On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

My straight friends wouldn't like you. They usually don't put up with whiny complainers.

You try being black and gay. Then I want to see you not complain about it.

It must hurt for you not to attack others.

Now you're just blatantly attacking me. Smh.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

What the fuck? No there is not.

It's all the same damn thing.

There are not that many of us to think like that.

No, it really isn't 'all the same damned thing'. I don't base my friendships on whether I think someone is fuckable. I'd be willing to wager quite the sum under the impression that that's not why most people acquire friends.

This is not your therapists office and you paid no hooker here to listen to your particular version of reality. You could always quit treating the board as if we were and take some personal responsibility.

 

[Alistair]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

You try being black and gay. Then I want to see you not complain about it.

It must hurt for you not to attack others.

Now you're just blatantly attacking me. Smh.

No I'm being honest. You want us to be honest don't you?

 

[Cormac135]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I don't even get the premise behind the thread title.

The LGBTQ world is made up of individuals with about a million different 'alternative' lifestyles and personalities. Just like the hetero world.

And they are all accepted.

Seriously. I don't get this thread premise or the logic behind it all.

Victimhood, and race carding.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

I lost my answer due to the time, but I basically said that I believe it´s harder for certain gay men or for some persons.
When you are rich, or when you are a "model" of what the society sells like the perfect citizen, yes, it´s easy to network. However, if you are a social challenge, it´s not that easy. So, I think it depends on how is the person, his history, his social image and/or how he manages the factors that are related to a good networking.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

No, it really isn't 'all the same damned thing'. I don't base my friendships on whether I think someone is fuckable. I'd be willing to wager quite the sum under the impression that that's not why most people acquire friends.

This is not your therapists office and you paid no hooker here to listen to your particular version of reality. You could always quit treating the board as if we were and take some personal responsibility.

It is.

I didn't say jack shit about befriending people based on if you could fuck them or not.

I said, he said people who reject or ignore you, doesn't mean they are not accepting of you, and I, disagree with that.

Even if that were the case.

Many straight men do not mesh well with other straight men. It's okay.

With gay men, my main issue and concern, is there isn't that many of us to think like that. So it doesn't pay to treat people like that.

Because someone is a twink and feminine, and is in a group of bears, that doesn't not give you an excuse to treat him like shit.

Same if he were rejected on his race as well.

- - - Updated - - -

Victimhood, and race carding.

This thread has nothing to do with that, at all.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

No I'm being honest. You want us to be honest don't you?

No, I want you to have a civil discussion and not attack others.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

The tension can exist but the important is what we do with it.
We need to develop our values, our inner strength and follow our path.
A good part of our suffering is caused by the unnecessary wish of approval. Of course we need to live within society and there are rules to be obeyed, but we can look for our place in this world.

 

[Cormac135]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

^ You should go and re-read it, then perhaps an adult conversion therapy course would help.

 

[Alistair]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

No, I want you to have a civil discussion and not attack others.

That's a joke. You've told us all to fuck off 5 times.

And I'm being serious responding to your statement. None of my friends would like you, so I wouldn't introduce you to them even if we were friends.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I said, he said people who reject or ignore you, doesn't mean they are not accepting of you, and I, disagree with that.

There are people who spend all of their spare time and money doing role-playing games...or playing fantasy football...or jacking up their pickup trucks. I don't really like any of that stuff, so I can't imagine wanting to spend any time with these folks unless we happen to really connect on some other level. But that doesn't mean I don't accept them. They just have completely different interests than I do. Even if they also like fucking guys.

With gay men, my main issue and concern, is there isn't that many of us to think like that. So it doesn't pay to treat people like that.

Well, meaning what? That since there's a homo, and I'm a homo, I better hang out with him because "hey, there ain't that many of us"? Again, I'm not treating them as my lessers. They're like a TV show I don't watch, or an amusement park I don't have any interest in visiting. I'm not trying to shut them down - just not going to spend any time with them.

Because someone is a twink and feminine, and is in a group of bears, that doesn't not give you an excuse to treat him like shit.

There seems to be this black/white (tee hee) dichotomy, that either you're actively doing everything in your power to make sure everybody gets along, or that you're actively trying to promote a divide among masc/fem (or other) lines. And frankly, it doesn't work like that. Am I doing all I can to make sure that twinks are accepted into the bear community? Of course not, for a ton of reasons. For one, I'm not really PART of the bear community. I've been to a total of...what...two "bear" events ever in my life. And each time, it was to meet a particular group of people (ie, these four guys that I know). Had a twink approached me, would I have turned him away? Of course not. Would I have searched around for any twinks in the bar, and invited them to join my group? No. Not because they're twinks, but because I wouldn't have done that with anybody. We were there to chat amongst ourselves, and that's what we did. Full stop.

Lex

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

That's a joke. You've told us all to fuck off 5 times.

