Tom Daley: Actually I Am Gay

[dereperez]

Good for Tom. He came out when he was ready, and on his terms.

In other news: more bi bashing in JUBville. Wait...that's not news.

 

[Effortless_Pro]

Did you hear about our Tom? He's a gay man now!

 

[USEDCAR]

I could of told ya that

 

[JarodA]

Did you hear about our Tom? He's a gay man now!

Haha, is that Catherine Tate reference?

Anyway on ya Tom! A young gay athlete coming out in his prime or maybe before his prime even? Unheard of almost...

 

[Gentleheart]

I think he and DLB are so cute together...and it's extra icing on the cake (for me, at least) that so many ageist fucks in the gay community are so bothered and jealous by Tom dating an "older" man.

 

[The Fly]

I want the guy in the grey sweater........or whatever that is.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I give congrats when they're due - and this is not one of those times.

I'm glad he "cleared the air", so to speak, but he was brave enough to say he was dating another man - why did he feel he needed to muddy the waters and make the sly suggestion that he was or could be bi as well? And yes, I was one of the people that defended his being so, because I took him at his word(and because I'm on JUB, where people treat bi guys like fresh meat for piranhas). I realize in the grand scheme of things, whether I pat him on the back or nail him to the cross, it doesn't matter, but he could have avoided this attention with two words: I'm gay.

 

[Kulindahr]

Another "bi now, gay later". Ugh.

Who?

 

[Kulindahr]

awww...he finally "made it". I'm happy for him.

And yeah...I knew he was gay. He just had a little layover before making it to gaytown.

How long had you know him? Was it casually, or were you actually friends?

 

[Kulindahr]

Ugh, I find the notion of invalidating bisexuality as a 'stepping stone' for genuine gay men insufferably annoying. Oh well...

True bisexual men are out there, folks. Despite the bisexuality 'label' being used otherwise.

I don't think anyone is saying that, I'm certainly not. Some people do start out saying they are bi when they aren't ready to be fully gay yet. I had a few friends like that in high school, in high school they were bi and now they are out as gay.

It's been said repeatedly in this thread, even by people claiming to acknowledge bisexuals are real.

I've watched a number of guys go from "I'm bi" to "I'm gay" because as they looked at their own lives, that's what they saw. They still "fancied girls", and whether it was because they'd trained themselves to in order to be safe in their communities or because their families expected it or were honestly attracted isn't really important -- what's important is that we let people be honest with themselves and stop slamming everyone who goes through that transition as a liar. There's no reason at all not to believe them, so jumping on them is just a form of hate.

I've also known a guy who made a choice because of the hate -- he found he couldn't date guys because so many gays treated him like shit. So he consciously chose to stomp on his attraction to gals and announced he was gay, due to the same kind of pressure being applied here.

Unless you knew Tom Daley personally, any claim you have to "knowing" what he "really" is or was is just bullshit crystal-ball gazing.

 

[Gentleheart]

How long had you know him? Was it casually, or were you actually friends?

I know you're just trying to be a smart ass, but I'll bite (for now).

Mr. Daley's manner of handling his "coming out" is nothing new. I've seen this many times from different individuals in my personal life and from a distance. I understand why he botched his first attempt. The same scenario danced around in my head before I came out (at age 15), however...i took the all or nothing route.

let's cut the bullshit...okay?

You can get pissy about it all you want, but many of us were able to see through Daley's lines for a reason. We've been there and we know what often goes through the mind of a person who is apprehensive about how their coming out will be accepted.

Do bisexuals actually exist? I believe they do...

Do I think Daley is (was?) one of them? Hell no.

So yes...i do KNOW him.

 

[Kulindahr]

It wasn't explicitly stated. But stating Daley came out in "instalments" is a joke of a statement to make. Bisexuals are shit on by LBT/straights, and there's a great deal of ignorance and indifference toward bisexuals. It's genuine "othering", which ultimately results in bisexual erasure where bisexuals 'pick' one or the other in some bastardized, dichotomous thinking in an effort to find acceptance. I 100% assure you your friends that are now 'gay' probably, really, truly are not. I came out as "gay" originally, so I'm part of the problem. But I've discovered it was grossly immature, so I'm rejecting the label.

Pretty depressing, I must add.

I should have read farther before my last post -- this is like the guy I wrote about, who chose to stifle part of himself in order to be accepted. It's not hard to understand, when you've watched a guy starting to make friends at a gay bar suddenly find himself scorned when he says he's bi. There's this fantasy that bi guys have the best of both worlds, but in truth we end up with less selection than anyone else, because of the common response from gays that any claim to be bi just means "coward" and "liar" and a frequent response from gals and gay guys that someone who is bi can't be trusted.

 

[Kulindahr]

God forbid we should be happy for a young man who is finding his way.

He didn't condone the genocide of the Armenians.

He didn't deny his relationship with the young man he loved.

He didn't ridicule or diminish gay men.




He took his time to figure out what he was. But, because he is a celebrity, we expect him to be a poster child and blame him for not being where he is now some months ago.

Gather up stones -- let's finish him. He doesn't deserve to be one of us.

Well said.

