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Life sucks- somebody help

Calm yourself down. Get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day to start anew.
 
ConfusedJew, religious as you say you are, the Jewish tradition also includes a very powerful respect for the intellect. Your educated. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, read. Read about same-sex attraction, and not focussing on religious texts, but what scholars have revealed, what writers and historians have revealed.. Let your emotions settle in a context of knowledge instead of chaos.
 
I don't do this. I'm smarter than this. I don't get drunk alone. I don't text people who I love and made a conscious decision to not talk to me. What is happening? What do I do?
 
Go seek professional help in your area. Let the expert help you sort out your feelings. Your situation is not new to them. From their experience in helping others, they will be able to give you knowledge and tools to cope with your specific situation.

Don't delay. Go make an appointment today.
 
ConfusedJew1 said:
I don't do this. I'm smarter than this. I don't get drunk alone. I don't text people who I love and made a conscious decision to not talk to me. What is happening? What do I do?
Click to expand...

Relax, that's the first thing you do. Then you forgive yourself, and don't do it again. I can't count the times I got drunk and made an idiot of myself. It's not the end of the world.

I agree with Bankside, educating yourself about the process you are going through would be useful. But I also understand that sometimes it's so difficult to deal with you can't bring yourself to take a step like that. In the early stages of my dealing with my own gayness I couldn't even say the word. So you are already farther along than you think you are.

I didn't realize the other guy had shut you out. So there's probably some abandonment and betrayal issues in their along with everything else. That must be painful, and it probably reinforces the negative stereotypes you have about being gay, and that it's wrong. Which is bullshit, and that guy probably did what he did because he couldn't deal any more than you could. Issues like this are why out gay men do not date gay men in the closet.

You would benefit from counseling, but in order for that to work you would need to be in a place where you could admit to someone, face-to-face that you are probably Gay.

I know you say that you are attracted to women as well, but please understand that you are not coming across as bisexual at all, they have their issues but there is a difference.
 
Technically, I will be the first to admit that I am indeed bisexual: I still experience that involuntary reaction just talking with or even thinking about a certain woman or women. However, I identify myself as being gay, but that doesn't define me as a person! My sexuality is merely another facet to the whole of my being. Our whole [being] is always greater than the sum of its parts!

I teach at a community college, but that doesn't define me as a person. I am a total jock (play many sports and constantly watch ESPN), and again that doesn't define me. I am insecure and lonely at times, and thank gawd that doesn't define me! Wherever or whatever we consciously choose to place our focus will determine our resultant attitude. There is a saying somewhere that you will be finally be ready for change when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Please, no offense intended ... you'll always have my best regards.
 
Sugar, all of that defines you as a person,.
 
Feeling much better. 😃 Life isn't that bad when people are around and you have people to talk to, and you don't have to worry about life.
 
whatever you do, do not get married, You need to find yourself first for any relationship to be successful, Take it from an older gentleman, being alone is far better than being in a loveless amrriage. Try getting an education , makeng a career for yourself, date, see where you are more confortable, with another male or female, you will know, believe me, Then once you have a good job you will feel better about yourself and others will feel more confident with you and thngs will happen for you, good things.
 
Look, dude. If you're attracted to women, then have fun banging women. If you like guys, then go out and start deep dicking dudes you like. If you're into both, more power to you. But don't deny your feelings or rush into a marriage because you feel obligated to your family, society, or religion. You only have one life and there are no do-overs. Don't live your life according to what other people want for you - live your life the way you want and will make you happy. Good luck and practice safe sex, OK?
 
We haven't seen you in a while, so I trust that all is well in the land of ConfusedJew1. You're good people and deserve to be happy. I for one am blessed with your acquaintance; my life is just that much fuller with you in it. I look forward to the day when we graduate to true friendship. Lol ... you really should bless the [JUB] world with your naked magnificence
 
I hope all is well with you -- I don't usually post, but I spent time reading your thread, Confused, and it has helped me. I wanted to tell you how adn thank you. I have been having some recent problems in my life, hanging out in my house and feeling bad for myself. Reading your thread, I realized that I have been looking at the things I didn't have rather than feeling blessed by the resources and things available to me. I just made a list of the things I could do to help move me along in my thinking -- the people I can talk to and the places that I can go.I live in a small mountain town in the west, but I was surprized at how many resources I have to help me get out of this funk. And I feel better knowing I have more options.

