Saying No to Dating a Bi Guy ?

[Purplebic]

Like i said, i get jerked around enough by gay guys, i like to limit as much as possible the number of variables that come into play. That means sticking to uncloseted gay guys.

If you feel youre being generalized against, then maybe you should stick to bi guys, theyre far more likely to understand you than i am.

There aren't that many bi guys in Montreal. Most of the ones i met happen to be American. 99% of my friends wont touch bi guys anyways, in their words "they still got one foot in the closet, and there's no reason for it in this city"

 

[treanir]

I don't despise bisexuals, but it's not a plus in my book.

You're right: bisexuality is not a plus in my book.

Of course, it's not a minus either.

My position on this ever-recurring drama can be summarised in a few points:
1. I have had romantic dealings with bisexuals.
2. Every single one of them was a disaster.
3. Every time, this was in some part due to their bisexuality.
4. You cannot judge a group based on a few individuals.

Point #4 trumps the others. Done.

 

[fetaby]

Thank hell, because you're truly embarrassing, and again, don't speak for the rest of us gay people.

6 out of 7 unicorns agree!

 

[SLCBiGuy]

Asu, I merely wanted to show that straight women—for the most part—have the same fears about bisexuals as we gay people have.

For the most part? You're seriously going to cite your 7-person comprehensive survey as a majority opinion? You're more delusional than I thought if so... it may be a fear that *some* women have. It all depends on the bi person they are dating. My ex absolutely had that fear when we first began dating, by the time we married, she understood my bisexuality very well and it wasn't a fear for her because she knew me as a person.

 

[SLCBiGuy]

Then why did she divorce you?

Assuming makes you you look like an ass. Not that its any of your business, but she developed alcoholism after her parents passed away. She refused help so I had to protect my daughter. Any other smartass comments?

 

[SLCBiGuy]

Since we're on the subject of apologies, where is mine for being a bigot and assuming that I was divorced due to it being my fault... Mr. Why-did-she-divorce-you.

Seriously though, I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with bisexual boys. There are us bisexual MEN who don't live up to the stereotypes and are generally good guys. I hope someday you get to meet one of us and see for yourself that we are caring honest individuals just like you

 

[bankside]

Boy, you're right about that!

One thing I've learned in just this thread is that people have hide-bound views about bisexuality, myself included.

I—and many other gays in this thread—have seen too many gay people get burned when the bisexual leaves the gay for a woman. And I'm not about to change my mind.

You think bisexuals never do this kind of thing, and are completely trustworthy. And you're not about to change your mind, either.

The bisexuals in this thread say it doesn't happen so often, and when it does, it's OK, because gays victimize people too. And they're not about to change their minds.

The end result is a thread 256 posts long, with nobody changing their minds.

Man, if you want to date bisexuals, that's your perogative. You have been warned.

I never once said I hated bisexuals, not once. I just wouldn't want to date them. There's a difference.

And on that note, I really am done. Good luck to you, man, in your life. I harbor no ill feelings for anybody in this thread, not even my severest critic illgetbi, who can think what he likes. Illgetbi, I always find your posts worthy of reading, even the ones with the sharpest edges.

Johann, you missed one position in your summary:
Some bisexuals do dump gay guys for women. Some gays dump other gay guys for men. Nobody's sexual orientation makes them either completely trustworthy or completely faithless. Not everybody will fuck up a relationship. So if a bi guy or a gay guy is serious, give him a try.

See? That's different from any of the positions you thought you heard in this thread of 256 posts. Or different from any that you paid attention to. But I live to serve, and clearing things up when misunderstandings like this arise is what I do.

You may now change your mind.

Taadaa!!!!!

Another thread solved by....

Bankside

 

[bwonderrednow]

I would say no. I do not want to discriminate against bisexual men, but you don't have a chance with me for obvious reasons. And I know that everybody isn't the same, but stereotypes hold true most of the time; oftentimes 9 out of 10 is 9 out of 10.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Asu, I merely wanted to show that straight women—for the most part—have the same fears about bisexuals as we gay people have.

Christians fear we'll destroy the sanctity of marriage. The brass fear we'll destroy the military.

It doesn't mean any of them - or you - are correct.

One thing that occurs to me is that not one single bisexual in this thread has taken responsibility.

Fuck that.

No, seriously.

