Man, I am scum.....

[tallguy297]

Well I guess we can hypothesise over a guy we've never met, who's personality we dont know and who's character and strengths are complete unknowns to us until we are blue in the face. In the end it means nothing and we'll truly never know unless he makes contact again with Phoenix which is highly unlikely.

The real issue here is what we can control and the reason that Phoenix came here in the first place... to seek advice and to try and make good.

He did that... in his way. For me it was the right way... for others it may not have been... but that too no longer matters. Phoenix did what he felt was the best way to clean up the mess he created... and for that he deserves due credit. He made a choice and stuck to it, followed it through and stood by it. Right or wrong thats something else that he will have learnt from.

Oh... and Rareboy your signature fits this whole saga perfectly... whats done is done and cant be undone. Its time for the lessons to be taken to heart and hope that forgiveness comes easily to all.

 

[thephoenix]

Thanks guys!

Now here's a twist I wasn't expecting...he e-mailed back and wants to be friends....he said that he probably would have done the same in my circumstances

???

 

[StlKj]

Thanks guys!

Now here's a twist I wasn't expecting...he e-mailed back and wants to be friends....he said that he probably would have done the same in my circumstances

???

If that's true, then great. However, don't give him any personal information he can use against you, don't meet him any time soon, and if you do end up meeting him, do it somewhere very public where you can easily exit without trouble.

If he wants to be friends, cool. If he wants to kick your ass with a group of his friends, you need to be careful.

And remember--if this does turn into a friendship, don't be so blinded by the good fortune that you forget it's a far better ending than you ever deserved.

 

[thephoenix]

Well, I am a little suspicious...it's more fortunate than I deserve....he has since sent a couple of invitations for avatar chat....

 

[framacias]

WOW.
thats a very different reaction.

at least he isnt so heavily bothered to the point where he cant move on from that.

(my 2 cents on that mainly because he messaged you back and attempted to strike up a friendship...)

best of luck with that man.
this was intense. but at least you did what you believe was the right thing towards the end.

 

[justhappy]

don't be too sure that it is friendship he is looking for... he could be young and hurt...it could be revenge... .and gee what if he wasn't being totally honest with his myspace information .... have you ever seen "To Catch a Preditor"... with that being said I am glad that you told him the truth not because it made you feel better but
rather because that is what he deserved...

 

[thephoenix]

Yeah, I'm being pretty cautious cause he's sent me two messages today and he says he's an understanding guy and that he wants to talk. We can talk about anything and that I can trust him. He even mentioned something about hanging out sometime.

Something doesn't seem right. He hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to see pictures of me or talk on the phone, he just went into wanting to talk and hang out.

Perhaps he wants to move past it and really be friends. Something is nagging me and I can't figure out if it's, guilt, cynicism, or what....all I know is I'm gonna listen to it. I'm curious what his game is, but for once I don't think I'm gonna let curiosity get the best of me.

 

[xterranx]

Yeah, I'm being pretty cautious cause he's sent me two messages today and he says he's an understanding guy and that he wants to talk. We can talk about anything and that I can trust him. He even mentioned something about hanging out sometime.

Something doesn't seem right. He hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to see pictures of me or talk on the phone, he just went into wanting to talk and hang out.

Perhaps he wants to move past it and really be friends. Something is nagging me and I can't figure out if it's, guilt, cynicism, or what....all I know is I'm gonna listen to it. I'm curious what his game is, but for once I don't think I'm gonna let curiosity get the best of me.

Be careful. I would take OrionFyre's advice on it.

The behavior exhibited is quite unusual. You could be dealing with someone who isn't mentally stable... especially if he was completely "in love" with you to the point he had to tell his parents and everything about you.

 

[mabby7]

I saw that movie. It was called The Crying Game.

I'll have to watch that movie

I'd just like to add one thing...


Phoenix...you aren't scum.


Scum would have never admitted wrong doing and continued to sit back and watch this trainwreck go into completion.


So, here's to learned lessons and better tomorrows!

You are so sweet Huntneo, ... loved that post ...

 

[rareboy]

What is nagging you is called common sense.

If you meet him, I'll be looking for the article in the papers.

And I hope you don't have too much internal bleeding.

Of course, we're all now waiting for you to say that you met up and he really has forgiven you and now you're best friends. And he's admitted to himself that he's gay after all. And thanks for helping him realize it. That would sure make a great story, wouldn't it?

Again, just leave the guy alone.

