just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread

[maxpowr9]

True to my INTJ personality, people think I am an asshole to them but they don't understand how I treat myself. I am 6'4" 182lbs, and I view myself as a fucking fat piece-of-crap that is unworthy of others due to the fat that constitutes my love handles despite having a 32" waist. My goal over this Spring is to lose 10lbs. No, I am not anorexic or bulimic but it is that constant drive for 'perfection' that leads to self-loathing.

When you see me say: "no sympathies please", it means I am already well aware of "my condition" and I don't need to be reminded of it.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I watched The Invisible War on Netflix today. It's a documentary about the rape epidemic in the U.S. military. It made me so angry. The female and male soldiers basically have no one to turn to in the majority of these cases. The system basically oppresses/punishes them for speaking out or it ignores them altogether. And I was shocked when they said male victims outnumber the female ones (although a disproportionate amount of females are victimized so the focus tends to be on them, even the "prevention tips" are geared towards women). I never knew that. Totally cried in some parts, especially when the family members broke down during the interviews.

Just horrifying. Humans make me so...depressed sometimes. SMH.

My sister has been trying to get me to watch that for MONTHS. I just can't bring myself to watch it yet. I will, but I know that it gets incredibly hard to watch.

I don't know if you watch WIGS, its a youtube channel/company ( I suppose) that does these amazing short female films. Im hooked and they are so well done. They are all different but women are all the main characters. This one was done and nominated for an award last year. Its about sexual violence in the military. Its short and I highly recommend it. They all arent this serious though.

My BF and I are watching BLUE, from Wigs. Totally hooked!!!

 

[johaninsc]

Car Wash is so overrated, I've never got the appeal of that crappy song, tbaft.

I think it was because of the movie...kind of a hit back then

 

[refujiunderground]

I always feel such a deep sense of sadness on Sunday nights.

why? work tomorrow?

 

[refujiunderground]

FUCK. damnit...

WHY THE FUCK DOES JUB EDITS DELETE EVERYTHING THAT I FUCKING SAY.

okay, i gotta play some music first since this song is in my head.


i feel like this is deja vu all over again back where i'm back in september 2011 where i just could never longer take the feeling of being bothered by the internal conflict of my sexual orientation. i just had gotten tired of living a lie and being unsure of myself. i KNEW that i wasn't straight so i sought out the truth that i knew BUT didn't want to know or wasn't ready to hear. i asked the questions and people steered me on to the answers. it HURT having to be told something that i knew for the longest but couldn't accept, hint the words "i'm gay". i didn't want to be gay. i thought that i possibly could have been bisexual but i just couldn't be gay. skip forward, went from talking about it on the internet to face to face with someone to going to a lgbt center and basically getting used to this whole entire idea that i was one of the people that i didn't want to be because it just wasn't cool.

now, i sit here having the same feelings come up. i know who i am and accept it. it's that i feel that it's time to take another step forward. i feel like it's nearing that time where i have to come out again but this time it's my homeboy that i hang out with all the time. i want to tell my secret to him but i am scared of how he's going to react. he says homophobic shit all the time and it's like "how do i come out to him without scaring him?" "what do i say to him?" "where should i say it to him?" we're going to the gym today since it's april first and i'm just figuring out what should i say to him IF i decide to do it today. i feel like i'm ready BUT i'm scared of his reaction though. advice?

 

[refujiunderground]

yeah...i have the regular Monday-friday type workweek, so my weekends are very precious to me.

Only problem is that they FLY BY at rapid speed.

workdays go by slow as hell. and the days off always end quickly. it's feels like you never left work and the days go by really slow waiting for the next day off. i feel your pain, man.

 

[refujiunderground]

I suck at giving advice sometimes--especially on such serious matters, but here are the points I want to throw your way:

Let him know that's you're still the same person. I know it sounds dumb (and goes without saying), but sometimes people need to hear stuff like that.

Also...break it to him slow and easy, but don't make it a HUGE DEAL...and he most likely won't either.

Also make sure he knows that his friendship is very important to you, but you no longer want "pretend" to be someone you're not. And you aren't going to.

Be strong in your convictions, and don't question yourself or appear unsure or uneasy. When you can speak about your sexuality in such a way, that shows people that you mean business and won't take any bs. It saves a lot of time and mess.

Sometimes people need to be told: here is the deal. You can take it or leave it. But i hope you understand, and we are able to keep it moving from here.

^ that last bit is just a summary. Don't say that to him.

thanks, bro. *sigh* i just wish that being gay wasn't hated so badly that way it wouldn't be so HARD to come out and reveal it so my nerves might get in the way. the anxiety levels are shooting up.

 

[Lefty]

Fuji, get real on this one dude.

