Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[mike0501]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well...right now..my concern is...Why did he use your credit card? And why did you give him one...but since you did, and it was for emergencies...now he used it. It didn't sound like an emergency. What is he going to do about this?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well...right now..my concern is...Why did he use your credit card? And why did you give him one...but since you did, and it was for emergencies...now he used it. It didn't sound like an emergency. What is he going to do about this?

Oh hes def gunna pay it back..hes just worried bout using up all his money..he had asked me prior to doing it if he could...but now the card is gone anyway..they have about 4100 dollars left as of now they have their first month there paid..they better get work soon, supposedly she has a job lined up as a teacher which I find odd because she doesnt even have her B.A. yet and I almost have my M.A. and couldnt find fast work out there..plus hes got no education after 10th grade..so Iim hoping he does ok..I can no longer help him financially, I have to hope hes does his best out there and focus on myelf in some aspecst now..BRIAN

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey it is about 5am here on the east coast in NYC..and Im just about to eat some breakfast and hit the shower..Just walked Dante and it is cooooooooooold out..going to leave round 530 to get the bus..public schools will always be open even if Nuclear war happens I suppose...anyway just wanted to say a quick good morning to my fellow JUBers and also to say thank you to all the people who have been readingthis and all the people just finding this thread...talk to you all in the afternoon..peace..Bri

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, I was gone for the weekend, but from the looks of your messages, you seem to be doing a lot better. Good for you man! (I normally use the word 'buddy' but since I know how much it means to you, I'll use 'man' instead).

Enjoy the snow! I hope it stays until June. j/k.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..how is it going...I am a little sad tonight...


I called my bro up...we went through our usual sh*t of how thing are not the same without each other...he said today hit him hard because him and his girl were driving down the strip looking for stuff to do and she said "Damn if Bri was here we wouldnt be driving around aimlessly, we would be in the mountains and shopping and looking at stuff.."..this kind of got him down...I tried to take his mind off of things and I told him bro, everything happens for a reason..and he goes "Bri you are sounding strong tonight and positive...Im getting more down now.."

Me and my buddy are weird in a way...When one of us is down..it makes us more down if the other one sounds or is more positive...I guess it makes us feel that no one is in our depression with us....something which we both have acknowledged as a problem but also something we laugh at...

I told him I am taking things day by day and that school is taking stuff off my mind and that it only really hits me at night now...I asked him what he and his girl were up to..hoping to change the topic for a few.and he said they got free tickets to see a show at the Wynn Hotel later tonight and I said cool...and he goes "no..not cool..I feel bad even doing these things without you..you should be here" I told him that was silly and that he needs to live his life and have fun...

Boy was I jealous and sad ...maybe that they were having a good time...or possible maybe that they will learn to have a great time even when I am not there....I asked what hes doing for work and he said that some guy saw his license plate(still NY plates) and struck up a conversation with him about his real estate business..and that the guy gave him his card....See..my buddy has ALWAYS been the type of person to have luck and it doesnt hurt that he talks to everyone..hes got a great personality....I was always jealous of this...Im human and I freely admit the emotions and feelings that come along with that..we had always talked of doing real estate together and this news just made me sad and in a way hoping he doesnt do it...I know..I sound like a bad friend...but maybe Im just writing out of jealousy and sadness...I mean your not supposed to be jealous of your bet friends right????? I feel so bad for writing this but at the same time its the only way I know to get things out of my system...

We hung up with him saying "can I call you tonight?" and I said "sure" and we left it at that...

I guess I am feeling left out of things..I guess hes living the life that I always pictured myself having and now thats delayed for me and hes moving on..maybe Im jealous of her..and what she has...and who she has...I do not know...do not crucify me here..Im just human..going through the motions..and emotions....talk to you guys soon, maybe tonight after I hear from him..peace..brian

 

[tpeezy101]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

^No one's going to crucify you. It's not wrong having certain feelings as long as you don't act on them I guess. But you've been strong and a good person. You have strenghtened you friend and his gf's relationship when you could have verywell destroyed it. You're a good person and no one is going to crucify you for feeling a little jealous. Who doesn't at times.

 

[PieRules]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

^ Totally in agreeance. No one is going to crucify you for being jealous for having the emotions you're experiencing. It's human nature to have those feelings.