 

[boy0boy]

There certainly is a lot of drama in this thread. phoenix, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and yeah you made a bad decision and went through the pain of it, so you've suffered and now come to some sort of conclusion.

Just do know that it really does take two people to tangle, him falling like extremely fast was not under your control, and yeah I think it was best that you told the truth. the saying "oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to decieve," comes to mind.. the lies needed to end and thats good that they did.


REALLY enough assuming of this boys personality needs to stop. nobody here knows him more than phoenix would, so shouldn't you trust him enough to make the correct decisions on dealing with how things progress now?

 

[thephoenix]

There certainly is a lot of drama in this thread. phoenix, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and yeah you made a bad decision and went through the pain of it, so you've suffered and now come to some sort of conclusion.

Just do know that it really does take two people to tangle, him falling like extremely fast was not under your control, and yeah I think it was best that you told the truth. the saying "oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to decieve," comes to mind.. the lies needed to end and thats good that they did.


REALLY enough assuming of this boys personality needs to stop. nobody here knows him more than phoenix would, so shouldn't you trust him enough to make the correct decisions on dealing with how things progress now?

As much as I appreciate it, I really don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. I'm just keeping my distance. When it's all said and done I really am embaressed by what I did.

 

[paboy67]

Ohmigod,

this whole thread reads like a film script (as was said above)

and is full of heartache and angst for both the main players.

Phoenix, I have read the whole thing - and with no judgement against you whatsoever - but agree with you that you were wrong (but don't agree that you are scum).

Now it seems that it has worked out for the best - but it could be only that it seems so - remember that the whole issue was caused from lying on-line - and he could now be doing the same to you.

He could also have done some soul searching and decided that he is interested in having a relationship with you - either as friends or lovers.

The $64000 question is - how will you know if he is now telling you the truth?

It could be a case of him paying you back, or he could hopefuly be totally genuine - but how will you know?

I would keep it on line - for quite a while.

Ask him a lot of questions about how he feels about guys, gay guys, and maybe why after what you have done to him he is even interested in still tallking to you let alone meeting or hanging out. And how he feels about what you did to him and why he is even still interested in you after that.

Leave any meet up for quite a few months - and somewhere public - very public - and during the day.

It could be a VERY dangerous situation for you.

It COULD also be a pretty amazingly romantic situation.

If it all works out, I do expect you to notify us that you written a screen play about it.

Just remember, you know as little about the 'real' him as he knew about you before you came clean. Please be careful.

Please keep us posted.

 

[boy0boy]

As much as I appreciate it, I really don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. I'm just keeping my distance. When it's all said and done I really am embaressed by what I did.

Hmm well this response seems to just further proof of your controlling way of thinking. So you're telling me that you don't deserve my benifit of the doubt? Maybe it's mine to give.

Seems like you tend to decide what you think is best for the person, rather than hearing what they think. Isn't that kinda how you got into this situation?

 

[MaxMouse]

Umm wow. I think no matter what, telling him the truth is the best option. But he sounds like a big loser anyway- who falls in love online? And at least you already know that pretending to be a girl is just immature and stupid. But yeah, at least you told the dude the truth so he will know, who cares if it hurts, honestly? It's the truth, I'd really prefer that. Don't hang out with him, he's obviously an online loser and if you meet up with him you're the same! I don't care if you people think I'm a rude asshole, this is my opinion and I am never short with honesty!

 

[tallguy297]

This whole thread is an interesting look into our own culture isn't it...

Here we are on a website... We know nothing - or at least very little - about each other and yet we pass judgment very quickly and very easily with total assurity on someone who also uses a website...

There are really only 2 people involved here that stand any chance of understanding each others motives, emotions and intentions - Phoenix and the other guy.

And while we are all willing to jump in and support Phoenix in some form or another with advice and most were willing to give him credit for his courage to admit his mistake, now most are as equally quick to condemn the other guy as being either needy or some sort of raving psychopath...

And herein lies the reason that the games played on the internet are some of the most damaging and potentially risky ones there is. Sure, theres little chance of physical harm being played out but emotional damage can be huge.

Phoenix, you know yourself better than we ever will. You know how you have felt throughout this process and the emotional turmoil that it has caused you, the regret and the guilt. You also made a decision based on your morals and integrity of how best to deal with it. You have learned and grown. You are a smarter wiser more experienced person than before. You are taking these experiences and becoming a guy that will understand love, compassion, pain and hurt with a far greater clarity than most. And if your posts reveal anything about you its that you are wise enough to understand the value in all those things.

