On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[G-Lexington]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Well it sounds like you're a more masculine or straight passing gay man. Thus it's possibly a non factor on you being homosexual.

You'll have to ask somebody else. We're all the worst judges of our own masculinity. I know I've got effeminate traits, and I don't try to hide them.

Those don't seem like friends to me at all.

Well, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly do you DO with your friends?

Can you actually trust these people and turn to them during tough times in your life?

Well, I went through a depressive episode a couple years back, and nearly to a person, they told me I could call them day or night if I needed to. The person who invited me to karaoke had a major family issue a month ago, and I stayed on the phone for two hours to make her feel better. Another called me at 4am when he accidentally overdosed on a medication, and I kept him on the phone until things calmed down. So yeah, I'd like to think they pass the test.

They just seem like acquaintances you're meeting up and doing non intimate things with. If these people even know you're gay.

At karaoke, I switched one lyric from "isn't it queer?" to "yes, I'm a queer". And we all laughed. Yes, they know. Everybody knows.

I'm a feminine guy, and straight men hate my fucking guts.

Well, if you're so dismissive of people just doing fun things together, I can at least understand why people aren't lining up outside your door to be your friend.

Lex

 

[gayvga]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Yes, the only issue is that it's sad we have to eliminate straight men from out social circles. But alas, I guess.

I don´t know if you need to do it. Maybe you can find some that are cool. Live your life and be open for new friendships. But, if they don´t appear, don´t stress yourself. The world is enormous, you can have other friendships and you don´t need to approval of others to be happy.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I DO accept you. I said so at the beginning. That there was a difference between "not wanting to hang out with" and "not accepting". I don't want to hang out with guys whose interest don't intersect somewhere with mine. Can I hold a civil conversation with them? Definitely. I do it daily at work, after all.

Well if you accept my ass, then hang out with me. Since you don't want to do that, then you can stop being wishy washy, thank you.

If my ass is sick in the hospital are you gonna come and visit, I doubt that you would. So that's the type of shit I'm talking about.

What attitude? That I can pass on befriending another homosexual? It's pretty easy. I'm assuming you don't rush out to befriend every Black guy you encounter, either.

I don't. But this is a gay male queer forum. There are lots of black men in the world.

There are a very low number of queer men and queer black men on this planet.

If another queer man needed my help IRL, you damn right I'm gonna help him and keep in contact with him, if he let me. Which they don't, as this community is fuck and shady like that.

Dude, you are totally not understanding what I'm saying.

Let's say you've got a few friends, and you decide to go eat at some chain restaurant - Chili's, say. So you go there, you get a table for four. You chat, you order, you eat, etc. Do you get up and go look for other people to join your group? Almost certainly not. Not because you're a hateful person. Not because you're bound and determined to keep the cliques where they are. But because you're there specifically to eat and hang out with your friends.

That's why I was at this bear event. To meet Bob and Gary and Jayce. That's where they wanted to meet, so we met there. And while we were there, no, we didn't get up and look for twinks to join us. Not because we're exclusionary, but because we were just there to hang out with each other. We didn't get up and invite any (other) bears to join us, either. Had somebody (twink or otherwise) asked if they could join us, would we have let them? I...guess so? But I doubt anybody would've wanted to. Just like I doubt anybody would walk up to your booth at Chili's and ask if they could join you.

That's not the fucking same.

Going to an intimate private restaurant, to where you are there to eat your meal and leave, as opposed to a more social place, like a queer hangout or meetup place, like a bear event or club or bar, is not the fucking same at all.

But you have to admit that fuck, there is no excuse for gay men on xtube to call me nigger and reject my friendship requests either. But alas.

I walked to work today without inviting a single person to be my friend. Would you consider that shady and nasty, too?

If a gay man walked up to you and asked to hang out, would you do it?

No. I see it as "I don't hate him, but I'm not here to befriend new people. I'm here to chat with these friends of mine." In fact, there could have been anywhere from zero to fifty twinks there, and I wouldn't have noticed. I was there to hang out with these friends of mine. We sat in our booth and chatted and had a good time, then got up and went home. If you want to consider me a horrible gargoyle for not taking time out from my evening to see if there were other people there that were hoping to be approached by a group of friendly people, then I guess I'm just a horrible gargoyle.

It's not the same.

That was a very interesting example to use with the restaurant thing. No, that's an intimate setting, and I don't expect you to act that way there no.

I'm saying if you were in a gay social circuit. In real life, or virtual or whatever, why would you have that same fucking attitude though?

I think this guy will be fine, since he's apparently hypothetical. Nobody approached us.

Lex

I don't think he would be fine at all if you rejected him like that. He would be very upset at himself I would think.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Hey! You stole my answer......

