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Question about sexual assault

peeonme said:
To be blunt, if I were to wake up with the dick of the person I was sleeping with in my ass or mouth, or if I found it had been there while I was asleep (can't see that taking place) I might feel as though they had taken inappropriate steps with me.

If I woke up and they were sucking me or masturbating me, I would smile and enjoy the ride. If I found that they did it while I slept I would tell them to awaken me the next time so we could both enjoy it.

I mean, really? Are we going to say "he touched me in my naughty place?"
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Just because there might be a good majority that do enjoy this activity, one shouldn't just assume that their boyfriend or girlfriend will. Besides the fact that it is not difficult to communicate with ones boyfriend/girlfriend to make sure they don't have a problem with it.

In so many situations in relationships communication is the best thing to do to avoid any issues, yet people either refuse or just don't do it with the person you either love or really like. Which then leads to problems that could have been avoided with simple communication.
 
If two people have been fucking and sucking for a number of years it should not be necessary to "have a talk", it's ridiculous.
 
Not really, saying "If I wanted to give you a blowjob or handjob while you sleep, would you mind?" takes all of 2 seconds.
 
peeonme said:
If two people have been fucking and sucking for a number of years it should not be necessary to "have a talk", it's ridiculous.
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I agree. After loving and living with someone for a long time, that is not the kind of chat you need to have. By now you just know what would be welcome and what wouldn't. What the OP is describing is something people in a new relationship do anyway.
 
sixthson said:
I agree. After loving and living with someone for a long time, that is not the kind of chat you need to have. By now you just know what would be welcome and what wouldn't. What the OP is describing is something people in a new relationship do anyway.
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I'd think if that were true the self-reported sexual assault statistics wouldn't be quite so high for intimate partners.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
I'd think if that were true the self-reported sexual assault statistics wouldn't be quite so high for intimate partners.
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That is why I used the word "loving". Lots of people are in relationships without love and assault is probably not uncommon in them.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
I'd think if that were true the self-reported sexual assault statistics wouldn't be quite so high for intimate partners.
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Correct...Intimate Partner Violence among gay couples is high....this accounting for reported cases...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2941360/

I quote:
The results presented here demonstrate high levels of IPV among gay and bisexual men and illustrate how an online survey coupled with social networking sites can be used to collect data on sensitive public health issues such as IPV. There is clearly a need for further research into issues surrounding IPV in same-sex male relationships, a population vulnerable to high levels of IPV, and to understand the complex relationships that exist between IPV, risk-taking and identity. Such information is vital for the development of effective
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sixthson said:
That is why I used the word "loving". Lots of people are in relationships without love and assault is probably not uncommon in them.
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That's....not really how sexual assault works. Love doesn't cancel out ignorance or self interest or not-wanted 'this is for you'/'this is for both of us' actions. Love isn't sacrosanct and it isn't a barrier to claim good intentions = good actions. Love is also quite deadly, given the correct set of circumstances.

That's why people are supposed to learn to use their words first.

And love has nothing to do with jacking someone off in their sleep when no one's asked the unconscious lump's opinion on the matter - they haven't indicated anything previously one way or the other.

So how is that loving behavior? Seems at the very least inconsiderate to me, and an excellent way to assault someone.
 
No,
any harm done? No, so no sexual assault.

But if you want to go for the political correct way,
EVERYTHING is a sexual assault. All you guys here watching porn is a sexual assault.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
That's....not really how sexual assault works. Love doesn't cancel out ignorance or self interest or not-wanted 'this is for you'/'this is for both of us' actions. Love isn't sacrosanct and it isn't a barrier to claim good intentions = good actions. Love is also quite deadly, given the correct set of circumstances.

That's why people are supposed to learn to use their words first.


And love has nothing to do with jacking someone off in their sleep when no one's asked the unconscious lump's opinion on the matter - they haven't indicated anything previously one way or the other.

So how is that loving behavior? Seems at the very least inconsiderate to me, and an excellent way to assault someone.
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You and I have different definition of love then.
 
