Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bri,

You came here looking for advice and everyone seems to keep giving you the same advice. Why aren't you listening? I know its tough. I haven't shared what I went through but you have one friend here that really opened up to you. CGHJ told you what he went through and how much he regrets not telling his first friend. If you notice, you're at the same anger stage that he got to where the friendship ended. Do you really want to end it completely with Andy? This is where you're headed. Take a page from CGHJ's book; go back and read it again if you have to.

Joe.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I give up. You need to move on and let Andy get on with the rest of his life bro.

I could translate your most recent conversation too but I think it's probably better for Andy if you just move on. But all you're going to do is hurt him if you keep this bullshit up, so get over it, learn to love Matt as much as Andy thinks you do, and then in 10 years you can look back and realize that perfection was yours and you blew it.

YOU hurt so bad, YOU hurt???!!! You selfish little...I can't even stand it.

Andy has finally realized that Brian doesn't love him, Brian loves Matt, here Andy wants to be with Brian but has to deal with an abortion instead which is sucking down their money, and he's stuck in this awful situation, and then Brian gets madder for what reason Andy can't possibly fathom...now they're going to be fighting and not even over the same thing.

If you can't call up Andy and apologize right now, beg him for forgiveness, and tell him that you love him...then that's a lesson you need to learn and learn the hard way.


I have to say it amazes the fuck out of me though, that you are actually going to choose to be alone and miserable, choose to stay in New York, choose to ignore the beautiful love story I've ever seen...and put the most wonderful person I've ever heard of out of your mind.

Even though your posts have been appreciated. I find this post to be such a slap in my face.

I dont understand what is going on..first I owe no one an apology..secondly SELFISH!?!? SELFISH!?!? If anything I have been patient and so unselfish with him its not even funny...stuff that you wouldnt even have patience with TRUST ME. I am the most unselfish person you will probably ever meet and someone with the biggest heart you will ever meet...

Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to have Andy..an I agree....but wait now..I guess im just someone who is torturing him...does anyone ever stop to think hes lucky he has me????

I just got off the phone with him again and he said he never heard me so upset....I told him that this doesnt have to do with me falling in love with Matt. IM NOT IN LOVE WITH MATT...He asked if it has to do with him and I said in a way yes...but Im too anxious to talk about anything right now....Andy KNOWS I dont love Matt...and but Andy asking if its about himself... he kind of knows its about HIM..And tonight I will try and grab my balls and tell him.

You dont understand us...we never fight..we get mad, but we can never stay that way long, something he always liked about us.

CG this is not as cut and dry and storybook as you might like to make it...

And how about this...say hes straight....he KNOWS I am gay..dont you think its unfair that he told me sweet things and nice things..I mean who says that to HIS CLOSE GAY FRIEND and not expect him to think anything????


Im not choosing to be alone and miserable, please dont say that..I have been through that so long, its the last thing I want for myself. I really want to tell Andy tonight...I think I will.

I know you think I cant grab my balls and Im a pussy about this and Im dragging things on too long..but its a delicate situation.

I know I wasnt supposed to fall in love with my friend. My best friend. And even when I tell him, I can kind of see now what his reaction is going to be and where its going.

THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME....THIS MIGHT BE SOMETHING THATS NICE FOR PEOPLE TO CHECK IN ON HERE AND THERE, BUT IT IS MY LIFE AND MY HAPPINESS IM DEALING WITH....


Im sorry for getting all tight..CG..I thank you for your advice, whether I wanted to going it or not..Brian

 

[hotspot]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Oh..I'm so sad to read this. Looks like this is going to be a sad ending story. The moments have passed and if it continues this way, it's just gonna go downhill from now. Brian, either tell him or never tell him. But he needs you right now. You are a big guy, only you can control your own life. The rest of us here can only give you support and hope for the best.Keep us posted and good luck tonight!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, I dropped you my phone number in your comments if you need to call. I'll be up til at least midnight PST.

You said you weren't in love with Matt, good.

He asked if that had to do with him, and you said yes, good.

Now, he's getting his hopes up again. Don't disappoint him.

But you are being the selfish one...I'm sorry if that hurts but you need to take a good look. And whether you feel like you owe him an apology or not, if you love him as much as you claim to, you'll give him one.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Where did you leave the # CG??

And did you read my reply to you?? Bri

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Click this link: MySettings

That should bring up your comments page.

I did read your reply, and I'm sorry if I hurt you...but it's like watching a deaf guy walk out into traffic, I'm going to keep raising myvoice until you listen or get run over, and right now it's a race. I promise to be nicer on the phone though...my main goal is to convince you that you're not hallucinating, he really does love you.