Not only am I friends with straight guys...when I have been in a car with one or more of them and they look at tits and ass...I can't wait to find a guy whose ass I like and make a comment. They love it....

They even try to find me asses and guys and ask me what it is I don't like about this or that one....

I maintain that my making my sexuality a complete non issue allows them to make it a complete non issue as well. I have lived it...I know it works.

This. My straight guy friends are used to me being unapologetically me, then again I only invite open-minded people into my circle so I dunno I've never had to deal with an ignorant straight guy. The energy we allow into our lives is so much more under our control than we think. If you wanna sit on the stoop crying while some jerks throw rocks at you and call you a fairy that's your prerogative.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Because we're all evil soul-less sex demons who need to fuck the same way regular human beings need oxygen. Is that the fantastic answer you were looking for?

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

There are a very low number of queer men and queer black men on this planet.

According to my dance card there's oodles. You have some seriously skewed perceptions you need to take care of.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

Well we are all different, and these are my experiences. Sorry.

Have you ever smiled? Laughed? Experienced joy? Maybe even had an orgasm?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Do you believe race/culture plays a factor in your gay lifestyle?

I think when you join gay social media sites, if they see (in my case being that I'm a gay black guy) a black face, It's an automatic block, or they reject your friendship request.

I hate how queer men have that attitude and shit, I don't understand that crap at all.

It's just pure racism and stuff.

Racism in American culture? Gosh what a mystery. I guess we'll never understand where that came from, it will forever remain a complete and utter, ok maybe I am laying it on a little thick.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

According to my dance card there's oodles. You have some seriously skewed perceptions you need to take care of.

There isn't.

Going on statistics alone,

There are only 50,000 gay/bi/queer men in California.

That's a very low number compared to the 40 million in people (20 million which are guys) overall in California.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

According to my dance card there's oodles. You have some seriously skewed perceptions you need to take care of.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_sexual_orientation#United_States

I mean, lookit this; go take a gander at the lovely map. Do you see those colors? Orange for Cali and Purple for 'lil ole me? If I run into queer black guys (and they're not exactly scarce here), that means there's more in your area. A lot more. This isn't an 'only gay eskimo' scenario.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

I don't see any reason why they can't be friends (depending on the guys ofcourse - there will always be bigoted homophobes - but not every straight guy is that way)

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

There isn't.

Going on statistics alone,

There are only 50,000 gay/bi/queer men in California.

That's a very low number compared to the 40 million in people (20 million which are guys) overall in California.

Does that make you feel more isolated or is it just something else to bitch about? Why would it matter if there are 70 gay black men on the planet or 452 billion? All you need is one to date, if casual is your thing let's say 50 to fuck, and maybe 10 friends? I dunno what else to tell ya but other than the street booty hoes who have to travel across 3 counties to find someone they haven't already fucked, I can't imagine why the population size is relevant.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

You try being black and gay. Then I want to see you not complain about it.

It must hurt for you not to attack others.

Now you're just blatantly attacking me. Smh.

There is a point where “black and gay” becomes an excuse. Yes people are oppressed but there is a certain point that all of us get beyond that and it doesn’t stop us from living and moving on in the world.

We live in a better time than ever when it comes to being treated better. People have dealt with a lot worse than you have and percerviered, if they can do it so can you. Things could be better and I believe they will get better as time goes on, but personally when things aren’t at their worse I’m not going to let that stop me from living.

At the end of the day, you need to suck it up and stop looking for excuses as to why you want to stay miserable.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Well if you accept me ass then hang out with me. Since you don't' want to do that, then you can stop being wishy washy, thank you.

I hang out with people I mesh with. Which includes (yes) effeminate homosexuals. Guys I've had minimal interaction with a thousand miles away, not so much.

If my ass is sick in the hospital are you gonna come and visit, I doubt that you would. So that's the type of shit I'm talking about.

Of course I wouldn't. Because I don't fucking know you. There are currently a thousand people at hospitals within a ten mile radius that I ain't visiting, either. Not because I think I'm too good for them, but because I don't know them.

I don't. But this is a gay male queer forum. There are lots of black men in the world.

I know of at least three dozen gay guys in my area, and I'm only friends - as in "visit in the hospital" friends - with maybe half a dozen. And I'm cool with the others. Just never ended up connecting in any meaningful way. And I can't imagine Denver has more gays than LA.

If another queer man needed my help IRL, you damn right I'm gonna help him and keep in contact with him, if he let me. Which they don't, as this community is fuck and shady like that.

I spent at least seven years as an advisor on Empty Closets, helping LGBTQ youth and adults across the globe. That includes suicide watches and lengthy semi-therapy sessions. But happy to have had your hypothetical help.

That's not the fucking same.

