Maintaining Your Friendship with a "Snow Queen"

[BabiGayPimp]

The other posters may not "get" or "understand" where you're coming from but I see it clearly...You're not talking about having an issue with the brother dating white guys..You have an issue with the way he looks at his own race of people...he's got a STANK and nasty attitude. You can hear it in his voice and see it on his face...

I know where you're coming from. And that's why you had to DROP him as a friend..

This is exactly what I am talking about. When you are dealing with another black man who instantly changes his demanor and attention to focus on and cater to any white person who walks in the room, grinning like a trained monkey, while making off the cuff remarks about "sorry negros going nowhere," you're dealing with a person who does not like his own people.

He has done many good works for the black community as a whole, but he distances himself from other blacks on a one-to-one level, except for those who share his views and lifestyle.

 

[G-Lexington]

But he's still friends with you? Does he feel you're "one of the good ones"? Do you share his views and/or lifestyle? Or just haven't called him out on it (yet)?

Lex

 

[BabiGayPimp]

BabiGay and Majestic, I am a white guy, and I have on occasion heard black friends and acquaintances refer to "black people who hate black people." I have heard black people say this when they address audiences that contain a lot of black people, and heard the "uh-huhs" from the audience that tell me that folks recognize what they're talking about. Later, I have seen some folks who make these complaints turn around and do things that make me wonder if they're not one of the black people who hate black people.

I am certain that this stuff is "deep", and some of it is pretty opaque to me.

Babi, it interests me that you seem to think that this guy doesn't "like" black people (and doesn't like being black himself?), but you also say that he's done a lot of stuff "For the community." How does all that fit together?

TygreBryte, good question. Many ambitious, career-driven black men do have a social conscience that leads then to support, even champion, economic and social causes, which benefit the black community. But they still prefer to surround themselves, personally, with white friends and acquaintances, and exclusively date white partners because, at some other level, they see other blacks as "poor relations," in the literal and figurative sense. They want to move on and up, into the "white world" and throw something back for the negros down below, but they don't want to be personally associated with anyone who reminds them of those negros down below.

 

[bankside]

Maybe he's more interested in conversing with white people who will talk to anybody, rather than black people who only want to talk amongst themselves.

 

[slyfer]

Slyfer get the fuck outta here with your Rose colored Racist bullshit! If your response to this issue is going to be "Lets just live and let Live" blah blah, I don't care to hear it!

Funny, this is pretty much the reason I don't hang out with too many black people as it is. Don't agree with the stereotypical black person and they get angry, and go into "I'm absolutely right; Fuck off please." mode.

"This is exactly what I am talking about. When you are dealing with another black man who instantly changes his demanor and attention to focus on and cater to any white person who walks in the room, grinning like a trained monkey, while making off the cuff remarks about "sorry negros going nowhere," you're dealing with a person who does not like his own people."

Ignoring the part where people shouldn't have to change their demeanor depending on the type of person we're around, people do this all the time in everyday situations. What do you think DJs do, just play all the music on their ipod or anything and only thing they'd listen to? No. They play a plethora of music that other cultures might like also.

Now, to the grinning when a white person comes in. I have no clue about that, probably since I hang around and go/have gone to a predominantly white school I've never felt the need to change my posture/voice/outlook when a white person entered the room. But for the ones who do that, I could understand why they would. You see, hatred/dislike/general want to stay away feelings stems from the fact that when people(white people/other races in general) see things such as the stanky leg, black people yelling causing a scene, basically anything that perpetuates a negative stereotype of black people, we feel we have to let every white person we know that we are in no way, shape or form are we like your stereotypical black person.

It's the same feeling when a brother or sister or any family member acts crazy in public. It's the same feeling a mother gets when their child acts like a baby in public and yells and screams at the top of their lungs and they're relatively helpless unless their beat them where they stand or they talk them down. You feel, in some way, their behavior reflects on you. And people in general HATE that feeling. I HATE that feeling, and I'm willing to bet, most black people who don't like most black people feel that way too. It's not the black people that don't perpetuate the stereotype that pisses us off and causes us to dislike them. I have plenty of black friends....all who don't act like your stereotypical black person. In the end, it's the feeling of being fucking embarrassed. And noone likes that.

