. And after a month, who knows?
I think I could answer the questions a little better if I had an idea of your financial situation.
How could you afford to stay there? Who supports you when you are home? How would you afford to go to another city? Are you well off?
I have, through various circumstances and events over the last decade, acquired quite a large amount of money, all locked up in savings accounts. I'm actually going home (briefly) tomorrow for a few days to sort out my finances. Obviously, if I take up a rented apartment, and since I'm not working, living in a city won't be remotely sustainable, and I'll be making losses approaching £1,000 ($1,500)
This is something I need to talk with my dad about, which is why I'm going home for a few days. But actually, neither him nor myself particularly care about the money - we can both see how much happier I am living like this. I will just need to find some sort of work, and also downgrade to something cheaper after a month. That's assuming I stay. It seems increasingly likely.
You see where I'm heading; is this town just missing a man? If Mr. Right moved into the village, would you have any reason to go? Or are there many reasons to leave? I'm kind of a fan of small communities myself.
I suddenly feel like there are other factors to consider - there is simply NOTHING in the way of gay events and activities at home. It is only through me travelling to the city that all these new experiences and opportunities have come to light.
It would no doubt be different if you lived in a city all your life, but I've so very rarely been to cities that it's a very new and exciting change for me.
I apologize if I'm being rude in asking, but how old are you?
I'll be 34 at the end of this month. I realise now that I could NEVER have done this any earlier in my life. And, to be honest, I was beginning to fear that change would never happen. Various factors were responsible - personality disorder, depression, closed community, isolated location. They all combined to keep me mostly in the house for a lot of my life. It was never the case that I couldn't go out - it was just that I preferred to hide away on my own with the television and computer.
For the first time in my life, I'm feeling that that whole era of my life is behind me.
Here's to the future
it's never looked so good.
. 
