Man, I am scum.....

[thephoenix]

I wanted to post this not to make myself feel better or brag or whatever. It's a confession of sort. Because I behaved like a nonhuman. I totally disregarded someone else's feelings and was concerned only with my own wants/pleasures.

Let me say first I acted like a complete loser and made a bad and immature judgement call.

Some friends of mine were talking about how easy it was to get of age straight guys to drop their pants on cam or send pics of themselves and how it was kind of a challenge/game to get off to without the chances of catching anything. The deal is masquerade as a chick. I'd never done it before and thought I'd at least try and see what it was about.

Created a fake MySpace account...stuck some chick pics on there and it wasn't long before the guys began "biting." Not that its much of a defense, but I never made it into anything more than we getting each other off; not there looking for a boyfriend or anything like that. I got their pics or cam and they got some girl's pics.

Well, this one guy (19) was kinda cute and wanted to talk first because he was a little nervous. So, I gave in and started talking to him and changed nothing about my personality except to throw in some girl slang every once and while. After we had talked he had gotten ALOT cuter. And my lower instincts "wanted" him. So I proceeded with the "game." Got his pics all that. I got around him wanting to talk on the phone by saying I still lived at home and was grounded. Well we kept talking and talking and I SWEAR I didn't lead him on into thinking he'd get a relationship. Sex exited the equation after that first exchange.

And again, I didn't alter my personality at all while we kept talking. And don't you freakin know we have so much in common except he's straight. He's about as close to my perfect guy as someone could get. He's sweet, kind hearted and smart. He's generous and open. A truly amazing man from what I can tell. He religious and our religious beliefs fall in the same place. We just click. He's gonna make some actual girl an amazing boyfriend/husband. I've developed some pretty strong feelings for him. I could handle crushing/lusting for him and ending communications and that be that. I brought it on myself.

The problem is: He has developed feelings for me...strong ones. I never, never meant for that to happen. I never thought it would.

He can draw really well and he has made the most beautiful drawings and sketches for me that he scanned and e-mailed me. I've tried to keep the "developing" on his side to a minimum by saying stuff like we haven't even met and sometimes our feelings can fool us. But he told me he didn't need to meet me to know that what he felt was right because it was strong and beautiful and scary. I was a beautiful person And that made me feel so wonderful and like crap all at once.

I'm not an unrealistic idiot, just a lonely isolated gay guy who made a mistake. One hell of a big mistake. I know that this can't keep going and I am not fooling myself with hopes and dreams of me revealing who I really am and him saying "Oh it doesn't matter" like those dumb 80s movies. Because I know he is straight. No question. And also this isn't an 80s movie.

I know I'm going to end up hurting him and it nearly kills me to think about that. It feels like someone is twisting my guts when I think about hurting him. I've gone through all kinds of scenarios in my head from "killing" my character off to somehow inserting me into his life with no connection to her and trying to build something there because if he "loves" me now, wouldn't those same feelings stir when I came along? I don't know. That sounds stupid and selfish.

The right thing to do is to tell him the truth. Not because I might get anything or some miracle might occur, but because it is the right thing. I owe him that. I don't even care what he thinks about me after; I just am sick at the thought of hurting him. I'd go and let him beat the hell out of me if it meant he wouldn't hurt.

I'm ashamed that I even listened to my friends and did what I did. I don't do it any more by the way. I just give in and e-mail him when he e-mails me...chat online with him.

I acted like teenager. What I was doing was the equivalent of teen boys trying to drill holes in the girls locker room walls. I have a better head on my shoulders than this guys. I want to apologize to you all first for perpetuating the stereotype that gay men prey on straight men and can't be trusted with them.

What are your thoughts? Scoldings? there is no one to blame but me...any advice on how to "come out" to him?

 

[Gooey45]

wow .... i like the calculating personality im like that too lol to be able to drag on the game to make him fall for you took alot of time. Listen dont feel guilty if he fell sor anyone it was a fictitious fantasy of someone online.He is just as guilty as you.Dont worry about his feelings he is most likely saying he is in love with you because he likes your personality but thats just one half of a person.He is just infatuated with this image.

Just end with it being like so maybe this can help you out.Say you met a guy in real life and that you somehow have a crush on him or something to that matter. Tell him that you are going out on a date with him and see if things work out. Little by little start moving on to the other guy and just either make him hate you or forget you. But remember is online love.Is not profound and at any moment both people can be complete liars.

As for u meeting him in real life unless you want to stalk him i suggest just moving on. You never had him you probably never will.Is just an adventure in life.Proving that the gay man is smarter than the straight man nah jk lol

good luck

 

[Homer0626]

LMAO! Dude, u r freaking awesome 4 having the cojones 2 go through with it. The good thing about Ur situation is that this is all online. Online! This means u can tel him the truth and nothing but the truth without having 2 worry about him looking u in the eye and judging u. U'll still feel like shit but not as much as if he was face 2 face with u. Remember 2 tell nothing but the truth! I know u can do it because u have cojones!!! Great luck.