You say he is your 'homeboy'.

Well, my understanding of

the term HOMEBOY

is that he/she is closer than blood.

{way it is Left Coast anyway}

thought, is his homophobic posturing part of the game or real...

fitting in with the expected group rhetoric and or ethos. JMHO and ?

 

[refujiunderground]

Fuji, get real on this one dude.

You say he is your 'homeboy'.

Well, my understanding of

the term HOMEBOY

is that he/she is closer than blood.

{way it is Left Coast anyway}

thought, is his homophobic posturing part of the game or real...

fitting in with the expected group rhetoric and or ethos. JMHO and ?

well, it's not uncommon for folks to be homophobic. it's that when someone who they know is gay, then you really get to see if they really mean it or not. i have some hope though. i thought my parents were going to kick me out when i came out to them but they didn't. there's hope that my homeboy MIGHT take it well. he might not. just crossing my fingers that he does.

@Rj:

I see two possible outcomese

He might be angry with you for a while, feel disgusted, and give you some shit, before he realizes he's your friend, and begins to accept you.

But there's one other possible outcome--he might drop you like a hot potato.

Either way, you will find out whether or not he's a true friend. If he is, he'll eventually come around.

i hope he is. it's that i've had so many people who have disappointed me and i thought they were true friends. just don't want to lose another friend that i care about only to find out that they don't care about me. it would devestate me.

 

[Lefty]

Suck it up Fuji, suck it up.

better you lose them now

than when the shit is hitting

the fan. Trust me man.

 

[Lefty]

Your friend knows her gays and straights Right?

You did the good friend thing and she expressed a disinterest

in your opinion. Let it be. Save your breath, you have done

the 'friend' part.

Anymore and you will be considered an interfering bitch. What

is meant to be will be...you just have your first aid kit at the ready

in case your 'suspicions' prove correct. JMPO based on experience.

 

[Scealle]

I saw some small bugs on the beds and I am freaking out. I sure as hell hope they are not bed bugs. I just moved from a place with fleas Maybe sending the samples to be diagnosed tomorrow.

 

[refujiunderground]

damn, had an intensive masturbation session. shit was serious, yo. it took me a hour and i got so sweaty, it was almost like i just hoped out the shower. DAMN, i've got the power.

 

[pat grimshaw]

… DAMN, i've got the power.

You should do like Usain Bolt and put that power to something.

 

[refujiunderground]

You should do like Usain Bolt and put that power to something.

the power into something like what exactly??? i don't think i could do much with that power which is basically lotion, semen, sweat and man juice.

I miss jerking off.

3 days and counting... trying to go a week (Thursday, when I'm supposed to be taking an overnight trip with the guy I've been dating)

why???????? don't do yourself injustice.

 

[MissAnne]

My BF and I are watching BLUE, from Wigs. Totally hooked!!!

I know! Its so good. Have you watched season 2 yet ?

 

[refujiunderground]

I said something to someone that I probably shouldn't have.
I hate opening myself up and becoming so vulnerable to people.


On another note: Have any of you ever made a huge mistake in your life...and think to yourself... if I just correct this fuckup one time...I WILL NEVER do this again?

i'm sorry, man. i'm kind of having a hard time understanding what you're asking. are you saying that if you could go back in time to fix what you've done wrong in your past that you're troubled by?

 

[MissAnne]

On another note: Have any of you ever made a huge mistake in your life...and think to yourself... if I just correct this fuckup one time...I WILL NEVER do this again?

Yes, yes, yes.

I can drive you crazy though.

 

[refujiunderground]

Not necessarily, but I guess that could apply as well.

What I'm saying in this instance is you do something idiotic that throws you off the tracks, and you kinda make a mental note/promise yourself that if you make it back on the tracks...you won't make such a mistake again. Basically learning from a hard lesson that you indirectly taught yourself.

I know it's confusing...sorry.

if that's the case then yeah, plenty of times. don't believe in luck but when you look at the possible outcomes of a situation where the reprecussions were bad but could have been much worse where you basically do the same shit again, it makes you realize how good you have it. some people don't get the chance to make the same mistake twice because the first time was their last. shoot, reminds me of this guy that i went to school with that was a few grades below me in high school that died last year over some bs involving a police chase. i've known people that did the same thing even witnessed one of my homeboy's brother and one of his friends doing it and ended up getting away from the cops. he tried to do the same thing. he almost got away but just ewhen he lost them, they found him and chased him until he lost control of the bike he was on and that's that. he was only in his early 20s too.

 

[Lefty]

JB, not so sure about the actual learning...

but surely have been exposed to some new

and different ideas/concepts that warrant

some serious consideration.