Twilight is Fucking Ridiculous....

[DiamondSkin]

I have NO idea why this shiteous book series is so damn popular. I don't know why the movie is popular either.

I had the unfortunate curiousity to see the first movie and read some of the first book.

The movie was shit. And the book must have been ghost-written by an autistic 10-year old girl with narcolepsy because no way a grown woman could have written such trash.

What irritates me is not merely the crappy plot or the one-dimensional characters, it's the relationship between Edward and Bella.

Why does Bella love Edward? Because he's handsome, dark, mysterious and he listens to EVERYTHING she says. Oh and she likes that he stalks her and watches her sleep without her knowing. For months apparently....

Why does Edward love Bella? Because she's smells good. Like bacon-y good. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Bella is the stupidest female protagnist I've ever encountered:


EDWARD CULLEN
I've killed people before.

ISABELLA SWAN
It does not matter.

EDWARD CULLEN
I wanted to kill you at first. I've never wanted a human's blood so much, before.

ISABELLA SWAN
I trust you.

Stupid bitch. ANY woman with a molecule of self-esteem would be walking in the other damn direction.

The world IS truly coming to an end with people lining up to see Sarah Palin and people reading cow manure like Twilight

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

^ I doubt you fit into the Twilight demographic.

 

[Corny]

my thoughts exactly

 

[mike_n_herrin]

i had the misfortune to watch most of the first movie on dvd. a 29 year old female friend said she loved it. i hated it. haven't read the books.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Another Twilight Parody that shows how ridiculous it is:

 

[Corny]

 

[DiamondSkin]

I must be the only fag that actually loved the movie. lol

Actually Twilight is popular in the gay male community as well.

Several gay friends of mine went to see the New Moon showing last night.

I wanted to slap 'em with a dictionary....

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

As a man, you know nothing about women.

As a man, you know nothing about teenaged girls.

Hun, why do you think I'm gay in the first place?

 

[Alistair]

This coming from a person with the username diamondskin? lol that's funny.

 

[DiamondSkin]

This coming from a person with the username diamondskin? lol that's funny.

Darling, please.

I owe my allegiance elsewhere:

 

[DiamondSkin]

Let me translate this part. lol

Yes, he may have killed people before but she is already in love with him. He may have killed because that is what vampires do. We aren't making excuses for any other vampire. Why is this one different? Because he is a straight vampire?

The only reason Edward even remotely likes Bella is because she's smells like Thanksgiving dinner.

He wants to eat the stupid bitch.

She knows that he won't hurt her or he would have done it a long time ago. She knows that he loves her too.

Isn't the only reason they can't have sex is because Edward will get so damn hungry he'll munch her titties while he's fucking her?

A perfect explanation of their 'love':

 

[DiamondSkin]

But they are fiction. Why take it so seriously? I think Anne Rice is a much better writer but I expect that from her. I also loved The Hunger but it was ripped apart by critics. It's all in the eye of the beholder. Know what I mean?

I take half-seriously. I treat this series like I do with Sarah Palin.

They're both jokes that are popular and sells like crazy.

Yet I'm terrified of the mentality it must take to be a fan of both.

"Sarah Palin is the most qualified politician EVAS!"

"OMGZ Like, Twilight is the best book since Goosebumps!"

 

[G-Lexington]

I think I'm the only gay guy I know (other than Pubert) IRL who didn't camp out to see this film. Most of them are going to see it at least once more this weekend.

"Camp". Huh.

Lex

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

It doesn't matter what sexuality you are, as a man you don't know the emotions of a teenaged girl.

You don't need to be a teenage girl to know what they're like, in the same way that you don't need to be a gay man to understand what we do.

Unless of course you went to a traditional Catholic girl school or something like that.

 

[G-Lexington]

"Since they know it all and we know it all, sitting through this experience is like driving a tractor in low gear though a sullen sea of Brylcreem." - Roger Ebert

He obviously doesn't get it - as a 70-year-old heterosexual male, he's a little outside the angst-cum-chastity-bound teen demo - but he still has a way with imagery.

Lex

 

[jizzeater]

I just want to say: the instantaneous transformation of the werewolves bugs me. Some people are bothered by the vampires not burning in sunlight, only sparkling, but this is my peeve.

 

[wizardo]

LOL, what a nothing film about nothing. It's sort of like "Angel" with no plot or meaning. What a load of bullshit. Wait a few months and this will all be on television 'cause there is nothing special here. Brylceem? More like concrete. Imagine that!

 

[rotary]

First time I watched the first movie, fell asleep before it was done. Re-watched it, and fell asleep again.

I'm not gonna bother with the new one.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

He's a vampire though...He drinks blood. He loves her and wants to drink her blood at the same time. He's torn. So in the end she ends up turning into a vampire to be just like him and they can be together. See? It is a love story after all.

Why didn't he just wait until she had her period?

 

[Lawnmowerman]

I didn't even know what "New Moon" WAS until chatting with another Jubber last night. He mentioned he and some friends were going to see it this weekend. I've HEARD of Twilight, but have no desire to see it or it's sequel.







I know I'm not missing anything either.