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So.....I have a Foot out of the Closet.

Yes, I do value him. He was my closest friend when I started coming here. But he got an on campus job, and we would only see each othe a few times through the week and mostly hang/talk on the weekends. And more and moe after coming out to my roomie i started intergrating myself in with his friend.

So yea, i do feel so bad about it. It's not that I don't think he's worthy of knowings, it's just i still have a hard time actually saying those words.

But yea, I feel bad and guilty for pulling away all of a sudden. I haven't talked to him all this week except ONCE today. And the conversation was so awkward. He and our other friend went to the club and he told me that our other friend asked "So is he leaving us?" and he replied to him "no he's just finding some new ones(friends)." I dunno, but I had so much respect for him when he said that. I plan to come out to him soon. I really do. It's been eating away at me. I was thinking maybe send an email b/c I don't think I can actually say it to his face. Even when I came out to my roommate i didn't say "I'm gay" I said "I'm the same way." I also feel if I let him know, i can also hang around campus with my new friend more comfortably, without having to worry about him coming around the corner catching me acting a gay mess LOL.

But yea, I'm still trying to decide how exactly I should do it.
 
So today, I invited my str8 friend to eat dinner w/ me in the cafeteria. It was the most awkward thing EVER. I felt so bad afterwards. It was just so weird. I was contemplating telling him. The whole time I was waiting I was going over what I was going to say. We ate we kinda talked, and I just couldn't get the words out.

The girl in my "new" group of friends told me, "the lord will let you know when the right time is." and I guess tonight was NOT the right time. I couldn't get the words out. Just thought I'd share. I'm thinking I'll just send an email, that way it will be easy, and I won't actually have to SAY the words.

Well lemme know what you guys think.

Later.
 
"the lord will let you know when the right time is." and I guess tonight was NOT the right time.
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I agree. Wise friend you have here. I've been there where I really wanted to tell somebody but I just couldn't. It's fine.

I'm anti-email if you can do it face to face, but that's just a personal opinion. I think a true friend deserves a face to face as then you can better judge his reaction. It's harder for sure, but I like it better. There are many who disagree... so it's just up to you.
 
Yea, I also take into consideration that most people on here suggest not doing it in email. Oh well. I'll just let it be. But from our talk I kind of got the impression that he knows or at least suspects. I dunno, but oh well.
 
So... update.

Today, I was on the phone w/ my mom again. The night before, me and the group went to Wal-Mart. My mom heard them in the back ground and was like tell them I said hi.

The next morning she goes, "Does that girl like you?" I was like no. she goes "oh, so have you been hanging out w/ them alot lately?" I go "somewhat" she goes "you need to stop" I'm like "why?" She goes "you guys go to the club alot?" I go "no ma, it's just we hang out, kinda like you and your friends, yo ujust chat and talk and have agood time and laugh." she goes "oh ok, its not affecting your school work is it?" "no" She says ok, and then she says she has to get back to work and that was it.

I dunno what to think now. I can't tell what she's thinking. I just get a feeling the shti is gonna hit the fan soon. She's too far in my business, and she just might find out something she doesn't want to find out. The group and I already have plans for the christmas break, we dont' live int he same town but we dont' live extremely far away. And I'm scared my mom is gonna find out soon. I just get the feeling she's gonna find out sometime before the school year is over.

I dunno guys, I'm a mess. It's all becoming overwhelming. I remember there used to be a point in my life where i would never dream of telling my parents, but now I think i'd be happier if i did. Oh well.
 
I'm sure she suspects and she is concerned for you. She wants to protect you from something she doesn't understand and that might harm you. I think that you have realised that, for your own peace of mind, you need to tell her and to reassure her that you are still the same person you allways were.

It might be usefull to arm yourself with some of the PFLAG literature to help her understand. It would also show her that you care about her feelings.

I wish you well as allways my friend and I hope it goes well for you (*8*)
 
^thanks. Whats PFLAG literature? But I don't plan on telling her unless she asks.
 
I remember there used to be a point in my life where i would never dream of telling my parents, but now I think i'd be happier if i did.
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I know the feeling. For me, I'm thinking if an opportunity presents itself when I'm home for holidays I might do it... but not going to force it.

PFLAG has some great information about coming out... when to do it, when not to do it, etc. Take a look for yourself and then decide whether you want to tell your parents and how.
 
^Where do I find it?

Also, last night I hung out w/ my str8 friend lol. We went to McDonalds, then came back and listened to this Eddie Murphy tape. It was cool, but still awkward at the same time. I kinda get the feeling he knows, but does care, but doesn't want to say anything, but who knows.
 
Hey tpeezy101,

Mate...I dunno how the Lord works, but there are times when I think that there are tests placed before us by him, or life...or just because. And for you this is one of those times.

There will most likely never be a "right" time to tell your parents and friends. You will probably never be able to say those words like you would say "pass the milk" ...and its simply because you care so much about the people you are telling. Especially when its people you love. Every time you feel the time approaches you will always find a reason not to say the words. You will always feel nervous and apprehensive. You will always want to avoid the situation. Thats human nature mate nothing more...

But this is starting to consume you and worry you way too much. You've reached a point where it seems that you are having trouble reconciling the difference between protecting your mum from the truth... and lying to her and your str8 mate. Your morals and values are telling you to be honest and open, but your fears are telling you to hide. The fact that you posted here and asked the question originally tells me that you are a guy with huge values of respect, friendship, trust and loyalty. Those are all things to be so proud of mate. And they are the things that you should let you guide your way through this stage of your life.