 

[VenomGGXX]

BTW, Venom posted a thread were he announced to the world that he wishes to be 'White'.

I never created a thread saying" I want to be white". I commented on a thread about racial preference and I said...sometimes I want to be white based on how my circumstances as a black man are, but I also said, I am glad that I am black. Do not put words in my mouth Neo.

Well since you asked for it, here it goes.

Moe just comes off as a prick, and anything he says to me goes in one ear and out the other. I don't like gay black guys that act like they are better because they prefer other black men. That is fine, but don't act like you have some connection to Zimbabwe and all that. He can take his beyonce moves to some brother who wants to deal with that bullshit.

I do have certain prejudices against my own race, but I have them for other races as well. I always treat people I meet with respect, and I have had more black friends than white, so don't fucking label me.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Speaking as a biracial who is part African-American, black people have always historically had a problem with black man or women who date white people. It's an inherent racism that is taught to them.

I should know. My black grandmother did not like it when his son (my father) was dating a person who was not black (my mother).

It's a hypocrisy in my book.

If a white person says they would prefer to date someone who is white and not black, than they're a racist.

If a black person says they prefer to date someone who is black and not white, than they're not racist. It's just a cultural value...

 

[Jayden]

How ever can we get past color lines with this way of thinking? Terms like snow queens etc are just so insane.
So what if someone wants to date only white or black guys? I have a friend that ONLY dates latin guys. Doesnt bother me one fucking bit. Its really not my concern what he does with his cock.
Its odd for me to see some black men so put off by someone dating a white guy. Doesnt that say more about you then anything else?

 

[slyfer]

How ever can we get past color lines with this way of thinking? Terms like snow queens etc are just so insane.
So what if someone wants to date only white or black guys? I have a friend that ONLY dates latin guys. Doesnt bother me one fucking bit. Its really not my concern what he does with his cock.
Its odd for me to see some black men so put off by someone dating a white guy. Doesnt that say more about you then anything else?

You'd assume a rational person's thought process would lead to this conclusion right?

 

[DiamondSkin]

Why would any self respecting black person even want to be friends with a snow queen? Snow queeens are sad wannabe's who salivate over what they wish they were themselves, but aren't. I wouldn't find them respectable. Their pretense would get on my nerves.

The ironic part is that even though they turn turn their nose up at other black people, buy into stereotypes and posture against their own people, while lauding white folks as being ideal...the truth is that most snow queens I've seen have been rejected by most of the black folks they've come in contact with, which heavily fueled their state of mind. Somewhere (probably in early childhood) they, for whatever reason, just weren't able to identify with other black people on a communal level. As they grew up they probably found themselves socially rejected or shunned by many of the black people they came in contact with -- which pushed them to cling to white society. Reminds me of Dennis Rodman justifying that the reason he only dates white women is because black girls used to dis him as a kid.

Far as interracial dating goes, I don't care if people are open minded enough to date outside their race. It only becomes off putting when people ONLY date outside their race. If Jamal (whose last BF was a black man) is with Chad because they both are Knicks fans and have fun hanging out together, then I fully respect their relationship. However, if a primary reason Jamal is with Chad is because he salivates over pale skin, narrow noses, stringy blond hair and blue eyes...well then Jamal is a sorry excuse for a brotha IMO, and I don't respect him at all. He can do whatever the hell he wants to. His life. His choice. But we couldn't be friends. I could only interact with him on a very fleeting level. Chad can have him. And later, when Chad throws him over for another white guy, I better not be the one that a disillusioned Jamal approaches when he decides it's time to "rediscover" his blackness.

This is ridiculous and exclusionary to group those who prefer to date outside their race as inwardly racist.

If a white person prefers to date Latinos, than he must have been dissed by white people and hates white people and their culture and thus they associate with Latinos more.

I think the post above is incredibly racist as it perpetuates the stereotype that it's not okay for a black person to prefer those outside their race because it goes against their 'blackness' and they're not 'black' enough.