I suppose it might be considered sexual assault since there was no consent...but I think if someone actually considered it sexual assault after years of being together there is probably something else terribly wrong in their relationship and they might be using this is "THE" issue to avoid whatever other issues they won't or can't address...

Having said that..I cannot see the appeal of performing sex on someone who is asleep....

.....I am missing something I guess....
 
peeonme said:
If two people have been fucking and sucking for a number of years it should not be necessary to "have a talk", it's ridiculous.
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Agreed.

Consent can neither be granted nor revoked while asleep, so that's why past performance is key to determining implied consent. In this case, between partners in a sexual relationship, I highly doubt a charge of sexual assault would stick, especially if the act was something that has occurred before. No, no sexual assault occurred.
 
mikey3000 said:
Agreed.

Consent can neither be granted nor revoked while asleep, so that's why past performance is key to determining implied consent. In this case, between partners in a sexual relationship, I highly doubt a charge of sexual assault would stick, especially if the act was something that has occurred before.
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Nothing like pondering whether you'd legally get away with something to showcase one's own moral turpitude, eh.

Having sex awake means there's 2 consciousness's involved. Not so while asleep. Can't extrapolate such situations with decent affectiveness because half the equation isn't 'available'.

Ya'll should try bringing this up with your partners if you have them. Do watch their face while you do it.

Undoubtably some of them won't care one way or the other - but I know a few of you (more people read here than post, obv) are going to be extremely disappointed. And possibly incredibly disturbed.
 
Exactly how afraid of a "Ew, No Thanks" are people? It's not like I can't think of a dozen off-the-cuff reasons why a partner wouldn't want to fuck in their sleep at any given point. And it's not like answers don't change depending on circumstance. As if people are never not in the mood, or too mentally busy, or ill or tired or too stressed ect ect ect. But somehow the nuances of how one decides consent for themselves drop when they're asleep? Right.

But you're never gonna know (instead of that long amount o'pretendin to know that people seem so very fond of) unless you actually ask your beloved.

Or is it better to risk unwanted sexual contact that could scar because the idea of honesty makes ones face red.

I really do loath the sex ed here. I blame a large chunk of 'wtf' on the lack of teaching basic consent and how to recognize it.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
Nothing like pondering whether you'd legally get away with something to showcase one's own moral turpitude, eh.

Having sex awake means there's 2 consciousness's involved. Not so while asleep.

Ya'll should try bringing this up with your partners if you have them. Do watch their face while you do it.

Undoubtably some of them won't care one way or the other - but I know a few of you (more people read here than post, obv) are going to be extremely disappointed. And possibly incredibly disturbed.
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Well, the supreme Court Of Canada disagrees with you...

R. v. J.A., [2011] 2 SCR 440, 2011 SCC 28 (CanLII)

And, FYI, I do have a partner or two, and yes, I have given and received nocturnal sex on more than a few occasions. It was very pleasurably looked upon.

When you get a regular, loving and passionate partner, I recommend you try it. You might be surprised.
 
mikey3000 said:
Well, the supreme Court Of Canada disagrees with you...

R. v. J.A., [2011] 2 SCR 440, 2011 SCC 28 (CanLII)

And, FYI, I do have a partner or two, and yes, I have given and received nocturnal sex on more than a few occasions. It was very pleasurably looked upon.

When you get a regular, loving and passionate partner, I recommend you try it. You might be surprised.
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Couple things - when you have to point to a court decision outside of your relationship to decide how consent works in your own relationship, you've failed. Badly. The only people who matter in a sex act are all the people who're fucking at the time. (well, unless you're a cheater and bringing something home, ect and so forth. You get the idea). In general, others opinions need not apply how two or more people construct consent together.

Course, that takes at least two people. And one of them is unaware of any possible sexual action in the op's scenario. Talk about a fucked up concept of consent.

The second one is, what makes you think I haven't? It takes a few seconds to get a general answer to the question; unlike your sorry self I don't need to guess and hope that Canada/Country o'Origin doesn't send me to jail later.
 
Sour grapes eh? Well, you didn't accept any one's answer from within their relationship, so what else is there?

And don't sweat it about Canada, we have standards, we don't let just anybody in. I doubt you'd make the cut.
 
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