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Think of a Song About Masturbating

From Past Archives II

´

Wire was one of my earliest conributions herein, also live in Germany
in the late seventies - im Rockpalast:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6745414&highlight=wire#post6745414




Since you fell so heavily for the Stranglers, I'll tell you a little story from
the summer of 1980: They were on tour in France then, and one gig was
booked at the university of Nice. My upcoming Italian uncle (he married
my father's sister two years later) was straying along the San Remo beach
in those days with some friends - and off the cuff they decided to sail over
and watch the concert.

Unfortunately the Band had problems with the electricity supply, because
the french local organizers worked not very professional. After the third
power cut within half an hour the musicians decided to break the show.
Burnel & Jet Black spoke to the audience the magic words: "We'll stop now.
And you won't get your money back! If you don't like that - blame the promoter..."


Within seconds a riot started, bottles & chairs were thrown all over the place,
the auditorium was wrecked and more than 30 persons arrested - including
all the band members.


I've just rifled through the archive and found an article about this incident
in the August issue of the German 'Musik Express' from 1980. (A good journal
back then, nearly on eye level with 'Down Beat' & 'Spex' - and surely a match for the 'Village Voice'
................................................................................................................................. *Hustenattacke*.
)

Below I scanned it for you - true to my motto: "every week one good deed..." . pride:
´
 

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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpWVk3h2SA8&fmt=18"]Totally Wired The Fall[/ame]


'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro' ~ Hunter S Thompson


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQHp0AsU3ew&fmt=18"]Get a Grip Black Sabbath[/ame]


'Gotta get a grip/Gotta get a hold on life/Gotta get a grip/So it don't slip, all night…/Gotta get a hold of the situation/Gotta get a hold on life/Gotta get a grip and get it moving/I can't tell you what you need to know/It's up to you, oh, yeah…'
.
 
The Stranglers – live in Paris, 1979 (en direct Chorus, French TV show)…


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xowbHLjs6w&fmt=18"]Five Minutes ('and you're almost there')[/ame]


'Si je suis fou <?> J'attendrai, j'attendrai' ~ J-J Burnel (at the end)
.
 
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNWf68oRwRE&fmt=18"]Goodbye, Toulouse The Stranglers[/ame]
.
 
Different Colours Made Of Tears

´

......................... Naturally, a well-balanced, cosmopolitan & impartial community tolerates
......................... also umpteen minorities. So here's one for the lusty necrophiliacs....



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqNtdTj8gN4&feature=mr_meh&list=PL7D77D7A756F45006&index=12&playnext=0[/ame]




Come on a long with the Black Rider
We'll have a gay old time
Lay down in the web of the black spider
I'll drink your blood like wine
So come on in
It ain't no sin
Take off your skin
And dance around your bones

So come along with the Black Rider
We'll have a gay old time

Anchors away with the Black Rider
I'll drink your blood like wine
I'll drop you off in Harlem with the Black Rider
Out where the bullets shine

And when you're done
You cock your gun
The blood will run
Like ribbons in your hair

So come along with the Black Rider
We'll have a gay old time

Come on along with the Black Rider
I've got just the thing for thee
Come on along with the Black Rider
I want your company

I'll have the veal
A lovely meal
That's how I feel
May I use your skull for a bowl

Come on along with the Black Rider
We'll have a gay old time




PS:

Sure, next week we commemorate our bisexual brothers
of the Klan. May a thousand flowers bloom...
..|
´
 

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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP2t6flTmyY&fmt=18"]Kangaroo Big Star[/ame]


'I first saw you/You had on blue jeans/Your eyes couldn't hide/Hide anything/I saw you, breathing, oh/I saw you staring/Out in space…/I next saw you/You was at the party/Thought you was a queen/Oh, so flirty/I came against/Didn't say, “Excuse”/Knew what I was doing/We looked very fine/Cos we were leaving…/Like Saint Joan/Doing a cool jerk/Oh, I want you/Like a kangaroo, ooh, ooh…' ~ Alex Chilton
.
 
Lyrics in the vid…


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOF7x-rWy9Q&fmt=18"]Kizza Me Big Star[/ame]
.
 
Other Voices, Other Rooms

´


.......................................... Another one for our bisexual readers... . :square:



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QnBccG_ChI[/ame]



Good morning miss
Can I help you son?
Sixteen today
And up for fun
I'm a big boy now
Or so they say
So if you'll serve
I'll be on my way

Box of balloons
With the feather-light touch
Pack of party-poppers
That pop in the night
A toothbrush and hairspray
Plastic grin
Miss Clay on all corners
Has just walked in

Welcome to the House of Fun
Now I've come of age
Welcome to the House of Fun
Welcome to the lion's den
Temptation's on his way
Welcome to the House of

N-n-n-n-n-n-no no miss
You misunderstood
Sixteen big boy
Full pint in my manhood
I'm up to date
And the date's today
So if you'll serve
I'll be on my way

Welcome to the House of Fun
Now I've come of age
Welcome to the lion's den
Temptation's on his way
Welcome to the House of (Fun)

I'm sorry son
But we don't stock
Party gimmicks
In this shop
Try the House of Fun
It's quicker if you run
This is a chemist's
Not a joke shop!

