Update
Hey guys, what's going on?
My friend called me late last night around a quarter to 12 in the evening. I was sleeping and he woke me up. I answered the phone and said what's up, how's it going, etc..He asked me if I was ok because he had been real worried about me because of my crying earlier in the evening..I said I was better..which I was. I pretty much was drained from all the crying and took two aspirin and konked out...We both told each other what we have always told each other..we are both sad and will not know how to deal with all of this..we stated how fast it was coming and we talked a little more about what we are both nervous about....
This went on till about a little after one in the morning...and than I just told him that I felt bad that the time went quick and I wish I had more time. He stated the same..I also said I was upset because there were some things I wanted to talk to him about and straighten out with him but felt it was too busy a time and too short a time to do so..I said "Buddy I been fake to you in same ways and a fake to a lot of people,,," and he said "well what do you mean?" and I said "I just dont know.." and he replied "does this have to do with that secret you have been keeping from me?"...and I said "yes.."...I went back and forth with him for a good half an hour..playing cat and chase with what the secret might be...and I nervously started coughing...and gaging and eventually threw up while on the phone with him! My buddy was laughing his ass of because he said that cough always means Im very nervous....
He said "Bri..I think I kind of know what the secret is...and I want you to know that I do not care and that you are always my brother and best friend and nothing can ever change that..Brian..I kind of in the past few months have gone over what it could possibly be and I have went with all types of scenarios..weird...bad..and good..and I narrowed it down to the biggest I could think of..one..that you either hurt or killed somebody...or two..that you are going to tell me you are gay..."
After he said this I felt so incredibly happy , but even after he said all of this I was still very scared...I stated that "you know how I have had a problem with girls..and the problem isnt that I cant get girls and that they dont want me..but I think in some way it might be that I dont want them...I can be clicking with a girl on every level but just not one important level..." He goes "ok..how long has this been going on?" and I go"for a while.."and he goes are you gay? and I go..I don't know..and he goes well do you feel more right with a man or a girl..and I said "man, buddy..i feel more right with a man"...and he goes so you are telling me you are gay bri? and I say "yeah I am buddy..I am gay..."
And he goes "first I want to tell you that while its not my preference..I respect that its yours and that I want you to be happy and not depressed anymore...and to be honest I kind of figured this was what was bothering you even when I first met you..and I tried to drop hints but I didnt think you picked up on them and I gave you every chance to tell me..." He asked me why I was so afraid to tell him...and I said "its not something you easily say to someone and when our friendship crossed the boundary into brotherhood..I became afraid to tell you..because of your reaction"..
He said "my reaction!?!? I still love you the same way and now I think we can be closer because of this...In fact the only reason I was getting mad at you was because you were not telling me..." He said "and if I did react bad..that would mean Im ignorant..but Im not reacting bad..its ok..I want you to be happy"..and he said "you are going to be judged by many people and called many things..but never by me" He also said "you can always come to me about anything and if this is the biggest thing that has been bothering you all this time, you dont have to worry..we are brothers for life..." He said "I was getting a littler nervous that not that you were gay but that you were in love with me.." and I said "no thats not the case at all"
He then said "but bri even if that were the case I would not be mad at you, I would just tell you thats no my thing and we would still be cool"....
The conversation was one of our longest, till about 12 midnight to 5:30 in the morning....He told me "You already sound a lot happier..I bet a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders" and I said "This whole conversation is surreal I cannot believe we just talked about all of this" and he said" Bri..Im going to miss you so very much and I still want you to come out here to Vegas with me" By then I was just too happy..so ecstatic and yet at the same time it seemed so natural..he was very calm about the whole thing..He didnt even react AT ALL like reg guys do and say "Hey wait a minute..you mean that time we were rough housing, you were attracted to me!?!?..or anything like that..He asked If i had been with a guy and when was the last..he joked about "I hope your the man in the relationship" and I said "hey!" and he goes "hey what?? Im your brother and I love you..I can get away with making fun like that.." and I said "thats totally cool..and Im so glad I was able to speak to you, and thank you for everything.." he said "for what..thank you for everything!"
I then started to end the call and say goodnight and he was like "you trying to get rid of me?" and Im like "no of course not" and he goes "well good because Im not tired and I can stay up forever talking to you"..and so we did for an hour more..he said he was glad that I got my biggest problem out of the way and that his problems are just beginning when he moves....and the biggest one is "that bri u wont be in vegas"..He goes "I think my life will end if I dont have you out there with me.." and I said bro you'll be just fine.." and he goes "well it certainly feels like my life is ending"
He asked me who I was going to tell and he told me to expect negative reactions. I think he took pride that he was probably the only one I will ever tell...And he said are you going to tell ******, his fiancee and I said "the most important thing is that you know and I think ill tell her when Im ready"..and he said "if you want to keep it between me and you Im cool with that"..He also said that I dont know how she is going to take it..I cant get a read off of her sometimes, he said..and he said it didn matter her reaction, all that metters was his..I said to him that I think that she pretty much knows bout me already and he said really? and that he was not so sure..We then talked more about missing each other and his plans the next two days and then finally at 5:30 we ended our talk with the desire to hang with each other then next night..
He asked me a a few questions here and there about me being gay..like "bri can you ever see yourself living with a guy?" and I said "yeah"...I also told him that just because Im gay doesnt mean anything anything e changes, which is true..and hes said "I know, thats cool"...He asked me if I lied to him bout being with girls and I said no, that I have been with a handful of girls and while I did get turned on..the girl just didnt do it for me and it felt better with a guy..and he said ok thats cool..
I cannot believe that I had the balls to tell him this...and yes it was on the phone but our talks are so deep that it is just like talking in person...the same..no..but just as good..I asked him if when we see each other if things might be weird..and he goes no why..and I told him that when people come out in other forms other than in person, often the first time hanging can be weird...and he said I never have to be weird around him ever and he accepts me for who I am.....
I couldnt have imagined this going anymore better...I never went to sleep this morning and often times had to pinch myself to tell myself it wasnt a dream....there you go guys I took the moment by the balls and I ran with it!!!!!!! tell me what you guys think...there is probably so much Im forgetting right now..Im typing this right just as I got home from work...so Ill have more posts later..brian
I got an odd vibe from him that maybe he was jealous?? in an odd way that I came out and that I seemed happier and that might my life was just beinning now and to get on tract..dont know if thats common or not..But anyway..he assured me that hes glad that my life will begin now...and that he just wishes I was with him in Vegas...Brian
. I mean, come on....the first trip to Vegas...assuming the two of you can get some time away from "Her"...well...let's face it, Brian, straight guys just don't go around sayin' "I love you" to one another. So, we're all going to be anxiously awaiting the 'next chapter'.