Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good for YOU, Bri!! GOOD for YOU!!!

You're sounding GREAT, Man!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well guys I tried I really tried.


I think it might have been the constant rain that kept me inside tonight...and that led me to thinking to much..I dont know.

My depression started to seep in.

Not only about my buddy but just other things too.

Andy did call around 6:30pm my time.

He said hey buddy whats doing..I miss you so much its not funny...then something happened and he was talking to someone and he said hell call me back in a few.

A few led to about 5 hours later...

He said he misses me so much that its not funny.

He said he took a sleeping pill early tonight to keep him inside and he said he looked for jobs today because of the talk I had with him. I asked if he was going to play tonight and he said no...But who knows with him

I asked what hes up to..he said just hanging with people...I go Dean? He goes no..I go Anthony? He goes yeah...hes inside the other room now playing X-Box...

I know what you are thinking..my heart didnt sink as fast as or as hard as I thought...I kind of just thought, well theres nothing I can do about it.

I asked him if he and his girl are still planning on moving in with his mom on August 10th and he said yes...to save some money.

He said "its one thing to have a friend or family or a brother but me and you have a special relationship...I am getting upset right now and miss you very much"..I started to get sad too...


I REALLY want to be out there with him in Vegas ...And I just felt alone at the moment..even alone for me here..I mean he has a life out there and I have no life here..

He says he hopes my vacation is good for me...and he asked if I plan on checking out any gay bars out there...I said probably not.

His mom and his girl came home and he had to get back to Anthony in the other room, so I told him to go..and he goes I dont want to go...I go they are with you there and Im not..you need to go be with them..he said he will call me later.


VEGAS

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

UGH..Yeah its me again..

Hey back with another update..Im sure this will be very rambling so bear with me..

Last night was the worst hell I ever went through...and it was all mental..I was very much in a suicidal frame of mind over my depression.

Its funny that there is a thread in another JUB forum about suicide, because thats how I felt.

I would of course never act on it, but the thoughts were there..the pain was very bad.

In fact the pain was so bad I actually called my buddy ...he talked with me for about 20 minutes...he kept telling me to call Matt and have him come sit with me..and kept insisting on it...it sounded like my buddy had other plans so I told him just to go.

He said he would call me back and around 2:30 he did. I sort of vented to him about a lot of things that were bothering me.

I found myself amazed at the stuff I was saying ..sort of like a therapy session..and money did come up...and the lies came up..and me being stuck out here because I helped him out came up...

I told him its my fault that I am in the situation I am in...I told him that I shouldnt have given him money and enabled him and that he should have stopped asking for money...I also told him when he lies to me it just brings up bad memories of when he used to lie to me when he first knew me..and it just makes me wonder what else he lies about with me.

I told him how I know he tries to make me jealous...and how much he tries to hurt my heart...just so I can come out there...I went "bro? remember you said just come out here and all that could end?"

He goes "yeah?"

I said, "How unfair was that? You know what situation im in...and the reason why Im in it(helping him out) and you still do that? Thats so unfair.."

I told him how messed up it is that Im the one who worked hard throughout the year and I have nothing to show for it...meanwhile hes been jobless for the past 2 years and hes living my dream in Vegas..and he is having a great time out there.

I told him I could POSSIBLY look back on me helping him out in a better light if things actually changed for the better.

I said you are still out of work and I am still in NYC...And I told him the reason why he is jobless is because of his own doing..not because he has no high school diploma...thats BS.

I asked him "where's the person that is going to come along and HELP ME out of my mess?? The answer to that buddy is ME....Ill be helping myself out of my own mess....no one is going to be there to bail me out.."

Anyway the whole vibe of the call wasnt anger or arguments..it was me stating the truth..and what has been bothering me.


Anyway he felt really bad for me...and tried the best to be there for me.....burt he told me he had to go, that he was feeling bad.

I need to change my life..Im looking foward to this vacation...VEGAS


P.S.-I plan on retiring this thread after I go meet him in August in Vegas ...I know there are a lot of people sick of my "up and down " postings ....but believe you me..Im more sick of actually going through it than anyone else....ttyl

 

[Lube]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It sounds like you're doing a very reasonable thing: you've accepted that he loves you (however he shows it), and now you're taking a dispassionate view of the relationship and everything that's transpired since you guys met.

You sound very down-to-earth and realistic about the situation.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Old...thank you so much. That certainly wasnt the reaction I was expecting.

You made me smile with your post...thank you.

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian. It's great that you got all this off your chest and told Andy what you're going through. He needed to know. At least now you can enjoy your vacation a little more by not having these thoughts on your mind. Have fun in Florida next week and in Las Vegas in August. --Joe.

 

[Lube]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Cool, glad I could make you smile, Bri.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..back with a small update.


Few days ago I had a panic attack out of the blue while I was sitting here on the computer...I have not had one of those since years ago..they left on their own..no meds..nothing.