And I'm being serious responding to your statement. None of my friends would like you, so I wouldn't introduce you to them even if we were friends.

That's not my point.

I'm speaking generally. It's harder for gay men to make friends with straight men, if not an issue altogether.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

There are people who spend all of their spare time and money doing role-playing games...or playing fantasy football...or jacking up their pickup trucks. I don't really like any of that stuff, so I can't imagine wanting to spend any time with these folks unless we happen to really connect on some other level. But that doesn't mean I don't accept them. They just have completely different interests than I do. Even if they also like fucking guys.

Well I don't either. I'm not into that roughneck shit at all. But yes lord, I love me a bear man. So fuck all that shit.

They don't' like me because I'm a gay black feminine man, so I'm screwed and that shit puts me in tears man. Fuck.

So even though you don't "accept me." it still hurts to not be included.

Well, meaning what? That since there's a homo, and I'm a homo, I better hang out with him because "hey, there ain't that many of us"? Again, I'm not treating them as my lessers. They're like a TV show I don't watch, or an amusement park I don't have any interest in visiting. I'm not trying to shut them down - just not going to spend any time with them.

The fact you're both gay/queer men hurts and fucks things up and is twice as taxing if you ask me. To have that damn attitude. Smh. I don't know man.

There seems to be this black/white (tee hee) dichotomy, that either you're actively doing everything in your power to make sure everybody gets along, or that you're actively trying to promote a divide among masc/fem (or other) lines. And frankly, it doesn't work like that. Am I doing all I can to make sure that twinks are accepted into the bear community? Of course not, for a ton of reasons. For one, I'm not really PART of the bear community. I've been to a total of...what...two "bear" events ever in my life. And each time, it was to meet a particular group of people (ie, these four guys that I know). Had a twink approached me, would I have turned him away? Of course not. Would I have searched around for any twinks in the bar, and invited them to join my group? No. Not because they're twinks, but because I wouldn't have done that with anybody. We were there to chat amongst ourselves, and that's what we did. Full stop.

Lex

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying you don't see the fact that the fact (you fucking typed it. So there's no excuse.) That you wouldn't invite a twink apart of your group at a bear event that approached you.

Yet you don't see that as being shady and nasty to people?

You see it as, "Well I don't hate him, I just don't' mix well with him."

Well that's the same damn thing. The point is, you're not accepting of him, and he's whatever to you.

The least you can fucking do is still be nice with him and include him in the group, and make fucking lemonade of out fucking lemons. Damn. Smh.

 

[Alistair]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

And everyone that answered told you no it's not, but you're too stubborn to listen

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Who the fuck are these straight guys y'all befriending? You need to tell them to give me a call. For real though.

I need receipts for scientific research on these straight guys y'all seem to be comfortable with. For scientific data.

Well, what the hell do you want? Pictures? A phone call? You want me to hand them a survey to fill out?

Over the past two weeks...

* I went to a karaoke night with three straight couples, one single guy, and two single women. The singles were friends-of-friends, so no idea if they were gay. I don't think they were.

* My boyfriend and I met up with a straight couple (engaged, not yet married) for dinner.

* Went to bar trivia with a couple friends from work, including a married couple. One of the other guys there was gay, but the rest were straight.

* Went to a straight friend's house so he could fix a piece of equipment for me. I took him out to lunch afterwards.

* A straight friend and I went to a Bring-Your-Own-Vinyl Night. We met up with a couple other friends there. I think I was the only gay guy in that little group, but some of them (again) were friends-of-friends, so I wasn't sure.

* I'm going to a concert on Saturday with another married couple.

I'm sorry all of this sounds horribly alien to you, but it's just kind of my life.

Lex

 

[mcbrion]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

I didn't find it an issue, but I lived in San Francisco from the '70s until 15 years ago. So, your conclusion is based on where you live, as is everyone's. I'm sure there are homophobes in San Francisco, too, but I've never found straight male friends to be uncomfortable hearing about who I was dating. Again: it was San Francisco. If you lived in Detroit, maybe it would be a different story. I wouldn't know. But you're living in LA (gay central) and it's an issue???? I find that hard to believe, having been in LA quite a few times during those years. But geography informs perceptions. But that's all they are perceptions. And perceptions are not necessarily the reality of the thing. Or maybe the times have changed, but people are decidedly LESS homophobic than say, 1982.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Well, what the hell do you want? Pictures? A phone call? You want me to hand them a survey to fill out?

Over the past two weeks...

* I went to a karaoke night with three straight couples, one single guy, and two single women. The singles were friends-of-friends, so no idea if they were gay. I don't think they were.

* My boyfriend and I met up with a straight couple (engaged, not yet married) for dinner.

* Went to bar trivia with a couple friends from work, including a married couple. One of the other guys there was gay, but the rest were straight.