The fact that you and you're best friend talk on a daily basis is amazing and the way you verbalize your emotions with each other is . Glad to hear you've coped better without your friend and that you're helping him with the process of missing you too badly. Have fun too! (Although with the snow.. ) No one is going to crucify you for having your own fun either

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey..just got woken up with a phone call from my buddy they said they saw Avenue Q at the Wynn and that they ar staying there one night free of charge because of a guy they knew gave them a comp for the night for Valentine's Day.. I feel like life and everyone I care for is moving on without me...my buddy calls me every Valentines because he knows I am not with anybody and he always felt bad that I was spending it alone...tomorrow will be hard on me...I cried when I hung up the phone with him...it is hard to focus and go on here, it really is..I feel very lost and very empty...and Im finding it hard not to dump everything here and just go there now..but that would mean adbruptly quitting my job and bailing out of my Masters program...alot to lose right? but somehow when I think of being near by buddy, all that doesn't really matter and seem so big..Im so lost..

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I had to write to you guys...I do no think I am holding up well...I do not think I am feeling all that good..in fact I know I am not..I cant get back to bed, Im in such a deep depression..I feel all alone..I am missing him so much that it literally hurts my gut...I know you guys have written great advice and i know some of you will keep telling me it will get better and to focus on me here and keep busy...but I cant..Im falling apart..I feel like a house thats built on quicksand..the foundation is very weak..I feel like I have been putting up a front and ignoring my feelings and that tonight my true feelings are hitting me...I hate depression and would not wish it on anyone..I figure after I told my bro that Im out that my depression would go away..it didnt...and my bro thought by going out there he'd be totally happy..hes not...I think we both miss each other on such an astronomical level that it cant be described...I miss his smile and his presence...anyway lata bri

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

All things happen in their own sweet time, and, I believe, for their own reasons. Though "You Guys" may be (physically) apart, for the time being, it does NOT mean your "Connection" has been broken! In fact, this "period" may serve to bring you closer together, in your realizations of what you both mean to each other, through your absences!

An analogy, for your relationship, thus far, may be a strong rolling River, rushing downstream at exhilerating speeds. There have been Water Falls, Rapids, times of rolling, smooth, "Sailing", Languid Pools, and those stretches of Strong Currents roiling beneath a Calm Surface. And, now, you are each following separate, yet PARALLEL, courses, but still within "sight" of each other.

Your "River" has been (temporarily) split by Present, Practical, Obstacles, but with the Knowledge that your individual "Streams" shall rejoin further along the Course of Time. (A Knowledge that is not always that certain in most other "Divided Relationships"!)

And, now, eventhough you are each still aware of what the other is experiencing, coping with, it is also Important that you keep an eye on YOUR Present Course! You will each be going through your own periods of "White Water", so it is now Critical that you also concentrate on your own Navigation! Keep your focus on your (mutual) goals, though separate just for Now, and arrive at that Rejoining, in the best shape possible, to continue that Reformed, Co-mingled, "River", again, rushing downstream Together!

I'm quite familiar with Depression. It can lead you into "false" directions. Resist the best you can! There IS a Point to Aim For!! Focus on that Most Worthwhile Goal! Do what you must, each, and every, day with that Purpose in mind! Positive DETERMINATION! The TIME shall pass quickly! Have No Doubt that you SHALL arrive there! The only question is how Well you will DO it!

Easy? Hell No! Worth it? Hell YES!! And you have a Tremendous "Pool of Strength" to draw from! You can find it through your Faith in, Trust of, and Love for Your Friend! And ... your own inner desire to accomplish The Best you possibly can for Yourself AND Him! Afterall, who better Deserves a Happy, Confident, Accomplished Brian than Your "Bud"?? (Beside YOU, that is!)

I'm wishing YOU The Very Best!! Take Good Care, Man!!!