Chances are your mum has some clue...even you suspect that. And sure she will probably still be a little shocked. But shes sending you the messages that she cares and loves you. She wont come out and ask you...its not what parents do..they dont want ever to question their childrens sexuality. But she sounds to me that shes waiting for you. She wants you to trust her.

All I can tell you tpeezy101, is that while you think that you cant tell the people who mean so much to you because you fear hurting them, the acceptance and love from these people will mean you can stop hurting yourself. The internal battle you are having will disappear and you can get on with living your life openly honestly and truthfully.

I'm not saying you should rush out and do this. But hiding and worrying denies you the chance to be the happy loving caring friend and son that you are. The people around you who love you deserve to see and know the real you.

But more than that mate...you deserve the happiness and openness. You deserve to be relaxed truthful and free. You owe yourself that.

PS...just type PFLAG into google..you'll find it in your area mate....
 
^WOW, that had to be the most inspiring post EVER. You nailed everything, really you did.

But yea, I'm not gonna rush anything, I'm just gonna let things unfold. And hopefully I will know when the time is right. I think what I'm most afraid of, even though I don't think it will happen, is the chance that my family may disown me. My mom and I(and my sister) have a great relationship. Also there is alot going on at home right now, and I don't think it's the right time. But thank you so much for that, it made me feel so good.
 
I'm going home for Christmas Break today. My str8 friend went home early. I called him around noon i had just woken up, and he was on the rode w/ his dad. My other friends came over right before they left. And on the way out they were like "BYE GIRRRRL" lol. And my Str8 friend overheard it over the phone. He just laughed, but didn't say anything about it lol. And he was saying how its me my roommate and the girl are the only ones he knows. that he doesn't know the rest. So, I guess I'm pretty much over worrying about whether he knows or not. I mean, he doesn't make a big deal over it, I'm not gonna either. I think he knows, I mean they sayd "BYE GIRL" and he heard it. So, I dunno. We're still cool.

Now, I have to handle my mom. Oh boy lol.
 
Hey Tpeezy101,

Well mate, theres proof that people see you for the real you...the open caring guy that you are. Your roommate doesnt care so he sees you as more than just some "gay" guy. He sees you. And you are the sort of person that poeple think more than that of.

You'll do fine with your mum mate. It wont be easy...telling someone that you love never is. But the trust honesty love and respect that burn within you are such powerful and amazing things that you should feel proud that you want to take this step.

Just find a quiet time together where she can talk to you, ask you questions and show her emotions. Tell her what she means to you, how you feel and what you have gone through. Dont try to plan it too much...it never works out the way you think...just let your desire the truth honesty and love guide you through. Just be there for her when you talk to her....and let her do the same for you.

Have courage mate. The real open and happy you deserves to be seen by everyone so that they may all get to know you, not just the lucky few. Chances are your mum just wants you happy. When she sees that you are, the rest will fade away.

Good luck Tpeezy101. I hope your break brings you the real happiness that you long for and deserve.
 
like was said above - tell the truth when asked about yourself and celebrate YOU. Those that have problems with it - don't let them make it YOUR problem. You deserve the respect of others to be yourself in the sun as a decent human being. if someone that you labeled your friend is weirded out by YOU, then, why not re-evaluate whether that person really is your friend. Head up high. You've already got friends right here.
ding
 
http://www.pflag.org/Holidays_-_GLBT.holiday_glbt.0.html

Sorry it has taken me a couple of days. Have a great trip home. Sounds like the friend knows and is fine with it. It is a bit odd having them know but never mentioning it... like the elephant in the room. But after a while it becomes more normal.

I can't seem to find the other parts of it.... I'll look some more later (off to bed now).

And here is a great letter that somebody posted that also gives some advice in it and is very mature.

http://www.its.caltech.edu/~meltzner/coming_out_letter.html
 
It's becoming too much!

My mom told me, while at a restuarant, Friday, no Saturday night that "Next time you come home, I want you to bring a little girlfriend home." Since I couldn't give her a look, all I can say is "if thoughts could kill" lol. I really am at the point right now of wanting to come out, I really am, but it's actually doing it thats the problem. I just ask the lord for guidance on this. I know what I want/have/need to do, doing it is the problem.

I really don't know how much more of the "girlfriend" talk I can take. Not to mention I visited my grandma and she asked had I found a girlfriend yet lol. There's just no exscaping it.
 
Just breathe. We all get that 'girlfriend' stuff. Just relax and don't let it wig you out. tell her when you're ready, not when you feel pressured because of innocent banter she might be giving you.
 
OK a bit of an update

My little sister is 11 years old in the 6th. She is too smart for her own good sometimes. So, I wanted to test the waters. We have cousin who's like a brother to us, who is in jail.

So I say "I wonder what he will be like when he gets out of jail?" She goes 'probably sad, alone"(long story).

I go, "But I wonder if he got raped?"

And she goes "and turns out gay?"

I go yea, "would you still talk to him?"

She goes yea "b/c I would still talk to him, his sexuality won't matter, he doesn't have anyone"

So I kinda felt relieved, but THEN....

she goes "but if it was you, I wouldn't talk to you, that'd just be humiliating"

I was just dumbfounded and ended that topic right there lol. I get the feeling she said it jokingly but I'm not sure. I'm gonna try to bring up again w/ her to see if she was seriously serious. But this is an eleven year old, and she got me feeling all crappy, even though I think she said it somewhat jokingly.

Ahh well, thoughts?
 
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