 

[thephoenix]

But it is a person's feelings. That's not cool to mess with someone's feelings. I feel like I almost owe it to him to tell him in person. It's cowardly to just stop talking or hide...

 

[thephoenix]

I got the pics within 2 hours of talking to him. But we kept talking, there's been no other exchange of pics...this has been weeks...

 

[benlemieux2003]

My two cents? Stop this now. This is bad for both of you.

 

[BluesDog]

I guess that I am too old--- it just seems gratuitously cruel to have kept stringing him along after you realized that he was developing strong feelings for a fictitious character you had created-- even if it was based on your real personality.

 

[GL]

you are so lucky this is a "no flame zone" because i have several colorful adjectives i would dearly love to lay at your wooden feet.

 

[Absolut]

May I also remind you of this story, that happened right here in my hometown ---

Banas: No charges in MySpace suicide case
By Joel Currier
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
12/03/2007

Megan Meier, 13, committed suicide on Oct. 16, 2006, after being teased on MySpace by neighbors using a phony profile of a teenage boy. Megan's parents believe the taunting contributed to her death.

ST. CHARLES -- The St. Charles County prosecutor said this morning there will be no criminal charges filed in the case of the teenaged girl who committed suicide after being bullied on the Internet.

County Prosecutor Jack Banas said that based on available evidence, the actions of the people involved in the Internet bullying did not meet the standards required by state laws for either harassment, stalking or endangering the welfare of a child.

Banas announced his decision at a news conference called to discuss the Megan Meier case. Megan, 13, of Dardenne Prairie, hanged herself last year. Her parents said her suicide was the result of harassment via her My Space web page.

Her parents said an adult neighbor created a teenaged boy who pretended to be interested in Megan before he began bullying her. The neighbors admitted to police that they created the account.

The prosecutor's office had been investigating whether any laws were broken or charges could be filed.

Megan hanged herself Oct. 16, 2006, shortly after receiving cruel messages on the social networking website MySpace. Megan's parents, Ron and Tina Meier, found out six weeks after Megan's death that the boy their daughter had been chatting with online never existed.

The boy's profile, they learned, was the creation of Lori Drew, her daughter and Drew's employee, Ashley Grills. The Drews and the Meiers live four doors apart on Waterford Crystel Drive in Dardenne Prairie.

Vicki Dunn, who is Tina Meier's aunt, said she was disappointed in Banas' decision, but she understood the limitations of state law. "I'm not happy with what's happened," she said. "All we can do is move forward and look at the bigger picture, and get laws changed."

The Drews and Grills have declined to comment on the case.

Banas said the fake MySpace page was not the creation of Lori Drew. He said the website was created by Grills, 18, and that Drew was aware that she had created the profile.

For six weeks, Megan exchanged messages with Josh Evans through MySpace. The password to the fake MySpace account was later given to another teenage girl, Banas said, who sent messages to Megan, as Josh Evans, saying Megan was mean and no longer wanted to be her friend.

It was Grills who sent the last message before Megan committed suicide, Banas said. That message, through Josh Evans' profile, said something to the effect of, "The world would be a better place without you," Banas said.

"I think you have a lot of facts that have gone out across this country that are a misstatement of facts," Banas said.

Last fall, Megan and the Drew's daughter were friends but had been quarreling. According to a police report, Lori Drew said she had "instigated and monitored" the fake MySpace account because wanted to know what Megan was saying online about her daughter.

Both the FBI and St. Charles County Sheriff's Department investigated the Meier case over the past year and could find no appropriate criminal charge. Prosecutors didn't see a crime either, and high-profile law firms did not pursue a civil suit.

The Meiers have sworn to fight for new laws that punish people for online misconduct.

Last month, Dardenne Prairie and Florissant passed ordinances making Internet harassment a crime. In coming weeks, St. Louis, St. Louis County, St. Charles, O'Fallon, Mo., and St. Charles County are expected to consider similar measures targeting online harassment. Also, state lawmakers have promised to introduce legislation designed to protect the people who communicate over the Web and punish those who abuse it.

 

[Fortunate]

Yeah...you'll completely humiliate and destroy this boy if you tell him the truth. Sometimes its better not to tell the truth. I know you probably like the attention, and like being liked, but try and put yourself in his shoes! Obviously you have a likeable personality, you'll find someone else, but stop what you're doing because it can only end in hurt for this guy.

Break it off gently, and if you can't do that - just break it off! He will heal and get over an online break-up way more easily than he would get over it if he found out he was being tricked and lied to by another guy the whole time.

 

[thephoenix]

Yeah...you'll completely humiliate and destroy this boy if you tell him the truth. Sometimes its better not to tell the truth. I know you probably like the attention, and like being liked, but try and put yourself in his shoes! Obviously you have a likeable personality, you'll find someone else, but stop what you're doing because it can only end in hurt for this guy.

Break it off gently, and if you can't do that - just break it off! He will heal and get over an online break-up way more easily than he would get over it if he found out he was being tricked and lied to by another guy the whole time.