It's precisely the same. The bear spot was just a big bar that served food. It wasn't a get-to-know-your-neighbor event. We went, got a booth, ordered, chatted, and went home.

But you have to admit that fuck, there is no excuse for gay men on xtube to call me nigger and reject my friendship requests either. But alas.

Is this the real issue? Because yeah, there's no excuse for the former, although "I don't feel like it" is a completely valid excuse gor the latter. I'm on another site where I've gotten a ton of "friend requests" but only accepted four. Just because I'm not interested in building friendships there.

If a gay man walked up to you and asked to hang out, would you do it?

No. I wouldn't hang out with a straight guy who approached me like that, either, though. My friendships have all developed fairly organically, I think.

Lex

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

You'll have to ask somebody else. We're all the worst judges of our own masculinity. I know I've got effeminate traits, and I don't try to hide them.

Well, I'm thinking more womanly or diva, or emotional.

Like Chris Tucker from the Fifth Element. That's me.

Well, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly do you DO with your friends?

I don't have any friends. I lost contact with all the friends I had in high school and stuff. Despite the fact I have many guys on my friends list on my JUB profile, not one of those guys have ever reached out and said I could speak to them outside this site, and it's okay.

Well, I went through a depressive episode a couple years back, and nearly to a person, they told me I could call them day or night if I needed to. The person who invited me to karaoke had a major family issue a month ago, and I stayed on the phone for two hours to make her feel better. Another called me at 4am when he accidentally overdosed on a medication, and I kept him on the phone until things calmed down. So yeah, I'd like to think they pass the test.

I don't have any friends. I lost contact with all the friends I had in high school and stuff. Despite the fact I have many guys on my friends list on my JUB profile, not one of those guys have ever reached out and said I could speak to them outside this site, and it's okay.

Well, if you're so dismissive of people just doing fun things together, I can at least understand why people aren't lining up outside your door to be your friend.

Lex

Wow. Smh

 

[Taralen]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

Have you ever smiled? Laughed? Experienced joy? Maybe even had an orgasm?

I smiled today that I woke up.

I laughed earlier at a MADTV sketch on youtube.

I'm listening to some R&B music right now. Latrelle (who Kaytranada remixed her stuff).

I hate porn right now, as I wish I had a boyfriend. Porn just makes me sad.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

I'm not.

We just live in a racist and homophobic society, and you of all people should understand and be aware of that shit.

I was like you too BTW as well.

And yet we have black people in government and owning businesses, and gay people in tv, movies and music and we can now get married. I'm not going to waste my font telling you to appreciate not living in a country where you can be stoned to death just for someone thinking you're gay, let alone having proof, because I know your cup is eternally half-empty, and the water in the cup is room temperature, and the cup is kind of dirty, and the waitress who brought it to you was such a bitch, and you don't even like this restaurant, and you're missing an episode of Love and Hip Hop so you don't even wanna be here in the first place, and their lettuce isn't non-GMO and the carpet pattern is.... ok even faking it I can't muster THAT much negativity.

You think you're the first person to experience challenges in life? Eating disorders, cancer, divorced parents, disease, poverty. there are lots of people in the world who have shitty situations but the difference between them and you is they don't spend every waking moment seeking out misery like it's the last piece of edible food on Earth. You don't make threads to discuss anything, you make them so you can "educate" us about how the world sucks and nothing good ever happens and no one will ever be happy and blah blah blah. With a personality like that you can't possibly be egotistical enough to think the problem is everyone else, that we're all just too stupid to realize how sad we are. Even if that's the case, is it any worse than being smart and miserable?

You know what else makes it hard to network? Anxiety. Stuttering. Being ugly. Being too fat. Being too skinny. I hate to sound like one of those cheesy bosses at orientation but the key word there is WORK. It's not easy, it's not meant to be easy that's why it's work. If it was easy everyone would do it. You could do it in spite of being gay and black, but gosh then you'd have to find something else to whine about.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Like Chris Tucker from the Fifth Element. That's me.

I'll have to google...
have no idea who / what those are...something on TV I'm guessing though?

---

Well it sounds like you're a more masculine or straight passing gay man. Thus it's possibly a non factor on you being homosexual.

You'll have to ask somebody else. We're all the worst judges of our own masculinity. I know I've got effeminate traits, and I don't try to hide them.

Just seemed like a guy to me....but I'm bad at picking up anything/clues like that even if they do show....someone else may know better.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Just seemed like a guy to me....but I'm bad at picking up anything/clues like that even if they do show....someone else may know better.

Dude, you saw me running in heels. More than once.

Lex

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Dude, you saw me running in heels. More than once.

Lex

High heels or heeled boots? Because the former takes some real skill; making me swoon over here.