-d-

 

[bwonderrednow]

So maybe instead of the PB&SJ i just made, i should have gotten some fried chicken cooking, and sliced me a big ol' piece of watermelon - then ran to the corner store and got me some grape soda! Prime idea!

As for you, I suggest you trade out that teddy you're wearing - chocolate is the fall color, not fuchsia! Besides, it's not matching those Jimmy Choo's anyway hunny. Sheesh, a good gay should know how to dress herself...

Unfortunately, it's true. I experience this everyday. I feel so ambiguous because I am so different in my community...where I live. Most of the black men and women around me do have that inner city mentality. No, I'm not saying ALL, but 9 out of 10 is very accurate. Sadly, I do not have anything in common with those people. So from experience, I do believe in stereotypes.

 

[asu1117]

Boy, you're right about that!

One thing I've learned in just this thread is that people have hide-bound views about bisexuality, myself included.

I—and many other gays in this thread—have seen too many gay people get burned when the bisexual leaves the gay for a woman. And I'm not about to change my mind.

You think bisexuals never do this kind of thing, and are completely trustworthy. And you're not about to change your mind, either.

The bisexuals in this thread say it doesn't happen so often, and when it does, it's OK, because gays victimize people too. And they're not about to change their minds.

The end result is a thread 256 posts long, with nobody changing their minds.

Man, if you want to date bisexuals, that's your perogative. You have been warned.

I never once said I hated bisexuals, not once. I just wouldn't want to date them. There's a difference.

And on that note, I really am done. Good luck to you, man, in your life. I harbor no ill feelings for anybody in this thread, not even my severest critic illgetbi, who can think what he likes. Illgetbi, I always find your posts worthy of reading, even the ones with the sharpest edges.

I'll tell anyone that we are not all trustworthy. Of course not! There is no single sexuality of people that is trustworthy, that makes absolutely no sense. It's like saying all the Hispanic people in the world are to be trusted, but never once should you trust an Asian. You can't make a blanket statement like that for such a large group of people, it's ignorant to try and do so.

I'm simply trying to state that not every single Bisexual person out there is going to burn gay men and leave them for a woman. It's simply not true.

Though, going by your logic, I shouldn't date gay men. The first (gay) man I dated cheated on me. Almost all of my friends that have dated gay men have been cheated on and/or left by at least one. So since this is how you make generalizations about all the people of one sexuality, I should now assume that every gay man in the world would cheat on me if I dated him. Correct? Or does it only for when you say it about us "untrustworthy" bisexuals?

 

[altlover85]

Like i said, i get jerked around enough by gay guys, i like to limit as much as possible the number of variables that come into play. That means sticking to uncloseted gay guys.

If you feel youre being generalized against, then maybe you should stick to bi guys, theyre far more likely to understand you than i am.

There aren't that many bi guys in Montreal. Most of the ones i met happen to be American. 99% of my friends wont touch bi guys anyways, in their words "they still got one foot in the closet, and there's no reason for it in this city"

I totally agree with you on the variable thing. If your friends don't touch bi guys because they presume that they are actually just in the closet, isn't that really on them though and not bi guys?

You're right: bisexuality is not a plus in my book.

Of course, it's not a minus either.

My position on this ever-recurring drama can be summarised in a few points:
1. I have had romantic dealings with bisexuals.
2. Every single one of them was a disaster.
3. Every time, this was in some part due to their bisexuality.
4. You cannot judge a group based on a few individuals.

Point #4 trumps the others. Done.

You make a good point.

Asu, I merely wanted to show that straight women—for the most part—have the same fears about bisexuals as we gay people have.

One thing that occurs to me is that not one single bisexual in this thread has taken responsibility. It would have been nice to hear someone say,"Yeah, bisexuals leaving gays for women is a terrible problem in the bisexual community, but I'm not that way myself.".

But not one single one of you has said that.

Rather, it's everybody else's fault for being "bigoted", or, alternately, "insecure".

So be it.

Stick a fork in me; I'm done with this topic.

Why do bi guys who haven't been shitty to men and women have to "take responsibility" for the actions of others?

Then why did she divorce you?

I can't believe you went there and that you haven't apologized yet.

Boy, you're right about that!
I—and many other gays in this thread—have seen too many gay people get burned when the bisexual leaves the gay for a woman. And I'm not about to change my mind.

You think bisexuals never do this kind of thing, and are completely trustworthy. And you're not about to change your mind, either.

