Is wrong for parents to assume their child is heterosexual?

[Callum]

Yes, it is wrong. I wouldn't assume anything of my child (God forbid I ever meet a guy that wants one). I'd try to raise them in a neutral, liberal environment (small 'l' there, I don't mean politics). No politics, no religion, no sexuality, they can just discover themselves - with guidance of course.

Who did tell you str8 is normal? This is the most stupid idea I ever heard.

Semantics, bud. Lots of meaning to normal...lucky7 is referring to straight as a societal norm. Heterosexuality has not been historically oppressed, it is expected of people...homosexuality is a relatively 'new normal' in certain cultures around the world because the oppression has been lifted.

Heterosexuality, from a cultural and social perspective, is normal. Homosexuality is not. One of the definitions of queer is in fact 'not usual or expected'.

 

[bulge]

Yes, it is wrong. I wouldn't assume anything of my child (God forbid I ever meet a guy that wants one). I'd try to raise them in a neutral, liberal environment (small 'l' there, I don't mean politics). No politics, no religion, no sexuality, they can just discover themselves - with guidance of course.



Semantics, bud. Lots of meaning to normal...lucky7 is referring to straight as a societal norm. Heterosexuality has not been historically oppressed, it is expected of people...homosexuality is a relatively 'new normal' in certain cultures around the world because the oppression has been lifted.

Heterosexuality, from a cultural and social perspective, is normal. Homosexuality is not. One of the definitions of queer is in fact 'not usual or expected'.

That makes more sense. But you cann't say: heterosexuality is normal, exactly like you cann't say being an insect is common.

 

[Callum]

That makes more sense. But you cann't say: heterosexuality is normal, exactly like you cann't say being an insect is common.

Heterosexuality is normal though. It is a common occurrence that conforms to an expected norm (standard pattern of behavior for the purpose of reproduction), about 90% of our species in fact.

Homosexuality is also normal. It too is a natural occurrence and perfectly healthy, it is just not an expected norm.

They're normal by different definitions. lucky7 referenced it, but never specified the differences in definition...and honestly he shouldn't have to anyway. I don't see why people didn't automatically recognize what he was saying...but you know, us gays and all...hypersensitive folk.

 

[MyReply]

Life would be pretty vague if everyone went out of their way to be "neutral" about everything. People make assumptions based on environment, logic, conditioning, and odds. In the meantime, most parents do not want their children to have an extra difficult road in life, nor do they want them to be considered or treated as a societal outcast. Perhaps it isn't "right" for parents to assume that their child is heterosexual, but I wouldn't call it "wrong" either.

 

[fetaby]

Perhaps it isn't "right" for parents to assume that their child is heterosexual, but I wouldn't call it "wrong" either.

Assumptions based on conditioning abound.....

I think a more worthwhile avenue of discussion would be why exactly that road of homosexuality is so much more difficult than that of heterosexuality. That parents shudder upon the possibility. Unless the ideal of perpetuating heterosexuality is so ingrained you can't see that's what's going on.

Where is the identity of gay?

Stereotypes and fear of being "not normal" have pushed all of us into a closet of repression and self denial and has our youth killing themselves four times faster than their peers.

So I'm still waiting on the guys who suck cock to weigh in on the fact that society's assumptions of its children's sexuality has them killing themselves.

 

[PolterGUYst]

Does it really matter? As long as the parents accept their child for who they are, who cares if they happened to assume that their child is heterosexual. It's completely understandable considering the majority of people are and will always be straight. Getting offended by such an assumption is making a mountain out of a molehill. Pick your battles and only go after the parents who treat their gay/bi children as lesser human beings.

 

[CorporalAris]

I'm gonna adopt a kid someday, and he or she can be who ever the fuck they wanna be.

 

[Reality101]

Both are natural occurrences but based on the odds your more likely to have a heterosexual child than a homosexual child. Even if you account for the closet case's there are more heterosexuals in our species. So it is not wrong to assume your child will be in the majority as opposed to the minority.this is simple shit.

No. You have missed the root of the issue, and I admit that I did too. Before I read this thread in its entirety I was a little confused by the question. My response was going to be like so many others in here, "No, it's not wrong because that is the majority." But after reading what SayMyName and Elvin have said (among others), I have a much better understanding.

It is understandable that a parent would assume that their child will be straight, but it is not right and it's definitely wrong to pressure them--in any way--to believe they are or should be straight whether that is the intention or not. I think we can all agree that if we were to have a gay child we would love him/her regardless but the topic at hand is how we raise them before their sexuality is revealed to us. And to raise them with the assumption that they will be straight because it's "natural", "easier", or "better" is just wrong. And I can recognize how it's a part of the core of problematic thinking about homosexuality.

Thanks for the enlightenment guys. That's why I love this place sometimes.

Once again, well said. Why does everyone ignore the most blatant and well said statements?

I don't. I'm not here to argue or be right. Give me a different perspective that makes sense and hell I'll admit I got it wrong.

 

[Reality101]

Well, no thanks to you, or people with your attitudes.

I do agree with what you have said in this thread and again thanks for opening my eyes. But lay off of the guy, really. He's young and it is HIS life. Differ in opinions with him but you shouldn't attack him like you have done before even if you detest his views. Freedom of speech yeah yeah yeah but tact doesn't taste as bad as you think....

 

[PolterGUYst]

It's one thing to pressure your child to be straight and another to innocently ask your 13 year old son which girls he likes in his english class.

My mother always teased me about which girls I thought were pretty, not which boys I thought were handsome, but she always made it clear that she would love me no matter what (non-criminal) choices I made or what kind of person I was. I have never been offended by that.

 

[fetaby]

It's one thing to pressure your child to be straight and another to innocently ask your 13 year old son which girls he likes in his english class.

