Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Dark-Thanks for posting and congratulations on coming out to your friend with what you were feeling, I am really glad the thread helped you with that.
I'm sorry to say my PC is not the best and I don't have DSL, so can you tell me a brief summary of the video with respect as to what happens? And what name is in the upper left corner?
Let me start off by saying I have been reading the other threads...and the advice given there. At first I did not want to read any threads relating the topic of mine because it was so draining to me. But I did...and I realize two things:
1) Straight guys are straight and there is no sense(for long periods of time anyway) longing for something you cannot have.
2) I know I have to in a sense, get a life. Occupying myself with new friends and other things ill make the love fade. I would throw distance in there too, but that did not seem to work in my case.
It is so odd. I see the validity in all of these points...yet deep in my head...there is always this BUT with me...and perhaps it will take another talk with Andrew on the subject to finalize it...or maybe his wedding will finalize it for me in my head. I don't know.
Andrew called me at 4:00am my time...1:00am his time. He immediately started off by saying he is extremely down and he kept repeating over and over "I miss you, I miss you, I miss you...please, please, please reconsider coming out here and living near me..."
He said he fought with his girl's mother in last all night because she kept going back and forth with him about his lack of money. So we talked a little about that. He said he liked our talk last night an that he wanted the same type of talk, because it made him happy.
He said that our friendship is so unique and that me and him can only understand it...and no one else can. He said that he never knew he can miss someone as much as he misses me.
He told me, "...all this has me second guessing everything...".
In my head I immediately think...marriage? sexuality? moving to Vegas? what?
So I ask what he meant by it. He said "Just everything". So I left it at that.
He said he can't go on like this anymore, that his pain is getting much too deep for him. Everything is fine out there, except for not having me near him.
He asked me, "If my life was on the line would you come out here?"
I said, "I would do anything for you regardless, and if your life was on the line..of course..."
He goes, "well Bri...my life IS on the line...I'm not goingto last much longer if I don't see you soon.."
I tried to change the topic, talking about his first day of work this week. I told him that will help him out in some aspects...and he goes "is that what you think this is about? Money? Sure that would help, but the main problem here is you...I miss you too much."
I started to cry a little..and he goes "you see what you are doing right there...I do that every night.."
He continued, "Please come back Brian. I will make sure nothing bad happens to you..I know you have fears and I will watch over you. We can make things work out together. I will go walking with you every night to get into shape...I can use it too. You will definitely meet a guy out here...even if you have to meet one in California, which will be close by...please...I am begging you, come back out here. We can all go on picnics together and see movies and just BBQ(all things we did together last time). It would be like a family again. I wish I knew what would make you happy Brian, I would give it to you in a second."
He said he started smoking again because he is so stressed.
I told him I would love to be in his shoes for a day. That he has life set for him..marriage, partner for life, future family, in Vegas, etc...and his response was(with a chuckle), "well you believe whatever you want if you think I'm happy, if you think I have everything. I wish you can get inside MY head for a day and you tell me how you feel."
In between our conversation he would be yelling at his girl
, who wasn't doing the laundry right, and then took his clothes out to wash her mom's clothes. It was so odd(but typical Andy) when he would scream at her, then come back to the talk with me where he was being sweet and full of emotion. I swear if I was her I'd be treating Andrew like a king. She doesn't know what a truly wonderful guy she has. And maybe that's what is going on here..maybe in the long run I repsect and love and care for Andrew more than she does him. I don't know.
Anyway I ended the talk a little bit later on...saying I was too drained from crying and that we would speak tomorrow.
Brian
