Maintaining Your Friendship with a "Snow Queen"

[MisterMajestic]

Complete and utter bullsh!t. This is why as I said I rarely if ever make ANY negative opinion about black people known, because someone like yourself will immediately jump up and call me a racist. I've learned to expect that kind of nonsensical behavior so I avoid it.

I agreed with his statements because I consider them factually correct based on what I have observed myself, not because I hate black people. I have nothing against any race.

I would also not "certainly" disagree if he were to express a negative opinion of white people's actions, IF those statements were factually correct.

White people certainly have their flaws in the race perceptions as well. Like, I don't get the white guys who say they will never go out or meet a black guy (which is too many of them). I've been with some black guys that I thought were really hot, so I don't really understand that kind of perception some white people have toward blacks.

Acknowledging flaws in someone of a different race does not make you a racist. And denying any flaws of anyone in your own race (white or black or whatever) does not mean you have disowned your background.

I wish the race wars could stop and everyone could get a big dose of realism and stop the cheerleading on this subject.

Where in my reply did I call you a racist? I certainly don't know you to call you one. You AGREED with Diamond's Bullshit opinions about Blacks...Most Whites like yourself usually do..

 

[Jayden]

 

[David DeVour]

I can see it being hard to move on since DWB's (driving while black) are still going on. Not in my suburb anymore, but when I worked in Novi, MI just three years ago it would happen. The workforce was mostly black. Many days when we'd get off, the police would pull over cars owned by black people from work for unknown reasons. They waited for us to get off and would sometimes stop three or four cars. They'd be stopped not too far from work on the main road, so how could they all be breaking traffic laws?

I remember being in an Arby's on the Detroit border in the early 2000's. I heard the workers talking about which main streets they take to avoid getting hassled by the police.

As far as acting white goes, I used to work with a young mixed woman who had very short hair dyed blonde. This was in the early to middle nineties when having lighter hair was rarer. I thought her hair looked cute. She'd get nasty comments from some of the other workers. When we first smiled at each other and said hello, I got, "He's just looking at her like that 'cause of her hair".

I didn't understand why she shouldn't die her hair blond. I was a teenager in the eighties and witnessed the coming of squid hairstyles, mohawks, neon clothes, and parachute pants. Anything goes in fashion. I also thought if white people could steal black culture, like Elvis and countless others in music, plus the slang, why can't she dye her hair blond? It's not like she tried to talk like Queen Elizabeth.

 

[fetaby]

I kill threads so here goes.

I'm white, and always been white. I don't think I can ever understand what it feels like to be black. If it involves as much drama as I've seen in the past four pages of this thread, it concretes this idea.

What I want to know is why people take it all so personally? I think the majority of the people here don't, and will never, meet in the real world. So that just leaves the mind to play here.

If I had a friend and they disassociate them selves from their race, and idolize another, I wouldn't understand it. But I don't know how close I could let that friend knowing how he felt about his own race and by extension me because I'm part of said race. When it all comes down, you have to look after numero uno. Protect yourself from the negativity, and move on.

Babygaypimp, I'm sorry about your friend. It sucks that such a long time friend has become such a battery of negativity. Knowing how he feels, do you honestly want to keep him as a close friend? Or even keep him as a friend period? It might just be time to move him over to the christmas card list. Time is too short to invest in people that don't progress with you. Learn this from your friend, examine his progression and if it rubs you wrong, commit yourself to not making the same mistakes. Thank him for opening your eyes and being honest.

Our world is what we make it, I believe this if nothing else.

 

[Jayden]

Oh hells no bitch! I'm the only Thriller-era Michael Jackson popcorn eating gif whore around here. I don't care if the one you posted is bigger, mine is clearer. Bootleg fuzzy ass shit.

That's MY gif. I'm claiming that one.

Girl dont make me smack you upside yo wide wide head!