My mother always teased me about which girls I thought were pretty, not which boys I thought were handsome, but she always made it clear that she would love me no matter what (non-criminal) choices I made or what kind of person I was. I have never been offended by that.

Well then the solution is simple. We'll have your mom raise every child from this point on to ensure they grow up well adjusted.

Just as your mom can't be everyone's mom. Every child is not going to be the same, and react the same way to how society is set up.

What we can do is strive to be more like your mom and make it clear that finding boys handsome is normal and natural. I'm taking those words back.

 

[PolterGUYst]

I know that there are parents out there who pressure their kids, but my point is that assuming your child is straight does not necessarily equate to pressuring your child to be straight. My mother assumed but never pressured, and I'm merely using that as an example. I'm sure that some kids may have felt pressured if they experienced what I did, but just because you feel pressured doesn't mean that the other person is actually pressuring you. That's something that a kid will have to come to terms with as they get older and become more confident in themselves instead of accusing their parents of being unfair. Just because your parents didn't tease you about which girls AND/OR guys you like doesn't mean that you have to hold a grudge the rest of your life and get bent out of shape about how cruel the world is - that only means that you aren't completely secure with yourself. Little things occur that make us feel uncomfortable all the time, especially when we are younger, but you can't look too deep into everything. All that matters is that your parents completely accept you for who you are after you tell them the truth.

 

[fetaby]

I know that there are parents out there who pressure their kids, but my point is that assuming your child is straight does not necessarily equate to pressuring your child to be straight.

My mother assumed but never pressured.

I get that, I respect it. It's my assertion that regardless of it's a pressure or an assumption that belief is what causes the psychologically damaging state of "the closet" and goes hand in hand with gay youth suicide rates as opposed to their heterosexual peers.

Alright, I'll address your added text as well.

Skipping over the fact that not all kids are gonna be IQ and EQ up to the task of letting go of these small uncomfortable things, what would you say to the kids whose parents don't accept them completely after revealing the truth?

If that would even be an issue, as by the time the kid hits puberty he already knows to go into hiding.

There's a forum here, called COMING OUT and relationships. Why do you think that is? Why is that necessary?

 

[PolterGUYst]

I doubt gay youth who have considered suicide would state that one of the major contributing factors was that their parents used to ask them which girls they liked when they were really into guys. If their parents were homophobes it would be another story, but loving and open minded parents who made those innocent assumptions would not drive their children to suicide.

 

[fetaby]

I doubt gay youth who have considered suicide would state that one of the major contributing factors was that their parents used to ask them which girls they liked when they were really into guys. If their parents were homophobes it would be another story, but loving and open minded parents who made those innocent assumptions would not drive their children to suicide.

Now you're just grasping.

Cause they're not just considering suicide, they are committing suicide at a rate 4 times faster than their peers.

This isn't a well maybe scenario. This is happening.

 

[PolterGUYst]

I know it's happening. You are twisting my words around to make it seem like I don't realize that.

But the reason it's happening is becuase they AREN'T being accepted, not because people who would accept them no matter what just so happen to make some innocent assumptions.

 

[Reality101]

I doubt gay youth who have considered suicide would state that one of the major contributing factors was that their parents used to ask them which girls they liked when they were really into guys. If their parents were homophobes it would be another story, but loving and open minded parents who made those innocent assumptions would not drive their children to suicide.

You're deflecting with this.

A simple, "When are you going to bring home a nice girl" is pressure btw. It's an assumption as well but to a young man who is growing into himself it's also pressure.

I know it's happening. You are twisting my words around to make it seem like I don't realize that.

But the reason it's happening is becuase they AREN'T being accepted, not because people who would accept them no matter what just so happen to make some innocent assumptions.

The innocent assumptions are a part of the problem too. The innocent assumptions can aid to keep them in the closet as someone earlier mentioned. It's not just about your parents not loving you it can also be about feeling guilt and disappointment for being something that you assume they are and should be thus in sad sad cases resulting in suicide. There is a big huge picture here.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Humans go full circle and discover everyone this word ( straight ) ans start ( straight from beginin again but got 50000 years examples help um remind um MAN can turn WORD inta anythin they like as long they da BOSSMAN

so until then

just got wait fa rest world join Gay&CO

ans then alls be

' yeah you da BOSS DUDE youuu da BOSS '
yeahhhhhh
' ans ya wife wanna ya home by 6 ans pick up extra baby butt fillers '
GOD DAMN
' yeah life change when ya leaves ya office dun't it BOSS'
WHIP
' OOH feel it babe!! what if change ya wife and kid inta office toys ans ya get more things ta play with ons ya desk?'
Then what gonna fuck?
' ooh you MEN ya think somethin! BOSS - Ya Danish pastry here!
Stomp smash whack fuck
' think ya eat it BOSS in da mouth! BOSS

 

[fetaby]

Truth is we can't say for certain why it's happening.

Could be that the people who just so happen to make assumptions impress upon their children that making assumptions is the right way to do things and those kids who are not what they assume their parents want also assume those parents will not accept them and they have nothing to look forward to except being disappointments to the ones they love.

Imagine how much more progressive and further along the road to utopia we'd be if everyone would STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.

 

[PolterGUYst]

Making the assumption that your child is straight might not be "right" but you can't get all bent out of shape over it. Part of growing up is being able to get over insignificant things. If your parents make it known from the start that they'll accept you for who you are then you shouldn't be giving yourself an ulcer over it, and if you do then that's something you have to deal with because it shows that you are insecure with yourself more than anything.

Imagine how much more progressive and further along the road to utopia we'd be if everyone would STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.

It's human nature to make assumptions. There's nothing you can do about it. In this case you need to realize that the assumptions are insignificant as long as your parents accept you.