Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

20 year old TOM FELLOWS scored the first goal for WBA against the Tractor Boys yesterday!

With an arse like his maybe they should change the name of the team to

BEST BUMMAGE ALBION!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This is reputed to be the arse of JACK LISOWSKI!

I don't know about the rest of you but I really long for the days when a cameraman was virtually allowed to stick the lens of his camera between the cheeks of a player's arse when he was bending over the snooker table!

I could virtually smell Ronnie O' Sullivan's dirty arse crack back in the 1990s!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Are you sure it's OK for me to conduct the lesson in your bedroom!? This must contravene every law of safeguarding!

-The things is Sir , this being an English class I worked out that safeguarding means "guarding a safe" and what do.you.keep in a safe but valuables!?

How many times have you told me that what I've got in my pants is a national treasure so up here you will just be guarding it!

-Logical I suppose!

-So what are we studying today Sir!?

-Alfred Lord Tennyson!

Is he the geezer wot wrote:

"Into the valley of death rode the 600!?"

-That's right Nick but I've adapted it slightly to:

"Into the valley of pleasure rode the sick pervert!"

Now give me the key to the safe and let me unlock the treasure chest!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-You've chosen the wrong two cops to mess with my friend!

We're gonna send so much jizz up your pretty boy arse that you'll be sticking to that garage door like a fucking fridge magnet!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Time to change Jude's surname from Bellingham to Bell-end--ingham!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

There's no denying that Phil Foden does possess the most buggerable pair of buns but the expressions on his face sometimes make him a dead ringer for a character from "Planet of the Apes!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Well you've certainly passed the bedworthiness test in the interview for the post of houseboy!

Now let's see how good you are at making the Full English breakfast!

Don't worry about the Cumberland sausage.......I've already had that as well you know!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Why has Kyke Kothari's hair gone all frizzy as if he's had a perm!?

-Well he will keep using that electric vibrator before a diving competition!

He used to come and sit on my lap but maybe I wasn't charging him enough!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This is an urgent message from the RSPCJ

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Jocks!

If a cow were desperately in need of milking would you leave the animal in.pain!?

This guy's nipples are white and the milk needs to be extracted!

Do sonething kind today- donate your lips and suck the milk out of a jock's tits!

THANK YOU!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

There's no smoke without fire and when chavs send smoke signals everyone knows what they mean!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

The big question is :

"Does he play for Manchester City or the Argentina national team!?

-No! The big question is:

Will he notice that somebody has nicked his underpants when he goes into the changing room!?

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Mirror mirror on my phone

Who's the lucky guy I'm going to bone!?"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

I'm really enjoying our lessons Sir and also the chance to know more about you during these breaks!

I.do.have one question though.

-.....and what is that Liam!?

-Why have you decided to start basing our lessons on BBC Bitesize!?

Well, remember that BBC does stand for" British Broadcasting Corporation" but it does have another meaning and if you haven't worked it out yet then don't forget that I come from Nigeria!

I hope that you will put two and two together and cum to four!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I love playing Monopoly!

-Me too! I love licking your Community Chest and free parking in your Old Kent Road!

-....but now you're going to jail!

-What do you mean!?

-You'd better look at the date of birth on my birth certificate!

Last time you fucked me bareback I managed to squeeze some of your cum into a small plastic container and once the police have analysed it you'll be doing a long stretch!

-You little whore!

Yep! So you'd better pay me my 200 pounds for every time you've passed GO!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Good morning my name is Joseph and I have been asked to record a short video to support my candidature for

MR TESCO FRUIT AND VEG 2024!

What can I say!?

My banana is very firm and never squidgy although it is occasionally sticky at the tip when over zealous housewives have been stroking it!

The melons in the seat of my trousers are very ripe and juicy and Connor from the Cooked meats aisle has been known to thrust his carrot between them when things have been quiet!

Tracy from delicatessen has often had her gums round my plums abd the Pakistani security guard has fondled my glacier cherry nipples in the changing room!

That was the biggest surprise as I thought it was distinctly haram in their religion!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-So you asked the barber to trim your beard and moustache and this is what he did!?

What a mess! He should have gone to Specsavers!

-Yeah but I asked him to shave between the cheeks of my arse and he took a lot longer over that!

I bet he did the dirty cunt!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I thought I was here to mix cement so that you could fill the cracks in the wall!

-That's right but in our break times we like to fill other cracks with a different type of cement!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This geezer has broken.just about every rule since he cane into the refuge and he's only been here five minutes!

Smoking in the kitchen, refusal to wash up his crockery and cutlery!

We two can play at that game!

I can break rules as well!

I can invade his privacy by slipping into his room at .idnight tonight and then breach his defences as I pull back the duvet and invade his privacy even more intimately!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Who says chavs can't be romantic!?

 

[Sniffademskidz]

24 year old Belgian footballer JELLE BATAILLE!

I've heard of the Battle of the Bulge but the Battle of the Jellies! Mmm!