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Just Say No To Sports!

^ I hate misspellings. I bet they did that just to avoid paying royalties to a nonexistent brand name.

If you'd rather watch Real Housewives than ESPN...
 
Just Say No Sports! is the work of artist Steven Rhodes, one of his many designs combining spot on ‘70s kitsch, a seeming desire to wreak terrible vengeance on kid culture (whatever happened to him?) and outrageous slogans. They’re marketed by him everywhere t-shirts, mousepads and such are sold (I especially like his such).

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There’s something to offend everyone. I fell in love with his attack on athletics because this was me in gym class.

View attachment video.mp4
 
OK, now we're getting somewhere. It sounds like Steven Rhodes was reacting to the messages adults sent to kids back in the 60s and 70s, when you'd get annoyed because there was often something that didn't feel right about many of them, but nobody ever gave a hint of concern. So when we got old enough to parody those messages that got us so pissed off we could scream, we often added a vicious twist to them.

Like My First Knife Fight really isn't funny, but I'm laughing because it's so bizarre. And where did that boy get all that money to pay off all those other kids? Five dollars was real money to little boys and girls in those days.

Yeah, and I can see making fun of the obsession with sports. Everything in P. E. classes was about competition and achievement, and the kids that didn't do well ended up with five years of psychotherapy to deal with the trauma. Why did nobody ever get the idea that the classes should help all kids find something they enjoy? Like having fun bike riding or whatever if football didn't suit them?
 
“YES” to every syllable of that. I was born in 1960 (I’m 65), and five dollars was a FORTUNE.
As for P.E., I did everything I could to skip it as often as possible. I hated it; I’ve never had the slightest interest in playing or watching any sport, and I couldn’t throw or catch a ball or run any more than I could fly to the moon.
This is freaking hilarious.
 

[Spoken:]
Let's go back to your childhood, childhood, childhood...

[Verse]
The Odd Boy lay down by the football field
Took out a slim volume of Mallarmé
The centre-forward called him an imbecile
It's an Odd Boy who doesn't like sport

[Refrain]
Sport, sport, masculine sport
Equips a young man for Society
Yes, sport turns out a jolly good sort
It's an Odd Boy who doesn't like sport

[Spoken:]
Dear Mr. Poxham, would you kindly excuse Steven from Games today?
He has had a nasty cold over the weekend and still has headaches and feels a bit snotty
I don't feel he should be outside with the rougher type of boy, as he is a little delicate
Hoping you will understand, yours sincerely, Nellie Maynard, Mrs
(Give him a nice, cold shower.)

[Refrain]
Sport, sport, masculine sport
Equips a young man for Society
Yes, sport turns out a jolly good sort
It's an Odd Boy who doesn't like sport
 
Thank you very much for the Bonzos song. It could have been written just for me, every word is true.
School games taught me to hate sport always and forever. The odd boy is now an odd old man.
 
I have a seriously bad memory from junior high of being forced to swing a bat at a ball, with all the grace of a hippopotamus. Every kid and adult laughed themselves sick. That was the first and last time in my life I ever touched a baseball bat, unless I ever handed one to my brother. He’s an accomplished juggler, by the way, able to keep any number of balls in the air. If I ever tried to throw one I’d probably break my nose.

Here’s Charles Nelson Reilly with a story I love. So did Johnny Carson.

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Grant Tarredus said:
“YES” to every syllable of that. I was born in 1960 (I’m 65), and five dollars was a FORTUNE.
As for P.E., I did everything I could to skip it as often as possible. I hated it; I’ve never had the slightest interest in playing or watching any sport, and I couldn’t throw or catch a ball or run any more than I could fly to the moon.
This is freaking hilarious.
Click to expand...
That sounds exactly like me. I hated sports, couldn't give a fuck about it and did what I could to make my team lose like watching the ball land on the ground next to me. The rest of the class knew better than have me on their team and I was sent off to dribble balls in the basketball hoop for many classes.

Why wasn't I interested? It's simple. My parents couldn't care less either. Mom and dad went to art school where they met, and sports were the last thing on their mind. I was introduced to music and preferred practicing the piano and playing than chasing a ball around. I also have a physical handicap that made running difficult. I could run however I ran slower than everyone else making me look stupid. It also didn't help that my coordination isn't worth a hill of beans of shit. Being picked on because I couldn't catch a ball even if I tried or unable to keep up with the rest of the class made me loath sports even more.

When it came to playing out on the field, I spent my time watching the clouds, staring at anthills, and watching other things going on. That was far more interesting than catching a ball.
 
jcpp7622 said:
That sounds exactly like me. I hated sports, couldn't give a fuck about it and did what I could to make my team lose like watching the ball land on the ground next to me. The rest of the class knew better than have me on their team and I was sent off to dribble balls in the basketball hoop for many classes.

Why wasn't I interested? It's simple. My parents couldn't care less either. Mom and dad went to art school where they met, and sports were the last thing on their mind. I was introduced to music and preferred practicing the piano and playing than chasing a ball around. I also have a physical handicap that made running difficult. I could run however I ran slower than everyone else making me look stupid. It also didn't help that my coordination isn't worth a hill of beans of shit. Being picked on because I couldn't catch a ball even if I tried or unable to keep up with the rest of the class made me loath sports even more.

When it came to playing out on the field, I spent my time watching the clouds, staring at anthills, and watching other things going on. That was far more interesting than catching a ball.
Click to expand...
That sounds EXACTLY like me. And I went to art school (the Savannah College of Art & Design).
 
Grant Tarredus said:
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I know what you mean.
Click to expand...
Two unknown football players
Joseph Sayers
Ciro Immobile soccer star busted
King Kong went to Honk Kong to play ping pong with his ding dong, but he lost to this dude
Teammates
Tennis player Stan Wawrinka
Dustin Black
Unknown
Unknown
Gary Lockwood goes for a jog in a centrifuge in Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
 
I'm afraid my hatred of sport runs so deep that even when the men are gorgeous, I still don't want to know. When everybody was lusting after Tom Daley, even then I didn't want to know, because, sport.
 
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