I'm so depressed

[Lube]

While I just don't agree with many of the points you make, you're definitely right about something; I suck at determining who is gay and who is not

Oh, you're probably a lot better than you think you are.

 

[maxpowr9]

I have a friend who is in the same boat as your friend (almost). He is 26, has a tramp stamp and pretty flamboyant. We ALL know he is gay and we are just begging for him to come out. The waiting is just killing us.

He gets all depressed because "he is having trouble with the ladies". Well duh, I wonder why.

I dunno what we can do Lube. I even came out to him and did the whole long talk with him and asked if he any questions and I got a blank stare.

 

[Lube]

Oh, no, really? Ugh.

Well any guilt I feel about inaction has now been beat down by your experience, Maxpowr9. I guess there really is nothing I can do.

It's just so sad to see them go through this.

Well, I never had kids. Maybe it's what parents experience when they see their kids grow up.

Maybe we'll all laugh about it in 10 years. We can only hope. Good luck with your friend.

 

[Red Storm]

what did you end up doing lube? did you send him an email etc?

 

[Lube]

No, Red Storm. Ended up doing nothing.

I had sent him a Facebook message once before (he's not actually a friend on Facebook; I just sent him a message there), with a vague note about living life for yourself, not for your family or church or society or whatever.

He never replied or friended me, and a few months later now he announced his engagement to a female.

Like KaraBulut said, he's got to live his own life. I tried to impart some life experience on him, but it's his choice to listen to it or not.

So... I'm still depressed.

 

[trikky]

Hey lube, thanks for posting the link of Liberace on utube. Since then I've watched loads of his utube performances and I think I've become a fan. I'm too young to have anything other than a very vague memory of him, but the guy was a real showman and his performances are genius. I think now after watching some of his stuff that he is a bit unfairly treated as this OTT queeny gay guy. I mean all those ludicrously OTT constumes were really just the tools of his trade.
Although even without all that he does look very obviously gay.

 

[Achilleus]

how do you find out what you are on the Liberaceometer? Is there some actual test, or is it just a joke? I can't imagine I would register much at all.

 

[trikky]

It was meant to be a joke. However this is what 100 looks like on the liberaceometer:

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=5&ct=image&ved=0CA8Q9QEwBA

Although Lib actually surpassed this in later shows with his OTT costumes and I personally rate this as off the scale on the libometer

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=1&ct=image&ved=0CAcQ9QEwAA

On the other hand some one like Rock Hudson scores very low, maybe 10?

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=5&ct=image&ved=0CBEQ9QEwBA

 

[bounder]

More gayish things (again, any one of these things proves nothing; but the more "points" you accumulate... LOL):

Being a waiter.
Being a nurse.
Being in the boy scouts.
Working for a non-profit.
Being a letter carrier or delivery guy (no idea why! but there are lots!)
Being a flight attendant.
Being a collector of eccentric things.
Being eccentric.
Being very, very particular (Hello, Steve Jobs!)
Being in the arts (movies, painter, etc.)
Owning a Mac
Owning an iPhone
Having a little white doggie (even leatherbears do this, LOL)
Broadway, divas, dance music
Marrying for the first time after age 30
ADORING children, to the exclusion of your spouse ("doting father syndrome")
Never talking about your home life at work
Expert at theatre and movies
Having many girl friends
Not liking most sports except biking, volleyball, and soccer

I think you forgot:

Drinks Water
Listens to music
Wears shoes
Cooks food
Enjoys Sunset
Drives a car
Doesn't drive a car...

 

[Achilleus]

It was meant to be a joke. However this is what 100 looks like on the liberaceometer:

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=5&ct=image&ved=0CA8Q9QEwBA

Although Lib actually surpassed this in later shows with his OTT costumes and I personally rate this as off the scale on the libometer

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=1&ct=image&ved=0CAcQ9QEwAA

On the other hand some one like Rock Hudson scores very low, maybe 10?

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...mage_result&resnum=5&ct=image&ved=0CBEQ9QEwBA

Gawd that's great, absolutely hilarious. I can't believe that first outfit stage act or no. Liberace was one weird dude, hell of a talent though.

 

[erobert]

Lube you forgot to add to the list:

Abrocormbie and Fitch (that CEO knows how to market from experience)
Guys who are so macho it begins to make people wonder if you're overcompensating for something
Closet cases who use the word "man crush"
Many male models
Psychologists and sociologists (not all but it is a field that does attract us)
The French Water Polo Team
Guys with the brim of their baseball hat pulled down to their eyebrows

You should write a handbook something like a gay manual and call it the Beginner's Guide to Being Gay. There is a demand for such info.

This is a very interesting thread. I also like that you're hinting the GLBT community is not such a minority after all because we really aren't a minority when you factor bi's in. Lots of people are also in denial of that.

 

[Atrocity]

Haha hmm did you ever consider he might have realised he is attracted to guys, but just feels an intense emotional connection to this woman? And feel thats the emotional side is more important than the physical side?
Would that still be classed as denial, or just something foolish to do?

In his mind maybe he thinks it's a reasonable sacrifice, and if he actually came out and said to everyone that he likes guys, he would ruin what he has with that woman.

It's something i could see happening, though before someone starts saying ZOMFG at my comments, i never said i thought they were right ;P just some random blabbering off the top of my head

But yeah sorry you had no luck Lube, i guess thats just life. The wisdom you need to live it usually comes to late to be of use...