Dont know why exactly I got one the other day, but it was bad...just sitting here..and JUST before I got it, I sort of knew it was coming and panicked,,heart raced and I grabbed the phone to call my mom..as Im dialing I felt my hand lose grip of the phone and my breath became short...I screamed to my mom that I couldnt breathe and she talked me down some..and it just went away..my dad came over to hang with me to make sure I was ok.

Last night I went to get some things ready for my Florida trip and I noticed I had lost my driver's license ...went into a panic and tore apart the house looking for it all night..called my folks and they were disappointed, but said that they would pay a small fee and push everything back a week or two..I went to bed, woke up..looked for it..and my mom called and I said still no luck..I went to have a bowl of cereal and I picked up the box and low and behold there was my driver's license just sitting there lol ..its odd where you find things huh?

Anyway after that I called and spoke to Andy..started out ok...then it went into me venting and he asked "I guess you are going to start to blame me for why you are still out there? Maybe we should take a break from speaking for a few days..I dont want to, but maybe you will feel better...I feel so down and Im barely making it..."

I told him that I am bitter over some things and it was largely my fault...

I told him I wish I could have pulled off what he pulled off...hes out of work for two years and hes managing to make it just fine in Vegas...

I was a little harsh with him but the phone call was not one of anger or argumentative..

He then told me he got another dog ...and I was like...um ok.

I tried to be nice about it until I said, was it really the best thing to do considering you have a dog already and you are moving into your moms house who also has 2 dogs? And dont you think financially its a bad thing to do? Considering all the shots and god forbid if the dog falls ill?

He actually didnt like that I said that but what the fuck? How dumb was it to get another dog?

But anyway he said he would call me back and guess what!! He never did ...have not spoken to him in over 24 hours, but thats his loss.

I cant wait for gambling on Sunday(<--not an addict) and Florida on Tuesday....I really cant wait for the plane..I LOVE LOVE LOVE the airports and taking off and landing...I even always loved driving people and picking people up from them..or sometimes just driving through them..because it always makes me feel like Im going somewhere...

Anyway, I went to the Coney Island Fireworks display here again and it rocked, they were so insanely close to where I was standing ...it was 72 degrees and cool and not so crowded...ttyl VEGAS

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

First: Bri, it's awesome how you got stuff out in the open like that -- way to go! I've been hoping you would; he's lying to you, but you've been lying as well, by omission.

Second: Sometimes when I reaqlly open up with things that can sound judgmental, I get delayed-reaction anxiety attacks; your panic attack could actually be related to all you told Andy, sort of a subconscious "omigod-I-said-WHAT??!!" reaction.

Third: if you don't use Ky's miles, I may ask for them, go to Vegas, pin Andy in a corner and tutor him through a G.E.D. With the time he's got, there's no excuse for not getting one, and it WOULD help his job hunt. That no-diploma thing isn't even an excuse, it's an admission he's being a lazy ass.

I'm beginning to think that in your position, I'd go to Vegas, get him wasted, and fuck him till he bled, and tell him, Dude, that's the way you've been doing to me. Andy needs to get it in gear and start living, not just drifting -- hell, I have disorders that keep me from working regular jobs, or many hours at all, and I get out there and get things done when I have to! I've paid off two credit cards since spring, because I had to, and am gritting my teeth and working on a third; if I can do that, he can sure as heck get a G.E.D. and do better at a job search! And like I said once before, I can hook him into a business he doesn't have to slave over, that he can be good at just by being friendly to people -- just point him my way. And meanwhile, lean on him! At the very least he could hook in with one of those on-the-fly summer house-painting outfits!

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Kul ...

Those miles are YOURS, Buddy! I couldn't possibly come up with a better use for them!

But ... that doesn't let You off the hook, either, Brian! There are still more miles available to get Your butt out to Vegas, too!!

And ... just so everybody else knows ... No! ... those miles just don't go to anyone!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lube]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

And meanwhile, lean on him! At the very least he could hook in with one of those on-the-fly summer house-painting outfits!

Yeah, sometimes people just need to have limits set. It tests their mettle. He'll be grouchy at first, but if he's as good a person as he seems, he'll get over it and realize he needs to do better.

He can do better. Maybe no one's ever pushed him before.

You're doing great, Brian.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..back with another update.

Thanks for all the cool replies as always.


I am going to Florida tomorrow for just about a whole week. I am leaving tomorrow at 9am..Laguardia airport on AAirlines(2601)..and coming back on Delta(1846) on Sunday afternoon.

I told you my flight numbers just in case anything happens... ...

My buddy and I spoke on early Saturday morning...we went the whole weekend without talking. I didnt call him and he didnt call me.

I went to Mohegan Sun yesterday and it was pretty cool. It was certainly no Vegas, not by a long shot, but still cool. Won 85 bucks from ten bucks on the penny slots(went with family so didnt gamble much on table games), and I spent most of the time walking around, shopping.

This morning(Monday)...Im up early having breakfast and my buddy calls.

I answered the phone and was happy to hear his voice. He said thank god I picked up the phone.

He said he misses me so much that he cant describe it and he cant wait to see my face again..he said hes heartbroken and he needs to see me.

He said he really doesnt see himself working at all anytime soon...he asked me how Sunday was and we just bullshitted.


