The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

I'm so depressed

rareboy said:
You are thoughful and diplomatic.

I say you sit him down and have a real guy to guy heart to heart and tell him what you are thinking and why you are afraid that he may be about to hurt two people here.

You may lose his friendship.

But you may save him and one young woman from years of emotional scarring and pain.
Click to expand...

All well and good, but isn't this guy too far away to do this?

Face to face, in any case.
 
So he's gay. Obviously gay. Everybody-knows-it gay. But nobody will call him on it. Not even you. Of course he thinks he's "fooling everybody". You're all acting like you're fooled.

Lex
 
This whole saga is like that film in and out. (although you don't really resemble Tom Selleck Lube) Could you send him a copy to watch? The biggest problem I see here is that this guy is in his own denial and whilst in that state of mind he won't be receptive to anything you say and thinks all his problems are over once he marries. Little does he know. Also he will clearly resent a gay guy telling him that you know he is gay when he thinks everyone thinks he's straight. Unless you could get someone else to jokily chat to him about his upcoming marraige and then say "congratulations because everyone all thinks you are gay and were just waiting for you to come out so we could open the champagne" He might start to realise that he isn't fooling anyone (assuming you're right lube.) The other possibility is he is bi and maybe has enough attraction for women to be able to sustain a marraige?
 
Having seen these things play out over the years, it probably won't do much good to tell him that you think he's gay.

It's amazing what people will do to avoid dealing with the truth. And it's sad how many lives they will wreck in the process.

If it makes you feel better, then have a talk with him. But don't lose any sleep over it.
 
G-Lexington said:
So he's gay. Obviously gay. Everybody-knows-it gay. But nobody will call him on it. Not even you. Of course he thinks he's "fooling everybody". You're all acting like you're fooled.

Lex
Click to expand...
What alternative universe am I in? Is the role reversal thread, Lex? :=D:

I get so much shit on this forum from guys who insist my goal in life is out everybody. But the proof is in the pudding. I'm not trying to out this guy. I am trying to let him accept himself at his own pace.

But this wedding... it seems like time has run out.

Short of standing up at the wedding and raising my hand when the priest asks if there is any reason this couple shouldn't marry... :eek: :D

I don't want to go into too much detail on a public forum, but like I said, I'm close to him and yet not. We don't live in the same area, so actually see each other quite rarely. But as a (semi-distant) relative, I hear about him quite a bit (and he hears about me, I'm sure).

I'm really depressed because I thought my struggle of coming out would help the next generation(s), and prevent the bullshit I went through. But that seems not to be the case. :(

My family are experts at denial, Lex. I was the elephant in the room in the last generation (not that I don't have other relatives who continue to be elephants in the room, but whatever). We just don't talk about these things.
 
trikky said:
This whole saga is like that film in and out. (although you don't really resemble Tom Selleck Lube) Could you send him a copy to watch? The biggest problem I see here is that this guy is in his own denial and whilst in that state of mind he won't be receptive to anything you say and thinks all his problems are over once he marries. Little does he know. Also he will clearly resent a gay guy telling him that you know he is gay when he thinks everyone thinks he's straight. Unless you could get someone else to jokily chat to him about his upcoming marriage and then say "congratulations because everyone all thinks you are gay and were just waiting for you to come out so we could open the champagne" He might start to realise that he isn't fooling anyone (assuming you're right lube.) The other possibility is he is bi and maybe has enough attraction for women to be able to sustain a marriage?
Click to expand...
You totally nailed it, Trikky! You summarized the whole problem in 3 sentences (versus my verbal diarrhea, LOL).
 
KaraBulut said:
Having seen these things play out over the years, it probably won't do much good to tell him that you think he's gay.

It's amazing what people will do to avoid dealing with the truth. And it's sad how many lives they will wreck in the process.
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. I feel so frustrated (and I don't 'do' frustration well).

If it makes you feel better, then have a talk with him. But don't lose any sleep over it
Click to expand...
We're thousands of miles apart, and I don't know his phone number. As Trikky said, he might just hang up on me.

Is it worth trying to send another Facebook message? Is he too far gone? Do I really have to watch this play out in 2010?