 

[js334433]

I felt like I needed to chime in on a couple of things.
Firstly, I just want to put it out there that I am Bi and not in denial about anything. If you want to know my story just ask
Second, by the list of all the stuff here, it seems that many of my interests seem to point that I am gay. I'm sensitive (can be slightly overly sensitive depending on the situation), quiet, I like musicals, I like theater, I am no where near being "masculine" but I am neither feminine. I do have some feminine qualities that I did acquire from being raised around sisters. Many of these qualities supposedly make me gay. I can also add quiet and introverted to that list too. All through high school, people thought I was gay. I knew I wasn't, but it's hard to accept that fact when society tries to convince you are not.
Thirdly, Lube, do you REALLY know that he is gay because of the qualities? I just want you to think about it.
As I said, I am no where near denial and I am happy with who I am. IF you still think I'm denial, I will gladly tell my story.

 

[xKMANx]

And you're letting him?

Lex

He cant play superman. This isn't like the movies. OP stand back and watch, show support for his decisions and make sure to be by his side if your a friend.

He will wake up one day and realize he is living in that "Fantasy Land" and he may or may not have the strength to change.

I've though about marrying a women too. If I didn't fall in love with my partner I would have been in the closet fucking around and would have been miserable.

Let him make his own decisions!

 

[Lube]

I think you forgot:

Drinks Water
Listens to music
Wears shoes
Cooks food
Enjoys Sunset
Drives a car
Doesn't drive a car...

Sure

But more gay man than straight men are good cooks and drive cute-ute's and like Lady Gaga and go to museums, etc.

Just check your friends' Facebook interests and you'll see a dramatic pattern.

 

[Lube]

Lube you forgot to add to the list:

Abrocormbie and Fitch (that CEO knows how to market from experience)
Guys who are so macho it begins to make people wonder if you're overcompensating for something
Closet cases who use the word "man crush"
Many male models
Psychologists and sociologists (not all but it is a field that does attract us)
The French Water Polo Team
Guys with the brim of their baseball hat pulled down to their eyebrows

You should write a handbook something like a gay manual and call it the Beginner's Guide to Being Gay. There is a demand for such info.

This is a very interesting thread. I also like that you're hinting the GLBT community is not such a minority after all because we really aren't a minority when you factor bi's in. Lots of people are also in denial of that.

Ha, nice ones, Erobert! Thanks for the support, too.

 

[Lube]

Haha hmm did you ever consider he might have realised he is attracted to guys, but just feels an intense emotional connection to this woman? And feel thats the emotional side is more important than the physical side?
Would that still be classed as denial, or just something foolish to do?

In his mind maybe he thinks it's a reasonable sacrifice, and if he actually came out and said to everyone that he likes guys, he would ruin what he has with that woman.

It's something i could see happening, though before someone starts saying ZOMFG at my comments, i never said i thought they were right ;P just some random blabbering off the top of my head

But yeah sorry you had no luck Lube, i guess thats just life. The wisdom you need to live it usually comes to late to be of use...

Thanks, Atrocity.

The thing is, I've been where he is. I convinced myself I wasn't gay. I had a strong emotional interest in a woman. I married her. Stayed married 13 years (and I did not cheat on the side, because I told myself I was straight. Ha! All those lost years of great sex, LOL).

The marriage broke up for other reasons, but once I realized I wanted out of it, I started looking around and seeing a more-gay friendly society than what was around in the 1980's, and started admitting some feelings to myself.

No one should have to go through that nowadays, IMHO. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

 

[Lube]

I felt like I needed to chime in on a couple of things.
Firstly, I just want to put it out there that I am Bi and not in denial about anything. If you want to know my story just ask
Second, by the list of all the stuff here, it seems that many of my interests seem to point that I am gay. I'm sensitive (can be slightly overly sensitive depending on the situation), quiet, I like musicals, I like theater, I am no where near being "masculine" but I am neither feminine. I do have some feminine qualities that I did acquire from being raised around sisters. Many of these qualities supposedly make me gay. I can also add quiet and introverted to that list too. All through high school, people thought I was gay. I knew I wasn't, but it's hard to accept that fact when society tries to convince you are not.
Thirdly, Lube, do you REALLY know that he is gay because of the qualities? I just want you to think about it.
As I said, I am no where near denial and I am happy with who I am. IF you still think I'm denial, I will gladly tell my story.

As I've tried to point out before, having something on that list doesn't guarantee you're gay. It's more a point system: the more points, the more likely you are gay, that's all.

Really, there's no doubt in my mind he's gay. His brother I think is likely gay, but I'm less sure of the brother. But this guy, OMG, yes he's gay!

And I (and I'm sure others) would love to hear your story. That's what JUB is all about!

 

[js334433]

I shall tell then. My whole thing definitely started back in middle school. I was a really naive middle scholer, meaning my parents never had thee talk with me and I didn't really have the best puberty education, and in about 7th grade, the guys were talking about/joking about things that I never heard of. For example, jacking off. Being the most curious guy on the planet, I did some research on the internet. From there, I became curious about sex. I wanted to know everything I could about sex with both guys and gilrs. How does it feel? how does it happen? What else can you do? Were the basic questions. On top of that, I was also very naive on the what qualities made up the different stereotypes. In other words, I was unaware that some of things I liked were stereotypically gay. Throughout high school, I had a slew of people ask me if I was gay, and I denied it. From my experiences, I knew that I wasn't, but over time, it was hard to convince myself that I wasn't. It drove me insane, and there were points where I really thought I was. Over the next couple of years, I sorted stuff out and came to the realization that I was bi. I am definitely attracted to both guys and girls. I'm actually dating a wonderful girl right now who has helped me find myself. I'm still a virgin and still extremely curious about everything. That's one of the reasons I joined JUB. There's my story or at least what I'm comfortable about saying. Any questions?

 

[trikky]

hey JS how old r u?