He kept asking me if I had to go and I said no buddy Ill talk to you forever...

I told him I had to go outside the house and wait for the ConED guy(meter man)..and he said oh maybe hell be cute and you can suck him off...we joked about that for a little.

I told him that Im excited about the airplane..and I said if there were any terrorists on the plane Ill freak lol..and he said maybe to save your life you will suck all the terrorists cock...I was like LOL, I probably would.

Anyway it was really, really a sweet call..I though something might have been up to cause him not to call , but nothing was up..he just didnt want to bother me and bring me down and depress me..He said our last few calls depressed him and he also said that sometimes he thinks im being more cold to him and hes afraid of our friendship getting colder.

He as his childhood friend coming down there in a few short weeks for about a week..and hes like Bri Im not even excited at all about anyone coming...all I care about is when you are going to come here.

I told him to try and get his friend to do stuff that doesnt cost a lo of money and to stay away from the casinos as much as you can..and he goes people are not like us Bri..me and you, we are into stupid stuff but meaningful stuff, we can go for a walk and talk or drive up to the mountains and just hang out...my other friends are not like you...thats what I miss the most about you.

He asked me about my trip and said hes glad Im going...he told me not to forget him this week and to please call him ..but I can hear it in his voice how jealous he was and sad that he wont be there with me..I told him that Ill probably go to Universal Studios or Disney or Seaworld and that Im glad this hotel has the pool open late till midnight...I told him Ill call him from the pool..thats when he got too upset and said that he will call me later tonight.


Well anyway guys we ended the call, and promised to speak again tonight.

Im so nervous right now..I didnt even pack yet..doing that in about an hour...Ill miss you guys..Ill be back Sunday afternoon...ttyl..have a great week ..VEGAS


P.S.-Im going to miss my DANTE so much its not funny..he will be in the care of my older brother...it will be the longest I have left him...well anyway...ttyl.

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Have fun in Florida Bri. I wish I still lived there; I'd come up to meet you in person and have a few beers. Joe.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks Joe....

Hey guys, there was power outage in NYC LaGuardia yesterday...they called late last night and told us we would have to take a flight out on Wednesday ..so now Im coming back Monday morning....ttyl..VEGAS

P.S-Did manage to speak to my buddy today..I sent him a pic of Matt and he got very jealous(hey he kept asking me for me to send it)...he said hes got to admit...that Matt is good looking..he got very defensive and said that he can take him in a fight and hes no good for me, and that he looks shady..and that he looks like a thug...I told him I like thugs..I told Andy that besides a few things, Matt reminds me of him in many ways..the talk, the attitude, the clothes...etc..He said his girl is going to find Matt attractive...then I said maybe Ill send the one of him naked to her and he said dont you dare!!!

He got a call from the loan guy and according to him, my buddy could get a loan for 150k...when Andy told me this...I somehow doubted it..but who knows nowadays ..I told him Im happy if that will help him but to be very, very, cautious.

We promised to talk later...he said hes sad that our plans for buying a house together are going up in smoke..I go bro..how we going to do that? You have your girl? And what if I meet someone...the four of us would be in the house? And he goes yeah so?

Anyway Ill update late if I can before I go..wish me luck...ttyl..Brian

 

[eftergivende]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

IMHO this guy, however much you feel for him, is using you. I'm not clear on why you'd want to spend all your psychic energy on an unemployed gambler who can't seem to talk truthfully to you, anyway. There's someone a whole lot better out there for you, I'm sure. I really hope you might find such a guy on your Florida trip. Best wishes.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Vended I appreciate you concern and support and your opinion..but he most certainly is not using me.

We had a nice talk today..he asked me how I could love giving head..and I told him I love cock and hes like damn..you must love men and I go bro..I so do..

In an odd twist...he called me on my cell today and he didnt believe I was home..he kept insisting I wasnt home..so he wanted to call me on my home phone..he called..I picked up...and he got disappointed...he thought I was in Vegas BECASUE SOMEONE KNOCKED ON HIS DOOR TODAY AND HE ANSWERED AND NOONE WAS THERE...If you read my last couple of posts..you would know thats one way Im planning on surprising him in a few weeks...I got scared and thought he read the thread lol..but I think Im going to have to come up with a new way to surprise him...VEGAS

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

No, that's even more perfect! Cuz then you can laugh about how a few weeks ago he thought you were in Vegas and so on. It'll be like a whole story and stuff. I mean, how weird anyway, right? It's like a sign from god...especially since you see how disappointed he was that you weren't really there. When yu do show up, he'll shit and it'll be awesome. I'll be able to hear his scream of joy from out here.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...back from my Florida trip..still kind of tired...will post an update later today. PAYCE. VEGAS

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Been dealing with my buddy a lot lately. Hes been pretty down..Im also booking the trip to Vegas shortly, so Ill give you a heads up on that..Ill post later, as Im going to need your advice..ttyl..Vegas

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Can't wait to hear about the trip and stuff (plans for Vegas I mean). Wow, finally almost August! Time flies