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So.....I have a Foot out of the Closet.

Hey mate,

With all due respect to your sister, she probably thinks that being seen in public with you or your parents is humiliating right now...or the car you drive or the clothes you wear...or the music you listen too... an 11 year olds perspective is not something you want to put too much faith in...

It's becoming too much!
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Mate, if you are really feeling this way then the time to to act is sooner not later. Dont let this thing run around in your head destroying your happiness, dont let it distract you from a time in your life where family and friends are so important and valuable. Dont let it weigh you down and eat at you.

Your family ask you about g/fs because they care for and love you. They want to see you happy. They want to see you have good things in life...as you would for them. You seem to have a close family mate....they see you for who you are. Someone who who loves and cares. Is honest and respectful, considerate and compassionate.

This is hurting you now more than it will hurt them. Give yourself the chance to be free and to open up. Get rid of the weight thats holding you down.

Make a time Tpeezy101. Make an effort to get your mum alone - go for a walk, a drive, to the backyard. Just be with her and talk to her. Like the mature loving kind adult she knows you are. Be honest and upfront. Tell her everything. Talk to her like shes your best friend. And then listen, answer her questions, and hug her. You have to take control here. There wont be a neon sign saying do it now showing up anytime soon.

But for your own good and happiness, do it soon. This time spent with your family is too precious for you to not be fully with them. To be constantly worried and concerned. They love you mate...if they knew thats how you were feeling they'd want it over too.

You deserve to be loved and happy for the real person you are. A great caring loyal and loving guy. Thats who you are right now. Just give them the chance to do so.

Good luck and best wishes mate...and a happy holidays to you and your family.
 
Besides asking an 11 year girl in this circumspect way for advice... so disappointing to hear you perpetuating the old stereotype about being "turned" gay?
 
Well, isn't it possible for men who have been locked up for a while to ultimately turn gay?
 
Ok, I was wondering. I never thought of telling my sister at such a young age. She's 11, you guys think it would be selfish of me, and too much to dump that on her? Maybe it will help w/ my gradually working my way up to my parents. We were coming from the mall today, and I just felt like saying "I'm gay" lol. But I thought better of it. For some reason, I think if I told my mom she wouldn't want me to tell my sister lol.

Anyway, something happened today.....(well not really, but I need to share it anyway)
So we were at the mall today, and we went into this store looked around and left. I noticed there was a cute cash register guy. But left and went on to the next store. On the way back passing the store, I saw him looking at me. So, I thought "what the hell" I turned back, sound familiar? I turned back and went in and pretended to look at stuff. I saw this cute sweater hoodie jacket. I saw it the first time but didn't want to buy anything. So I put the jacket on and kinda posed in it(the jackets were across from the cash registers, where he was) I saw him glance. So then I was like "I'm gonna buy it," but only b/c I wanted to kinda talk to him, I guess.

So there were 2 people ahead of me. A woman and a man. Then the girl at the next cash register goes "I'll take the next customer" so the man in front of me goes to her, I get happy b/c I know he's about done w/ that lady so I'm next. And he had a tatto on his arm that said "Only God can Judge" could that maybe be a clue? I know I was staring at it for a good minute. But unfortunately the other girl got done w/ her customer befor ehe got done w/ the woman, and she goes "I'll take the next customer" I look back hoping for someone to be behind me, and no one was there. So I walked around the woman and rung up w/ the girl. So, now I spent $20 dollars for nothing, I can't begin to explain my disappointment lol. I really can't. And to add insult to injury, a group of girls(i think 3) came up behind me and he said "Can I help ya'll" and kind of looked them up and down. I was so pissed. And that brings me to leaving the mall and wanting to say "I'm gay" to my sis. Actually, now that I've thought about it, I don't want to tell her. She's too innocent, and too good of a kid, I can't do that to her, even though I don't think she'd take it hard.

But anyway, yea, I was planning on making some kind of small talk about the tatto if i had gotten him. Ugh, BLOCKED for the second time. Maybe the third time is the charm?

I was think I'd go to the store tomorrow around the same time hoping he's there and say "i wanna return this, I bought it for a silly reason" and if he asks what the reason is I'd say "I wanted you to ring me up" or something like that LOL. Desperate ay? Or should I call the store? and just be an anonymous caller and ask him if he's gay? LOL, I'm too crazy. My mind just went a million miles an hour when I got home. Ahh well, moving on I guess.........
 
tpeezy101 said:
Well, isn't it possible for men who have been locked up for a while to ultimately turn gay?
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Not really. They may have sex with each other under those circumstances, but it doesn't turn them gay; in other words, when they get out, they will still be straight and not persue other men.
 
About your sister? I wouldn't tell her, not unless it's in the context of telling the whole family. The second part, assuming you had told your mom and she didn't want you to tell your sister... I would tell her anyways. It's not your Mom's choice to make, but yours. That goes for grandparents and other family as well.

As for mall boy, whatever approach you use, I would recommend being respectful. That means nothing lame like an anonymous call. How about cruising the mall until you see him working and then approaching him to return the stuff. Try some chit chat and gauge whether or not there could be some interest. Ask him if he would like to go out with you.
 
^LOL, the anonymous call, was just a random thought, not something I would ever do. But yea, thanks. But the thing, I'm most afraid of is if he's not that way, and gets offended. But I doubt he'd fight a customer, but who knows, people can be crazy these days.
 