Sam and I were inseperable too. Don't take Andy for granted.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Oh..I'm so sad to read this. Looks like this is going to be a sad ending story. The moments have passed and if it continues this way, it's just gonna go downhill from now. Brian, either tell him or never tell him. But he needs you right now. You are a big guy, only you can control your own life. The rest of us here can only give you support and hope for the best.Keep us posted and good luck tonight!

Not if I can help it. I'm ready to go to the matt on this one.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I'm still not on the same page with this whole apology thing, since I still don't feel that Brian needs to apologise to Andy. If there is an apology to be made from Brian...I think it should be "yeah, sorry for hanging up so abruptly earlier." Nothing more than that.

The whole torturing Andy thing...Like I said before, if torture is being committed, both sides are to blame. Andy's ambiguity is torturing Brian (obviously) and Brian not being totally forthcoming with his best buddy about his true feelings.

Brian, this is your life...I'm still encouraging you to tell Andy that you love him, since it's the most logical course of action. And yes, try to rationalise all you want against it...it will forever remain the most logical choice. A multiple choice question may have 1 right choice and 3 wrong ones...those are the easy decisions in life. The more sinister multiple choice question is where there are 4 right answers, but only 1 is the MOST correct answer. You're facing that situation right now. The most correct answer is admitting your feelings. The reason why it's the most correct answer? Because it's based on truth. Truth. It's a simple thing, really. But the Truth is sometimes harder to say than remaining silent.

Truth, Lies or Silence. The 3 choices that lay before you. What's the choice you're going to make? I don't need to know...Just tell yourself. Good luck with your decision. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It's not whether Brian needs to apologize to Andy...it's whether an apology from Brian would make Andy feel so much better that he'd be more likely to be receptive to the next step.

What's more indictitave of true love than apologizing to someone when you feel like you're not at fault (besides vomiting of course)? Doesn't matter one whit whether B actually owes A and apology (although I still think he does)...what matters is that A has no idea what's going on, only a vague hope that B loves him, and an apology will inject goodness and good-feeling into what has so far not gone so well. B and A are reading from two different scripts...an apology, whether warranted or not, will help them stop and get back on the same page.

It's not about who's right or wrong, or more or less selfish, etc...it's about doing what you need to do be with him. If he didn't want to be with you so bad I wouldn't be giving it so much thought.

I repeat, I didn't want to apologize to Sam, either. I still think that I was in the right. But that hardly matters now, does it? All I can apologize to is his picture.

halubtsi is right about the multiple choice though. It's your choice, but there's only one answer that leads to you two being happy.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I can see how an apology (justified or not...I still don't think it's justified, btw.) can help smooth things over. Then again, so would: "I love you Andy."

Anyway, I have nothing more to say at present. Brian, good luck to you. Though I may not necessarily always agree with him, CGHJ gives some pretty great advice.

Well, like Australia's rep lil_C, I'm going to punch out. Good night and good luck from Canada.

Cheers, everyone.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Also, re that abortion...his girl might have been trying to keep him by getting pregnant, and he had to fight tooth and nail to get her to abort it. I'm not sure that Andy's problem is the abortion so much is that if he's thinking if he were with Brian then no abortion would have been necessary.

You're right at least that it's prolly been hella traumatic...prolly afraid to even bring it up with Brian because he was afraid that if he did B would think he'd rather be with his girl than him...but finally unloading once he realized that Brian didn't love him...and then Brian goes off on him for no apparent reason...at least B told him that he wasn't in love with Matt, so Andy has some hope again.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

dont you think its unfair that he told me sweet things and nice things..I mean who says that to HIS CLOSE GAY FRIEND and not expect him to think anything????

DUH! Of course he expects you to think something, that's what we've been trying to tell you!!!! Evertything you want him to do...he's already done, 10 times over. It's your turn buddy!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

lil_c, you're not doing anything to diminish my image of Australia as being a really fun place to be...nope, I'd never heard of a ute before, i prolly would have figured it was some little Korean car I'd never heard of before

It just stikes me that there's people on almost every continent hoping these two will finally realize how much they love each other.

I'm sorry if I've been forward Brian...I need to step back and realize that I'm not writing the script to your life. So I apologize, what you do next is entirely up to you. We're all pulling for you!