 

[DiamondSkin]

Does anyone else find it incredibly conspicuous how throughout this thread, as DiamondSkin has manically (and repetitiously) argued (as if he has something to prove) against the notion that black men who seek out white men exclusively are "self-racists," he has continually hurled out petty, cynical digs and blanket conjecture at the black community in general. Seems the condemnation of 'snow queens,' and their alleged lack of ethnic/racial pride, may be hitting a little too close to home. The more he neurotically rallies against the notion, insisting to the contrary, the more bitter and suspicious it subsequently looks.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much!

Hmmm.

"Self-racist," eh?

A) This doesn't add much to the thread other than a snide remark that lacks any umph much less imagination. Try harder, sweetie.

B) I'm actually a half-black, half-latino gay man who does have a penchant for white twinks but would rather have a macho Latin man in the image of Rafael D. *sighs contentedly*

C) I'm making observations about the black community that I believe are faulty and need of improvement.

Like for example, as shown in your post, any and all criticism towards black culture or the black community is instantly seen as an insult whether petty or grand. Which is why the black community is in stagnation. We refuse to see the double standards we place upon ourselves. We refuse to discuss race unless it's on our terms. And for some reason, the black community owns the race debate without any concern to other racial minorities.

Thank you for proving my point with your post.

 

[VenomGGXX]

I'm a macho latin man diamond skin lol

I feel where you're coming from. Just ignore these hateful bitches.

I know who I am and what my values are.

You have some sense Diamond, thank god!

 

[Jayden]

Pfft, you ain't gone touch me. I'll cut your ass wide open.

^Look at that face. I'm crazy, I'll do it.

Dont make me smack you with these babys.

 

[Jayden]

And don't make ME punch you square in the titties with both of these weapons of mass destruction and total mayhem.

Girl let me show you what to kiss.

 

[bounder]

So since you're in a relationship with a white boyfriend, you're being oppressed by him since he's the oppressor (white) and you're the oppressed (black)? Is that why you fell for him in the first place? You had a kink for oppression?

What are you talking about? I think I could answer that question for lucky7 with a simple no.

 

[hotatlboi]

Where in my reply did I call you a racist?

It was implied. You think I agreed with his opinions simply because I have a negative view toward blacks (and for some reason you seem to think most white people share that). That, as I said is bullshit.

Much of what he said is factual imo, that's why I agreed with him, not just because it was a negative opinion about blacks.

If he had said that a lot of black people are pretty cool and fun to be around, I would have agreed with that as well, because it is factual in my experience.

You need to understand that my opinion was not racially driven.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

This thread has activated quite a few feelings associated with the memories of how our friendship deteriorated.

I'm been trying to identify which, of the many racially-charged incidences, was the "straw that broke the camel's back." If I were to choose an instance, it might be a summer evening when I ran into my former friend at a gay lounge in the village surrounded by a circle of his other friends.

We were quite close, for years, but maintained separate circles of outside friends (who sometimes overlapped) and had this on-again, off-again relational kind of thing going, due to the strain of our diverging lifestyles and world views.

He pulled me into his little group, thinking I would fit in, but it didn't turn out quite that way. You see, his circle was comprised entirely of white men with their black lovers. Frankly, every black man there was a "snow-clone" or wanna-be looking for a situation. You had to be there to know what I'm talking about.

I thought, "let's not be rash, maybe I'm rushing to judgment," so I took a seat and joined the "conversation."

Let me tell you, I developed this twitch of irritation that started in my little toe and traveled to edges of my eye lashes, just listening to these white men completely dominate the "conversation," while their black "trophy boys" sat passively and adoringly by, nodding and agreeing with everything.

Funny thing was the other "Stepford Blacks" immediately picked up on the fact that I was not one of the "good negroes" who would easily go along to get along in that circle, I don't think my friend had a clue that I was almost ready to bust that "plantation" wide open and FREE THE SLAVES!

And again, this is not about having white lovers, but about self-denigrating behaviors and attitudes that stem from the belief anglophilia is a form of upward social mobility. And that's really what it's all about. Hitching your wagon to a "white star" to move up socially.

Correlation is not causation, but it is a materially relevant state, nonetheless.

