Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Andy is still in love with Brian, it's still just as obvious as it ever was, don't look at his words, look at his actions. I'm even more convinced that I was before. It's not that Andy isn't in love with him, but that A can't come to terms with his own sexuality yet.
You're doing great though dude...just keep doing what you're doing. We're past the rapids and on to calmer waters now, thank god!
When I told Joe I loved him he wasn't ready to admit it either, but his whole demeanor changed afterwards so I still know I was right. And other ways, too. Trust in what your heart says is true, your brain overanalyses stuff.
Yor bigger issue Brian is that now Andy really may want the best of both worlds. He'll want to express his love for you, without saying it and without having to go through the hardship of leaving his girl, so it may sometimes be confusing for you cuz you'll be feeling the love, but seeing him go home to his girl. If you trust in your relationship and trust that you love each other, then you can help him thru this difficult period. Patience instead of jealousy will mean that you win in the end...cuz eventally she will get jealous enough of you to cause problems for him at hime.
Short story: After I told the Second Guy (Joe) that I loved him, he indicated that he was fine with it but not interested (he said it was like if a friend told him they had robbed a bank, he just didn't judge people). I got the same no response Brian did basically. For a few days I stood back, wondering if I had been nuts. Sure, it felt like he loved me...but why was he staying with that shrew bitch when all he had to do is move next door?
She even kicked him out one night...because of a fight over me...and he slept in his camper trailer outside. I was like, WTF? Why not come over and smoke pot with me all night? And then, and THEN the next day I discovered that she had gone out and they had had make-up sex in the trailer!
He slept in the trailer because he was afraid she would find out she was right. He loved me, was happy to hear that I loved him, told me it was fine, but couldn't say it himself, even though we talked about him leaving her and making a life together. But he couldn't imagine giving up the life he knew. He was too invested in his straightness to just pop out of it. Not because he liked it...it was just too much for him to deal with. Man that made me crazy...cuz she really, really treats fim like shit.
And yet, I knew he loved me. I just knew it.
The last 3 days he was in town he was getting said camper trailer ready for the trip back. I was pretty much trying to leave him alone, because I didn't want to bother him, didn't want to be the forward gay guy...and then I realized, if he loves me, he'll be happy to spend time with me. You should have seen how his face brightened when he realized I was staying to help instead of just walkig by and saying "hi". We worked hard like men together for the next two days, and by the end we were so close that the sexual tension was enormous. The look of pure love on his face was obvious. it was a wonderful two days we spent together.
Because I knew that he loved me. Even if he couldn't say it, I knew. If I had more time I could have broken him out of his shell...unfortunately his wife threatened to withhold sex unless they had another kid, and he was, except with me, straight (she actually said she's had to warn men off Joe before, but she'd never had to warn Joe off another man).
And he never once denied that he was in love with me, even when she'd make fun of him for it in front of me. it was painful to watch, cuz on the one hand of course he wanted to deny it to her...but he couldn't deny it in front of me. And I couldn't interfere. So it was like watching her roast him on a stick.
Andy said he's "far from being gay." That, for him, is leaving the field open for further play. He doesn't have to be gay to love you. That's an identiy problem he's having...says absolutely nothing about his relationship with you. Hell, sometimes I think I'm far from being gay. Joe was certainly straight enough until he met me, and Sam was abut a str8 a football player as you could ever imagine. Your heart can see what your brain can't.
It's up to you whether you want to pursue it further. The only way you can make it possibly work is byholding back and not putting any pressure on him...he'll say a lot of things that will make you think he's not interested, but that will in fact mean the exact opposite. Can you handle that?
Can you handle splitting him and his girl up? Because if you can't, you already have the most beautiful friendship, and if you allow the just love part to grow and save the sex part for someone else, you really can spend time and grow old together and be together. And eventually his wife will get tired of being second best and he'll be your by default.
Even though I've just described how in love with you Andy really still is, there's a deep danger here. A danger that you'll want to be with him so bad that you'll pressure him through guilt, or try to manipulate him into being with you. I know because I've been there, and so far your situation and mine have been very similar..except that Andy loves you more than all my guys put together, so you are a lucky guy if you can see it.
If you want Andy, if you love Andy, if you want to be with Andy...the way to get what you want is to be very patient. How many marriages last for more than 5 years anymore? How many relationships? The stress of an abortion must be huge. How much longer can they stay together without flying apart? They're not married, they don't have kids, and Andy spends all of his emotional output on you, not to mention most of his time. They're not going to stay together forever. If you are are the wonderful, carefree, stress free, happy release for him...then when that relationship ends he will be all yours.
Is he worth the wait? Can you wait? Can you listen to him describe his problems with his wife and not flip out, but know that those problems are slowly eating away at their relationship, bringing him ever closer to you?
Your glass is half full Brian...and if you can hold on and be patient, it will keep filling up!!
You WILL be happy with Andy, you will. Please trust me.
