just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread

[FuryOfFirestorm]

I'm considering deleting my Tumblr page. It was really fun when I first came there. A place where I could see photos of people in their favorite cosplay costumes. Or read an essay about gender inequality, Or watch clips of funny stuff from YouTube. Or listen to someone's favorite new song.

But lately, I feel like I'm not contributing to Tumblr, nor do I feel like it's contributing anything to me. I had high hopes that this would connect me to new friends, but it hasn't. Seeing everyone else living life to the fullest just makes me realize what a waste my life is. it's just made me feel more alone and isolated. I already feel invisible in real life, and being invisible online is even worse.

I guess the only reason i'm waffling on just pulling the plug is the hopes that maybe I can still derive some enjoyment from Tumblr, but lately it's just on the verge of triggering my manic depression. What do you guys think I should do?

 

[refujiunderground]

just wrote in the morning pages just now in the afternoon and right now, i'm very, very angry. trying to control it though but i'm pissed. there was someone that said some fucking homosexual slurs to me twice on another forum and if i was out in the chi-town, had access to a gun, a dumbbell or whatever, i would seriously FUCK him up. i'd beat his ass til that son of a bitch apologized. how dare he say that shit to me and come out his face as if he had the right? if i ran into his ass, he would have forfeited his chance to live. i would probably shoot at that son of a bitch for running his mouth like that just to make him piss in his pants and put him in the position of fear where he'll never talk shit or have a hateful thought about a gay person again because he'll know that one of us will do something horrific to his ass.

 

[Scealle]

Things just never goes well for me. Was supposed to have an internet appointment in the morning but got delayed to noon. Then when the installer technician arrived, I can't find my keys. Trapped in the apartment helpless with none of my friends available and housemates all at work. Ended have to reschedule the appointment. Why am I always have such bad luck?? So depressed right now

 

[refujiunderground]

^I think it's good that you write that stuff out, RJ, because it releases aggression.

I was getting ready to ask you if you were still doing Morning Pages. I'm glad to see that you are.

It sure does help, doesn't it?

I've found, too, that if you let it go on a little longer (30 minutes, instead of 20) sometimes you'll get little insights, or you'll remember something long-forgotten. (Once, suddenly I remembered that Mr. X, whom I haven't seen in 30 years was left-handed. Weird, huh?)

the morning pages thing is okay. it does help with the memory though as i've been able to recall the dreams which i would forget as soon as i wake up. the only thing that it hasn't really helped with is with the emotional issues. yesterday, i dunno if it was me not being able to get it up while jacking off or whatever but i was really angry before i went to bed. i wanted to take a knife and stab up my pillow, stomp my feet on the floor in a wild rage or whatever. felt frustrated where there was no words or anything that could take that feeling away. haven't been that angry since last year.

the only thing that bothered me about taking my anger out on somebody was some video i seen yesterday where some little girl in the uk got hit with a glass bottle fighting some other girl and she dropped dead after getting hit with it. it was just creepy seeing her do what sounded like a death scream, stumbling for about 2 second and then just dropping down dead with all that blood all over the place. it was disgusting. i'm just afraid that i might have one of those angry episodes where i might wind up hurting somebody or myself in the position of trying to hurt somebody. i really don't want to hurt anybody or do something crazy like that but sometimes, i really don't know because the anger gets that intense.

 

[refujiunderground]

I'm wondering why we don't put all of BB's fanclub on ignore?

Except for the hippy--whom I adore--the rest of them don't have a cotton-pickin' thing to offer JUB.

they really don't come around except when he's here. otherwise, they don't exist.

@RJ:

I'm glad that you have continued writing your morning pages.

I have an interest in how well your SSRI has worked? Have you noticed a difference? Have those ugly thoughts of ending it all gone away?

Several weeks have passed--enough to know whether or not it has worked.

well, with the ocd, it's working. guess it's working with the anxiety and somewhat with the depression even though it goes and comes. what it has been doing though is making me a bit angry and irritated though.