You're right. The humiliation from the truth would probably hurt worse than actually breaking up. It's not that I liked the attention per se...I liked the friendship. I'm completely aware of the wrongness of letting the situation get this out of hand. Which is why I'm ending it. I'm not telling him the true truth because in this instance that's worse.

you are so lucky this is a "no flame zone" because i have several colorful adjectives i would dearly love to lay at your wooden feet.

Well, they are probably not any adjectives that I haven't already used myself. But, please, share. That's why there's a PM function. Cause I can promise you luck doesn't have a thing to do with it. So, my wooden feet are waiting to hear from you. Show me what ya got. I'm curious as to how "lucky" I'm supposed to be.

Please bear in mind- I didn't intentionally string him along to this point. I only weakly continued to talk to him as a friend. I never meant to hurt anyone. And I'm ceasing communication. I am never doing anything like this again. I've learned my lesson a hundred times over. I was foolish and behaved poorly. It was in poor taste to try to make a sport of something like that anyway. Note: getting amateur pics, not playing with someone's emotions. At any rate, I'm feeling guilty, embaressed, ashamed, and generally punishing and kicking myself. So, don't get any idea that I am enjoying this situation I created.

 

[Alberto_15]

I agree with you thread starter.

 

[thephoenix]

Only, that's exactly what you did
You got your thrills and pics in 2 hours, so the weeks since then were your choice, whatever you were aiming for.

Just move on fast before things get worse.

I guess that is what it is. I never called myself going "Hey alright makin a straight boy love me." We talked after that and that's all. He started getting more "affectionate" and I was polite, but not encouraging. I agree though, whether I intended to or not I did string it along since I was the one with all the information and I kept talking to him.

 

[mabby7]

I can totally relate to this. When I first started using the Internet, I did this to a guy. I pretended that I was better than what I actually was. We became friends online. After a few weeks I told him the truth and I never heard of him since. And if that wasn't enough, I tried online dating again and this time I was the one that was being strung along. I eventually found out that he didn't have the same feelings for me and so I thought I'll never go back to dating online again. So I never have since that time.

 

[Eagle653]

Yeah...you'll completely humiliate and destroy this boy if you tell him the truth. Sometimes its better not to tell the truth. I know you probably like the attention, and like being liked, but try and put yourself in his shoes! Obviously you have a likeable personality, you'll find someone else, but stop what you're doing because it can only end in hurt for this guy.

Break it off gently, and if you can't do that - just break it off! He will heal and get over an online break-up way more easily than he would get over it if he found out he was being tricked and lied to by another guy the whole time.

I agree completely with this post. It's the most sensible and sensitive thing to do. Good luck to you. Let us know how you end up handling it and what happens.

 

[mascbiguy]

i got a few choice words for you, but this is a no flame zone


but... with all the porn that is abundant on the internet. You have to troll myspace and trick straight guys, that you know will never be into you. into sending you porn?

piece of something comes to mind

 

[thephoenix]

i got a few choice words for you, but this is a no flame zone


but... with all the porn that is abundant on the internet. You have to troll myspace and trick straight guys, that you know will never be into you. into sending you porn?

piece of something comes to mind

And I can refer you to post #12 here. PM function works fine unless it makes you feel more self righteous to say it in public.

I need to clarify here, I don't 'troll' MySpace. That term implies I do it regularly. Which I absolutely do not. I did this one time. And The account is now deleted. I stupidly just continued friendly chat with this one guy when I shouldn't have. I'm ceasing communication.

Believe me I know how i behaved like a crap person. I made a mistake. Just cut the judging out. Some of you have made worse mistakes probably. If you have some badass statement to say to me that is against the rules, you're welcome to address it via PM. But don't make this big to do about what you could/might say to me if only this weren't a no flame zone. It doesn't make you look noble or righteous. Only pompous. Just say it to me directly. As for everyone else thanks for your input. I thank you for some sensible nonjudgemental views.

 

[theblackajah]

Oy vey. What a situation! Keep us updated.

 

[thephoenix]

God....I tried to break it off gently as per previous advice and he wants me/character to come and live with him...he said he would give me his bed and sleep on the floor and we could get jobs and make it work.

I said no and he said he is going to pray and would go to the ends of the earth to make it work.

And I still said no and lied that I didn't feel the same way, and he kept on about not losing me and how he felt the connection so strong.........I'm just gonna have to completely cut off the communication.

I messed up bad guys.......

 

[StlKj]

Toss another vote on the fire for not telling him the truth, but letting him down as gently as possible while you're still in character. And do it for all the reasons people listed above (the main being in protecting him).

But also do it for this reason--if you tell him the truth, then you have let down every one of us who tries to fight the idea that homosexuals are just a bunch of lying perverts who want to convert straight boys. You tell this boy the truth, and you've potentially destroyed any feelings of trust or acceptance this young man feels towards our community. He might also tell his friends, who will reinforce his feelings of anger and betrayal. In one fell swoop, you could do him, yourself, and all the rest of us a great deal of damage.

And then go back to that group of manipulative b**ches you call friends and tell them the same thing.


Sigh. Just saw what you posted while I was typing this. Once you've cut him off and you've learned from your mistake...forgive yourself. *hug*