On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Have you tried the various dating sites? A little pleasant personality and positive outlook goes a long way.

Fuck dating sites and apps.

They don't work for me.

Why can't I meet a guy on here? Fuck.

 

[EJMichaels]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

This community is fucked up. Not JUB standing alone, but the queer male community in general….
Next, you do owe me support, due to how long I've been a part of this site. That's all I'm asking for is for support.

Even if you were polite, calm, and respectful, you would not be owed anything more than basic respect due anyone on the forum, regardless of membership time -- and regardless of the age of the site, its popularity, or its demographics. Even if you routinely gave help to other people, no one would owe you anything. True help is freely given, without expectation of reciprocation. On the other hand, recipients of help can increase their level of “deserving” or “earning” support by behaving properly. It’s on the recipients, not the helpers. More simply, to get a friend, be a friend.

You saying that there is only 100 active members here I don't think is correct at all.

Probably fairly close, depending on how you define active. Relative to page views, most threads get about one tenth of one percent replies, even in the support subforum. That suggests people are here for reasons other than giving support and finding friends.

For some reason JUB doesn't come up on google search for "gay help and advice" etc.

For a very good reason. That’s not the main purpose of the site.
EC, on the other hand, has a large support component. However, it’s mostly populated with young people, as you observed. There’s a “later in life” section for “older” members or issues relevant to older members.

I’m not saying the queer male community (whatever that is) isn’t fucked up in some ways, including those you've written about. There are certainly some issues common to all people as well as those more strongly affecting queer men in particular. That doesn’t mean this site has to address any of it. If you want to interact with people who share your concerns, find those people and start a dialogue. The people you find might already be in relationships, so you might not achieve your boyfriend goal that way.

It's not that. I just feel that due to how popular this site is, I don't see why it can't happen.

Yes, people can form relationships here. Those people behave in a way conducive to a relationship.

 

[ballcaphair]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE I don't think we're oblivious in here or out there. Virtual as this may be, it is a comfort to me and a joy. All that I feel in here is real. I feel you, but I fear I cannot help. I also fear your reply. Forgive me.

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Fuck dating sites and apps.

They don't work for me.

Why can't I meet a guy on here? Fuck.

Sorry, I'm partnered. I suspect many on here already are partnered as well. Besides, I'm pretty ugly. You wouldn't want me anyway.

 

[gsdx]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Indeed. We can't get to the root of the problem, but real therapists can, and they are trained to sort accept abuse and to sort through to find out what is causing it.

You simply can't get that in a forum such as this.

That's where I disagree.

Yes a therapist/psychotherapist/psychologist can improve my mental health in that regard yes.

I said that only because you are so angry and frustrated and you have mentioned suicide. Even if suicide doesn't happen, a breakdown most likely will. This is serious shit and you're holding us responsible for it. You need more help than you will ever find here.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

This is serious shit and you're holding us responsible for it.

Yeah, that. Be nice if you took responsibility for yourself and discussed these things with people in the profession. Instead of dumping your misery on those of us who can't do a thing about it while demanding we fix it. That kind of heavy-lifting work must be done at home, not contracted out to whoever will reply on a porn forum.

- I don't think replying is doing you any favors. I think you're using the replies as a way to avoid the whole situation. "This time it'll be different!"

So, no more replies from me on such "it's everyone else, no really" threads. I don't need it, and neither do you, come to that.

Godspeed, since you believe in that sorta thing, and good luck.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Even if you were polite, calm, and respectful, you would not be owed anything more than basic respect due anyone on the forum, regardless of membership time -- and regardless of the age of the site, its popularity, or its demographics. Even if you routinely gave help to other people, no one would owe you anything. True help is freely given, without expectation of reciprocation. On the other hand, recipients of help can increase their level of “deserving” or “earning” support by behaving properly. It’s on the recipients, not the helpers. More simply, to get a friend, be a friend.

I see. But fuck all that. It doesn't hurt to still be nice to people.

Probably fairly close, depending on how you define active. Relative to page views, most threads get about one tenth of one percent replies, even in the support subforum. That suggests people are here for reasons other than giving support and finding friends.

I don't know. To me it still seems quite active.

For a very good reason. That’s not the main purpose of the site.
EC, on the other hand, has a large support component. However, it’s mostly populated with young people, as you observed. There’s a “later in life” section for “older” members or issues relevant to older members.

It's still a queer male networking site though.

I’m not saying the queer male community (whatever that is) isn’t fucked up in some ways, including those you've written about. There are certainly some issues common to all people as well as those more strongly affecting queer men in particular. That doesn’t mean this site has to address any of it. If you want to interact with people who share your concerns, find those people and start a dialogue. The people you find might already be in relationships, so you might not achieve your boyfriend goal that way.

Where can I find these people though in real life? What gay man isn't on the internet nowadays? I mean come on?

Yes, people can form relationships here. Those people behave in a way conducive to a relationship.

So do I. I think I'm behaving fine. I'm just agitated right now, as I feel I'm in some alternate vortex universe that nobody seems to understand me at all.

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Sorry, I'm partnered. I suspect many on here already are partnered as well. Besides, I'm pretty ugly. You wouldn't want me anyway.