 

[refujiunderground]

damn my original thought was deleted by accident so i'll say this and i really have to get this off my chest.

you know, sometimes, i wish i wasn't gay and right now, is one of those moments. it's not because i hate it personally, have internalized homophobia and etc. i'm cool with being gay. it's the world around me that annoys me concerning the issue. i can't stand homophobes and when people make ignorant comments about homosexuality and i am, more recently, really beginning to get very and increasing annoyed and angry with some, awww fuck it, a good number of other gay people as well. you know, at least with the homophobes, they be homophobic where they're saying fucked up things about gay people where on the flipside, they're cool. they'll be all friendly to you and etc if THEY don't know that you're gay. they're cool. with some gay people, they're just complete fucking assholes which some ugly sides to them where they think that their shit doesn't stink. to be honest with you, if i really didn't know any better or was on that type of level, i would probably punch or beat up some of these gay guys around me because they really annoy me to the point where they piss me off. i REALLY don't like them. i HATE them. they think they can literally treat other people like shit and that they're above everybody else. man, just saying this shit, really makes me want to punch one of these folks that i'm talking about in the fucking face and spit on them too. the funny thing is that some gay people treat other gay people WORSE than the homophobes do and then they smile and talk about we need to stand together. naw, don't stand by me. don't even fuck with me. if you catch me on a bad day like this, i'm liable to do something to you.

 

[refujiunderground]

double post but i really had to get that off my chest. i don't know what it is with some gay guys though. i guess they think because they're gay that that gives them a pass to be assholes or whatever as if they can't get their ass whipped and not in a good way either. you know, treat people the way you want to be treated. i swear though, some gay guys REALLY make me hate being gay.

 

[JJW234]

I'm officially a slut in this forum idk why i'm happy

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

Tumblr is filled with fandoms, cliques (based on shared interests/identities), social justice bloggers etc. Basically groups of all sorts. To me, it seems like in order for someone to be "tumblr famous" they need to put in a ridiculous amount of energy. And the pay off is...what? Just having internet strangers reblogging or liking your stuff and getting a ton of anonymous hate messages? Getting constantly dragged and stalked by haters? It's weird. lol

I really do enjoy Tumblr because it's a fun source of information and entertainment but it can also be a very hostile and alienating environment for many people--including the 'tumblr famous' people.

Take a long break from it if it's bringing you down. I'd say invest more energy in to meeting people IRL somehow. Through acquaintances, family, work, volunteering. Something.

I don't have any haters on Tumblr (as far as I know), mostly because I don't post anything that would piss anyone off (except people who need to be pissed off, like homophobes and the GOP). I don't get involved in the cliques, unless you count the Bear Community as a clique (to be fair, every community has cliques). I really don't care if I get 10,000 followers - i'm just there to have fun, air my thoughts, and meet friends. My main problem is that 1) I keep comparing my life and my self to everyone else on Tumblr, and 2) the friends I have on there haven't made much effort on their side to be anything other than acquaintances. I guess I'll just take a breather from Tumblr for a while, re-assess my life and learn not to compare myself to strangers on the internet.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

Tumblr is filled with fandoms, cliques (based on shared interests/identities), social justice bloggers etc. Basically groups of all sorts. To me, it seems like in order for someone to be "tumblr famous" they need to put in a ridiculous amount of energy. And the pay off is...what? Just having internet strangers reblogging or liking your stuff and getting a ton of anonymous hate messages? Getting constantly dragged and stalked by haters? It's weird. lol

I really do enjoy Tumblr because it's a fun source of information and entertainment but it can also be a very hostile and alienating environment for many people--including the 'tumblr famous' people.

Take a long break from it if it's bringing you down. I'd say invest more energy in to meeting people IRL somehow. Through acquaintances, family, work, volunteering. Something.

I don't have any haters on Tumblr (as far as I know), mostly because I don't post anything that would piss anyone off (except people who need to be pissed off, like homophobes and the GOP). I don't get involved in the cliques, unless you count the Bear Community as a clique (to be fair, every community has cliques). I really don't care if I get 10,000 followers - i'm just there to have fun, air my thoughts, and meet friends. My main problem is that 1) I keep comparing my life and my self to everyone else on Tumblr, and 2) the friends I have on there haven't made much effort on their side to be anything other than acquaintances. I guess I'll just take a breather from Tumblr for a while, re-assess my life and learn not to compare myself to strangers on the internet.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I want one of these island benches—

I hate narrow benches with a splash back and it's so difficult to clean those splash backs.

 

[oakpope]

I'm angry and sad that people like HardUp1 and Lex have vacated Jub. Also Anders123's posts are rare

Also, as time goes, I have more and more difficulties stomaching heterosexual pda. It's everywhere and it's disgusting. I want two males kissing and holding hands everywhere, every time.

