Straight Lad with a Problem

[backpacker]

Hi guys. I'm Luke, James told me about his advice he got on here and I understand I was a bit out of line.

However, just to make things clear. That night when he kissed me he wanted to take it further, he even started taking off my shirt and groping me. I would have loved to but didn't want to lose my virginity by taking advantage of a drunk friend. and he could remember it, in the morning he begged me not to tell his lass what he was like (like i would even tell her)

I know I've been a bit of an idiot around him but i cant help myself atm. i don't know any other gays nd i dnt really wanna be out with randommers. I just feel really lonely when i think ive never loved anyone, ive had lasses but only really for show so never had proper feelings for them.

Going to the football match tomorrow with him, chance to drown my sorrows beforehand anyway lol. From the comments I've read on here you seem like nice people anyhow

Welcome to JUB!!! JUB offers a great forum for helping you work through your feelings in a supportive environment. We also have a lot of fun here.

I definitely understand your frustration. Most of us have had an attraction to one of our straight friends at one time or another. Typically it was while we were in the closet or when we first came out. Once you experience a relationship with a guy who has the same feelings as you, your straight friends won't seem nearly as appealing from a sexual standpoint. Make a concerted effort to make some gay friends and find a boyfriend. I'm sure you will be far happier if you do and your friendship will also be strengthened. Good luck!

 

[AlmostFamous]

Welcome to JUB!!! JUB offers a great forum for helping you work through your feelings in a supportive environment. We also have a lot of fun here.

I definitely understand your frustration. Most of us have had an attraction to one of our straight friends at one time or another. Typically it was while we were in the closet or when we first came out. Once you experience a relationship with a guy who has the same feelings as you, your straight friends won't seem nearly as appealing from a sexual standpoint. Make a concerted effort to make some gay friends and find a boyfriend. I'm sure you will be far happier if you do and your friendship will also be strengthened. Good luck!

I get ya, but I really don't want to come out atm. My family wont be supportive so I am just too scared.

James is the only friend I really trust to confide in and the only one I thought would definately take it fine. The rest of them, are quite homophobic and I'm just not ready to deal with it all.

 

[backpacker]

The two don't need to be mutually exclusive. You can seek out gay friends and even have a boyfriend without your family and friends knowing. The situation is far from ideal, but it's one that many gay guys deal with until they are comfortable enough to come out. Yes there is a small risk that your family and friends will find out, but that's typically a fairly small. Sometimes in life you need to take calculated risks. Even if you live in a small town, you can travel to the city to visit gay bars or meet people. Building a support system and outlet to augment James will be beneficial to you and your friendship with James.

 

[tallguy297]

I get ya, but I really don't want to come out atm. My family wont be supportive so I am just too scared.

James is the only friend I really trust to confide in and the only one I thought would definately take it fine. The rest of them, are quite homophobic and I'm just not ready to deal with it all.

Hey AlmostFamous,

First of all Welcome to JUB!!! Its great to have you here - and thanks for posting!

Mate... whats happened happened. I'm pretty sure all of us have stepped over the line a little when we finally opened up. Its a huge relief to be open and honest about who we are and all of a sudden its almost a given that we "act" gay in the company of people we care about and trust so completely.

But it will pass. James is just the only outlet you have right now but at least you know you have to get back to just being you before any real damage is done.

As far as coming out goes... its your life. Its your journey and you are in control.

You've taken the biggest step... the hardest one. Each one will be a little easier from now on, but they'll still be big events. So you take them as they come, in your time, when you are ready, when you are safe and comfortable in your own skin and you do it the way you want. This is one of the few times in life where you get to decide how to rid yourself of a burden in the way you want!

In the meantime mate, anything that worries you or bothers you or any questions you have, you know where to find us!!! Your amongst freinds here who dont judge and who have probably tackled whatever it is that worries you.

Theres never a reason to be scared here.

 

[AlmostFamous]

The two don't need to be mutually exclusive. You can seek out gay friends and even have a boyfriend without your family and friends knowing. The situation is far from ideal, but it's one that many gay guys deal with until they are comfortable enough to come out. Yes there is a small risk that your family and friends will find out, but that's typically a fairly small. Sometimes in life you need to take calculated risks. Even if you live in a small town, you can travel to the city to visit gay bars or meet people. Building a support system and outlet to augment James will be beneficial to you and your friendship with James.

however I can't risk my family finding out. There's no-way I will tell them until after I finish my uni degree because I am 99% certain I'll be banished from the family and I can't afford to pay for uni myself. James has offered to come to gay bars with me but the gay scene isn't really my thing, I've been once on a mates girlfriends birthday and it was full of mainly old people trying it on with me. I want to talk to people my own age you know.

It annoys me and I get myslf down, because I have no choice in the matter. God has made me sexually attracted to lads and not lasses, I can't help that but people will judge me for it. I hate being gay, if I could be straight I would be.

Well tonight will be like every other night out I've been on, pretending to be interested in lasses and just getting pissed.

 

[fjancsi80]

You should build a gay life, meeting people, visiting chatrooms, establish friendships etc. The risk that your family will discover it is minimal if you are cautious. You can' wait until you finished your uni because these are your best years. You will regret later that you spent them with stupid waiting.

 

[Telstra]

ahh life ... everyone have problems big or small, str8 or gay.

there was a guy about 40, he likes women (attracted to women) but still single. He can't seem to find a partnership with women and said he might have to give up on women all together.

He described his male friends as old farts because they are all single and went out aimlessly drinking, chatting about nothing ...