Just know that your buddy loves you,really and truly he does.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian:

The abortion thing changes the picture. Whatever reason for the pregnancy, abortion is traumatic. He needs your support.
You say you're not being selfish, but... you snapped back at him. Make a promise to yourself that you won't snap at him next time, no matter WHAT! Abortion breeds guilt, no matter what the circumstances are, and Andy doesn't need to hear anything at all that could seem like judgment. It doesn't matter if you mean it that way, what matters is that it doesn't come across that way.
For the same reason, I still think you should make an apology. You said early on you two have always told each other everything, and now you've been keeping this secret. Apologizing doesn't mean you're guilty of anything, it means you care enough to honor his feelings.
Since he got his gal pregnant, I don't know what to think about his feelings for you any more. But it doesn't matter; your part is to communicate the way YOU feel. I'm glad to hear you're committing yourself to telling him -- now do it!
I'm gonna be waiting for good news.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I think the abortion thing even proves more that Andy loves him. Like he would have kept that info from him otherwise. If Andy wasn't afraid that it would push B away, B's prolly like the very first person he would have told, right? A didn't want to say anything that would scare off B, which is why he held it for so long.

Why would anyone be surprised that A has to have sex with his girl occasionally? Think she might get suspicious after a few months of not getting any? I mean, Brian is having sex with Matt, what if Matt could get pregnant and end up needing an abortion?

And how did she get pregnant anyway? I can't tell you how many girls have trapped guys by saying they were on the pill and skipping some doses at the right time. That's how Joe, my second guy got stuck with his wife. If it weren't for the kid he'd be long gone.

I'm praying for you Brian, that you find the strength you need!

 

[strangelittleboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I have to say that I think this is not the best time to tell Andy how you feel. Imagine if you knew that your girlfriend had an abortion. Imagine how guilty you would feel knowing that a child was never going to be born. Then, imagine that your best friend tells you that he's in love with you. I personally feel like this would bring about more guilt for him, especially if he feels that he cannot reciprocate these feelings towards you.

It could bring another wave of guilt he's not ready to deal with if he doesn't feel the same way.

But, again, it's your decision.

strangelittleboy

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

No no no! Not more doubt!!! Andy's problem is that Brian CAN'T tell him, not that he will!!

Please don't listen Brian! Andy loves you! It's not going to be a wave of guilt, it's going to be a wave of relief and joy! It's the thing Andy needs to be happy! Now more than ever!

Please, Brian, I beg if you, do not doubt that Andy loves you. Andy doesn't feel nearly as guilty about the abortion itself as he is afraid of THIS VERY THING. It's why he waited so long to tell you, he was afraid that it would get in the way of what you needed to say to him!!

DON'T DOUBT FOR A SECOND BRIAN!!

Andy NEEDS you! HE CAN reciprocate those feelings. And even if he can't, he needs to know so both of you are on the same page.

strangelittleboy, go back and read the rest of the posts! Andy has already told Brian that he knows and that he wants Brian to tell him, he's been begging for Brian to tell him, he put off talking about the abortion so that Brian could tell him....if Brian waits it's MORE pain for Andy, not less!!!

It's NOT going to bring him a wave of guilt Brian, it's NOT!!!!

However there's nothing I can do. You have pages and pages of great advice Brian...you have my phone #, call me if you need to, operators are standing by to encourage you! You can even cry if you need to.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Let me repeat: the reason the abortion is an issue for Andy is because he's in love with Brian, and having to go thru it was very painful, and he couldn't tell Brian because he was so hoping Brian would say that he loved him.

In the conversation where Brian almost tells him, and Andy says he's heartbroken...he's not heartbroken over the abortion, or he would have told him about the abortion. He would have called B up and said, "I'm so heartbroken because my girl just had an abortion." Hell, he may even be happy about the abortion part for all I know...because I know sure as shit that Andy loves Brian more than his girl. Since A and his girl are having serious problems because A is in love with B, I'm sure an abortion was no picnic to get through...prolly dregdged up all kinds of stuff that poor A can't tell anyone about.

Once more: Brian, you must believe us that you will be helping Andy by telling him, not hurting him. it will be a relief to him when you tell him, not a burden. I hope to God you find the strength to overcome your fear and make Andy happy!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

You know I had a friend telling me that Sam loved me, and I just couldn't believe that anything so awesome could be true, either. It was obvious of course, to everyone but me. I mean it was obvious to me too of course cuz of course I had a list of things he did that made me think he loved me...not even a tiny fraction of what Andy does, and Sam actually is straight.

Andy loves you Brian...I just hope you realize that now rather than 10 years from now. I hope you realize it before it's too late. He loves you so much, don't push him away because you're afraid. Please!

 

[strangelittleboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

strangelittleboy, go back and read the rest of the posts! Andy has already told Brian that he knows and that he wants Brian to tell him, he's been begging for Brian to tell him, he put off talking about the abortion so that Brian could tell him....if Brian waits it's MORE pain for Andy, not less!!!

Excuse me? I've been reading this thread since day 1.

I'm just saying: If he's having grief over the abortion, he may not handle Brian's news very well and may feel guilty for leading him to think that they could be something more.

That was my point.