The bisexuals in this thread say it doesn't happen so often, and when it does, it's OK, because gays victimize people too. And they're not about to change their minds.

Man, if you want to date bisexuals, that's your perogative. You have been warned.
/QUOTE]

I don't know if I would classify it as many gay guys getting burned. I would say you, Jasun, Treanir, and one other person have gotten burned. I could be wrong.

I don't think anyone said all bisexuals are trustworthy and won't hurt you. I don't think we can generalize to all of any group of people. What I have been reading is that there are guys out there that call themselves "bi" but are actually gay. There are guy out there that are bi, but have different levels of attachment for men and women so it would make sense that they aren't going to be as dateable to men as compared to women or vice-versa. There are also guys out there that are bi, but not good relationship material, just like there are gay guys and straight guys out there that are the same.

 

[bankside]

So maybe instead of the PB&SJ i just made, i should have gotten some fried chicken cooking, and sliced me a big ol' piece of watermelon - then ran to the corner store and got me some grape soda! Prime idea!

As for you, I suggest you trade out that teddy you're wearing - chocolate is the fall color, not fuchsia! Besides, it's not matching those Jimmy Choo's anyway hunny. Sheesh, a good gay should know how to dress herself...

Unfortunately, it's true. I experience this everyday. I feel so ambiguous because I am so different in my community...where I live. Most of the black men and women around me do have that inner city mentality. No, I'm not saying ALL, but 9 out of 10 is very accurate. Sadly, I do not have anything in common with those people. So from experience, I do believe in stereotypes.

See that's the interesting thing about the online world. I grew up in Canada not even aware that those stereotypes existed. We're going to have a different conversation on the internet than you could have with people who grew up down the block. It's a good model for stereotypes about bi people too: when you grow up not having them forced on you, it makes you look more at the person.

 

[altlover85]

There might come a time when the trend is reversed....that is, a time when truly bisexual men leave women for gay guys.

One thing positive has come out of this discussion: I'm starting to feel sorry for you guys. Honestly. It must really suck having nobody, not gay men, nor women, trust you completely. Being bi must really be a curse! I'm glad I'm not one.

I wish you guys all the best. It's a rougher life for you than it is for me.

No, this is what sucks. You only help further these beliefs, and I honestly doubt you feel sorry for them at all. You haven't actually shown it. I'm sure all the bi-sexual men in this thread are glad you aren't one as well, but I feel awful knowing that you consider yourself a homosexual.

Johann, why would you want the trend reversed? I'd hope bi guys weren't leaving someone for someone else and instead were having stable, long term relationships. It probably is hard for bi guys, but you aren't making it better by refusing to change your admittedly flawed beliefs.

Mikami, while I agree with your post for the most part, I found the bolded part very harsh.

 

[SLCBiGuy]

I can't believe you went there and that you haven't apologized yet.

Eh its alright. He only reads what he wants and when he's proven wrong or his ignorance is thrown in his face, he sticks his head in the sand. Whatever though, I know I'm a good man and that's really all I care about. I feel pity for him

Its sad that once again he buys into the stereotypes and assumes that she divorced me. Just because I'm bi and was married doesn't mean I wasn't faithful or anything else. As I said, she had extensive circumstances which caused ME to divorce her but I guess its easier to assume something stereotypical happened like she caught me cheating with a guy lol.

 

[altlover85]

What I quoted and responded to is no less worse than what I said.

I actually think yours was worse because yours was a personal attack. IMO, he doesn't realize how bigoted he sounds and is trying to come from a good place.

I don't think it's a stretch to say that a lot of people don't trust bi guys for their own bigoted reasons. He shouldn't have said that bi guys will never be trusted.

We can agree to disagree.

 

[altlover85]

I feel awful that you are gay does say something about him. That is why I called it a personal attack.

Again, we can agree to disagree.

 

[bwonderrednow]

See that's the interesting thing about the online world. I grew up in Canada not even aware that those stereotypes existed. We're going to have a different conversation on the internet than you could have with people who grew up down the block. It's a good model for stereotypes about bi people too: when you grow up not having them forced on you, it makes you look more at the person.

It's comforting because I don't have anybody to relate to or talk to where I live.

 

[figjam]

lol. This ol' chestnut - gay vs bi. If I had a dollar for everytime this was discussed...

 

[FanofFiction]

I don't think I would ever date a bi guy.