Slip him a note telling him to call you if he's like to go out sometime with your phone or email on it. If he gets offended then it's his problem.
 
So, another quick update......

I seriously think this is a sign. I had taken a nap. and My sister and myself were the only ones home. When I woke up my mom had came home. When I woke up I heard them having the convo, talking about MTV's the real world. My sister was telling my mom about how the black guy was all religious and the gay guy. This girl, IMO, is a little beyond her years, but aren't all kids these days? Anyway, yea and my mom was like "Well the bible doesn't condone it but I don't have a problem w/ people whom are that way" I got the urge to go around there and say "well since you don't have aproblem w/ it I'M GAY" lol But, I still feel like she only says that thinking, "as long as it isn't my son," but I plan to tell her soon. I really do want to get her by herself. The only thing that matters at this point is if she still loves me and can still be the same around me afterwards. Is it just or was that a sign?? lol.
 
Well, isn't it possible for men who have been locked up for a while to ultimately turn gay?
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3nipples nailed this answer.

As to the family.... that's a tough one. Only you can judge when is the right time for you... I'm still working on it for me.

However...
She's too innocent, and too good of a kid, I can't do that to her, even though I don't think she'd take it hard.
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This concerns me a bit.... it implies that you still believe that there is something inherently wrong about being gay. Being gay doesn't make us bad anymore than any other immutable quality. I think it will be easier to tell the family if you don't go in already thinking that it is wrong. Otherwise, it's going to have the potential of being a hellride.
 
I don't think it's wrong, I just don't know if she would be ready for something like that at that age. But then again, there have been other things that she has handled quite well.
 
3nipples said:
About your sister? I wouldn't tell her, not unless it's in the context of telling the whole family. The second part, assuming you had told your mom and she didn't want you to tell your sister... I would tell her anyways. It's not your Mom's choice to make, but yours.
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But what I mean is, do you think an eleven year old is equipped to handle that kind of info?
 
Of course.

Honestly, it's better for them to get it at an early age before they've been able to have their minds poisoned.
 
^Very true.

Anyway, I got some surprising news.

My roommate is not coming back for 2nd semester. I don't know how to feel abou this. If I had found this out before we were friends I'd probably be happy to have my own room. BUT, we're buddies now. Once I came out to him, we've been friends(not best friends but we talked alot more, and hung out). He was kinda like a mentor or something. Now he's leaving? I still have the other two, but it's still gonna be weird w/ out my roomie. I told him I wish him luck in whatever he does, he said he had things to take care of at home. What i hate the most is that the first half of the first semester was a complete waste b/c we weren't ont he same page(we didn't dislike each other, we jsut didn't KNOW each other).

What I'm worried about now is that, What if I get a roomie the complete opposite of him(IF I get a new one)? What if I get a homophobe? Or what if I get the guy of my dreams? lol, how would I handle myself??? I have a problem of getting to comfortable w/ things, and getting very upset when things change. And this is bothering me.

I go back tomorrow......still haven't told my mom. I think I'm afraid more than anything.
 
No progress on "coming out." BUT, I just thought I'd say. The day I came back to the dorm after christmas break, I went to the club. It was exactly what Ineeded. I was so bored at home. I went w/ my friend(the one I met throught my roomie) and another. It was weird my roomie not being w/ us. And it's so weird having the room to myself. Anyway, I had fun in the club, I danced, I laughed, good times. The club closed around 5, and us and a group of other friends(that we met at the club) went to IHOP. We stayed there until 7, and we didn't get back to the dorms until 7:30. So it was a fun morning.

My friend told me, "all those guys there, and you didn't meet anyone?" Well, I'm shy, and have low self esteem. I was like "do you go up to guys or do guys go up to you" He was like "they come up to me, I don't do the going up to other people thing" lol "I was like I'm the same way." He goes "well you just gotta make eye contact, they'll come"

So hopefully the next time I go back, I'll meet someone. I don't want an ONS, I just want someone to have a relationship w/. You know the cute cuddly stuff. I'm way overdue for that lol. ANYWAY, my friend has a BF and his BF was at the club too. I was a little shy about dancing and his BF was like "come on, lets start dancing together on 3" and I started letting loose. It was fun. I think they're slowly trying to get me to open up. Maybe once I actually open up and find myself I can do what Ineed to do w/ my mom.

But yea, that was my 2nd visit to the club. Maybe the 3rd time IS the charm lol.
 
each time will get a little easier. I promise. And you'll start to loosen up.

As to going up to guys... a little premature at your second time at the club, but some food for thought. I started off not going up to them and waiting for them to come to me. But then I got over myself. I realized that if I went up to them, then I got to do the choosing as to who I met. If I let them come up to me, it was generally somebody I wasn't interested in and so not really worth it. Now that I go up to guys, guess what? I'm meeting the guys that I find attractive. Just something to think about as you get going.

Lastly, don't rush it. You're young and you have plenty of time to figure things out. One step at a time. The club scene seems weird at first, but after a few more times, it'll seem perfectly normal and you'll miss the novelty in a way.
 
LOL, but the thing is I don't think I'm some great catch. I'm really shy and it's hard for me to just go up to someone. But when you go up to someone, what do you say? I'd be too afraid of looking stupid lol.
 
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