Things went downhill from there...

 

[fetaby]

This thread has activated quite a few feelings associated with the memories of how our friendship deteriorated.

I'm been trying to identify which, of the many racially-charged incidences, was the "straw that broke the camel's back." If I were to choose an instance, it might be a summer evening when I ran into my former friend at a gay lounge in the village surrounded by a circle of his other friends.

We were quite close, for years, but maintained separate circles of outside friends (who sometimes overlapped) and had this on-again, off-again relational kind of thing going, due to the strain of our diverging lifestyles and world views.

He pulled me into his little group, thinking I would fit in, but it didn't turn out quite that way. You see, his circle was comprised entirely of white men with their black lovers. Frankly, every black man there was a "snow-clone" or wanna-be looking for a situation. You had to be there to know what I'm talking about.

I thought, "let's not be rash, maybe I'm rushing to judgment," so I took a seat and joined the "conversation."

Let me tell you, I developed this twitch of irritation that started in my little toe and traveled to edges of my eye lashes, just listening to these white men completely dominate the "conversation," while their black "trophy boys" sat passively and adoringly by, nodding and agreeing with everything.

Funny thing was the other "Stepford Blacks" immediately picked up on the fact that I was not one of the "good negroes" who would easily go along to get along in that circle, I don't think my friend had a clue that I was almost ready to bust that "plantation" wide open and FREE THE SLAVES!

And again, this is not about having white lovers, but about self-denigrating behaviors and attitudes that stem from the belief anglophilia is a form of upward social mobility. And that's really what it's all about. Hitching your wagon to a "white star" to move up socially.

Correlation is not causation, but it is a materially relevant state, nonetheless.

Things went downhill from there...

And if that's how you feel, there is no maintaining to be had. Much less a friendship.
Doesn't change anything though. Just smell the roses and pass on by. Do you feel the need to reach out to these snow queens and free them as you say? Why?
That is what I want to know.

 

[bankside]

This thread has activated quite a few feelings associated with the memories of how our friendship deteriorated.

I'm been trying to identify which, of the many racially-charged incidences, was the "straw that broke the camel's back." If I were to choose an instance, it might be a summer evening when I ran into my former friend at a gay lounge in the village surrounded by a circle of his other friends.

We were quite close, for years, but maintained separate circles of outside friends (who sometimes overlapped) and had this on-again, off-again relational kind of thing going, due to the strain of our diverging lifestyles and world views.

He pulled me into his little group, thinking I would fit in, but it didn't turn out quite that way. You see, his circle was comprised entirely of white men with their black lovers. Frankly, every black man there was a "snow-clone" or wanna-be looking for a situation. You had to be there to know what I'm talking about.

I thought, "let's not be rash, maybe I'm rushing to judgment," so I took a seat and joined the "conversation."

Let me tell you, I developed this twitch of irritation that started in my little toe and traveled to edges of my eye lashes, just listening to these white men completely dominate the "conversation," while their black "trophy boys" sat passively and adoringly by, nodding and agreeing with everything.

Funny thing was the other "Stepford Blacks" immediately picked up on the fact that I was not one of the "good negroes" who would easily go along to get along in that circle, I don't think my friend had a clue that I was almost ready to bust that "plantation" wide open and FREE THE SLAVES!

And again, this is not about having white lovers, but about self-denigrating behaviors and attitudes that stem from the belief anglophilia is a form of upward social mobility. And that's really what it's all about. Hitching your wagon to a "white star" to move up socially.

Correlation is not causation, but it is a materially relevant state, nonetheless.

Things went downhill from there...

The fact that you have dated a white man before lets me know there is at least one white guy who would have understood the problem of the dynamic you saw that night. I don't know if you would have been dating that guy at the time, but I would have cheered you on to watch the two of you mess with the way people were relating in that group. To me it seems corny from the outset to have a "mixed couples night." But if such a group came together, you would think that it would be the last place for that kind of stratification to develop. I believe your account of what you saw, and I know you have dropped this guy but I'm still curious why you're looking back.