And, of course (Seriously!) ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I had to write to you guys...I do no think I am holding up well...I do not think I am feeling all that good..in fact I know I am not..I cant get back to bed, Im in such a deep depression..I feel all alone..I am missing him so much that it literally hurts my gut...I know you guys have written great advice and i know some of you will keep telling me it will get better and to focus on me here and keep busy...but I cant..Im falling apart..I feel like a house thats built on quicksand..the foundation is very weak..I feel like I have been putting up a front and ignoring my feelings and that tonight my true feelings are hitting me...I hate depression and would not wish it on anyone..I figure after I told my bro that Im out that my depression would go away..it didnt...and my bro thought by going out there he'd be totally happy..hes not...I think we both miss each other on such an astronomical level that it cant be described...I miss his smile and his presence...anyway lata bri

Took me three tries to get myself to respond here -- that hits so close to home I can't stop the tears. If I could reach out and turn it off for you....
Loneliness intense enough to make your gut hurt isn't funny. I get chest pains, constricted breathing, rashes... and the doc pegs it to the loneliness. That probably won't make you feel better, but, well, know that I understand and that it isn't "all in your head".

There aren't any easy ways. Like my doc tells me, we can talk all I want, but the solution is buddies to fiull the hole -- in your case, that might just mean somehow being together with your best bud for a while. My first thought is, what's a round-trip to Vegas costs these days?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...just got home and wishing for those who who are with someone or are seeing someone....Happy Valentines Day...and for those in my boat...try and watch a cool movie or lose yourself in some songs..and know Im right there in the same boat with you...



When you’re standing on the edge of no where
There’s only one way up so your heart’s got to go there
Through the darkest nights
You see the light shine bright
When heroes fall in love or war they live forever

Though love don’t need a reason
She can pick you up or leave you bleeding
I’ve seen a strong man cry
I know the reason why
We all forgive, we all forget
We just keep believing

This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight?
For the broken hearted, battle scarred
I’ll be by your side
And this is a song for the lonely
When your dreams won’t come true
Can you hear this prayer
Because someone’s there for you

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...just got home and wishing for those who who are with someone or are seeing someone....Happy Valentines Day...and for those in my boat...try and watch a cool movie or lose yourself in some songs..and know Im right there in the same boat with you...



When you’re standing on the edge of no where
There’s only one way up so your heart’s got to go there
Through the darkest nights
You see the light shine bright
When heroes fall in love or war they live forever

Though love don’t need a reason
She can pick you up or leave you bleeding
I’ve seen a strong man cry
I know the reason why
We all forgive, we all forget
We just keep believing

This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight?
For the broken hearted, battle scarred
I’ll be by your side
And this is a song for the lonely
When your dreams won’t come true
Can you hear this prayer
Because someone’s there for you

Thank you, immeasurably much.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys so many songs can sum up what Im going through..here are two more..talk to you all later..


Boulevard of Broken Dreams...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone....



Incomplete...

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

 

[Rockhard]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hi Lost Vegas, I want you to know that I've been reading your thread since the first day, but I haven't had much time to respond. I finally got caught up with the last several days tonight.

Wow, man. What an ordeal you've gone through!

I have a couple of questions, though, and I'm sorry (in advance) if I didn't get all the details you wrote in your notes.

Your best friend who's in Las Vegas...why did he go there? He seems to miss you as much as you miss him, but he didn't seem to have a job to go to, did he? I know you mentioned his gf might have a teaching job or something, but I can't for the life of me figure out why he went. Sorry if I missed that, but I can't get past that in my head to follow this story.,

Secondly, he says he's straight. What's your best guess about that? Is he, you think? I feel silly second-guessing someone I've never met, so who am I to doubt him? But, I've had lots of straight guy-friends and never has one carried on with me the way he carries on with you. I've had straight friends say "I love you" and "I miss you" and that stuff, but it was rhetoric and compliments, without passion and without being repeated over and over. This guy sounds in love with you.

But, given that he wants to perceive himself as straight, ok...where does that leave you in all this? In love with a "straight" guy? That must be very painful. Even if you moved out there, where would you fit in with the two of them--at least in a way that's fulfilling for you? Wouldn't that be painful and tormenting to be out there next door or something and watching them be husband/wife and popping kids and all that? And, could you find a guy for yourself when you're in love with him?

I'd just hate to see you shooting for the unobtainable, and I fear he might be--either he's not gay or he's very closeted and not willing to BE gay. I worry about where that leaves you in all this.

Take care and thanks for posting all this. I know you must be very upset. I hope it gets better soon.