So, maybe that idea can help you too? It sounds like you are unhappy and that you have spent a great deal of energy living your life so far trying to make other people happy -- doing the "shoulds". You are living with your dad, trying to be straight and a good Orthodox Jew. You did college, got your masters and am an accountant. But you feel you are failing because you can't drive, can't find a girl friend, can't hold on to a job, am confused about your sexuality, and (I'm stretching here maybe) you wish you didn't live with your father. If I am wrong about any of this, don't focus on my words, but the intent of what I am trying to say. (After all, I only know you from what you've written in your thread so I'm handicapped.)

You lived with your friend for a while and you did college, so you can do things that make you happy. You have the smarts and gumption inside of you to make some changes.

It won't be easy, but try something different. Give up being an Orthodox Jew for a while -- just a while. Try being gay for a while -- just a while. Get a job, any job, that will give you money to live in your own place or with some roommates for a while (maybe gay ex-jewish roommates?) If you aren't happy -- if you are still as miserable as you are now -- you are not losing anything, right? And you can always go back to being an Orthodox Jew and dating women if your experiment doesn't work. I know leaving a synagog is a big deal. I've worked with Orthodox Jews and I understand what a big deal it is. But you being happy and living a successful life is even a bigger deal. Those things will be there if you decide to go back to them. Don't let the pressure to conform styme you at this point.

Here is where the resources part comes in that I started out with. It sounds like you live in or near New York City. There are gay and lesbian centers around big cities that have counselling and support groups (bi sexuals are welcome too!). I know because I worked at one in LA. There are gay bars, gay clubs, gay reformed synagogs, places where gay people volunteer (youth centers, HIV/AIDS places, political clubs). Pick up some gay newspapers and read the calendar sections. There is no end to the places you can go and the people you can meet. Anytime you encounter a chip on the shoulder, flick it off and forgive yourself. Learn about gay people. We are all very different. If you are gay, you will find yourself. If your not, you will meet a bunch of great people.

Find a job outside your career -- even if it in a convenience store or movie theater at first. Don't be afraid to take a job and then quit if you don't want to be there. Loosen yourself up to find options. Spend the next two or three years living your teenage time doing just whatever makes you happy. Don't worry about whether anyone else understands or believes in what you are doing. It is all about you.

And don't be so hard on yourself. Get drunk if you feel like getting drunk. Be sober if you feel better sober. Some of us don't get to experience life in high school and college because we are too repressed. Many of us don't start developing emotionally until our twenties. Be gentle with your feelings and know that your religion, your knowledge (and degrees), your culture, and the self esteem you begin to build in yourself, can never be taken away. By the time you are 29 or 30 your uncertainty about your career, your sexuality, your desire for a family/kids (which you can have with a guy or a girl), your relationship with your religion, will all work itself out. Maybe one day you will be able to look at what role you might have played in losing the relationship with your first friend and maybe one day you can re-kindle that loving friendship you had -- or find another person to have it with. But don't rush to try to do that right now. Use all these resources to work on yourself. Don't over think it all, and don't get into arguments with yourself, the people here or the people you meet along the way. The only truth is what is inside you -- for you. The people you encounter along your path will have their own truth inside them. One day, you might come to see some eternal, external truths. But believe me, that will take many many years and lots of life's experiences. Don't expect to find them now.

So good luck my friend. And thank you for helping me by starting this thread. I'd been admiring what everyone else around me had and I felt poor. Then you came seeking alms. It caused me to open my chest to look inside to see what I might have and I learned that I was richer than I thought. Look inside to see what you might have to give others and you will no doubt find abundance as well. I hope so. You come from a deep and rich cultural community. You've been given a valuable education. You have been blessed. Go and live life.
 
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