Party hats
Simple enough clear
Comprehende savvy understand
Do you hear?
A pack of party hats
With the coloured tips
Too late!
Gorgon heard gossip
Well hello Joe, hello Miss Clay
Many happy returns from the day

Welcome to the House of Fun
Now I've come of age
Welcome to the House of Fun
Welcome to the lion's den
Temptation's on his way
Welcome to the House of Fun
Welcome to the House of Fun.... ... (*W*)








............................ And Anaïs Nin in Kenneth Anger's . 'Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome'



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34sfF1t82oM[/ame]



__________________________________________________

. "I looked with chameleon eyes upon the changing face of the world,
.. looked with anonymous vision upon my uncompleted self..."
´
... ('House of Incest', 1936)

´
 

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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKdpdpQm0ao&fmt=18"]Hello (I'm Alone) Baby Chaos[/ame]


'Going to freewheel a while, it's easy/Maybe, I'll take out the time to say/Hello, I'm alone/Are you alone, too?…/Got my blisters, burning bridges/I want to show you why I did this…'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDbei0VMXm8&fmt=18"]Hello Baby Chaos[/ame]


^ Live at NPA (Nulle Part Ailleurs), Cannes 1996
.
 
'Who's your Daddy?'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umUnYwBuyYU&fmt=18"]Sperm Baby Chaos[/ame]


'I am a healthy, white boy/With ten fingers and toes/This way, no one ever knows…'
.
 
I actually saw these guys when they played Baltimore last October – so long ago now, but they were sick…


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_87ogJDdfA&fmt=18"]Neilhouse The Ataris[/ame]


'Well, it all started that one day/When I had nothing more to say to you/So, I ran the other way/Love is for morons/But who's this fucking idiot that I see/Staring right back at me?/Will someone tell me/What's right or wrong anymore/Cos everywhere I go/I wonder what I'm searching for?/Well, I think of all the times/I've thought of you and masturbated/All this pre-teen shit has got me so frustrated/Don't turn around/Cos there's nothing more for you back there/I'd send a postcard/But it'd say how much that I don't care/I'm going east, to say the least/To see The Queers, how true/I'll be at the Neilhouse/But I'll be without you…/Don't try to tell me you can't have any fun/You played me for a fucking fool/But now you get to be one/Don't go…'
.
 
I just want to get this song (by the same guy who sang Capitol P, which has already been posted at least twice, BTW, so not again, please!) out of the way, not because I want to open the floodgates to more of MSI's only marginally funny songs and videos, but just because lately I've been delving into songs from my childhood…

Oh, Shit, I can't tell anyone what to do… If you must, bring it, you morons (my two or three, regular readers, God Bless You) – I just won't like it, is all…



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyKDNp9uRSY&fmt=18"]Masturbates Mindless Self Indulgence[/ame]


'I'm uh thinkin'/I'm uh masturbates, oh, no…/Nothing but sweat inside my hands…/Masturbation is good, but it is not the best/Cos nothing beats the feel of your giant ass/It's so big and so round and so fat…'
.
 
I've decided to post some really stoopid videos/songs for awhile – it's how I'm feeling about all the stupid 'Post Whores' on JUB at the moment, so deal with it…

Now, whether it's Tom Green (or Opie and Anthony) doing this song, it doesn't matter, the song is soo stoopid, it doesn't even deserve a video with actual visuals or anything (especially as the several on YouTube that have pictures are so thoroughly unfunny, I've decided a blank screen is preferable). Again, deal with it!

Hey, if you don't like it, post something of your own that you think is better! That's my challenge to you…



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvZmoaTI0HY&fmt=18"]Hey, Masturbator[/ame]
.
 
This song is not only thoroughly stoopid, it's also obnoxious…

Enjoy!



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49K7QLZGe70&fmt=18"]Enormous Penis DaVinci's Notebook[/ame]


'I gotta sing, and I dance/When I glance in my pants/And the feeling's like a sunshiny day/I take a look at my enormous penis/And everything is going my way…'
.
 
This song is almost too stoopid to exist!

Again, enjoy (you… wankers)!



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZePmTgk65WY&fmt=18"]Wow, I Can Get Sexual, Too Say Anything[/ame]


'If I die, and go to hell real soon/It will appear to me as this room/And, for eternity, I'd lay in bed/In my boxers, half stoned/With the pillow under my head…'
.
 
Stoopid! Dumb! Str8! Inbred!

Yee–Haw, y'all! Live from Denton Texas…



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_jHKVyC2ac&fmt=18"]Spank my Monkey Alligator Dave[/ame]
.
 
Another stoopid song – by a group that once was kind of good…


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4usxlYSBc6U&fmt=18"]Love Comes Bananarama[/ame]


'And, then, love comes in a heartbeat/Love comes, and you can't breathe/Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh/And, then, love comes/In a heartbeat/Love comes, and you can't sleep/Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…'
.
 
'Stoopid is, as stoopid does… Forrest!'

Live at Skip's Party Place, Angola Indiana, October 28, 2009…



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j98wSHotZ1o&fmt=18"]Masturbation Blues Candye Kane[/ame]
.
 
'Life is like a box of chocolates…' Stoopid fun!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlX6ClGXtXY&fmt=18"]Slap, Slap, Slap…Snap The Death Set[/ame]


'Slap, Slap, Slap, Pound Up, Down, Snap…'
.
 
Right, said Fred.

Stoopid, says me.



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk&fmt=18"]I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred[/ame]
.
 
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