just got called faggot...

[pai mei]

for the first time ever, well, for being gay anyways. didnt kno how to react, just opened my mouth like i was shocked.


happened as i was leaving a house, home owner said 'bye faggot'

25 fucking years is how long it took me to come out..., couldnt be happier, but god people have issues wih it.

not sure how to deal with that.

 

[nondescript]

Lacking response is why straighties love to walk over us.

Is there anything you could say to someone like that to change their attitude? I doubt it. The most that can happen is you get into some kind of angry screaming match. Which is kind of pointless.

I'd like more details, tho. Whose house was this? Why were you there? Do you know this person?

 

[Rex]

What prompted the person at that moment to call you that? Can you go more into detail.

 

[MadisonAubie]

Responding in kind only makes matters worse. People like this are already filled with hate, and a negative response only solidifies their negative opinions of us. A simple smile, and "Good Night to you, sir" would cause more reflection, and possible remorse for his slur, than calling him a name in return. As more and more straight people see that we're not a threat to them, we gain more and more acceptance. Being confrontational with someone doesn't help us.

 

[Sam Blum]

Responding in kind only makes matters worse. People like this are already filled with hate, and a negative response only solidifies their negative opinions of us. A simple smile, and "Good Night to you, sir" would cause more reflection, and possible remorse for his slur, than calling him a name in return. As more and more straight people see that we're not a threat to them, we gain more and more acceptance. Being confrontational with someone doesn't help us.

Or, as fewer and fewer straight people see that we will not tolerate the reductionist crap they dish out, we gain more respect. The reason that those idiots abuse us verbally, physically and socially is because they perceive no threat of response. They are definitely part of the machine of the patriarchy that excludes us with the social architecture of law and religion, but they are the stupid thugs with no understanding of the reasons behind their actions, which are, I believe, mostly socially conditioned. That is, they act but don't know their real reasons for choosing to act, nor the consequences. The person who uses the word faggot to abuse another is testing boundaries and social hierarchy, and is a person simple in thought. Our responses ought to be simple enough and strong enough to understand and remember.

It is a saddening thing to be addressed this way. And demeaning. When you've been enjoying the company of others and then they smack you in the face, it knocks you harder than if they'd been rude all the while. I wonder if some people here though would disagree and find in the experience empowerment.

Anyway, hopefully you will not feel too deflated - the person is clearly a moron of stupendous proportions, inarticulate, a slave to other people's priorities and agenda, and probably has a really ugly spirit in general. Maybe there are worse things to be than an identifiable gay man... Goodness knows, I love gay men, and to be fair, I have few straight men in my life except professionally, and they're only here accidentally...

Hugs and hugs - hope you never hear that again.

 

[MisterMajestic]

for the first time ever, well, for being gay anyways. didnt kno how to react, just opened my mouth like i was shocked.


happened as i was leaving a house, home owner said 'bye faggot'

25 fucking years is how long it took me to come out..., couldnt be happier, but god people have issues wih it.

not sure how to deal with that.

You referred to this person as "the home owner"...So does this individual know you on a "friendly" basis or is this person a stranger?..

Similar situation happened to me when me & my Bud stopped at a Pizza joint down-town Savannah, GA....It was close to midnight so we were the only ones there...We got our pizza slices and sat @ the table...The friendly counter worker said "I hope you like our Pizza"...Before I could speak an Older Manager/whoever said "Oh he better like my Pizza or I'll get my Noose"..

The counter workers stared @ each other. My Bud who is white started cussing and saying off the wall stuff..I told him to forget it and lets go...He was more upset than I was..The dinner was spolied but not the evening...

Bottom line...Whenever we encounter these types of people how we choose to handle ourselves and the situation depends on our level of self-control at that moment. We are tested all the time in different sutuations..You'll have to determine what the lesson is, learn from it and you will know how to deal with it the next time it happens...

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi pai mei,

I feel very sorry that this has happened to you. Be aware that calling you a 'faggot' tells alot about the narrow-minded ideas of this guy. Likely, this guy is a homophobe, and I would like to advise you to ignore such kind of guys.

So you might choose not to respons at all (and therefore ignoring him, and go on with ignoring him, eg, also not greeting him at future events) or you might to choose to give him a polite reply, eg the one suggested by MadisonAubie A simple smile, and "Good Night to you, sir" would cause more reflection,

I would also like to advise you not to start a debate or discussion with him. I have several black friends, and they also don't discuss with racists. Why should they?

Just show him (eg by a very wise and polite reply) that you are an educated and a well-mannered guy, and that's it.

Best wishes.

