Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

-Have you come for my match worn socks and undies Sir?

-Yes you played so well today Tom and I bet those sweaty little tighty whities are really funky and musky!

-They are Sir and I think you will be really pleased cos I've left you a skidmark in the shape of a heart

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This heart is brown "cos it's made from my poo!

I'm very touched Tom as indeed you are about to be so grab your ankles and let Sir try some shots on goal!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Clever boy Bogdan you've only been in England three days and already you can count up to eight!

Now we are going to be a bit more ambitious and try to count the hairs round your pucker hole!?

-Pucker hole!?

Just go into Google translate and punch in "Pucker hole "or we'll be here all fucking day and I Reay need to get my ricks off!

Trust me to pick on a Bulgarian!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Are you Mason from Rentboys!?

-Yeah and this is Joel!

-They're doing a soecial January promotion- buy one get one free!

- Just as well.i haven't had a wank for a week then.

I shoukd have enough in my bollocks to seed the pair of you!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

If you travel on the London underground you will be aware of that rather irritating announcement

"MIND THE GAP!"

to alert unsuspecting passengers to that potentially hazardous piece of nothingness between the train snd the platform edge!

However if I were faced with this potentially hazardous scenario and heard the words:

"MIND THE GAP !"

I would simply respond:

"I don't mind at all!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Look Josh when I asked the class to email me their essays on the 16th Century theologian John Calvin I didn't expect to receive a photo of you in yiur Calvin's!

The subject matter was John Calvin and not Calvin Klein!

-I know that Sir but remember that John Calvin's credo was that it was already celestially ordained who should be admitted into Heaven and who should be excluded

ERGO

"although many are called few shall be chosen!"

So why have I sent you this photo!?

Quite simply because this photo shouts out to you

Choose ME Sir! Choose ME!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-We've got the air conditioning turned up full blast Sir but we're still hot in bed!

-I don't doubt that for one minute boys!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"You may just have got the part of Harry Potter in the stage version of "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" but will you kindly lower your wand!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

The Crown Prince of Dubai is probably about as far removed from the concept of a chav as one could possibly go but I'm sure we'd all like a sneaky peek at his Crown Jewels especially with his pecker facing Mecca!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Jake O Brien may have been born in Cork but I'll happily take him " uncorked!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

That Chrustmas jumper that Fermin Lopez is wearing is even worse than the one worn by Colin Firth in "Bridget Jones' Diary" but I'll happily let him wear it if he lets me deliver my Christmas package through his back door!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Do you think I'll ever get into the first team coach!?

-I have no worries about you getting into the first team Simon!

I'm more worried about the first team getting into you!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Forgive me if I drop off! It's nothing to do with your company! It's just I have had a heavy teaching load today! Always enjoy your company when we can coincide!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Ten pairs of tootsies two feet from my nose!!

Ten pairs of tootsies two feet from my nose!

And if one pair of tootsies just happened to stroke my hose

There'd be one pair of tootsies with sticky cummy toes!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Sorry about that ! Should have read "five pairs of toes" but it's the thought that counts!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

MORAL OF THE STORY!

When a grizzly bear shows you unwanted attention it is not always a good idea to let him know that it is unwanted!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

I've heard of "thumbing a lift" but "bumming a lift!?"

Well there's relish in the novelty I suppose and just look at all those cars along the road that have run into one other as their drivers have become distracted......

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I thought we ran out of orange juice an hour ago!?"

"We did but this guy was insistent that if he didn't get what he wanted he would take his custom elsewhere and did I know how important his daddy was in these parts so.........

I went into the bathroom, unzipped my fly and the rest is history!

MORAL OF THE STORY!

"Always give the customer what they want!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

MORAL OF THE STORY!

"Never give yourself to a guy who is undressing the cameraman with his eyes while he is kissing you!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Calling
All
Zip
Openers (to)
Orgasm!

( well it was the best I could do with difficult letters!)

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Right lads it's skimmed in the left tit, semi-skimmed in the right and if it's full fat you're after you'll have to pull my trackie bottoms down and suck it out of my bollocks!"