 

[DiamondSkin]

UnMutedOne BRAVO!!

U summed it up most eloquently. No one has a problem with interracial dating, we just loathe those who EXCLUSIVELY date outside their Race! They are mentally disturbed!

Again, ridiculous. People like what they like. If I prefer twink bodies, I must be mentally disturbed because I don't accept other body types?

Maybe some black people just get turned on by blue eyes?

What would you say to a white person who prefers to date Latino men and not white men?

Are they traitors to the white race, 'whiteness', and white people in general?

I've never understood the whole 'black people should only date black people' syndrome that's prevalent in the black community. It's hypocritical and sets a foolish double-standard...

 

[tonyboy]

There is much to respond to in what the OP wrote.... and most of it has been covered pretty well..

Just one phrase that struck me hard in the OP.... 'his own people'... WTF does that mean?

Is your former friend from another planet, another country? Is he not an American same as you?

It seems you are saying that skin color determines your 'own kind' rather than nationality or maybe country of origin. I can see that when immigrants came to the US they would natually stick with their 'own kind' when they congregated in the larger cities... they had the same langague and customs.

If you are an American citizen then you are American man... your own kind is all those around you that live in this country. If you want to keep your friends in some sort of racial ghetto then do so... but live and let live man. So what if your buddy finds other US citizens more fun to be around... it is not up to you to judge him and it sounds as if you have done exactly that.

You say he has been a very close friend for a long time, and he has done much for other people in his life.... that should be sufficient to figure him a damned good and fine man... just becaues he does not stick to your idea of what constitutes 'his own people' does not mean you should dismiss him as a friend.

I think you need to take a closer look at yourself man.. the problem may be yours, not his.

 

[DiamondSkin]

There is much to respond to in what the OP wrote.... and most of it has been covered pretty well..

Just one phrase that struck me hard in the OP.... 'his own people'... WTF does that mean?

Is your former friend from another planet, another country? Is he not an American same as you?

It seems you are saying that skin color determines your 'own kind' rather than nationality or maybe country of origin. I can see that when immigrants came to the US they would natually stick with their 'own kind' when they congregated in the larger cities... they had the same langague and customs.

If you are an American citizen then you are American man... your own kind is all those around you that live in this country. If you want to keep your friends in some sort of racial ghetto then do so... but live and let live man. So what if your buddy finds other US citizens more fun to be around... it is not up to you to judge him and it sounds as if you have done exactly that.

You say he has been a very close friend for a long time, and he has done much for other people in his life.... that should be sufficient to figure him a damned good and fine man... just becaues he does not stick to your idea of what constitutes 'his own people' does not mean you should dismiss him as a friend.

I think you need to take a closer look at yourself man.. the problem may be yours, not his.

Agreed. A common problem in the black community is the overt racism (which they don't THINK is racism) and the tendency to make sure they are 'black enough' to 'belong' in the black community.

Which is why they strongly favor dating inside their race. If you date outside their race, you must have racial self-loathing because you prefer black people you must hate black people and thus hate yourself.

What ironic about gay black people decrying 'snow queens' as a insult to their being 'blackness' is that being gay is the EPITOME of going against the black community.

Being black and gay just doesn't mesh in the black community it's the reason why so many gay/bi black men go on the down low.

One problem I encountered from my black friends is my dislike for mainstream rap. As a half-black man, if I dislike mainstream rap, I must be inwardly racist because it's a part of black culture. A concept I find ridiculous. I just don't like songs about pussies and bling-bling.

 

[Jayden]

If I have a friend that only dates black men does that make him a mud queen?
Does that make him not like his 'whiteness'? My thought is its your dislike of white people that makes you think the way you do.
Terms like Snow queen etc is no better than using the N word. This snow queen shit is so 1950's when whites didnt want their woman dating them 'Coloreds'
So what makes you any different then those racists?

