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Thoughts on this statement about the gay community?

Rex

Rex

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What you have in the gay community is a shame-based society. A lot of these men come with a lot of shame into the big cities because they’ve been thrown out of their homes, or they’ve left looking for something better. So I think a lot of people drown their sorrows in alcohol and sexually acting out because it gives them power. I think we use sex differently than straight people. I think men together use sex very differently than women together or straight people together. I think we explore ideas of power, lost power — a lot of us feel very powerful when we walk into a club and get looked at. There’s a whole aspect to it which is about self-worth.



Discuss.
 
Sounds like a mildly bitter nancy masking lazy generalizations behind amateur pop sociology, IMHO. Link?
 
I mean it's far from 100% accurate, but the sexual dynamics of gay men are definitely radically different than anyone else. I wouldn't go so far as to say we're a "shame based society", but sex ans sexual power does play a large part in our culture, hence pride parades with men fucking in the street.
 
Shame is something a peer group, community and or society forces upon someone to feel for being different. If the world outside viewed us differently we wouldn't feel shame. So, shame is the product of an unfairness in the way we are being viewed. It's not our fault. And why should it be our fault that we move away from negativity to find something which makes us not feel that way?
 
Sultan said:
What you have in the gay community is a shame-based society. A lot of these men come with a lot of shame into the big cities because they’ve been thrown out of their homes, or they’ve left looking for something better. So I think a lot of people drown their sorrows in alcohol and sexually acting out because it gives them power. I think we use sex differently than straight people. I think men together use sex very differently than women together or straight people together. I think we explore ideas of power, lost power — a lot of us feel very powerful when we walk into a club and get looked at. There’s a whole aspect to it which is about self-worth.



Discuss.
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Not me.
Sexually acting out give me power ?
No way. I don't feel powerful when i'm looking for someone.
 
Sultan said:
What you have in the gay community is a shame-based society. A lot of these men come with a lot of shame into the big cities because they’ve been thrown out of their homes, or they’ve left looking for something better. So I think a lot of people drown their sorrows in alcohol and sexually acting out because it gives them power. I think we use sex differently than straight people. I think men together use sex very differently than women together or straight people together. I think we explore ideas of power, lost power — a lot of us feel very powerful when we walk into a club and get looked at. There’s a whole aspect to it which is about self-worth.
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This could be a quote from John Recky's, City of Night describing gay life in an American city circa 1963.

In 2011 I rather believe that shame is very much a matter of the distant past for most gay men living in The West.

As for self empowerment through sexual trysts I suspect that the author of these words has lost their sense of direction in a gay ghetto where day, and night merge into an endless series of unsatisfying hook ups that have more to do with sexual addiction than liberation from shame.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_of_Night
 
Sultan said:
What you have in the gay community is a shame-based society. A lot of these men come with a lot of shame into the big cities because they’ve been thrown out of their homes, or they’ve left looking for something better. So I think a lot of people drown their sorrows in alcohol and sexually acting out because it gives them power. I think we use sex differently than straight people. I think men together use sex very differently than women together or straight people together. I think we explore ideas of power, lost power — a lot of us feel very powerful when we walk into a club and get looked at. There’s a whole aspect to it which is about self-worth.



Discuss.
Click to expand...

Discuss what? Sounds like a bitter, old, 60s queen, lamenting gay rights in the 80s and early 90s.
 
Hilarious.

Not in a funny way, either.

I think it's hilarious in a pathetic way, because that is exactly how so many anti-gay homophobic asshats have characterized all gay men over the years that a self-fulfilling prophecy has occurred among many gay men for whom that description would fit like a glove.

Or maybe it's just low self-esteem.

I've only ever dated regular guys like me, guys who don't fit the 'gay persona' such as described in the OP. I don’t think I’ve even met a gay guy like that IRL. When I see them on TV they seem strange and alien. It isn’t the circle I associate myself with, because ultimately like attracts like.

And you know what? I don’t think the next generation of gay men (if they even use that term) are going to, either.

Isn’t it already a beginning trend to see a downward shift in the gay communities and clubs? More and more young people are going to clubs without labels, just being themselves as they are.

I mean, since you asked and all...
 
The real problem with this statement is that it assumes one "gay community". The gay community in real life is deeply fragmented by age, gender, race and sexual fetishes.

The statement appears to be referring to the transient communities forged by young, gay men in urban centers. While a lot of drinking, drug use and sex goes in these particular communities, I think it has more to do with the sense of freedom a lot of young gay men feel when they leave their childhood/teenage communities to re-invent themselves in large, anonymous cities. It is important to remember that for a lot of these men, this is the first time they have explored their adult sexuality without constraints and many go fucking wild. Most tend to outgrow this phase by the time they hit their forties and fifties (some even earlier). I know I snapped out of my "wild" phase after only a couple of years in NYC.

The statement's attempt to redefine the established relationships between power and beauty for the gay community is ridiculous. Men's dicks are biologically hardwired to jump-up for joy on seeing beauty and youth. It's exactly the same dynamic in the heterosexual world. Nothing special here.
 
I think it's true to some and not so much to others. Everyone's experience is different. It may be little bits of everything.

Confining it to the gay community alone isn't quite accurate either. Straight people are capable of shame and can use sex in the same way too.
 
Shame and fear is used by our parents to teach us what is acceptable behavior in our society. This standard is sometimes strongly connected to religious teachings.

When we do not conform to that standard, many of us are rejected by those closest to us. This rejection leads to heartache which can lead to substance abuse and other issues.

As for as the sexual part, I do feel good when another guy finds me attractive and wants to hook up with me. The same can be said when I was exclusively into heterosexual sex too.

So, I have no shame about having sex. It is perfectly natural, IMO.
 
I don't think that statement is totally untrue. I think it is partially right, concerning the gay bar community... At least for any of the cities I've lived in.

I don't know. I've fallen out of love with "the community". I don't hold mainstream gay culture in high regard I'm afraid.
 
centexfarmer said:
Yes, but it has everything to do with the "persona" that you present here.

Strap on a pair and deal with it, and stop blaming everyone else for your inability/unwillingness to own your shit. ..|
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I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, or why you've decided to target me recently.
 
navigaytion said:
I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, or why you've decided to target me recently.
Click to expand...

navigaytion

Click on Screen Name (upper left hand side of post).

A drop down menu appears.

Move mouse to:

Find More Posts By navigaytion:

What?

:rotflmao:

You think that you're anonyms from one post to another?

It's really not enough for the members to "guess" who you were, it's enough for the Admin, the Moderators, and the Owners of this website to KNOW who you were. :badgrin:

You haven't changed much except to question HOW we moderate these forums.

Poor thang, bless your heart.
 
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