Nothing to do with being a celebrity to me. He's 19 and confused, and using labels at random because our community has structured everything around labelling. I understand his approach. I'm just annoyed at the reaction to it, and the justification for coming out in 'instalments' like sexuality is some sort of Wal-Mart layaway program.

But he didn't use labels until his identity was settled in his own mind and he announced it so recently -- and the vultures pounced. The only labels were assigned by people out to enforce some sort of gay orthodoxy and demand that others conform to their system.

 

[Kulindahr]

Bloody hell..like we never new Tom

Were you his neighbor? or on the same diving team?

 

[Kulindahr]

Anyway on ya Tom! A young gay athlete coming out in his prime or maybe before his prime even? Unheard of almost...

And becoming more popular because of it!

Though actually he became more popular, I'd say, for his honesty. He couldn't be unaware of all the hate spewed against guys who like both, but he admitted he still fancied girls. Of course, with his celebrity status that probably wasn't going to get him dumped!

 

[Kulindahr]

I give congrats when they're due - and this is not one of those times.

I'm glad he "cleared the air", so to speak, but he was brave enough to say he was dating another man - why did he feel he needed to muddy the waters and make the sly suggestion that he was or could be bi as well? And yes, I was one of the people that defended his being so, because I took him at his word(and because I'm on JUB, where people treat bi guys like fresh meat for piranhas). I realize in the grand scheme of things, whether I pat him on the back or nail him to the cross, it doesn't matter, but he could have avoided this attention with two words: I'm gay.

Are you another one who grew up with him? It's amazing just how many close friends Tom seems to have from JUB -- I wonder if he knows?

It's sad to see you join the hypocrite crew that insists Daley conform to someone else's standard. You'd probably be applauding the bi guys who stifle one side of themselves to "avoid this attention" by saying "I'm gay".

 

[kallipolis]

Many years ago when I was a student in London I met a boy of 19 years while cruising a park. David worked as a ladies hairdresser...not your stereotypical fem...we clicked and I took him back to my room...after very satisfying sex he discussed a dilemma with me....he had been totally "out" as gay from 15 years, and had never faced internalised homophobia...but two months earlier had fallen in love with a girl at his workplace....this love affair devastated, and confused him for he could not believe that his feelings, and sexual life could be so satisfied by a woman....I advised him to continue the relationship with the girl....David confirmed that he had been thoroughly fulfilled by our sexual encounter.... yet, his sense of confusion led him to believe that his sexual orientation was not as black, and white as he once believed....I never saw David, again.

 

[Kulindahr]

I know you're just trying to be a smart ass, but I'll bite (for now).

Mr. Daley's manner of handling his "coming out" is nothing new. I've seen this many times from different individuals in my personal life and from a distance. I understand why he botched his first attempt. The same scenario danced around in my head before I came out (at age 15), however...i took the all or nothing route.

let's cut the bullshit...okay?

You can get pissy about it all you want, but many of us were able to see through Daley's lines for a reason. We've been there and we know what often goes through the mind of a person who is apprehensive about how their coming out will be accepted.

Do bisexuals actually exist? I believe they do...

Do I think Daley is (was?) one of them? Hell no.

So yes...i do KNOW him.

No, you don't know him. You're just making an entirely unfounded judgment based on prejudices you've formed. I've also seen guys do the straight-bi-gay thing, and get hell for it, but they were only being honest with themselves. There's not one whit of evidence that Daley was doing anything else, and in fact decent evidence the other way: anyone who had dated girls had to have at least partly trained himself to "fancy" them. Many go through life never figuring out if they have a biological-based attraction or if they're still stuck in self-training that took entirely too well.

The same "lines" get used by the whole range, from people lying to themselves and/or others, to people with the biological orientation toward guys but a trained attraction to gals, to people actually attracted to both. So unless you actually know the man personally, all you have is your own prejudices to go by.

It's the same attitude we get from "evangelicals" who "know" it's a "choice" and we're all just lying to justify ourselves. That attitude is vile in anyone.

Have respect enough for others to let them walk their own path. You don't know he was "always" gay, and I don't know he was actually bi -- but as fellow human beings we ought to give him the benefit of the doubt and take him at his word.

 

[Kulindahr]

Basically this. There really isn't anything more to say.

So you also prefer operating on your own prejudices rather than having respect for others.

Disgusting.

 

[Kulindahr]

Many years ago when I was a student in London I met a boy of 19 years while cruising a park. David worked as a ladies hairdresser...not your stereotypical fem...we clicked and I took him back to my room...after very satisfying sex he discussed a dilemma with me....he had been totally "out" as gay from 15 years, and had never faced internalised homophobia...but two months earlier had fallen in love with a girl at his workplace....this love affair devastated, and confused him for he could not believe that his feelings, and sexual life could be so satisfied by a woman....I advised him to continue the relationship with the girl....David confirmed that he had been thoroughly fulfilled by our sexual encounter.... yet, his sense of confusion led him to believe that his sexual orientation was not as black, and white as he once believed....I never saw David, again.

And if we're honest we have to admit that could happen to any of us.

That's one reason that gsdx' story Watching Brad is so potent: it recognizes that we fall in love with people, not with genders.

And it admonishes us to allow others their own stories, and take them at their word until there's actual evidence to the contrary.