 

[les jones]

As long as it is safe to do so I flash 'em a smile, give 'em wink and blow a kiss then walk away. and if I really want to show them up I gesture holding a phone and mouth "call me".

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

""Your mother is a whore!"

 

[asianstudlover]

dont lower yourself down to the level of someone who has to PAY YOU OUT (faggot hurts, but anyone who pays anyone lese out) is unhappy. Why does it hurt??? I mean its a little awkward, but id just leave right away. FEEL more PITY for them than anything. BEING GAY IS awesome!!!

 

[pai mei]

to answer everyone's questions: he isnt a total stranger, i kno em but we dont normally see each other. he never knew i was gay in the past. (been out less than a year, 8 months maybe)

i dont even think he's homophobic, but kids are killing themselves over shit like that, it was just so classless imo.

 

[rareboy]

I probably would have gone back to lean in and give him a kiss.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Maybe not the best response, but I have been known to say:

"Dude, Seriously... I like guys, but YOU have NOTHING to worry about!"

 

[HunterM]

As long as it is safe to do so I flash 'em a smile, give 'em wink and blow a kiss then walk away. and if I really want to show them up I gesture holding a phone and mouth "call me".

Maybe not the best response, but I have been known to say:

"Dude, Seriously... I like guys, but YOU have NOTHING to worry about!"

This is a great response It is assertive and dignify without having to stoop down to the bigot's level.

 

[BobbyV]

Or, as fewer and fewer straight people see that we will not tolerate the reductionist crap they dish out, we gain more respect. The reason that those idiots abuse us verbally, physically and socially is because they perceive no threat of response. They are definitely part of the machine of the patriarchy that excludes us with the social architecture of law and religion, but they are the stupid thugs with no understanding of the reasons behind their actions, which are, I believe, mostly socially conditioned. That is, they act but don't know their real reasons for choosing to act, nor the consequences. The person who uses the word faggot to abuse another is testing boundaries and social hierarchy, and is a person simple in thought. Our responses ought to be simple enough and strong enough to understand and remember.

I have never heard or read a better response on this issue anywhere.

This isn't just about name calling anymore. Words don't kill; but behavior does, indirectly, and in increasing numbers directly, according to the FBI's latest hate crime statistics. Words are indicative of a mindset. That mindset too often leads to violence against LGBT people.

Enough is enough. It is past time we make that clear.

BobbyV

 

[Deandbn]

Oh I just think owner is a closet case and resents you for having the courage to be out. Just ignore him.
People like him eventually get to live sad little lives in dingy back rooms, and usually die young from some disorder.

 

[JNewYork]

I don't know if any response is good. Ignoring him might be hard but it's probably best.

And remember this: No winner would have said that. No educated person would have said that. No happy person would have said that. No good person would have said that.

When I was a kid, my neighbor used to sometimes call me "faggot." Or "girl" whatever.

When I was in my twenties he was hinting around to fool around! (If they're so interested in the idea of you being gay that they are calling you out on it, it's obviously something that's weighing heavily on their mind. Why? He may be gay himself.)

Also, as I said, no winner would have said that. My neighbor is a broken down drunk today. I suppose he always was. But when he was in his 20s and good looking it wasn't blatantly obvious.

the guy who called you that is a loser. If possible, you could have just looked up over his head and then just gently shook your head in disgust and then walked away.

Or maybe just zero response is best. Obviously somebody calling another a faggot wants a response. They want to hurt you. Don't let them see that they got to you.

 

[ixthrock]

One of the more disturbing things for ME is when people say something along the lines of, "You're not readily identifiable as gay; that's the reason you have such a hard time connecting with other gay guys..."

So, when someone DOES peg me as gay, I consider it a success.

I know I'm in the minority, but the word faggot doesn't really bother me. Hatred and stupidity bother me, but not language.

Two good responses are to allow the thrill of succesfully and accurately representing your queerdom to enter your eyes and saying something along the lines of, "Why, I sure am!!" Sound just as pleased as you should be.

Or you could affect boredom and disappointment with idiocy and drag out the oldie but goodie, "What was your first clue?"

 

[ixthrock]

...Oooh! Ooooh!

"You must have seen my porn vid.... Does your girlfriend know you watch that stuff?"

 

[palemale]

for the first time ever, well, for being gay anyways. didnt kno how to react, just opened my mouth like i was shocked.


happened as i was leaving a house, home owner said 'bye faggot'

25 fucking years is how long it took me to come out..., couldnt be happier, but god people have issues wih it.

not sure how to deal with that.

You should have said the following:

Excuse me, what did you just say? It sounded like you said something ignorant and offensive. But I never took you for the kind of buffoonish asshole who would make a stupid comment like that, so I assume I heard you wrong. Now, what was it you said?