So depressing...

He's such a great guy.
 
It's probably a bad idea to talk to his parents, right? I should keep this between him and me. I mean, we don't want our family outing us, do we????
 
I saw a few girly guys who married women.
So who knows, there maybe girly straight guys around.

why not email him this thread(s) ?
 
I think that just like there are gay guys who are naturally straight seeming the opposite must be true also to an extent. I mean lets say on the liberaceometer that someone's flamability is 100 (same as lib) does that mean that they are 100% gay? No I don't think so. Some bi guys who score high on the liberaceometer might only be 20% gay so it's very difficult to know for sure, although are there other indicators you are aware of Lube? maybe the way he relates to you or others that might confirm your suspicions?
 
Lube said:
Yeah, I was one of them.


Some people believe that. I don't.


Not exactly the most flattering way to present it.
Click to expand...

:)
well you have three options:
1/ man to man long talk about everything.
2/ emails everything, your thoughts and this thread.
3/ keep quite and grows apart slowly.

Your thoughts about Sy Rogers video i gave earlier ?
 
trikky said:
are there other indicators you are aware of Lube? maybe the way he relates to you or others that might confirm your suspicions?
Click to expand...
In a very effeminate voice, while waving his long skinny arms and hands, exclaims, "Oh my god, Aunt Jane, your jewelry is fabulous".

He's a freakin' walking stereotype.
 
Telstra said:
Your thoughts about Sy Rogers video i gave earlier ?
Click to expand...
I'm entertaining family here, so I can't really play audio. I'll check it out later. Thanks!
 
whisperer said:
I kind of feel that this statement makes any kind of discussion here irrelevant :(
You have such a stubborn view that your opinion is fact, applicable to everybody, and refuse to consider otherwise.

I find that more saddening to be honest, since I think you have some really good ideas. But at the same time seem to have just gone from one extreme to the other.
Click to expand...
There are lots more people I have doubts about. But he's extreme. Really extreme. I mean, really, there's no doubt. None. Surely you know a guy or two like that.

If someone doesn't want to follow your 'advice', you can't make them.

Like some other people have suggested, try not to get too caught up in other people's troubles. They have their own mistakes to make, you don't need to be taking the weight of them too.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I guess I'm acting like an overprotective parent that way. That's not pretty. Maybe I should just let it go.
 
You say everybody sees this. Absolutely everybody.

Surely that includes the fiancee?

If she chooses to ignore the red flags that are obvious to everybody, then there's really nothing to be done. He's an obvious faggot who has asked a woman to marry him, and she has accept the marriage proposal of a man that she knows - HAS to know - is gay. This is their mistake to make. Let them make it.

Lex
 
I've seen this exact scenario play out over the years. And I've seen it from having the guy as a friend and also from having the wife as a friend.

What's very typical is that there is denial on both sides. The guy knows that he is gay and he will do everything possible to avoid dealing with the issue. Even if that means getting married, fathering children and living the lie for years, sometimes even decades.

The wife also has her own denial. They see it. Deep down, they know the score. They've made their choice too.

You can't know what will happen. He might be an amazing, supportive and loving husband. It may be that he will start a family and be the best father that a child could have.

So, while you may be correct about your friend's sexuality, it is his life.
 
Thanks, Kara. That's very sage advice.
 
Think of it this way...

Are you being a better friend by upsetting the apple cart before the wedding?

Are would you be a better friend by being there for both of them if and when the whole thing blows up?
 
I guess what I was thinking was...

* I've been through this before;
* it's hell;
* no one should have to go through that (certainly not in this day and age);
* I came out partially to be a role model to help prevent lies like this;
* When I finally came out of denial, and it seemed like most people weren't terribly surprised, I wished somebody had sat me down and shown me how stupid I was being

It was that last reason that was really driving my emotions.

But the more I think about it, I wonder--if somebody had sat me down, would I have been receptive to thinking about it?

I go back and forth on that one. Maybe, the thinking goes, if they made it as clear as day, I'd be forced to change my views?

But humans can be pretty stubborn and idiotic. :) I know I was.

You're right. It's his life. I have to let him make his mistakes.

Thanks again. (*8*)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top