What? Why do you say that. What do you consider ugly?

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I said that only because you are so angry and frustrated and you have mentioned suicide. Even if suicide doesn't happen, a breakdown most likely will. This is serious shit and you're holding us responsible for it. You need more help than you will ever find here.

I'm not holding you guys responsible at all.

I'm just saying it would have been nice for you guys to have my back at least.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Yeah, that. Be nice if you took responsibility for yourself and discussed these things with people in the profession. Instead of dumping your misery on those of us who can't do a thing about it while demanding we fix it. That kind of work must be done at home, not contracted out to whoever will reply on a porn forum.

I want to talk to other gay men. Not some shitty ass textbook psychologist who doesn't care about me.

I'll just go ot them for the mental health assessments and shit. Other than that, this type of environment would care more about me, than that shit would. Go figure.

Compared to 1 person and their opinion, and the time and money to find another expert if I didn't like them and shit.

Opposed to the hundreds of thousands of queer men online whom I'm trying to gain, emotional and spiritual support from.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Shit like this is only proving my point.
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/468171-A-Stupid-Posting

He's clearly talking about me and shit, saying I'm vacuous. Wow. That's a very interesting word to use. My goodness. I'm equal to that level now. Lord.

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I want to talk to other gay men. Not some shitty ass textbook psychologist who doesn't care about me.

I'll just go ot them for the mental health assessments and shit. Other than that, this type of environment would care more about me, than that shit would. Go figure.

Compared to 1 person and their opinion, and the time and money to find another expert if I didn't like them and shit.

Opposed to the hundreds of thousands of queer men online whom I'm trying to gain, emotional and spiritual support from.

Ok, how about this. Do you think it would help if you talk with one of us over the phone?

 

[ballcaphair]

Re: What kind of music do you like?

I love this thread. It broadens me and for that I thank you all. Here's something I've probably posted before, but I came upon it again this morning.

 

[Alistair]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I see. But fuck all that. It doesn't hurt to still be nice to people

I think I'm behaving fine.

I'm just saying it would have been nice for you guys to have my back at least.

Being nice to people needs to start with you

No you're not. You're showing why the mods had you on limitations

When you've told us all to fuck off? Told us to shut the fuck off and called us racists? Why would or should we?

 

[PalacePaul]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

English is not my first language so I'm sure I'm missing on things here. But you strongly remind me of someone I know in real life. The way you talk, your reactions to comments, your general attitude in life... If that impression is correct, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do here to help you. With this real guy I mention, even talking to him and spending time with him face to face helped nothing. And I really mean TIME, not some chit-chat over coffee one day. In the end I (and everyone around him) stopped trying. Sometimes only professionals can help.
I wish you luck.

 

[Hotrich]

Re: What kind of music do you like?

Anything and everything by Clannad over the years, but particularly this one called Fado:

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I need you to really STOP painting being gay and Black as some sort of pit of misery. Yes, it's tough for us, but this decade-long pity party you've been throwing yourself is so not cute.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

BTW: I hope the Mods punish you by merging this with whatever the first part of this thread was.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Ok, how about this. Do you think it would help if you talk with one of us over the phone?

It would yes.

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English is not my first language so I'm sure I'm missing on things here. But you strongly remind me of someone I know in real life. The way you talk, your reactions to comments, your general attitude in life... If that impression is correct, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do here to help you. With this real guy I mention, even talking to him and spending time with him face to face helped nothing. And I really mean TIME, not some chit-chat over coffee one day. In the end I (and everyone around him) stopped trying. Sometimes only professionals can help.
I wish you luck.

A boyfriend would help. Having another gay man love me and show me love would be nice. A guy that can put up with me, and I can put up with him. That would be so nice.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I need you to really STOP painting being gay and Black as some sort of pit of misery. Yes, it's tough for us, but this decade-long pity party you've been throwing yourself is so not cute.

It's not that. This community attacks me for no reason and I don't feel I belong. Then I try to gain support from other queer men, and it's tough.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

You don't try to gain shit.

You come here with a sob story agenda and when you get constructive criticism and suggestions to improve what bothers you, you respond with vitriol. Same repetitive shit.

 

[eastofeden]

Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

It would yes.

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A boyfriend would help. Having another gay man love me and show me love would be nice. A guy that can put up with me, and I can put up with him. That would be so nice.

That is unlikely at this point.

I also know someone who is very much like you...and she goes off on everyone and spirals into a self pity wormhole,...except it is because she is a "fat and ugly lesbian". She never has a girlfriend because she can only exist in any relationship of any kind where she has complete control and you agree with her about everything. If you don't agree with her...you are "against her"...

She externalizes her rage and takes no responsibility for ANY OF IT. It is everyone else's fault...always.

She is a living breathing nightmare.

If you keep ignoring all the advice you ARE getting...you will never be ready for a boyfriend unless you find a masochist who enjoys being verbally and mentally abused....

The good news...they exist. Focus on finding one of them.

Narrow your search and say that is what you are looking for (because it IS the only thing at this point that will work)....and you may find someone.....

Some of those people get off on taking abuse....and they know it. Why not capitalize on who you are at the moment if you want a boyfriend?

...because...Dude...you are seriously abusive.