 

[Little Beaver]

To Almost, Concerning your parents and education. You might want to consider an other option. Tell your parents you want to put marriage and romantic involvement off until after uni. Tell them your education is most important to you right now as it is something you will need for the rest of your life. This is true, and is the custom of many students any way. I think they will accept this as a reason you are not going steady with any one girl and will take a lot of pressure off of you. Your peers may be more willing to accept this as well. All this advise, however good and well intended, I suspect, and others may agree, might leave your head spinning. Take it one day at a time. You dont have to do and decide every thing at once. Chill out and take a break from your worries. Pay attention to your health. Be good to your self. Eat well and try joging, swimming or something you enjoy. Remember, you dont HAVE to come out right now. Ron seems like a great friend to have and a very understanding guy as well. Please dont jeopordize your friendship with him as he seems willing to be supportive of you. Sincere best wishes and kindest regards, lil beaver

 

[Kyanimal]

Very Wise words, "Beav"!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Desire]

wow..all that is jerry springer lol but kinda only about 15% of it is jerry springer..

 

[Little Beaver]

Well thankyou Chaz! That was very nice to hear!! Many hugs and kisses to you! I like this coming of age/stand by me, kinda stuff. Dont you?

 

[AlmostFamous]

To Almost, Concerning your parents and education. You might want to consider an other option. Tell your parents you want to put marriage and romantic involvement off until after uni. Tell them your education is most important to you right now as it is something you will need for the rest of your life. This is true, and is the custom of many students any way. I think they will accept this as a reason you are not going steady with any one girl and will take a lot of pressure off of you. Your peers may be more willing to accept this as well. All this advise, however good and well intended, I suspect, and others may agree, might leave your head spinning. Take it one day at a time. You dont have to do and decide every thing at once. Chill out and take a break from your worries. Pay attention to your health. Be good to your self. Eat well and try joging, swimming or something you enjoy. Remember, you dont HAVE to come out right now. Ron seems like a great friend to have and a very understanding guy as well. Please dont jeopordize your friendship with him as he seems willing to be supportive of you. Sincere best wishes and kindest regards, lil beaver

Thanks. I'll try less thinking lol, might do me some good. I'm sure I just sound stupid for making a big deal about all these things afterall most gay men go through this at some time in their life.

It's just my family are very religious, when I'm at home I'm made to go to church if I refuse my dad gets really angry, I'm supposed to follow their faith even though I don't believe in it. I love them loads but it just makes everything harder you know?

 

[Telstra]

Thanks. I'll try less thinking lol, might do me some good. I'm sure I just sound stupid for making a big deal about all these things afterall most gay men go through this at some time in their life.

It's just my family are very religious, when I'm at home I'm made to go to church if I refuse my dad gets really angry, I'm supposed to follow their faith even though I don't believe in it. I love them loads but it just makes everything harder you know?

well, in that case, go to church and use it as a hooking up oppotunity with other like minded guys. Its time to use your gaydar thing at church.

 

[AlmostFamous]

well, in that case, go to church and use it as a hooking up oppotunity with other like minded guys. Its time to use your gaydar thing at church.

lol, unfortunately most there are 35+ and I have a non-existant gaydar(I can only tell really openly gay men are gay). Driving back to uni tomorrow though so gives me a break.

 

[darkdreamerx]

You wouldn't happen to be Canadian Luke, would you?

 

[AlmostFamous]

no lol. After advice from you guys and a conversation with James this afternoon I'm considering telling our housemates of my sexual orientation. I've decided I live far enough away from my family to worry about them finding out. I dunno what would be better, to go to each one individually or as a group. I worry too much, so I'm trying to change lol.

 

[darkdreamerx]

Had my hopes up for a second, damn!

 

[Telstra]

no lol. After advice from you guys and a conversation with James this afternoon I'm considering telling our housemates of my sexual orientation. I've decided I live far enough away from my family to worry about them finding out. I dunno what would be better, to go to each one individually or as a group. I worry too much, so I'm trying to change lol.

i think go to each is better. You gain experience that way.
Its like sex, 1 on 1 sex is better than group sex.

 

[backpacker]

I think you are making a good decision to explore the gay life while at school. As you noted, there is little chance that your parents will find out.

As to how to tell your housemates, I would say it depends a lot on their personalities and your relationship with each of them. I would definitely do it in person. Since James knows your housemates, I would ask for his opinion. I bet he's willing to be there when you tell them as moral support. In end, it's probably best to do it however you feel most comfortable. I doubt they will care if it's individually or as a group. Good luck!

 

[Pringle]

I hate being gay, if I could be straight I would be.

and if I had a pound for everytime I had that thought I wouldn't have a mortgage anymore. lol.

Welcome to JUB - I think from what I have read you would certainly benefit from using this place as an outlet. I don't come here as much anymore, but I certainly know that the bits of time I used to spend here were more help than I ever imagined possible and to be honest I didn't even realise I needed somewhere like this at the time.

I thought I had my "closeted" life under control and just didn't let it bother me but coming out is one of the best things I have done and I now find myself in a happy relationship, which compliments the rest of my life and didn't (as I feared) change all the other bits that were already very good.

Not saying that anyone here has all the answers because quite frankly no one does (although some would like you to think that they do). The difficult things still have to be done by you alone and take your own circumstances into account, but a place like this can make it feel less lonley and for me it gave me a chance to work out who I was in a safe environment before I took on the "real world". Nothing has to be rushed and its important to do things at your own pace.

The gay scene is not my style either - doesn't seem a lot of point as none of my mates would there. So you are not alone in that opinion.

This is your thread now - so don't hesitate to raise anything that might be on your mind, because you will always get some positive perspective on it.

Good luck with it all and I hope you keep close to that good friend of yours.

See ya around