I'm continually amazed at the total lack of self-respect some people in the gay community have.
If people are against same-sex marriage, they're against gay people having a fundamental right: the right to choose whether, when, and with whom to get married. It's no less fundamental a right to choose a person of your own gender than it is to choose a person of a different race.
Saying "you have equal rights because you could marry a woman" is no better than saying "you have equal rights because you could marry a person of your own race" or even "we have complete freedom of religion in this country--Jews can accept Jesus just like anyone else."
That is: it's stupid, it's bigoted, and it's unAmerican.
I won't be friends with stupid bigoted unAmerican people. If a friend of mine said "I don't hate black people, I just think they're lazy" I would say "call me when you've rethought that. Until then, don't call me at all, because you're a racist and I don't want to be friends with racists." (POI, that's me in my avatar, which actually makes my skin look darker than it really is. I'm "so white I significantly contribute to the albedo of the planet.") If someone said "I don't mind that you're Pagan but I don't think Pagan rituals should be allowed. I'm voting for a law to ban them," I would tell that person "Really? I didn't realize you were my enemy. Goodbye."
People who don't believe in same-sex marriage can by all means refrain from marrying someone of the same sex. That doesn't make them homophobic. If their religion says "no same-sex marriage," fine, don't have them in your church or your whole religion. No problem there either (though I certainly won't come to your church, contribute to your fund drives, give money to your charities etc.).
Where they cross the line is when they oppose the LEGAL status of "married" being granted to same-sex couples. Then they're imposing their religious principles on me through law, which pretty obviously violates the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment to the US Constitution, besides being wrong. MY religion makes no distinction between same- and opposite-sex marriages; the law (which in the US is explicitly required to be secular) may make no such distinction either.
I think it's sometimes useful to engage with people who believe that. One way: supposing they're married, pick a characteristic they share with their spouse, like, say, they're the same race. Say "suppose my religion says that it's wrong for people of the same race to marry. Should that be the law, even if my religion becomes the majority religion? Do I get to vote on YOUR marriage? And would you expect to stay friends with me if the vote went against you and your marriage was dissolved by law?"
Engage with them, yes. Be friends with them, NO FUCKING WAY. If you think you should be friends with people who believe you should not have rights equal to theirs, get therapy to find out why you think you deserve to be punished. Those friendships are by definition unequal and therefore exploitive.
If people are against same-sex marriage, they're against gay people having a fundamental right: the right to choose whether, when, and with whom to get married. It's no less fundamental a right to choose a person of your own gender than it is to choose a person of a different race.
Saying "you have equal rights because you could marry a woman" is no better than saying "you have equal rights because you could marry a person of your own race" or even "we have complete freedom of religion in this country--Jews can accept Jesus just like anyone else."
That is: it's stupid, it's bigoted, and it's unAmerican.
I won't be friends with stupid bigoted unAmerican people. If a friend of mine said "I don't hate black people, I just think they're lazy" I would say "call me when you've rethought that. Until then, don't call me at all, because you're a racist and I don't want to be friends with racists." (POI, that's me in my avatar, which actually makes my skin look darker than it really is. I'm "so white I significantly contribute to the albedo of the planet.") If someone said "I don't mind that you're Pagan but I don't think Pagan rituals should be allowed. I'm voting for a law to ban them," I would tell that person "Really? I didn't realize you were my enemy. Goodbye."
People who don't believe in same-sex marriage can by all means refrain from marrying someone of the same sex. That doesn't make them homophobic. If their religion says "no same-sex marriage," fine, don't have them in your church or your whole religion. No problem there either (though I certainly won't come to your church, contribute to your fund drives, give money to your charities etc.).
Where they cross the line is when they oppose the LEGAL status of "married" being granted to same-sex couples. Then they're imposing their religious principles on me through law, which pretty obviously violates the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment to the US Constitution, besides being wrong. MY religion makes no distinction between same- and opposite-sex marriages; the law (which in the US is explicitly required to be secular) may make no such distinction either.
I think it's sometimes useful to engage with people who believe that. One way: supposing they're married, pick a characteristic they share with their spouse, like, say, they're the same race. Say "suppose my religion says that it's wrong for people of the same race to marry. Should that be the law, even if my religion becomes the majority religion? Do I get to vote on YOUR marriage? And would you expect to stay friends with me if the vote went against you and your marriage was dissolved by law?"
Engage with them, yes. Be friends with them, NO FUCKING WAY. If you think you should be friends with people who believe you should not have rights equal to theirs, get therapy to find out why you think you deserve to be punished. Those friendships are by definition unequal and therefore exploitive.