So my question is this...

Why is this not also true of the other guy? Why do we consider him to be evil or a loser or less than Phoenix? Why is he suddenly some sort of scheming axe murderer thats out for the ultimate revenge? Does he not deserve our compassion and understanding?

Who and what gives us the right to think any less of this guy? And why do we do it?

Because he uses the internet to meet people? Better not be because a huge number of friendships have evolved from JUB.....
Because he gave his heart too easily? Better not be because this very forum endlessly supports and comforts those who do that....
Because hes searching for and thought he found his perfect match? Heaven forbid you wander the gay dating sites...

Yes Phoenix, be wary and be careful. The same advice we always give here. But be careful not to judge or condemn this guy... we have no right to do that.

He may simply have a capacity to forgive and learn and grow just like you. he may have twice your capacity to do that...who knows? He may have doubts about who and what he is and through sheer coincidence he just may have met someone he sees as having integrity and values. You may have hurt him yes, but you also told him the truth... and to some thats the most important part of life.

Look mate, I trust your judgment. Your handling of this shows how you are growing everyday. I respect your values and your integrity as it grows within you. So I beleive that you will handle this next phase of this process with respect and dignity too.

Just remember, that as you came to realise, not everyone out there is in it for a game. For some, the sincerity and trust they place in others on the net is a TRUE reflection of who they are. To instantly assume that everyone else is a liar and a cheat lessens who we are...

Good luck Phoenix. Your growth shows just the sort of guy you are... and maybe just maybe, you've found a friend that shares those values.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

What I don't understand is how this guy can be so stupid in this day and age not to suspect something when you won't even c2c with face and he falls for some various female pictures. How many did you have of the same girl? 1, 5, or 20? Just some random female pictures or a set of the same gal? These pictures alone were enough combined with chat minus any cam/mic, no phone, or current new pictures for this 19 yr old guy to fall in love with you?
Makes little sense unless the guy is a complete moron living in PO-Dunk West Virginia and still waiting for broadband to arrive to a town in the next hollow.
Safe to say he isn't net .... or myspace savvy!

I'm wondering if maybe the player wasn't played? Are you sure he sent you his real pictures? Maybe they were of that Jeramy Lory Dude more people say they are this guy then there are grains of sand on the beach.

He's going to pray to God that you will change your mind?? That would be a good prayer "God I sent this web chick some photos of my hard cock and balls and she sent me some pussy and titty pix now I have fallen in love and she doesn't want to be with me after a wonderful relationship".
Please she is the woman of my dreams. God let this work out.

 

[Luka]

teall him ur a guy and see what happens, maybe he'll go with it! Dont worry about other people feelings, u need to think of ur self-first (unless family or friends are involved) if its a total stranger, who gives a crap?

 

[paboy67]

this post is not aimed at anyone in particular in this thread - it is generalized.

Hey Guys, get off his back (those of you who are on it).

the thread title is "I am scum". Phoenix knows that - it is his words.

He knows that he has totally walked all over another human being - and could have, and maybe still has, totally shattered someone else's self-esteem - which is a very hard thing to build up again.

He is sorry and contrite - and not looking to make himself feel better by posting this thread - he was looking for (good) advice - of which he has had a lot. Contradictory advice - yes - but advice nonetheless. He has taken this all on board and has taken steps to resolve the situation - not as I would have suggested which was to not take the chance that the straight guy would actually cope with falling in love with another (cyber) man but to have either disappeared, or broken it off with some excuse.

If you are thinking of having a go at him, read the whole thread - it is angst ridden.

Phoenix, you are not scum. You did do a bad thing - but you regret it and have aplogised and come out to the guy.

From your posts you wont do it again (as there are plenty of Jubbers who will hunt you down if you do! ) and because you do realise that it was wrong.

I don't agree with you masquerading - it was wrong. It played with someone's heart and also put the whole gay community into a bad light - with this guy at least - in a time of internationally building bridges.

I do agree with your decision to seek advice as to how to best fix the situation.

Full marks to you for being brave enough to air this issue on this forum.

I don't know Phoenix, I am not Phoenix under another name, I have never chatted with him - but I have read this thread - with heartache for the situation - for both sides.

Guys, have a little compassion for a brother (sister ) in distress.

If anyone wants to cast any more stones - how about first laying your whole life out for the rest of us to pick at it first.