 

[refujiunderground]

refuji...a lot of it is a defense mechanism. Pay 'em no mind.

Considering a lot of the shit society throws at us gays, we have to sometimes "overcompensate" to make ourselves feel like 'we got it'. Not saying to excuse gay assholes for being assholes, but try not to dump all gays' poor behavior into the asshole camp. Some of them just need to dish out what the world has thrown their way. Hope that made sense. lol

it did. was in a bad mood last night so every little thing was getting to me.

one of the biggest lies that i've ever heard was that nbc shows back in the day was "must see tv". NO, IT WASN'T. how was friends must see tv? how was seinfield must see tv? how was will and grace must see tv? how was mad about you must see tv? NO IT WASN'T. fox and abc was holding it down. fox had the sundays and the thursdays back then. abc had TGIF. wb had sunday's as well later on. nbc was good on mondays when fresh prince and bloosom was on followed by the straight to vcr movie.

 

[refujiunderground]

Lol, it's just a marketing gimmick. And you know that NBC did phenomenally well in the ratings at that time, right?

they did???? people were actually watching that garbage? they replay seinfield on fox 5 over here and that show is NOT funny. friends.... not funny either.

 

[refujiunderground]

You watched the crap on ABC and you're calling Seinfeld and Will and Grace garbage?

hell yeah. abc was dope back in the day. family matters, full house, hanging with mr. cooper, step by step, perfect strangers, life goes on, the wonder years, macgyver, boy meets world, 20/20, turning point. abc was the shit back then and somehow fell off. how they go from having all those shows to 2 guys, a girl and a pizza place? even back then, ryan reynolds couldn't carry a tv show to save his life and somehow, he was able to jumpstart a movie career where he still can't carry a movie to save his life. nbc was a snoozefest with the exception of like 2 shows. nbc always sucked. the only thing worth watching after fresh prince and bloosom were cancelled was showtime @ the apollo which came on in the wee hours in the morning. way better than wack ass saturday night live. mad tv was way better than that piece of shit at it's prime than saturday night live will ever be.

surprised they have that weak ass weekend update still there on snl. like it's lame to see how they'll have someone trying to make a wack joke out of some news story and the awkward, forced laughter from the audience at something that is not funny. they thought that putting two people on there would spice things up when it's still not funny. the worst one that i've seen do that segment was norm mcdonald. they did that man wrong putting him out there like that. even he had that look like "why am i even doing this?"

 

[xbuzzerx]

I have very fond memories of the '90s (well, aside from going to school). They were some of the best years of television, movies, MUSIC, video games, books, and so on...in my opinion. PLUS, life was soooooo simple as a child. If only I knew then what I know now, I would definitely NOT have rushed myself through childhood.

90s were the bestamest.

Great pic Neo.

 

[evanrick]

today i told off my boss for the 2nd time in about 6 months. i wrote to his manager saying that hes an ineffective leader. i dont really have a relationship with his supervisor however, so im putting myself in a little bit of risk by doing that.

 

[franklinP]

poor refuji.

Time to de-stress yourself, and achieve inner calm....

(maybe I'm asking a lot. )

Now, breathe deeply, look at nice relaxing pics....

Put on some soothing music....

Close your eyes....

Take your mind to faraway places of your imagination....



Oh, and please - a straight forum?

As you would say....

"Fuck that shit!"

We love you here.

That's more likeit. Enough of talking shit, it is time to feel the breeze and smell the flowers. Thank you for this post.

 

[Kiwils]

I loved the '90s as well. I think it was mainly the stage of my life I was in though.

Bragging rights:

I have become a typewriter teacher on another website.

Funny thing, that. The people who've gotten the most interested in typewriters lately are 20- and 30-somethings. Why? (Anybody care to posit a theory?)

Poor things. They ask the most elementary questions. ("What's the MR button do?")

Congrats!
Really? lol Idk, maybe the same reason some of them are into vinyl records or vintage clothing. It's different/unique to them.

I personally just like the sounds, like the ding at the end. lol Something about it made me feel like a professional writer. I still have one stashed somewhere.

 

[sixthson]

^Hard-up's doing OK. I have spoken with him privately since he went on a furlough.

He got a little bit discouraged by a sequence of events that occurred on JUB. I miss him terribly, too, but at least he is in good health and good spirits.

If and when he comes back, he knows most of us would roll out the red carpet for him.

Tell him to get back here. I never gave him permission to leave.