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Life sucks- somebody help

He didn't insult you, I think. Not intentionally at least.

Let me give you an outside observer's perspective of someone who just read the entire topic up until your last post.

1. You come here - to an exclusively gay male forum. The very fact you know of it means you either did research, or have been aware of it from before. Most people who stumble upon JustUsBoys usually find it while browsing for porn. But either way, you went out of your way to come here and post.

2. You are 24, and you've never had sex with a girl. You are coming up with reason after reason for why that's happened, but when it comes to your sexual interaction with another dude, the only reason is "it just happened". I know you have enough friends your age to know that by the age of 24 sex with a girl will also "just have happened" if you were actively interested in having it. Religion or no religion. You would have felt just as guilty as when sleeping with a guy. Yet it didn't.

3. You've spent the entire topic trying to make this about the sex and how it might have confused you. You keep going to tired cliche examples of self-deluding justifications. I am not trying to insult you. They aren't tired or cliche for you, but they are for those of us who have spent here long enough to see people come and go with the same problem you have. There are patterns that gay guys (or bi, or whatever, but men having same-sex attraction) go through when they have internalized homophobia to deal with. You are going through all of them. The fact that they are so easy to recognize is already a clear indicator of denial. Think on that. I am not attacking you, I'm just pointing out that you are saying the exact same things in the exact same words as countless people before you.

4. Being gay is NOT about physical attraction. Same as being straight isn't. It is a major part of it, but it isn't all, it's in no way more isolated around sex than being heterosexual. Yes, most straight guys go through their lives only ever having feelings for a few girls, or even one. Many go without ever developing these feelings. But trust me - attraction is NEVER purely physical. If you are physically attracted to other men, you ARE also capable of emotional attraction to them. Sex or no sex. Internalized homophobia is a solid barrier against developing feelings for your own gender, but once you get rid of the "gay = wrong" sentiment, you will realize that loving another man is just as beautiful as loving a woman. Heck, it's even stronger if you ask me, because it is still against society, so you KNOW you're not just fulfilling obligations, you know it's real.

5. Listen to TX-Beau. In terms of dealing with this stuff, he's kind of like House - he might be too blunt for your tastes, you might not wanna hear what he has to say, but he hits at the core, and he is rarely wrong. There is no "good" or "bad" about being gay. There is no "right" or "wrong" in sexuality. The only thing that matters is how you deal with it. Denying who you are is wrong, and harmful for you and the people close to you. Burying your feelings in the hopes that if you don't think about it, it will go away, is bad. Again - not just for you, but for those who are part of your life. Being gay is not some inclination like alcoholism that you can just suppress until it goes away. Being gay is EVERYTHING you are, just like being straight is. Once you realize how huge it is, you realize that morality just doesn't enter into it. The same way as we've grown to understand that having black skin isn't a character flaw and having red hair is not "wrong".
 
"It just happened" with my friend because we were roommates. I never denied there was an emotional connection before the sex started, I'm just not sure of its "love".

I was never roommates with a girl so I never had the opportunity.

And finally, I don't think you're being fair to me. You don't understand the life of a practicing orthodox Jew and what goes on. I'm not saying having sex with a guy is less wrong than having premarital sex with a girl, I don't know which is worse, or if one is even worse than the other, my point is if you understood a little more, you might understand why I've had sex with a guy and not a girl. There are plenty of guys my age or around my age who haven't had sex with a girl because of religion.

For the record, just because I've never had sex with a women doesn't mean I've never desired it.
 
ConfusedJew1 said:
A few things.

Firstly, I am seeing a therapist.

Secondly, many of you clearly have an agenda. Just because someone has some attraction doesn't make them "gay".

Thirdly, I am attracted to both. Which is more? I think females, but I'm not 100% sure. And, yes I can live with a female for the rest of my life.
Click to expand...

Agenda for what?
We are not going to get 1 cent rich ...
 
ConfusedJew1 said:
"It just happened" with my friend because we were roommates. I never denied there was an emotional connection before the sex started, I'm just not sure of its "love".

I was never roommates with a girl so I never had the opportunity.

And finally, I don't think you're being fair to me. You don't understand the life of a practicing orthodox Jew and what goes on. I'm not saying having sex with a guy is less wrong than having premarital sex with a girl, I don't know which is worse, or if one is even worse than the other, my point is if you understood a little more, you might understand why I've had sex with a guy and not a girl. There are plenty of guys my age or around my age who haven't had sex with a girl because of religion.

For the record, just because I've never had sex with a women doesn't mean I've never desired it.
Click to expand...

Fair enough, and I admit I don't know enough of your religion. Still, that's one of many things I said. And I do have to point out that you were very aggressive in your defensiveness earlier with the "agenda" thing. The only "agenda" anyone on this particular sub forum has is to help people go through the birth pains of what you're going through. We gain nothing from this. Admittedly, when one lives a happy life as an openly gay person, it's a bit insulting when someone comes and starts complaining how much they don't want to be gay, but we do understand and our only agenda is to help. Or we wouldn't be here.
 