 

[mike0501]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Even if you have nothing to "report", please check in once a day (at least for the next few days) to let us know you're ok. I'm worried about you. You don't seem to be in too good a place right now. I just want to know you're ok. If I knew you personally, I'd move in for a week to keep an eye on you! Brighter days are ahead, my friend. And that's the truth. You just have to keep your head up, or you won't notice them!

Mike

 

[GayBoiJared]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian

I know this has been said before, but I think I need to say it again.

My best friend and I also have a very close relationship, he is definitely straight, but affectionate, but NOTHING like your friend!

I really think you are not the only one coming to terms with your feelings.

That being said, I don't think he would ever be able to be with you, because he doesn't seem to be able to accept who he is, and that is unfair to you. While he obviously doesn't hurt you intentionally, it is inevitable. I know it is a lot easier to say this beeing on the outside looking in, but you really need to get over him, before this ends up causing you even more hurt.

You need to meet new people, there are a lot of guys who could return your feelings. Life is too short to waste on something that will never happen, I know it sounds like a cliché but it's true. If he loves you like he does then you are obviously a great guy. Maybe him moving to Las Vegas is a good thing, because you can't just fall out of love with him. So now would be the perfect time to meet someone, because you won't be distracted.

And as said above, you need to check in, so we all know your ok!

Hope you feeling better.
J.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all just checking in here...thanks for your concern and some more of your great advice...just been busy with parent teacher conferences at school...its a sad state when most of my kids parents pull a no show and those that do are not even directly related to the kids..ie..not their father or mother...but I digress


The past few days have been tough..Im getting kind of fed up with my job, nothing but backstabbers and the principal is really messing around with my pay and is pretty clueless...but anyway onto the reason most of you read this...


My friend and his girl and I originally moved out to Vegas because we wanted a change....we wanted a new life...I think my buddy found ag great friend in me and me in him, so we kind of guessed that no other friend can top who we are to each other and as long as we got each other things will be ok...my buddy had no job going out there either time..but I know hes the type of person to get a really great job....this time going though he was really torn as to what to do..many a time he pondered breaking up with his girl and staying here or just me and him going out to vegas...


I missed a call from him yesterday and didnt get back to him yet..this is the longest I have gone probably without speaking to him ever..going on 2 days now...and it is odd...he sounded very sad on the last message and I know he fully cant be happy there until I come, hes told me this countless of times...hes having trouble moving on with his life without me there with him by his side...

Ii think Im a good piece of his life and I care for him and I am there for him than anyone in his life, his girl and parents included...I dont know what hes going through..I have said it before...if I had to guess...from all signs I would say hes straight and respect that..but then there are some things that make me question...but like I said at this point all I can do is think sometimes he might be..but ultimately I respect the feeling and the impression that he conveys..that hes straight...


Dont know If I will hear from him tonight..I think me pulling away from him a little is really showing him how much I mean to him...Im not playing games..Im just letting him see on his own I guess his feelings and how much he misses me...god only knows I miss him very much....talk to you all soon..Bri

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Small update....just called my buddy...he had to to talk quick because the guy was there installing his new phone line and cable and computer stuff...he said he misses me and getting the phone set up will be cool as it will give him more time to talk to me, since hell have long distance now....he told me that it looks good that he will be getting a job at a paper company or something and that it makes 14 an hour plus benefits..Im proud and glad for him but at the same time sad in a way..I cant explain why ....maybe because hes making it out there without me? Maybe because things are becoming easier and easier for him and eventually it might even get easier to gorget me here and the friendship die or at the very least get weird like most long distance friendships/relationships do?

I don't know...I hope whoever is reading this responds I can sure talk to someone tonight..brian

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, thanks for checking in. I've been in an odd "mental state" for the past few days, so I haven't really been posting. Anyway, things are back on track again.

Your buddy will never forget you. He cares too much about you to do that. Will you grow apart? Possibly, but I doubt it...considering that the two of you are in fairly constant communication.

I'm not an expert on LD friendships, but I do have many of them. But unlike you and your buddy, we don't actually talk that often. But I know that they're always going to be there for me. ALWAYS. When I head to Ottawa, I drop a line to my buddies a few days before and I've got my social life for the weekend. And it truly feels like I had never left. The same is true for when I head back to my home city.

I've said this to a friend before...Good friendships, unlike good relationships (romantic) don't require a lot of effort to keep alive. Anyway, I hope things get easier for you emotionally.