* Went to a straight friend's house so he could fix a piece of equipment for me. I took him out to lunch afterwards.

* A straight friend and I went to a Bring-Your-Own-Vinyl Night. We met up with a couple other friends there. I think I was the only gay guy in that little group, but some of them (again) were friends-of-friends, so I wasn't sure.

* I'm going to a concert on Saturday with another married couple.

I'm sorry all of this sounds horribly alien to you, but it's just kind of my life.

Lex

Well it sounds like you're a more masculine or straight passing gay man. Thus it's possibly a non factor on you being homosexual.

I'm also more talking about interpersonal relationships.

Those don't seem like friends to me at all.

Can you actually trust these people and turn to them during tough times in your life?

They just seem like acquaintances you're meeting up and doing non intimate things with. If these people even know you're gay.

I'm a feminine guy, and straight men hate my fucking guts.

Should I have changed the thread, (which I mentioned in another cite) to, can feminine gay men be friends with straight men?

 

[gayvga]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Well it sounds like you're a more masculine or straight passing gay man. Thus it's possibly a non factor on you being homosexual.

I'm also more talking about interpersonal relationships.

Those just seem like acquaintances you're meeting up and doing non intimate things with. If these people even know you're gay.

I'm a feminine guy, and straight men hate my fucking guts.

Should I have changed the thread, (which I mentioned in another cite) to, can feminine gay men be friends with straight men?

I don´t know if all straight men hate you because you are feminine.
I´m a feminine gay man and one of the worst things I heard came from the mouth of a very hypocritical bisexual man.
What do I think about it? If I feel someone doesn´t like me, I look for another person to talk. And, for me, if a person doesn´t like me because I´m feminine, then, it´s a favor that he is doing for me to show it because I avoid spending my time with a clearly ignorant person.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

So even though you don't "accept me." it still hurts to not be included.

I DO accept you. I said so at the beginning. That there was a difference between "not wanting to hang out with" and "not accepting". I don't want to hang out with guys whose interest don't intersect somewhere with mine. Can I hold a civil conversation with them? Definitely. I do it daily at work, after all.

The fact you're both gay/queer men hurts and fucks things up and is twice as taxing if you ask me. To have that damn attitude. Smh. I don't know man.

What attitude? That I can pass on befriending another homosexual? It's pretty easy. I'm assuming you don't rush out to befriend every Black guy you encounter, either.

I'm saying you don't see the fact that the fact (you fucking typed it. So there's no excuse.) That you wouldn't invite a twink apart of your group at a bear event that approached you.

Dude, you are totally not understanding what I'm saying.

Let's say you've got a few friends, and you decide to go eat at some chain restaurant - Chili's, say. So you go there, you get a table for four. You chat, you order, you eat, etc. Do you get up and go look for other people to join your group? Almost certainly not. Not because you're a hateful person. Not because you're bound and determined to keep the cliques where they are. But because you're there specifically to eat and hang out with your friends.

That's why I was at this bear event. To meet Bob and Gary and Jayce. That's where they wanted to meet, so we met there. And while we were there, no, we didn't get up and look for twinks to join us. Not because we're exclusionary, but because we were just there to hang out with each other. We didn't get up and invite any (other) bears to join us, either. Had somebody (twink or otherwise) asked if they could join us, would we have let them? I...guess so? But I doubt anybody would've wanted to. Just like I doubt anybody would walk up to your booth at Chili's and ask if they could join you.

Yet you don't see that as being shady and nasty to people?

I walked to work today without inviting a single person to be my friend. Would you consider that shady and nasty, too?

You see it as, "Well I don't hate him, I just don't' mix well with him."

No. I see it as "I don't hate him, but I'm not here to befriend new people. I'm here to chat with these friends of mine." In fact, there could have been anywhere from zero to fifty twinks there, and I wouldn't have noticed. I was there to hang out with these friends of mine. We sat in our booth and chatted and had a good time, then got up and went home. If you want to consider me a horrible gargoyle for not taking time out from my evening to see if there were other people there that were hoping to be approached by a group of friendly people, then I guess I'm just a horrible gargoyle.

The least you can fucking do is still be nice with him and include him in the group, and make fucking lemonade of out fucking lemons. Damn. Smh.

I think this guy will be fine, since he's apparently hypothetical. Nobody approached us.

Lex

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

I don´t know if all straight men hate you because you are feminine.
I´m a feminine gay man and one of the worst things I heard came from the mouth of a very hypocritical bisexual man.
What do I think about it? If I feel someone doesn´t like me, I look for another person to talk. And, for me, if a person doesn´t like me because I´m feminine, then, it´s a favor that he is doing for me to show it because I avoid spending my time with a clearly ignorant person.

Yes, the only issue is that it's sad we have to eliminate straight men from out social circles. But alas, I guess.