Yes you're right, I kind of overreacted to the whole "agenda" thing. I'm sorry if I insulted or hurt anyone.
 
hi ConfusedJew1,

I think you should seperate having a particular religion (=aquired behavoir) and belonging to a particular tribe (by birth, in this case the jewish tribe) from each other. Are you a jew by birth, or a so-called converted jew?

It seems to me that you have some (?) problems with being an orthodox jew. So why not just stop with the religious part? This does not mean that you are not anymore a jew (the tribal part), but that you don't need to bother anymore what is morally right and wrong according to the very strict rules.

Rolyo85, see also Orthodox Judaism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why do you want to live as an orthodox jew? I assume you will realize that this will mean that you will never be able to become good friends with open gay people? How about it when one of your friends will tell you that he is gay (or has a gay brother, or whatever)? How do you react on it?

So why not stop with the religious part? Are you afraid you will end in Hell? Or do you have the idea that your orthodox friends don't want to be your friends anymore when you stop with being a religious guy?

Or why not change to another more liberal part of the jewish religion?

Feel free to react & best wishes.
 
What Ganoderma is saying is kinda what I was saying earlier.

Christianity and ethnicity are quite simply not tied together in the same tightly knit way. I don't know if that's true for all Jews, or just the traditional ones, but it's nothing I'm going to have much insight about. You need to talk to other guys who understand your specific background as well as talking to us.

Quick google search:

Frum Gay Jews' Home Page
 
I am born into the religion. Yes, the stuff that I've been taugh have awfully infulenced me in my thoughts about gays. But as I said I would be willing to give up the religion if that's what deems necessary.

I have a Jewish mindset, but it goes away quickly. I've realized when I'm not feeling spiritual that the thoughts dim away. It won't take long.
 
hi ConfusedJew1,

Thanks for your friendly reply. Please be aware that you are not 'born into a religion', but that you are born 'into a tribe'. Same like one of my friends who is born as a Fula. How about change to something like Liberal Judaism, Reform Judaism etc? Both movements support, eg, same-sex marriage.

See eg Reform Judaism backs gay marriage - PinkNews.co.uk (Situation in UK)?

Feel free to react, and good luck.
 
That's not an option for me. It's either all or nothing. It doesn't make sense to me any other way.
 
Hi ConfusedJew1,

I would like to welcome you to the world of the people who don't need -anymore- a religion. I am one of them, like the majority of the people currently living in my country. Often, people like me are called 'atheïst' (or 'non-believer'), but that's just a name.

So you are right now a free man, and you don't need to be afraid of something like ending in Hell, as this Hell only exists for religious people. And no need to worry anymore for all kind of 'stone-age' ideas. Just keep the ones who are good in your eyes, and get rid of the ones who are outdated.

Take care and feel free to react.
 
😲🔫 I quit.

I was working tonight and I made an error and my boss yelled at me. He verbally abused me and brought me to tears. I've been working for him for almost a year, and I'm making the same mistakes I did at the beginning. I'm an accountant and always look over something, miss the little detail, and that's what accounting is all about, paying attention to details. I think I chose the wrong profession.

To make matters worse, as he was yelling at me, the first thought that came to my head, was my friend and how he could make me feel better. Which I then realized, no he can't because he's gone. 😭
 
You should stop thinking that way. There are good things in your life, and I'm sure they outweigh the bad. You have a family that loves you, and that will still love you when you come out to them. You have friends who support you, and you have a whole forum full of people sincerely trying to help you :)

And btw, the more your internal conflicts get close to being resolved, the better everything else in your life will function, including your work. If one important thing is wrong, everything is wrong. And if the most basic things feel right, everything else will too.
 
Let me tell you something utterly damning about me.

When I was first dealing with my sexuality, I was a complete and total and egregiously selfish asshole of the first order.

I picked fights, I lied, I insulted people, I got blindingly drunk all the time, I did a fuck load of drugs, I alienated just about everyone I knew. I lost friends over it, I lost my reputation over it, I lost my self-respect over it.

Yes it looks bleak, but there is redemption, there is the other side, and you need to keep working towards that.

It’s quite likely that this is coloring everything in your life. It always does, and we react differently, but the common factor is that it’s a huge thing that affects everything else.

Time to be a man, time to deal.

It’s OK, you are not alone, and there are no obstacles that cannot be overcome.

- - - Updated - - -

Roylo, fucker, beat me to it..
 
The problem is you think there's only one option. You guys are allows to your beliefs, but I don't believe that. In fact I know I have a choice about my sexuality considering I have an attraction to females as well. If that were not the case I may not be saying this.
 
So what exactly do you want us to tell you? And no, that's not "the problem". The "problem" is that you are here, saying that "life sucks" and asking people to help, but you are not really sure what help you want, and you argue with any advice that suggests that you might have to face certain truths before dealing with anything else.

I mean, I know what it's like, but at some point there's only so much we can tell you and only so much arguing people will take from you when you come asking for advice.

If you want to choose to be straight, be straight. If that's what you want, do it. But if it is, why are you here?
 
I can't be confused? I can't say I enjoyed sex with a man, and am attracted to men, but am also attracted to women, and not sure what it means, because frankly, I'm not sure there's actually a thing called "bi". You're either one or the other. Not both.
 
I just got myself drunk. All alone. And I just texted him. I'm a wreck. I don't know what to do.
 
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