 

[DiamondSkin]

If I have a friend that only dates black men does that make him a mud queen?
Does that make him not like his 'whiteness'? My thought is its your dislike of white people that makes you think the way you do.
Terms like Snow queen etc is no better than using the N word. This snow queen shit is so 1950's when whites didnt want their woman dating them 'Coloreds'
So what makes you any different then those racists?

It doesn't. As I said, racism is a prevalent problem in the black community. It's as if the black community is stuck in the 1960s where black identity was so important to obtaining civil rights.

They haven't progressed. If you're black and you don't prefer to date black people, you're a traitor and a racist simple as pie.

 

[DiamondSkin]

DiamondSkin take your head out of your ass and read what has been posted. If a white guy nurishes his fetish by EXCLUSIVELY fucking men of color, then he is just as sad as the Snow Hoe. got it?

Preferring a certain tone of skin or a race is now a fetish? Sad.

Oh wait, I misread. A white person who prefers black men is simply indulging in a fetish.

But a black man who prefers white men is inwardly racist and clearly has a mental problem.

Got it?

By the way, out of curiousity, what other things does a black man have to do to be considered 'black enough'

Another question as well, how is it to be black and gay in your black community since they don't mesh so well?

Aren't you a traitor to black community by not being heterosexual and dating a black woman?

 

[DiamondSkin]

Damn. I wanna marry this post. Interracial dating isn't a problem, so long as it isn't agenda based.

What agenda?

White Man: I love Latino men! I just love their accents and thick black hair!

OKAY!!

Black Man: I love White Men! I like their blonde hair and blue eyes!

You fucking self-racist pig! How dare you prefer white people over your own race!

Again. Another racist toned thread. There is no 'race'. People simply prefer certain types of people.

If I strongly prefer gay men with twink bodies, I must have some kinda agenda against every other body type, right?

 

[DiamondSkin]

I find it tiresome how some of U prance onto this thread not knowing WTF you're talking about! The fact remains: Whites who EXCLUSIVELY date outside their race are engaging in a Fetish Driven Pathos.

'Fetish Driven Pathos'? Have you been attending some sort of underground Black Panther movement or something?

You sound like a black supermacist, lol.

 

[DiamondSkin]

To Add: Blacks who EXCLUSIVELY date outside their race are Idolizing and Worshiping Whiteness. All of this is not Healthy.

So if black person who exclusively dates Latino, they are as you say 'idolizing' and 'worshipping' Latinoness?

But if a white person who exclusively dates black people, it's just a fetish.

Racism pure and simple. I feel sorry for you.

Also it tends to degrade black people by your logic. If black people who date white people are just practicing false idolism and white people who date black people are practicing some bizarre fetish, it just lowers black people on to the level of an object like jockstraps and elevates white people to gods.

Again, your black supermacy just fails on so many levels....

Dating across the color line is great, but not if you wouldn't date your own.

Translation: BLACK POWER!!!!

 

[DiamondSkin]

Getting a bit riled up there, aren't you? It's fine if a white guy can appreciate the features that commonly associated with latin men. On the other hand, if a white guy is so bent on those features that he has little to no affection towards men of his own race (simply because they generally don't have those latin features, or because they contradict them) then, yes, I would say that he has self acceptance issues too. I'm not a hypocrite on the issue. It's not just a black thing. I don't think it's cool for anyone of any race to scorn, cold-shoulder, or ignore their own racial/ethnic group in favor of another. Once more, I think interracial dating can be a wonderful thing, so long as there is no agenda (or bias) behind the motivation.

No, not getting riled up. It's just something I find hilarious and sad. I suppose that's another version of being riled up though.

Again, you're associating preference with race on dichtomy that doesn't exist.

You're assuming that anyone who strongly prefers another race must have some sort self-esteem issue or an issue with their own racial identity.

Or they just like what they like. If I strongly prefer those with brown hair when I have black hair, I must have some sort of self-esteem issue of having black hair, no?

There is no agenda. People like what they like. You're imagining some sort vast conspiracy of self-racist black men who hate their own race and date white men to placate their self-hatred. I simply argue that maybe, just maybe there are some black men who just think that white guys are sexy and prefer them.